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84 Terrible Things Narcissistic Parents Do That Their Kids Never Really Forget
None of us chooses to be brought into this world. So you’d think the people responsible for raising us would at least give us a safe and loving home. Sadly, plenty of children end up in families that make their lives much harder than they ever needed to be.
Over on the Narcissistic Parents subreddit, users share what growing up with an entitled mother or father can be like. Many call out the things they went through, while others use humor to cope. We’ve rounded up a selection of their posts below. Scroll down to check them out.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
Louder Please !
StrangeOne 3 weeks ago
I've learned not everyone will understand being raised by narcissists and parents with CPSTD. Not everyone will get it. Not everyone will be sympathetic. It's an inside, family problem that is probably best to be kept to yourself and told to only the people you trust and will understand. Not the coworkers you think are relating to you to be your friend.
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#2
I Feel Like This Can Hit Close To Home With Many Of Us Here
Luke || Kira (he/she) 3 weeks ago
What doesn't k**l you will become buried trauma that'll fuă ¤ck you up for the rest of your life
#3
This
When you grow up with narcissistic parents, you often don’t realize anything is wrong at first. To you, getting blamed for things that weren’t your fault or being made to feel guilty for having needs can simply seem normal.
Then, at some point, you realize other families don’t work like that. And that realization can hurt. It can feel lonely too, almost like everyone else got a head start in life while you were left trying to catch up.
#4
Thought You All Would Appreciate This One
#5
Eventually You Just Accept That There's No Point
StrangeOne 3 weeks ago
Always feel like every time I tell her what I've been up to, what I like, etc, she asks follow up questions interrogation style that makes me have to explain why I like what I like, hate what I hate and do what I do, or don't do. Should have to explain myself to anyone.
#6
Nice Name Bro, Couldn't Crosspost
Luke || Kira (he/she) 3 weeks ago
"We not friends" My mom has been my friend my whole life and I still genuinely enjoy her company and doing stuff with her at age 30. It's that easy.
That comparison isn’t even much of an exaggeration. Difficult experiences in childhood can actually change the way your brain learns to understand the world.
“If you have a whole bunch of bad experiences growing up, you set up your brain in such a way that it’s your expectation that that’s what life is about,” James Perrin, former president of the American Academy of Pediatrics, told The Atlantic.
#7
Indeed
Nay Wilson 3 weeks ago
Oh yeah. My mother had no memory of telling me that I was lying when I told her that her boyfriend was SA me. That was a fun experience
#8
Yup, Same
Sadly, childhood trauma is far from rare. According to a 2014 study published in Health Affairs, 48% of US children experience at least one adverse childhood event, while 23% go through two or more.
These can include witnessing domestic violence, living with someone who has a substance problem or having a parent with serious mental illness.
#10
Kids Aren't Responsible For Their Parents
LakotaWolf (she/her) 3 weeks ago
I remember when I was a little kid and my mom was trying to have me "break into" acting. I live near Los Angeles, and she wanted me to be the next huge child star. She made me take so many acting classes that I could never spend time with friends, and going on auditions took hours of driving and waiting, and she would hit me if I didn't get callbacks. I didn't want to be an actor at all, I never did. It wasn't MY dream, it was hers. I remember her telling me, "Don't you WANT to make a lot of money so Mommy and Daddy never have to work again?" If I still said I didn't want to be a famous actor, she would continue "But just think about how you could buy a ranch and have all the animals you wanted if you were a famous actor!" Now that I'm an adult, I can see how horribly manipulative that was.
#11
Say It Louder For The People In The Back
Children exposed to at least two traumatic or highly stressful events are 2.5 times more likely to repeat a grade or become disengaged from their schoolwork than those who haven’t faced any.
They are also more likely to have chronic health conditions, including asthma, ADHD, autism and obesity.
#13
Own Up To Your Mistakes For Once
#14
Thought This Would Belong Here
Breadcrumb. 3 weeks ago
"You get what you give." Is a phrase I've heard working in a seniors home.
#15
I Thought This Was Normal And Wondering Why I Hate Staying With My Mum
And growing up doesn’t necessarily mean leaving all of that behind. The habits you learn as a child can follow you for years.
According to Healthline, adults raised by narcissistic parents may struggle to put their own needs first because they spent so long learning that someone else’s feelings mattered more.
#16
This Is Literally How I Realized In My Mid 20âs That We Grew Up In An Emotional Abusive Household Wrought With Mental Illnesses
#17
Mind Blown But Its Soo True!!
LakotaWolf (she/her) 3 weeks ago
I'm 44 and my older sister is 50. She still treats me and talks to me like I'm 14. This suddenly makes so much sense.
#18
True
Cat Palmer 3 weeks ago
I am currently (hopefully not for much longer) a live-in carer for my mother, whose toxic behaviour is magnified by early dementia. It is an unimaginable hell.
As a result, they may deal with a lot of self-doubt and struggle with low self-esteem. That can make it harder to trust their own abilities or speak up for themselves.
They might hold back from applying for a better job because they assume they won’t get it. Even asking a coworker for help can feel uncomfortable, so they may end up taking everything on by themselves instead.
#19
Saw This On Instagram, Thought It Belonged Here đ
StrangeOne 3 weeks ago (edited)
I felt so free when I moved out. That feeling was fleeting when I realized I still needed help from them. When they did help, such as with groceries, cosigning, etc, they felt they had all the control back. I couldn't pick what I wanted to eat, and they demanded a spare key to my apartment if they were going to be on the lease as a cosigner. It was when I was able to not have a cosigner and stop asking for help with the cost of living, that's when I felt more free. But by then, I was already feeling limited in skills and stuck at a job.
#20
LOL Yeah I Think This Applies Here
#21
It Do Be Like That
LakotaWolf (she/her) 3 weeks ago
I remember having my first bad mental health crisis at 12. I didn't know it at the time, but I entered a severely depressive episode. I became actively suĂcĂdal. My mother "doesn't believe" that mental illness is real. She told me things that I still remember to this day: "Depressed people just want attention" and "you can feel better if you WANT to" and "kĂlling yourself is just selfish" and, of course, the undercurrent of my entire childhood: "You're just like your gutter-trash junkĂe mother" (I am adopted.) My older sister, who is my parents' bio child, would jump in and agree with everything my mom said. My dad, who was actually a good parent, had to sneak me out to a therapist when I was 16. I got on medication, which helped so much, but I had to hide it from my mom. It's hilarious to me when my sister (now 50) comes up to me and tells me "Mom is depressed!" (mom is 82.) Someday, when I am strong enough, I am going to say back to her, "But mental illness isn't real, remember?"
When toxic parents don’t respect their children’s boundaries, those kids can have a hard time setting their own later on. Saying no might feel scary, especially if it used to get them punished or cause an argument.
They can also turn into people-pleasers after learning that keeping a parent happy was the easiest way to get affection. That habit can stick around in friendships and romantic relationships, where they may keep putting someone else first.
#22
This Made Me Burst Into Tears
#23
Bought My Own Car So My Nparents Canât Use Taking My Keys As A Manipulation Tactic Anymore :)
StrangeOne 3 weeks ago (edited)
Just never have them in the car with you. I don't drive, but I have seen my mom in the passenger seat directing with her hands where the driver should turn and routes to take. She takes over the radio regardless if she's driving or not. She criticizes the speed your going and she has bad road rage. She will also be the last person, not even a person at all, who will help you in a car or fender bender. She cares more about the well being of the car than anyone else. I refuse to have her drive me anywhere. I'll meet her there by bus or uber if I have to. Hoo boy does that offend her. I get scenarios in my head of her grabbing my keys if I were in the driver's seat.
#24
Literally Every Night When I Lived With My Nparents
Cat Palmer 3 weeks ago
This is why I stay awake until midnight with my cat, even though I know I will regret it the next morning.
Of course, growing up with a toxic parent doesn’t mean you’re doomed to deal with the effects of it forever. People can work through what happened, unlearn the things they had to do to survive and build a much better life for themselves.
The important part is not pretending that kind of childhood was no big deal. Narcissistic parents can make life incredibly hard for their kids, and it can take time to untangle all of that later.
#25
Whoop, There It Is. The Truth Uncensored
#26
Found This On Ifunny, Thought You Guys Might Like It
Rudie Cant Fail 3 weeks ago
So, I graduated from boot camp in '95, and for what ever reason went back to my home town while on leave. Stopped by my mom's place, for what ever reason, and the last sentence she said to me was: "You can't change what your family was." That was the last interaction with that parental figure, and to this day, don't feel one darn ounce of regret.
#27
Good For O.p
Tabitha 3 weeks ago
Funny how the biggest drama makers always accuse other people of creating drama, when THEY are the ones who always act/react in an overly dramatic way. No one is holding them down and forcing them to make a scene at gunpoint. They CHOOSE to act/react that way. However, you could just be sitting quietly, maybe even all the way across the room, minding your own business, and they will still accuse you of being the one who started the s**t THEY started themselves.
#28
I Choose Peace!
Lukas (he/him) 3 weeks ago
I don't fully agree. You can still miss someone even if you're better away from them. Human emotions and relationships are complicated, and it's normal to miss someone who hurt you, especially if there was good there at some point.
#29
Anyone Else?
LakotaWolf (she/her) 3 weeks ago
I still live in the same neighborhood I grew up in, but a lot of the neighbors are different from my childhood neighbors. The new neighbors didn't live with all the years of hearing my mother screaming at my dad and I, throwing things, beating both of us, and generally being an incredibly ĂĄbusive ĂĄsshole. She would also pick fights with our old neighbors and they ALL hated her. But she's 82 now and is better at her "normal human performance". So the current neighbors have NO idea about my mom's true self - she is a textbook toxic narcissist, but of course she shows her sweet generous performance to the neighbors. Every once in a while one of the neighbors will tell me "how nice" my mom and sister are, or how "fun" they are at the neighborhood get-togethers. I have to bite my tongue, because if I tell the neighbor the truth, I'd just look insane/bitter/angry/like a liar. It's astounding what a perfect performance of a "normal person" my mom and sister can put on.
#30
Seen This On Facebook And Thought It Belonged Here :)
#31
I Feel Like A Lot Of Us Need To See ThisâŚ
#32
Like This
StrangeOne 3 weeks ago
Weird how photos like these were on another thread for shaming living spaces like these.
#33
Mine To A TeeâŚ
#34
I Feel Attacked Rn đ
#35
Louder For The People At The Back
Luke || Kira (he/she) 3 weeks ago
I always say this. When you physically asă ¤sault another adult person, you catch asă ¤sault charges and it'll have consequences even if it was just a slap. But when you physically asă ¤sault a little, developing human who is legally, emotionally and materially dependant on you and can't remove themself from the situation by any means, it's seen as "parenting" and "discipline" and nobody gives a shă ¤it, some people even encourage it.
#36
We Made Ourselves Kind!
Rudie Cant Fail 3 weeks ago
As Morrissey once crooned "It takes strength to be gentle and kind." As a young person, figured that was Morrissey just doing his Smiths bit. After a lot of time and reflection, it DOES take strength to be gentle and kind
#38
Yup Pretty Much
#39
Same. Now I Just Talk Back And Defend Myself đ¤ˇđťââď¸
Tamra 3 weeks ago
The true end of my relationship with my parents was after I'd become an adult and had engaged in extensive therapy. I became a person who was no longer willing to tolerate their manipulation and madness, was able to establish and defend healthy boundaries, and that made them acutely uncomfortable, so the trash ended up taking itself out.
#40
I Need To Keep Telling Myself This
Luke || Kira (he/she) 3 weeks ago
Nothing wrong with me... nothing wrong with me... something's got to give...
#41
Happy Motherâs Day
Breadcrumb. 3 weeks ago
I've had so many mothers since my birth one up and left when I was 5. Thanks ladies.
#42
Saw This On Twitter, It Reminded Me Of When Nparent Used To Go Through My Phone And Diary Even When I Was Like 6. Did Anyone Else Have Any Experiences Like This?
#43
The Logic Is Impeccable
LakotaWolf (she/her) 3 weeks ago
I'm adopted and I CONSTANTLY heard, all throughout my childhood, "I adopted YOU, so you should be grateful!" and "I took you out of the gutter, you should be grateful!" and "Your parents were alcoholic junkĂes, you should be grateful that I adopted you!"
#44
Youâve Changed (Condescending Tone)
Queen Typo 3 weeks ago
My ex husband said this. He wanted to reconcile and I laid out the minimum requirements for that to even be a possibility. I laughed and said, well yes. That is what happens when I realized I donât need you in my life, I can raise my kids safely, I have value and self respect. I can get a job and make friends. I can do and be all things that you wouldnât allow but then blamed me for not doing and being those things. So now I know that Iâm the powerful one. And that you have to earn my respect and trust because you broke that for years.
#45
Or Even Better, Facts From My Little Brother When He Was 9
Lukas (he/him) 3 weeks ago
"You're not a boy, you were such a princess growing up!" And? Dresses are still pretty and they go swish, that doesn't mean I'm not a boy.
#46
The Long Term Affects That Are Engraved
Susan Ostling 3 weeks ago
My partner and I. He's messed up in his head but he's the only one who's really been kind to me and I messed up in my head extremely messed up
#47
That's It, That Is The Excuse
LakotaWolf (she/her) 3 weeks ago
WOW. This is exactly what my mother did. When I was a little kid, she would tell my sister and I about how her father would beat her, her mother would beat her, her uncle sĂŠxually ĂĄbused her, all these explicit stories about how much ĂĄbuse and trauma she went through in her childhood (seriously, she started telling us these stories when I was like 6 years old.) She proceeded to ĂĄbuse me in every way you can a***e a child, all throughout my childhood, and would tell me about how much worse HER parents ĂĄbused her, as if that was supposed to make beating me better...?
#48
The Feeling Of Utter Dread
#49
I Felt This
Parts da Problema 3 weeks ago
Still do this when I stay with my mom I remember why. Once a parent of multiple kids sees everyone in the room as a resource to get everything done and process thoughts and ideas, there is no going back apparently.
#50
Not Mine But I Thought You Would All Appreciate It
#51
Pretty Much
Breadcrumb. 3 weeks ago
Child who are bullies usually have parents that are bullies. I've seen it so many times.
#52
Saw This On Facebook, Thought Of This Sub. Good Day!
Jessica Gilbert 3 weeks ago
That reminds me of my mother. I complained of cutting myself, and she said, you dont think I havent done it too?
#53
Oh The Invalidation And Pain We Go Through
Susan Ostling 3 weeks ago
She found out that a yardstick would make me cave and do whatever she wanted
#54
Wish My Parent Knew This
#55
Acting Dumb
#57
Finally Moving Out
#58
Iâm Walking On Eggshells, Oooh
#59
Homework Time Was Always Hell. Got Hit With Textbooks Like That Would Help Me Understand??
Queen Typo 3 weeks ago
I spent more time crying over homework and being grounded for bad grades.
#60
I Feel Like This Belongs Here Because We All Know This Pain
#61
Anyone Who Gets This Too?
#62
Here's A Picture I Really Liked
#63
Just Cried A Tear Of Happiness After Reading This. I Broke The Cycle Finally. My Kid Does Not Have To Go Through The Pain Of Dealing With Nparents
#64
It Took Me Until I Was 31 To Even Recognize What My Favorite Color Is. Who Else Had Nparents That Tried To Sabotage The Formation Of Your Identity?
StrangeOne 3 weeks ago
Yup. I was expected to wear dresses, keep my hair long, be silent, talk only when spoken to, and only do something if it's going to be done right, no practicing until it's done right. Just do it right.
#66
I Always Thought I Was The Only Person Who Had Created A Different Version Of Myself To Be Around My Nmom. Grateful I Found This Group
LakotaWolf (she/her) 3 weeks ago
I'm not sure my mother could name my favorite color, my favorite movie, or my favorite book. I don't think she knows my favorite food or drink. The only thing she probably does know is that wolves are my favorite animal, but I've made that pretty obvious in my life XD
#68
đŻđŻ
#69
I've Been Doing Research In My Free Time To Un-Learn All The Negativity And Toxic Behaviours. Thanks For Nothing
Lyone Fein 3 weeks ago
Or, when you carry your own leash because youâve internalized the the control that others hold over you.
#70
Thought Of My Nmom When I Saw This
#71
One Day At A Time
#72
Hmm
LakotaWolf (she/her) 3 weeks ago
A lot of who and what I am is because I did NOT want to be like my mother. My sister ended up exactly like my mother and she is miserable, but she doesn't understand why. The hilarious (except not really hilarious) thing is that the two of them are exactly alike, and yet they fight with each other constantly and horrifically.
#73
Why Are You Angry With Me Âż
#75
Anyone Been Through This
Parts da Problema 3 weeks ago
As will the military, coaches, and crappy bosses. When it's too often seen as a talent, which it only is on spreadsheets and diagrams.
#76
Meeting My In Laws And Seeing What Real Families Are Like
#77
This... Makes A Lot Of Sense For Me. I Always Agree That My Parents Could Be Worse And I Do Wish Things Were Worse So I'd Feel Justified
#78
Exist For Yourself!
#79
Untitled
Kelly Scott 3 weeks ago
My dad was just the opposite. He wanted us kids to have hard lives, just like his. He actively would sabotage me so my life would be more difficult.
#80
Not Necessarily Narcissistic But Definitely Displays A Lack Of Respect/Boundaries
LakotaWolf (she/her) 3 weeks ago
This is exactly why I've had a Post Office box for decades now. My mother would open all my mail and would use the excuse "Oh, I didn't see who it was addressed to!" if I protested (or pointed out that it's a federal offense.) Had to get a PO box because she was never going to stop opening my mail/packages.
#82
Saw This And I Thought Of You All
#83
Is This A Common Thing?
#84
Anyone Who Grew Up With Narcissistic Parents Would Understand
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Rudie Cant Fail 3 weeks ago
Thanks for this one Oleksandra. Highly insightful, both for those who have somehow found the light, and those who are still seeking an epiphany.
Thomas Campbell 3 weeks ago
There is this belief (pushed hard on television and movies) that family is everything. No it's not. Family can be great but it can also be limiting (just like anything else). Unfortunately you probably won't realize that until years too late.
Rudie Cant Fail 3 weeks ago
Thanks for this one Oleksandra. Highly insightful, both for those who have somehow found the light, and those who are still seeking an epiphany.
Thomas Campbell 3 weeks ago
There is this belief (pushed hard on television and movies) that family is everything. No it's not. Family can be great but it can also be limiting (just like anything else). Unfortunately you probably won't realize that until years too late.
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