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Pregnant Wife Left To Deal With 14MO Solo After Hubby Skips MIL’s Bday To Go To Sports Event
When you get married to someone, you’re then expected to make an effort for them and their family. Even a little bit of effort goes a long way and can show that you genuinely care about your partner and their loved ones.
Sometimes, though, it can be hard to manage the expectations of your in-laws, especially if your priorities lie elsewhere. This was a dilemma a man faced when he desperately wanted to attend a sports event but got criticized by his pregnant wife who expected him to go to her mom’s birthday party.
More info: Mumsnet
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Image credits: Ivan Samkov / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The woman explained that her husband got free tickets to a sporting event that he really wanted to go to and was willing to miss her mom’s birthday lunch to do so
Image credits: Tembela Bohle / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Since the poster was pregnant and also had a 14-month-old to look after, she didn’t want to travel to her mom’s party alone as it would be tough to manage herself and the kid
Image credits: cottonbro studio / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Initially, the husband didn’t want to give up on attending his sporting event to help his wife travel, but he eventually decided not to go
Image credits: Chunkychips23
The poster’s main issue with her husband’s plans was that he felt okay letting her travel while pregnant with a toddler in tow
The woman gave an important insight into her husband’s relationship with his in-laws. She mentioned that although she goes to all of his family gatherings, there weren’t that many events on her side to go to. Since her mom always helped them as much as she could, the poster felt bad that her partner was missing her birthday lunch.
Of course, it may not be feasible to attend every family function, but experts say that people must make an effort for their partner’s relatives to show that they care. Couples need to communicate with each other about which events are important to attend and why they are so meaningful. Knowing this will help set expectations and avoid misunderstandings in the future.
The poster’s husband also expected her to be able to manage her travel while pregnant and looking after a 14-month-old. When she mentioned that her family might not be able to take care of her transport, he told her that it was her problem as she never learned how to drive.
According to research, pregnant women need to be careful while driving due to the possible bouts of fatigue and lightheadedness they may feel. It would be better for someone else to drive the vehicle so that they can flex their limbs, stretch, and move around a bit to avoid discomfort. So, it’s good the OP denied traveling alone as she wouldn’t be able to take care of herself along with a toddler.
Image credits: SHVETS production / Pexels (not the actual photo)
One important thing that the poster mentioned was that her husband was a hands-on father. He never really skipped out on his parenting duties and was generally present for family events. That’s why, this time, she felt annoyed at his sudden need to attend the sporting event while disregarding her concerns.
That’s why it’s important for partners to communicate their feelings as often as possible. Even if there is a tiny bit of resentment, it’s important to get those concerns out in the open; otherwise, they can build up over time. Reiterating what events and situations are important to you is the best way to have your partner be on the same page and know what they need to show up for.
Apart from the worry of letting her mom down and the annoyance at having to manage traveling solo, the OP explained that her last pregnancy had been a high-risk one. It’s possible that she felt scared to be on her own without her husband’s support because of her past pregnancy experiences.
Regardless of the woman’s initial feelings of annoyance, she was glad that her husband eventually decided not to go to the sports event. Hopefully, he understood her feelings and they discussed the matter in detail. Either way, the guy’s mother-in-law is bound to have a wonderful birthday party with her family all being present.
How do you think couples should handle conflicts like this? Do share any advice that you think is relevant.
Folks were disappointed by the husband’s behavior and were shocked he wanted his pregnant wife to travel alone with a toddler in tow
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What do you think ?
marcelo D. 9 months ago
she doesn't have to tell him not to go as other say,. It's easier. You wanna go? go. But i'm taking care of the child inside me, you are taking the toddler. No discussion. Go, enjoy, and be a father. Didn't want to lug kids around? too bad, you made him too.
Binky Melnik 9 months ago
I don’t have kids, but I’m still sitting here wondering why her mother isn’t letting her off the hook. Her mother knows the state of her body and the fact she hasta wrestle a toddler while being very pregnant, so Mom should know what she’s dealing with and either get some other family member to agree to get her daughter there or else let her off the hook. It strikes me as cruel of her mother to expect her to be there in this state no matter *what* and there are several whats making the trip if not impossible then really, *really* hard on a pregnant woman.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 9 months ago
I see what you're getting at, but personally I didn't get the outright sense that OP's mom is guilting her/forcing her to go - more that OP WANTS to go, since she mentions that her side of the family does not have gatherings/meetups frequently. It didn't seem like OP's mom is putting pressure on her TO go, more that OP wants to see her mom and had fully expected her spouse to be going with her, (presumably) driving her and their child rather than forcing her to take a taxi/train. I do agree that, if OP's husband had still gone to the sporting event, OP's mom probably should have maybe helped out with finding someone (perhaps even one of mom's friends?) who would be willing to pick up OP and her child and bring her to the birthday lunch (unless it's a ludicrously far drive or something.) I think it's the husband's mother who is the one who doesn't seem to let OP off the hook - since OP says her MIL demands she be at every one of husband's family gatherings and gives her grief otherwise.
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Anna Drever 9 months ago
Where possible I’d recommend she gets driving lessons, as was mentioned later on in the post. I was late to driving and you can feel really isolated without a car and your license. Juggling kids and kindy was a nightmare. I was afraid to learn to drive but once I did I was much happier.
marcelo D. 9 months ago
she doesn't have to tell him not to go as other say,. It's easier. You wanna go? go. But i'm taking care of the child inside me, you are taking the toddler. No discussion. Go, enjoy, and be a father. Didn't want to lug kids around? too bad, you made him too.
Binky Melnik 9 months ago
I don’t have kids, but I’m still sitting here wondering why her mother isn’t letting her off the hook. Her mother knows the state of her body and the fact she hasta wrestle a toddler while being very pregnant, so Mom should know what she’s dealing with and either get some other family member to agree to get her daughter there or else let her off the hook. It strikes me as cruel of her mother to expect her to be there in this state no matter *what* and there are several whats making the trip if not impossible then really, *really* hard on a pregnant woman.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 9 months ago
I see what you're getting at, but personally I didn't get the outright sense that OP's mom is guilting her/forcing her to go - more that OP WANTS to go, since she mentions that her side of the family does not have gatherings/meetups frequently. It didn't seem like OP's mom is putting pressure on her TO go, more that OP wants to see her mom and had fully expected her spouse to be going with her, (presumably) driving her and their child rather than forcing her to take a taxi/train. I do agree that, if OP's husband had still gone to the sporting event, OP's mom probably should have maybe helped out with finding someone (perhaps even one of mom's friends?) who would be willing to pick up OP and her child and bring her to the birthday lunch (unless it's a ludicrously far drive or something.) I think it's the husband's mother who is the one who doesn't seem to let OP off the hook - since OP says her MIL demands she be at every one of husband's family gatherings and gives her grief otherwise.
Load More Replies... Anna Drever 9 months ago
Where possible I’d recommend she gets driving lessons, as was mentioned later on in the post. I was late to driving and you can feel really isolated without a car and your license. Juggling kids and kindy was a nightmare. I was afraid to learn to drive but once I did I was much happier.
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