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Ah, men. Just when you think they’ve run out of ways to miss the point, this guy shows up.
A Redditor recently asked if he was the jerk for telling his wife not to do a boudoir shoot. Why? Because he was worried she wouldn’t like the photos unless she slimmed down a bit. Yes, really. This, despite her weighing 107 lbs (or 47 kg).
He thought it was helpful. She thought it was hurtful. Now she’s distant, and he’s confused. Catch the full post below.
RELATED:
The man told his wife not to do a boudoir shoot because, according to him, she wasn’t in her best shape and might hate the photos
Image credits: LightFieldStudios (not the actual photo)
And now, somehow, he doesn’t understand why she’s upset
Image credits: msvyatkovska (not the actual photo)
Image credits: YuriArcursPeopleimages (not the actual photo)
Image credits: user01131991
Around a third of people diagnosed with eating disorders relapse
Image credits: Getty Images (not the actual photo)
There’s a lot to unpack in this story, but one thing that stands out is how easily the lasting impact of eating disorders can be dismissed. These are not fleeting struggles—they often linger, shape everyday life, and can quietly resurface years after recovery.
Across all eating disorder diagnoses, research shows that about one third of individuals experience relapse. In cases of anorexia, only around 21 percent fully overcome the condition, while most see only partial improvement.
That raises the question: why is recovery so difficult, especially when there are so many programs and resources available?
Mental Health America offers some important insight. And when you look at it through their lens, the difficulty begins to make sense.
Unlike other conditions, like substance use disorders, where the goal is often total avoidance, people recovering from eating disorders don’t have that option. You can’t avoid food. You need it to live. That means recovery involves facing your triggers multiple times a day, every day.
And the challenges don’t stop there.
Even if someone is actively working to heal, they’re constantly surrounded by messages that can chip away at their progress. Social media is full of weight loss trends, diet hacks, “clean eating” advice, and even full-blown ED communities that glorify harmful behaviors.
Offline, those same pressures can appear as casual comments or unsolicited advice, often from people who mean well but don’t understand the damage they’re doing.
To make matters worse, eating disorders don’t always look like people expect. Someone can appear underweight, “normal” weight, or even overweight and still be battling a severe, life-threatening condition.
That disconnect can delay diagnosis and treatment. Disordered thoughts tend to take hold gradually, and by the time someone realizes what’s happening, they may already be in a serious physical and emotional state.
Even loved ones can miss the signs, especially when behaviors like restricting food or excessive exercise are praised as “healthy.” Compliments on weight loss often reinforce the very habits someone is trying to recover from.
Being dismissed by others, or dismissing your own concerns, can make it incredibly hard to ask for help. But here’s the truth: you don’t have to look a certain way to be struggling. And you absolutely don’t have to look a certain way to deserve help.
Unfortunately, not all mental health professionals are trained to recognize or treat eating disorders effectively. That’s why it’s important to find a team that understands the complexity of these conditions, whether it’s a therapist, psychiatrist, nutritionist, or a trusted support network.
And if there are people in your life, like OP in this story, who criticize your body knowing your history with an eating disorder, that is not a supportive or healthy environment.
Still, it’s important to remember: recovery is possible. And with the right care, compassion, and understanding, people do heal. That’s why continued awareness and education matter, so that no one has to go through it alone or in silence.
If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, please don’t hesitate to reach out:
USA – National Alliance for Eating Disorders (NEED)
1-866-662-1235
https://www.allianceforeatingdisorders.com/
UK – Beat Eating Disorders Helpline
0808 801 0677
https://www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk
Readers couldn’t believe the audacity of the man, who somehow kept digging himself deeper with every comment he made
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What do you think ?
LakotaWolf (she/her) 10 months ago
Apparently HIS opinion on what he thinks she'll feel/think about the photos is more important than HER opinion on how she looks in said photos. What a self-absorbed, controlling d!ckbag. How about letting HER decide how she feels about how she looks in the photos? No, no, HE thinks she'll be unhappy, so THAT is all that matters, apparently. And the c**p about the "joint bank account" and "it's my money too"? Gee, I wonder if he *ever* spends any money on himself/his hobbies without consulting her? After all, it's HER money too, right? Lastly, that c**p in his edit: "She said no that’s okay, you’re right it was a bad idea." - that broke my heart, because I know EXACTLY what that means: she gave in. She let go of her dreams, hopes, and joy at having the photographs taken and just gave in to his wishes in order to prevent more arguing. I know, because that's what I did for 24 long years with my now-ex. When they demand you don't do something that you wanted so badly to do, you give up.
Lyoness 10 months ago
You wrote this so much better than I could have so all I'll say is 💯
Load More Replies...
Mark Childers 10 months ago
Eating disorders are never resolved. They always linger. It's a life long battle to overcome the urges. Hopefully the urges fade over time, but I've known too many women with eating disorders (my mother and sister) to know that even now that they have it under control, it's always their first thought any time they eat. For him to say she's "over it" is just ignorant and possibly dangerous. He should be encouraging her to eat and not think about how she looks, not what he's doing now.
Lyoness 10 months ago
I thought the same thing. You aren't "cured" of an ED, you just learn to manage it and backsliding is heartbreakingly common.
Load More Replies...
Dusty's mom 10 months ago
OP, you can't take your words back. You both need counseling. She was doing fine until you thought she had to return to prebirth weight. Many women can't do that safely. People change as they age and go through life's experiences. Grow. Up!
Pittsburgh rare 10 months ago
Tbh, I just came here to see the good people of Reddit tear this dude to pieces 🍿 and was not disappointed 😂
Parmeisan 10 months ago
Even if you assume that he is being 100% honest about his concerns for her and about her being healthier when she was a few pounds lighter, he's still the ahole. Because no matter how gently he said it, that sentiment is at least as likely to trigger her to spiral back into an ED as the photos - posed, shot, and touched up by a professional - could ever be.
Child of the Stars 10 months ago
I agree. And the thing about those kinds of pictures is if they're done by a professional, the photographer knows how to make even what you're insecure about look amazing and so, so s.exy!
Load More Replies...
Amelia Jade 10 months ago
Wow. I'm 5 ft. Back when I weight 110 I was tiny. I was told all the time I needed to gain weight. I shopped in the children's section. I once bought a spring dress from the girl's department for a college formal. She's 5'1 and 107 and has "extra meat"? I don't think so. Also, the boudoir photos are all about promoting self-esteem. I had them done after having thyorid surgery. I weighed considerably more than 110 by that point, and I'd had THREE kids. I found a photographer that was super positive and uplifting and wanted every woman to feel s**y. She had her own hair/make-up person, and they suggested bringing several outfits and that they'd help put it all together. We did several different looks and poses. It was one of the most positive experiences I've ever had. I felt incredibly confident and s**y. I love how the photos turned out--even though I'm not model thin, or super toned. It was one of the best things I've ever done for my self-esteem.
Amelia Jade 10 months ago (edited)
Oh, and when I told my husband that I wanted to do the boudoir photos he didn't say anything about how I weighed a lot more than I used to, or that I'd had three kids (all via c-section so I got that whole tummy pouch thing going on), or that maybe I should tone up first. He didn't even mention money. He just said that it was cool if that's what I wanted to do. He understood why I wanted to do it and he supported that. Where do women find these absolute asshats?
Load More Replies...
Emilu 10 months ago
He's a c**t. I'll take what Binky says at face value that her underweight-ness (totes a word) may be from something medical etc, but to call her out on it? Noooo. Especially when she's medically sound weight-wise. OP needs to take a long walk off a short pier.
martin734 10 months ago
The more I read, the more I wanted to punch him! His concerns were nothing about her and her feelings but all about him and how he would feel looking at the photos. Everything that pathetic worm wrote made me feel more contempt for him and more sympathy and admiration for her.
and_a_touch_of_the_’tism 9 months ago
So, a healthy weight for someone that tall is 100-127 lbs. She is perfectly healthy, in fact pretty slim. He is encouraging disordered habits.
Star-Light Star-Bright 9 months ago
He's an a*****e - and she needs a new doctor. She was 95 lbs, but it was okay because of diet and exercise? No wonder she has an eating disorder.
Kathy Brooke 9 months ago
I suspect the doctor was monitoring... note they weigh her regularly. (With her a****r husband sitting in on all appointments). The doctor has to judge when to step in and when saying something can make things worse. She was clearly recovered enough to conceive, albeit still under weight. The doctor also wouldn't 'congratulate ' someone on gaining weight as that can set them off again too. The husband here, though, wants a wife who is as small as possible in every way, not just physically.
Load More Replies...
Paul C 9 months ago
Be very careful about comparing height with weight then deciding someone is obese or not. When I was racing as a cyclist, I got down to 82kg (180lbs) at 5'10". I was down to under 10% body fat too. Everyone who met me, who wasn't a cyclist, thought I looked totally emaciated (concentration camp survivor was used about me), but many other cyclists were taller than me, looked the same sort of build and were 10kg lighter. So much so, other cyclists accused me of lying about my weight and saying I had to be 5-10kg lighter than I claimed (despite weighing myself every single day). I just cannot be that weight and would be unhealthy at their weight. How could I lose 10kg, when I had less than 8kg of total body fat? According to BMI I was overweight. It's a joke. I'm built pretty d**n solid. I suspect osmium in my bones. In summary, healthy weight varies person to person not just height to height.
Marnie 9 months ago
5' 1" and 107 pounds IS skinny, unless she has almost no muscle whatsoever. I'm 5' 1", and lowest weight in my adult life was 103. And I was too thin. Not as in starving, but I could not possibly have had enough muscle at that weight. (At that weight, the masters of my martial arts school after a test said their only recommendation was for me to "beef up".)
Sparkle 9 months ago (edited)
Until you have an ED unless you know what may trigger that person keep your trap shut. My bulimia and anorexia are semi in control. For him to even risk her having to go through that again there aren't enough words in the dictionary for me to explain how frustrating and how stupid he is! Until he looks up the calories in a d**n orange and hates eating out or goes to the same restaurant because you know that calories in the food and what to get off the back of your hand. You have no right to assume you understand what that person goes through mentally.
weatherwitch 9 months ago
Well that's a first. I don't think I saw Any posts saying he wasn't wrong 😮 He's a resounding Arséhole and worrisome too. Those comments. She's gone a bit soft so he calls it Meat. For himself he's just not quite as toned as he was, maybe a bit soft. Also Why is he present at almost All of her doctors appointments?? 🚩
sturmwesen 9 months ago
When she decided to go to a shooting she propably felt ok with her body and backtracked only *after* he told her she might NOT be ok with it.
Sarah Kathrin Matsoukis 9 months ago
I bet he preferred her ultra skinny and is one of those guys who can't handle the fact that birth changes a body forever.
GlitterPanda 9 months ago
JFC!!! This guy is terrible, and actively doing things to harm his wife. What a doosh!!!
Katarzyna Drozd 9 months ago (edited)
He is not only controlling, he's also projecting his fears on her. And a classic narcissus, unable to admit being wrong. I hope she will realize it someday how toxic he is
The_Nicest_Misanthrope 9 months ago (edited)
JFC what a childish, raging loser from start to finish. I wonder WHY she had an eating disorder... 🙄
Nancy Honn 9 months ago
5'1 and 107lbs.....d**n, I'm 5'1 and would be f$@&ing thrilled to weigh 107 and I'm not overweight by any means. OP is a d*&k.
Big Chungus 9 months ago
5'1 and 107 is definitely underweight. She should be closer to 115. She weighs less than mom did, as a frail patient waiting for a heart transplant. This is not normal at all.
detective miller's hat 9 months ago
His "she used to have an ED" comment almost sent me over the edge. There is no "had" an eating disorder. You can be in recovery, but those thoughts never go away completely, and sh!t like this could bring on a full blown relapse.
Janelle Collard 9 months ago
OP needs to become well-acquainted with the business end of a baseball bat. Any bets he set off her eating disorder, being so "supportive" of her?
LakotaWolf (she/her) 10 months ago
So what HE thinks that she'll think about the photos is more important than her own opinion? Ooookay. It doesn't matter if HE thinks she'll hate the photos or not, as the photos ARE NOT FOR HIM. They're for herself and her own happiness. Even if she was ostensibly getting them for him as a gift, HIS opinion on what he THINKS she'll think/feel is absolutely worthless. He didn't give her a chance to form her own opinion or thoughts and was just like "You'll hate them afterwards, because I SAY IT SHALL BE SO." He wasn't trying to be kind or supportive, he was being controlling (and also didn't want to deal with any *potential* emotional aftermath if she did end up getting stressed out/disliking how she looks in the photos.) tl;dr SHE wanted to have the photos taken HIS opinion on "how she'll feel about how she looks in them" isn't worth a fart in a hurricane. How about letting her form her own opinion?
Load More Replies...
LakotaWolf (she/her) 10 months ago
Apparently HIS opinion on what he thinks she'll feel/think about the photos is more important than HER opinion on how she looks in said photos. What a self-absorbed, controlling d!ckbag. How about letting HER decide how she feels about how she looks in the photos? No, no, HE thinks she'll be unhappy, so THAT is all that matters, apparently. And the c**p about the "joint bank account" and "it's my money too"? Gee, I wonder if he *ever* spends any money on himself/his hobbies without consulting her? After all, it's HER money too, right? Lastly, that c**p in his edit: "She said no that’s okay, you’re right it was a bad idea." - that broke my heart, because I know EXACTLY what that means: she gave in. She let go of her dreams, hopes, and joy at having the photographs taken and just gave in to his wishes in order to prevent more arguing. I know, because that's what I did for 24 long years with my now-ex. When they demand you don't do something that you wanted so badly to do, you give up.
Lyoness 10 months ago
You wrote this so much better than I could have so all I'll say is 💯
Load More Replies... Mark Childers 10 months ago
Eating disorders are never resolved. They always linger. It's a life long battle to overcome the urges. Hopefully the urges fade over time, but I've known too many women with eating disorders (my mother and sister) to know that even now that they have it under control, it's always their first thought any time they eat. For him to say she's "over it" is just ignorant and possibly dangerous. He should be encouraging her to eat and not think about how she looks, not what he's doing now.
Lyoness 10 months ago
I thought the same thing. You aren't "cured" of an ED, you just learn to manage it and backsliding is heartbreakingly common.
Load More Replies... Dusty's mom 10 months ago
OP, you can't take your words back. You both need counseling. She was doing fine until you thought she had to return to prebirth weight. Many women can't do that safely. People change as they age and go through life's experiences. Grow. Up!
Pittsburgh rare 10 months ago
Tbh, I just came here to see the good people of Reddit tear this dude to pieces 🍿 and was not disappointed 😂
Parmeisan 10 months ago
Even if you assume that he is being 100% honest about his concerns for her and about her being healthier when she was a few pounds lighter, he's still the ahole. Because no matter how gently he said it, that sentiment is at least as likely to trigger her to spiral back into an ED as the photos - posed, shot, and touched up by a professional - could ever be.
Child of the Stars 10 months ago
I agree. And the thing about those kinds of pictures is if they're done by a professional, the photographer knows how to make even what you're insecure about look amazing and so, so s.exy!
Load More Replies... Amelia Jade 10 months ago
Wow. I'm 5 ft. Back when I weight 110 I was tiny. I was told all the time I needed to gain weight. I shopped in the children's section. I once bought a spring dress from the girl's department for a college formal. She's 5'1 and 107 and has "extra meat"? I don't think so. Also, the boudoir photos are all about promoting self-esteem. I had them done after having thyorid surgery. I weighed considerably more than 110 by that point, and I'd had THREE kids. I found a photographer that was super positive and uplifting and wanted every woman to feel s**y. She had her own hair/make-up person, and they suggested bringing several outfits and that they'd help put it all together. We did several different looks and poses. It was one of the most positive experiences I've ever had. I felt incredibly confident and s**y. I love how the photos turned out--even though I'm not model thin, or super toned. It was one of the best things I've ever done for my self-esteem.
Amelia Jade 10 months ago (edited)
Oh, and when I told my husband that I wanted to do the boudoir photos he didn't say anything about how I weighed a lot more than I used to, or that I'd had three kids (all via c-section so I got that whole tummy pouch thing going on), or that maybe I should tone up first. He didn't even mention money. He just said that it was cool if that's what I wanted to do. He understood why I wanted to do it and he supported that. Where do women find these absolute asshats?
Load More Replies... Emilu 10 months ago
He's a c**t. I'll take what Binky says at face value that her underweight-ness (totes a word) may be from something medical etc, but to call her out on it? Noooo. Especially when she's medically sound weight-wise. OP needs to take a long walk off a short pier.
martin734 10 months ago
The more I read, the more I wanted to punch him! His concerns were nothing about her and her feelings but all about him and how he would feel looking at the photos. Everything that pathetic worm wrote made me feel more contempt for him and more sympathy and admiration for her.
and_a_touch_of_the_’tism 9 months ago
So, a healthy weight for someone that tall is 100-127 lbs. She is perfectly healthy, in fact pretty slim. He is encouraging disordered habits.
Star-Light Star-Bright 9 months ago
He's an a*****e - and she needs a new doctor. She was 95 lbs, but it was okay because of diet and exercise? No wonder she has an eating disorder.
Kathy Brooke 9 months ago
I suspect the doctor was monitoring... note they weigh her regularly. (With her a****r husband sitting in on all appointments). The doctor has to judge when to step in and when saying something can make things worse. She was clearly recovered enough to conceive, albeit still under weight. The doctor also wouldn't 'congratulate ' someone on gaining weight as that can set them off again too. The husband here, though, wants a wife who is as small as possible in every way, not just physically.
Load More Replies... Paul C 9 months ago
Be very careful about comparing height with weight then deciding someone is obese or not. When I was racing as a cyclist, I got down to 82kg (180lbs) at 5'10". I was down to under 10% body fat too. Everyone who met me, who wasn't a cyclist, thought I looked totally emaciated (concentration camp survivor was used about me), but many other cyclists were taller than me, looked the same sort of build and were 10kg lighter. So much so, other cyclists accused me of lying about my weight and saying I had to be 5-10kg lighter than I claimed (despite weighing myself every single day). I just cannot be that weight and would be unhealthy at their weight. How could I lose 10kg, when I had less than 8kg of total body fat? According to BMI I was overweight. It's a joke. I'm built pretty d**n solid. I suspect osmium in my bones. In summary, healthy weight varies person to person not just height to height.
Marnie 9 months ago
5' 1" and 107 pounds IS skinny, unless she has almost no muscle whatsoever. I'm 5' 1", and lowest weight in my adult life was 103. And I was too thin. Not as in starving, but I could not possibly have had enough muscle at that weight. (At that weight, the masters of my martial arts school after a test said their only recommendation was for me to "beef up".)
Sparkle 9 months ago (edited)
Until you have an ED unless you know what may trigger that person keep your trap shut. My bulimia and anorexia are semi in control. For him to even risk her having to go through that again there aren't enough words in the dictionary for me to explain how frustrating and how stupid he is! Until he looks up the calories in a d**n orange and hates eating out or goes to the same restaurant because you know that calories in the food and what to get off the back of your hand. You have no right to assume you understand what that person goes through mentally.
weatherwitch 9 months ago
Well that's a first. I don't think I saw Any posts saying he wasn't wrong 😮 He's a resounding Arséhole and worrisome too. Those comments. She's gone a bit soft so he calls it Meat. For himself he's just not quite as toned as he was, maybe a bit soft. Also Why is he present at almost All of her doctors appointments?? 🚩
sturmwesen 9 months ago
When she decided to go to a shooting she propably felt ok with her body and backtracked only *after* he told her she might NOT be ok with it.
Sarah Kathrin Matsoukis 9 months ago
I bet he preferred her ultra skinny and is one of those guys who can't handle the fact that birth changes a body forever.
GlitterPanda 9 months ago
JFC!!! This guy is terrible, and actively doing things to harm his wife. What a doosh!!!
Katarzyna Drozd 9 months ago (edited)
He is not only controlling, he's also projecting his fears on her. And a classic narcissus, unable to admit being wrong. I hope she will realize it someday how toxic he is
The_Nicest_Misanthrope 9 months ago (edited)
JFC what a childish, raging loser from start to finish. I wonder WHY she had an eating disorder... 🙄
Nancy Honn 9 months ago
5'1 and 107lbs.....d**n, I'm 5'1 and would be f$@&ing thrilled to weigh 107 and I'm not overweight by any means. OP is a d*&k.
Big Chungus 9 months ago
5'1 and 107 is definitely underweight. She should be closer to 115. She weighs less than mom did, as a frail patient waiting for a heart transplant. This is not normal at all.
detective miller's hat 9 months ago
His "she used to have an ED" comment almost sent me over the edge. There is no "had" an eating disorder. You can be in recovery, but those thoughts never go away completely, and sh!t like this could bring on a full blown relapse.
Janelle Collard 9 months ago
OP needs to become well-acquainted with the business end of a baseball bat. Any bets he set off her eating disorder, being so "supportive" of her?
LakotaWolf (she/her) 10 months ago
So what HE thinks that she'll think about the photos is more important than her own opinion? Ooookay. It doesn't matter if HE thinks she'll hate the photos or not, as the photos ARE NOT FOR HIM. They're for herself and her own happiness. Even if she was ostensibly getting them for him as a gift, HIS opinion on what he THINKS she'll think/feel is absolutely worthless. He didn't give her a chance to form her own opinion or thoughts and was just like "You'll hate them afterwards, because I SAY IT SHALL BE SO." He wasn't trying to be kind or supportive, he was being controlling (and also didn't want to deal with any *potential* emotional aftermath if she did end up getting stressed out/disliking how she looks in the photos.) tl;dr SHE wanted to have the photos taken HIS opinion on "how she'll feel about how she looks in them" isn't worth a fart in a hurricane. How about letting her form her own opinion?
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