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“He Deleted Everything”: Woman Questions Husband’s Motives On The Day Of His Surgery
Woman looking suspicious and confused while checking husband's phone during surgery, lying on a couch indoors.

“He Deleted Everything”: Woman Questions Husband’s Motives On The Day Of His Surgery

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One of the strongest foundations of any relationship is trust. But what happens when that foundation starts to feel shaky?

This Redditor’s husband was scheduled for surgery, and before heading into the operating room, he handed his wife his belongings—including his phone. That’s when she noticed something unusual: he had suddenly deleted all of his social media apps.

Feeling unsettled, she turned to the internet for advice, unsure if that meant he was hiding something or if she was simply overthinking. Scroll down to read her full story and decide for yourself.

RELATED:

    As her husband underwent surgery, the woman made a surprising discovery

    Image credits: The Yuri Arcurs Collection / freepik (not the actual photo)

    Every social media app had been deleted from his phone, and she began to suspect he could be keeping secrets

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    Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)

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    Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)

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    Image credits: Electrical-Gap2122

    What to do if you can’t stop doubting your partner

    Image credits: cookie_studio / freepik (not the actual photo)

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    Trust can feel complicated. As adults, many of us have lived through disappointments, heartbreaks, and broken promises. It often takes time to let someone in, open up, and build a relationship. Yet once that trust is broken, it can feel like it happens in an instant.

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    One survey found that only 70% of people say they completely trust their partner. While that might seem like a solid number, it also means nearly a third don’t, which is sobering when you think about it.

    Another study by the Pew Research Center shows just how fragile trust can be: about one in three people in committed relationships admit to checking their partner’s phone. That kind of doubt can weigh heavily on a relationship. Left unchecked, mistrust can quickly snowball into suspicion, anxiety, and constant worry.

    So, how can you strengthen trust? Contemporary mental health service Self Space offers some helpful advice:

    1. Be open, acknowledge feelings, and practice vulnerability

    When mistrust starts brewing, silence only makes it worse. If you need reassurance, ask for it. If you’re feeling insecure, share it. Let your partner in on how you feel, what you hope for, and how you want to show up for each other.

    2. Assume your partner has good intentions

    Not every mistake is a betrayal. Sometimes people simply mess up without meaning harm. Before jumping to conclusions, consider that it could be a misunderstanding rather than deliberate hurt.

    3. Communicate honestly about important issues

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    Make time to check in daily and talk about how things are going. Don’t let problems pile up—bring them into the open. Start small and speak from your own perspective: “I feel…,” “I notice…,” “I wonder….”

    4. Notice how past experiences shape your present

    Take a moment to reflect: is your doubt coming from what your partner has actually done, from your own insecurities, or maybe both? Sometimes pain from earlier relationships can quietly influence how much we trust today.

    5. Hear your partner’s side

    Give them room to share their view. Ask questions like: “How did you see things? What was your experience? How did it feel for you?” Listening with curiosity can open the door to rebuilding trust.

    6. Trust your intuition

    Pay attention to red flags, and don’t ignore your gut feelings. If something doesn’t sit right, bring it up. Voicing concerns early prevents them from festering.

    7. Be clear about your needs

    Getting upset when your needs aren’t met is natural, but have you made them clear? Your partner isn’t a mind reader. Often, it’s about teaching them how to meet your needs so both of you feel supported.

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    At the end of the day, trust is built step by step—through openness, honesty, and patience. It’s fragile but not unfixable, and with consistent effort from both partners, it can grow stronger than ever.

    Many readers found the husband’s actions incredibly suspicious

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    Others chimed in with similar stories of their own

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    Oleksandra Kyryliuk

    Oleksandra Kyryliuk

    Writer, BoredPanda staff

    Read more »

    Oleksandra is an experienced copywriter from Ukraine with a master’s degree in International Communication. Having covered everything from education, finance, and marketing to art, pop culture, and memes, she now brings her storytelling skills to Bored Panda. For the past six years, she’s been living and working in Vilnius, Lithuania.

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    Oleksandra Kyryliuk

    Oleksandra Kyryliuk

    Writer, BoredPanda staff

    Oleksandra is an experienced copywriter from Ukraine with a master’s degree in International Communication. Having covered everything from education, finance, and marketing to art, pop culture, and memes, she now brings her storytelling skills to Bored Panda. For the past six years, she’s been living and working in Vilnius, Lithuania.

    What do you think ?
    Jeremy James
    Community Member
    6 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Oh, come on, lady! "My husband has a shoebox filled with missing women's ID cards and some jewelry. Should I be concerned, or am I just being paranoid?"

    VNES101
    Community Member
    6 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    LMAO! It's probably nothing.

    Load More Replies...
    Rika
    Community Member
    6 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I would also delete a lot of messages before going to surgery because the risks are low, but I might not wake up and I wouldn't want anyone to read my private messages after I passed. It's not because I'm cheating or hiding something dark, it's a matter of respect for my friends: in our private conversations, they shared some things with *me* only. Even if none of those things are huge life-changing secrets, they didn't give me permission to share them with anyone else, I think the least I can do is to make sure our conversations remain private.

    Anthony Elmore
    Community Member
    6 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Interesting point. Another perspective is the overly paranoid type of personality. I say paranoid, it's more of a privacy thing. I don't have conversation with others for the purpose of bystanders to just up and read them. Same goes for things like internet history and file data. I am meticulous about cleaning up tracks, regardless of whether or not I've done anything wrong (see, that's the overly paranoid bit). To a fault, actually, as I'm going to look suspicious as f**k if anyone bothers to try and find my tracks. Still, I doubt this is the case for the Husband. They'd probably have noticed a pattern in the husband's behavior long before the operation. Just worth consideration. That picture of a cat that the entire internet has seen may not be private, but the context in which it was sent to me was, and I'd like to keep it that way.

    Load More Replies...
    Southie
    Community Member
    6 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    while he was in surgery his phone kept getting notifications.....notifications to where? If he deleted all his accounts he wouldn't be getting notifications...unless it was just texts or emails in which case Wife could read them....just sayin...

    Bookworm
    Community Member
    6 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Sounds like husband knows he can't trust her to respect his privacy.

    Arabiata Arabiata
    Community Member
    6 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    A modest question: Why did she check her husband's phone while he was under anesthesia? She didn't trust him. I think her action is a form of cheating.

    Upstaged75
    Community Member
    6 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You sound like you're a dirty cheater yourself. 🙄

    Load More Replies...
    Mike F
    Community Member
    6 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I read this ditty years ago and it it makes sense in this scenario: "Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the lord my soul to keep. If I should die before I wake, please throw my phone into a lake." I don't have anything to hide, personally, everyone knows I'm nuts already, but I would not want folks looking over my stuff without the benefit of my being able to add the correct context. Think of it like hearing one side of a phone conversation. If you don't know what's being said on both sides, you have no idea what is actually being discussed. This comes from reddit, we all know what a miserable, disgusting group they are. This could go either way and the added "issues" they experienced before could indeed color the take that some could have, but, it could just as easily be knowledge that he has that is "not for publication". I myself have sat on knowledge of things that one in the family did not want others to know until they were ready to divulge it themselves. You never know.

    FreeTheUnicorn
    Community Member
    5 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    There are a whole host of things you might not want seen post mortem. Has he been on sites about hastening his demise? Has he been questioning the relationship and doesn't want her to know without explanation? It doesn't matter, give him some privacy. If there are other issues address them when he's better. Plenty of current trouble here today. don't borrow trouble from hypothetical lands.

    Janelle Collard
    Community Member
    Premium
    6 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Sorry, OP, your hubs is totally doing shady sh*t.

    Nils Skirnir
    Community Member
    6 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I’ve deleted all social media apps. I access BP via browser-probably too often. But, it’s harmless. All my messaging apps, readers, browsers, banking, etc are face or fingerprint protected. I’ve nowt to hide from SO and would let her access stuff if she wanted. I do this to protect myself from various intruders, including lost/stolen phone, government access etc.

    Upstaged75
    Community Member
    6 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Getting a stent put in is barely a procedure you need anesthesia for. They don't cut anything open - they just shove it up there. 😊 Ask me how I know. The dude is obviously cheating on her and trying to hide the evidence. Hopefully she comes back and updates us!

    JayWantsACat
    Community Member
    6 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Are there perfectly innocent reasons to delete these apps before surgery? Of course. But in this instance it seems shady.

    KatSaidWhat
    Community Member
    6 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    YTA for not dumping him the first time he cheated.

    Jeremy James
    Community Member
    6 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Oh, come on, lady! "My husband has a shoebox filled with missing women's ID cards and some jewelry. Should I be concerned, or am I just being paranoid?"

    VNES101
    Community Member
    6 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    LMAO! It's probably nothing.

    Load More Replies...
    Rika
    Community Member
    6 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I would also delete a lot of messages before going to surgery because the risks are low, but I might not wake up and I wouldn't want anyone to read my private messages after I passed. It's not because I'm cheating or hiding something dark, it's a matter of respect for my friends: in our private conversations, they shared some things with *me* only. Even if none of those things are huge life-changing secrets, they didn't give me permission to share them with anyone else, I think the least I can do is to make sure our conversations remain private.

    Anthony Elmore
    Community Member
    6 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Interesting point. Another perspective is the overly paranoid type of personality. I say paranoid, it's more of a privacy thing. I don't have conversation with others for the purpose of bystanders to just up and read them. Same goes for things like internet history and file data. I am meticulous about cleaning up tracks, regardless of whether or not I've done anything wrong (see, that's the overly paranoid bit). To a fault, actually, as I'm going to look suspicious as f**k if anyone bothers to try and find my tracks. Still, I doubt this is the case for the Husband. They'd probably have noticed a pattern in the husband's behavior long before the operation. Just worth consideration. That picture of a cat that the entire internet has seen may not be private, but the context in which it was sent to me was, and I'd like to keep it that way.

    Load More Replies...
    Southie
    Community Member
    6 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    while he was in surgery his phone kept getting notifications.....notifications to where? If he deleted all his accounts he wouldn't be getting notifications...unless it was just texts or emails in which case Wife could read them....just sayin...

    Bookworm
    Community Member
    6 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Sounds like husband knows he can't trust her to respect his privacy.

    Arabiata Arabiata
    Community Member
    6 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    A modest question: Why did she check her husband's phone while he was under anesthesia? She didn't trust him. I think her action is a form of cheating.

    Upstaged75
    Community Member
    6 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You sound like you're a dirty cheater yourself. 🙄

    Load More Replies...
    Mike F
    Community Member
    6 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I read this ditty years ago and it it makes sense in this scenario: "Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the lord my soul to keep. If I should die before I wake, please throw my phone into a lake." I don't have anything to hide, personally, everyone knows I'm nuts already, but I would not want folks looking over my stuff without the benefit of my being able to add the correct context. Think of it like hearing one side of a phone conversation. If you don't know what's being said on both sides, you have no idea what is actually being discussed. This comes from reddit, we all know what a miserable, disgusting group they are. This could go either way and the added "issues" they experienced before could indeed color the take that some could have, but, it could just as easily be knowledge that he has that is "not for publication". I myself have sat on knowledge of things that one in the family did not want others to know until they were ready to divulge it themselves. You never know.

    FreeTheUnicorn
    Community Member
    5 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    There are a whole host of things you might not want seen post mortem. Has he been on sites about hastening his demise? Has he been questioning the relationship and doesn't want her to know without explanation? It doesn't matter, give him some privacy. If there are other issues address them when he's better. Plenty of current trouble here today. don't borrow trouble from hypothetical lands.

    Janelle Collard
    Community Member
    Premium
    6 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Sorry, OP, your hubs is totally doing shady sh*t.

    Nils Skirnir
    Community Member
    6 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I’ve deleted all social media apps. I access BP via browser-probably too often. But, it’s harmless. All my messaging apps, readers, browsers, banking, etc are face or fingerprint protected. I’ve nowt to hide from SO and would let her access stuff if she wanted. I do this to protect myself from various intruders, including lost/stolen phone, government access etc.

    Upstaged75
    Community Member
    6 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Getting a stent put in is barely a procedure you need anesthesia for. They don't cut anything open - they just shove it up there. 😊 Ask me how I know. The dude is obviously cheating on her and trying to hide the evidence. Hopefully she comes back and updates us!

    JayWantsACat
    Community Member
    6 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Are there perfectly innocent reasons to delete these apps before surgery? Of course. But in this instance it seems shady.

    KatSaidWhat
    Community Member
    6 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    YTA for not dumping him the first time he cheated.

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