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56
Wife Won’t Give Birth Just To Become A Single Mom When Clueless Husband Realizes It’s Hard Work
Raising a human is one of the toughest challenges anyone can take on, and that’s no secret. Still, some people treat it like something that just naturally happens without fully understanding the weight of it.
This woman’s husband seemed to think that as he unexpectedly announced their 9-year relationship was missing something—specifically, a child—and he wanted one soon. Since she’s always been openly childfree, the news left her completely blindsided.
Shocked and heartbroken, she turned to Reddit to vent and make sense of it all.
Read on for the full story.
RELATED:
The woman had always been clear about not wanting children
Image credits: A. C. (not the actual photo)
So when her husband brought it up after nine years together, she was completely blindsided
Image credits: Getty Images (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Getty Images (not the actual photo)
Image source: MeetMeAtTheIsobar
More and more women are saying no to kids
Image credits: Getty Images (not the actual photo)
Fertility rates have been steadily declining across many regions, and the trend shows no signs of slowing down.
In the U.S., the fertility rate in 2023 dropped another 3% from the year before, reaching a historic low of around 55 births per 1,000 women aged 15 to 44. Europe is seeing similar patterns—births in the EU fell below four million in 2022 for the first time, and 2023 closed with another 5.4% decline, down to just 3.67 million babies. Meanwhile, East Asia has some of the lowest birth rates in the world.
“There are more women of childbearing age without children than at previous points in history,” Dr. Amy Blackstone, author of Childfree by Choice: The Movement Redefining Family and Creating a New Age of Independence, told Refinery29.
“Women who opt out of parenthood do so for many reasons,” she explained. “Some of the most common include a desire to live an autonomous or spontaneous life, an interest in nurturing other relationships, a feeling that one would not make a good parent and an interest in pursuits that may be at odds with parenthood.”
There’s also the financial strain to consider, along with growing fears about the world’s instability and what kind of future children would inherit. For many, the idea of raising kids in this environment just doesn’t feel right.
And for women, the decision carries even more weight. Besides the lifelong responsibilities of raising a child—often in societies that still expect them to take on the bulk of caregiving—there’s also the pregnancy itself. The physical toll, the body changes, and the experience of giving birth can be overwhelming and even terrifying for some. Like the original poster in this story, many women simply don’t want to go through that.
“Ideally, couples will discuss their goals and wants—with respect to parenthood and all kinds of other things—very early in a relationship and continue to discuss them over time,” said Blackstone. “Whether differences in parent aspirations is a dealbreaker probably depends on the couple, but if each member of a couple is dead set in their position, I’m afraid it likely is.
“But don’t beat yourself up if you don’t want children,” she added. “There are so many ways to live a fulfilling life, to make a difference in the world, and to leave a legacy. For some, the path is parenthood. For others, it is something else.”
In the OP’s case, her husband changing his mind after nine years is understandably heart-breaking, especially when they had already agreed that children weren’t part of their future. While it’s true that people can change over time, that doesn’t make it any easier to accept when core values no longer align.
At the end of the day, wanting or not wanting children is a life-defining decision, and no one should feel pressured to compromise on something so fundamental.
Readers felt deeply sorry for the woman’s experience
Many offered advice on how she could handle the situation
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What do you think ?
FreeTheUnicorn 8 months ago
He's said it himself, he things there's something missing in the relationship. He's not happy and that's ok, sometimes that happens. It's ok to change your mind, his bio clock is ticking and all that. However, if that's not the future OP wants, that's also valid. My ex and I split over him wanting kids and me not wanting them. It was sad, because we didn't stop loving or liking each other, but if you want different things, you shouldn't be married. OP and her husband should split, grieve the relationship and then go seek the life they want. It completely sucks that they aren't compatible any more but it doesn't mean the relationship was a failure, it was great until it wasn't and then you move on. There's no comprising on kids.
Janelle Collard 8 months ago (edited)
I like the "Get hubs to babysit kids" suggestions. :) Also the go to couples therapy, get tamper-proof birth control + find a shark divorce lawyer. It may be difficult for OP to sterilized in a red state without hubs permission.
Sue User 8 months ago
So many people said " he wants a kid like a puppy". So why not get him a puppy ? Companiondhip and you can see how much time/ effort he invests in the hard parts.
Load More Replies...
Romy Rösli 8 months ago
You don’t need any reasons not to want kids. And if your partner wants them so terribly you just are not compatible.
Ashtophet’sRevenge 8 months ago
When my teen daughter started talking this way, I got her a kitten, but I doubt this guy could handle a pet.
MonsterMum 8 months ago
My husband and I agreed to not have children together. After 8 years together we both changed our minds. We now have two wonderful children, however both have additional needs and one is in specialist education due to their needs. We will likely still be parenting into retirement. Kids are wonderful, but only if you both want them. He's not a bad person for changing his mind, but would be if he tries to manipulate her.
The Starsong Princess 8 months ago
He has every right to want children and you shouldn’t belittle his reasons or feelings. He may have always wanted children and has only been going along with you. The only question here is he ok with a childfree life or is the marriage over? I predict that within a year, the marriage is over and he moves back to his family because that’s the life he wants.
patricia patricia 7 months ago
Of course, he has every right to want children and she shouldn’t belittle his reasons or feelings. But she also has every right to NOT want children, and he doesn't have the right to belittle her reasons, feelings or concerns. I don't think there's a good solution for this situation. Either way, one of them is going to be miserable. At this stage, I think the marriage is over. They should accept it and try to find happiness with more compatible partners.
Load More Replies...
Marianne 8 months ago
I'm a bit surprised how her husband is demonized by these people. It is possible to change your opinion about children, he's not a bad person for doing so. Yes, he might be projecting a life that is not real, and it's not a good idea for OP to be talked into having children if that's not what she wants. But does he deserve to be hated for trying to talk about the possibility? Some of the commenters were implying that he is playing with her life here, as if the idea of a child was more important for him than his wife. That seems utterly unfair, when you think about the fact that only women can bear children and many women chose that path for themselves.
Vinnie 8 months ago
Part of the objection is that he might not know what he's getting into. I knew a man who wanted children after babysitting his 3-year-old niece for 24 hours. He was exhausted but ecstatic. That makes a more convincing case than someone viewing pictures and videos.
Load More Replies...
KatSaidWhat 8 months ago
Until men can do the pregnancy, breastfeeding and no maternity leave, they can sit TF down and STFU about when women can and should fall pregnant to fill some hole in their own lives.
Laurisa Farias 8 months ago
A child should never ever have to fill anyone´s void, to give someone a purpose. A child should be, ideally, the fruit of love between two people.
Jennifer Clayton 8 months ago
"I'm bored! Change everything about our life right now!" Ugh, been there. Happily divorced. He's off ruining someone else's life. Good riddance.
Mark Childers 8 months ago
There are so many men who want to have a kid and so few who want to be a dad. I know myself well. I never wanted a kid. I have no patience for them. Kids are a lot of work, and I don't want to do the work. There should be classes to help people understand the gravity of having a kid. Then they can go into with their eyes wide open.
Beak Hookage 8 months ago
Ugh, another gross person who thinks children are accessories instead of people.
JayWantsACat 8 months ago
Just get a dog, FFS. If he's still adamant, then have him visit his sister and nephew and tell him to take of the kid, alone, for a full day. Then do it again the next. And then tell him that's how it'll be every single day, except it'll also include nights. If he still wants kids after that, then maybe there's an actual conversation to be had.
millac 6 months ago
Very few people know what they're getting into with children, and that's fine. But this marriage does sound like they have a lot of other, interlocking issues, from him feelings isolated, purposeless, missing his family, disliking where they live and her job's demands, and the strong possibility that he's been performing his child hatred to make her happy, to her pretty aggressive dismissiveness that he's a stupid little man child idiot who can't make make big decisions and her complete insistence that he will be worthless in this endeavor. They should just separate. He'll move back home and probably be remarried with a kid in the way in two years, and she'll eventually find someone who shares her childfree sentiments and they'll both be happier.
Kat Alison 8 months ago
Leave. Him. NOW. Do NOT get baby-trapped. He’s an absolute fvckhead to do this to you!
Jenn Green 8 months ago
Get one of those babies they give to high school kids. If it has adjustable settings, set it on colic and go out for the day. Have another discussion.
FreeTheUnicorn 8 months ago
He's said it himself, he things there's something missing in the relationship. He's not happy and that's ok, sometimes that happens. It's ok to change your mind, his bio clock is ticking and all that. However, if that's not the future OP wants, that's also valid. My ex and I split over him wanting kids and me not wanting them. It was sad, because we didn't stop loving or liking each other, but if you want different things, you shouldn't be married. OP and her husband should split, grieve the relationship and then go seek the life they want. It completely sucks that they aren't compatible any more but it doesn't mean the relationship was a failure, it was great until it wasn't and then you move on. There's no comprising on kids.
Janelle Collard 8 months ago (edited)
I like the "Get hubs to babysit kids" suggestions. :) Also the go to couples therapy, get tamper-proof birth control + find a shark divorce lawyer. It may be difficult for OP to sterilized in a red state without hubs permission.
Sue User 8 months ago
So many people said " he wants a kid like a puppy". So why not get him a puppy ? Companiondhip and you can see how much time/ effort he invests in the hard parts.
Load More Replies... Romy Rösli 8 months ago
You don’t need any reasons not to want kids. And if your partner wants them so terribly you just are not compatible.
Ashtophet’sRevenge 8 months ago
When my teen daughter started talking this way, I got her a kitten, but I doubt this guy could handle a pet.
MonsterMum 8 months ago
My husband and I agreed to not have children together. After 8 years together we both changed our minds. We now have two wonderful children, however both have additional needs and one is in specialist education due to their needs. We will likely still be parenting into retirement. Kids are wonderful, but only if you both want them. He's not a bad person for changing his mind, but would be if he tries to manipulate her.
The Starsong Princess 8 months ago
He has every right to want children and you shouldn’t belittle his reasons or feelings. He may have always wanted children and has only been going along with you. The only question here is he ok with a childfree life or is the marriage over? I predict that within a year, the marriage is over and he moves back to his family because that’s the life he wants.
patricia patricia 7 months ago
Of course, he has every right to want children and she shouldn’t belittle his reasons or feelings. But she also has every right to NOT want children, and he doesn't have the right to belittle her reasons, feelings or concerns. I don't think there's a good solution for this situation. Either way, one of them is going to be miserable. At this stage, I think the marriage is over. They should accept it and try to find happiness with more compatible partners.
Load More Replies... Marianne 8 months ago
I'm a bit surprised how her husband is demonized by these people. It is possible to change your opinion about children, he's not a bad person for doing so. Yes, he might be projecting a life that is not real, and it's not a good idea for OP to be talked into having children if that's not what she wants. But does he deserve to be hated for trying to talk about the possibility? Some of the commenters were implying that he is playing with her life here, as if the idea of a child was more important for him than his wife. That seems utterly unfair, when you think about the fact that only women can bear children and many women chose that path for themselves.
Vinnie 8 months ago
Part of the objection is that he might not know what he's getting into. I knew a man who wanted children after babysitting his 3-year-old niece for 24 hours. He was exhausted but ecstatic. That makes a more convincing case than someone viewing pictures and videos.
Load More Replies... KatSaidWhat 8 months ago
Until men can do the pregnancy, breastfeeding and no maternity leave, they can sit TF down and STFU about when women can and should fall pregnant to fill some hole in their own lives.
Laurisa Farias 8 months ago
A child should never ever have to fill anyone´s void, to give someone a purpose. A child should be, ideally, the fruit of love between two people.
Jennifer Clayton 8 months ago
"I'm bored! Change everything about our life right now!" Ugh, been there. Happily divorced. He's off ruining someone else's life. Good riddance.
Mark Childers 8 months ago
There are so many men who want to have a kid and so few who want to be a dad. I know myself well. I never wanted a kid. I have no patience for them. Kids are a lot of work, and I don't want to do the work. There should be classes to help people understand the gravity of having a kid. Then they can go into with their eyes wide open.
Beak Hookage 8 months ago
Ugh, another gross person who thinks children are accessories instead of people.
JayWantsACat 8 months ago
Just get a dog, FFS. If he's still adamant, then have him visit his sister and nephew and tell him to take of the kid, alone, for a full day. Then do it again the next. And then tell him that's how it'll be every single day, except it'll also include nights. If he still wants kids after that, then maybe there's an actual conversation to be had.
millac 6 months ago
Very few people know what they're getting into with children, and that's fine. But this marriage does sound like they have a lot of other, interlocking issues, from him feelings isolated, purposeless, missing his family, disliking where they live and her job's demands, and the strong possibility that he's been performing his child hatred to make her happy, to her pretty aggressive dismissiveness that he's a stupid little man child idiot who can't make make big decisions and her complete insistence that he will be worthless in this endeavor. They should just separate. He'll move back home and probably be remarried with a kid in the way in two years, and she'll eventually find someone who shares her childfree sentiments and they'll both be happier.
Kat Alison 8 months ago
Leave. Him. NOW. Do NOT get baby-trapped. He’s an absolute fvckhead to do this to you!
Jenn Green 8 months ago
Get one of those babies they give to high school kids. If it has adjustable settings, set it on colic and go out for the day. Have another discussion.
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