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Guy Thinks It’s His Job To Tell SIL’s Kids Their Dad Passed Away, Gets Banned From Funeral For It
Interview With ExpertYou know that one person who just has to spoil the end of the movie while you’re still watching the trailer? Sometimes the urge to “just say it” can cause more damage than a thousand words ever could.
Today’s Original Poster (OP) tried to support her sister during the devastating loss of her husband. However, after asking her husband not to break the sad news to her sister’s kids, he did just that.
More info: Reddit
RELATED:
When you ask a person not to do something, for whatever reason, that’s the moment they want to do that exact thing
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The author took in her niece and nephew to support her sister while the children’s father was terminally ill
Image credits: Specific_Problem3443
Image credits: margonikolskaya / agency (not the actual photo)
After the father’s death, she rushed to be with her grieving sister, asking her husband to watch the kids and not tell them the news
Image credits: Specific_Problem3443
Image credits: anna_ostanina / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Despite clear instructions, her husband broke the news to the kids prematurely, causing them to break down emotionally
Image credits: Specific_Problem3443
The sister was devastated and banned the author’s husband from the funeral, and he claimed it was unfair and petty
The OP’s brother-in-law had been sick for six months and over time, he got worse, so she took her sister’s kids in to give her time to focus on her husband’s final days. When he passed away, her sister made one clear request: she wanted to be the one to tell her kids about their father’s death.
The OP agreed and made her husband promise not to say a word while she went to support her sister. Sadly, that promise didn’t hold up for long because despite his nod of agreement, the husband broke the news to the children just one hour after she left. The kids were shattered, and their cries reached their mother through the phone before she even saw them.
The OP and her sister rushed home, and while the sister shut the door to comfort them, the OP confronted her husband. He explained his reason for breaking the news to them, stating that he couldn’t stand hearing them talk about seeing their dad again.
Despite his apologies, the damage had already been done. The OP’s sister asked that he stay away from the children, especially after seeing their breakdown. She even requested that he not attend the funeral, but he got upset, claiming it was unfair and petty of her sister to exclude him from the funeral.
To better understand the psychological impact of premature or unexpected parental death on children, Bored Panda spoke with clinical psychologist Christabell Madondo, who emphasized how deeply such news can affect a child’s emotional well-being.
She explained that children may experience intense grief reactions like shock, anxiety, or guilt, and if left unsupported, could develop depression or trauma-related symptoms over time. “How kids process loss often depends on their age,” she noted, pointing out that younger kids might regress, while teenagers might act out or wrestle with existential questions.
Image generated by Bored Panda using chatGPT
We also asked why some adults tend to override others’ wishes during grief-related situations, to which Madondo explained that this behavior often stems from a combination of control, discomfort, and misunderstanding. “In grief, the need for control can be a way to restore order amid emotional tension,” she said.
She explained that discomfort arises when people struggle to accept grief expressions different from their own, leading them to impose what they believe is best. Additionally, misunderstandings around cultural or personal grieving styles may prompt well-meaning but misguided actions.
Lastly, we explored the long-term effects of violating emotional boundaries within grieving families, and Madondo warned that ignoring these boundaries can erode trust and even bring about resentment.
“Family members may end up suppressing emotions, which can lead to unresolved grief, anxiety, or depression,” she said, noting that such breaches often result in emotional distance or estrangement, which could explain why the OP’s sister requested that the husband not be present at the funeral.
Netizens criticized the OP’s husband for blatantly disregarding a very clear and important boundary set by the grieving mother, and that his actions caused unnecessary trauma to two young children. They also took issue with his reaction after the fact, viewing his insistence on attending the funeral and framing himself as the victim as deeply inappropriate.
What do you think about this situation? Do you think the husband was genuinely trying to help, or was he completely out of line regardless? We would love to know your thoughts!
Netizens insisted that her husband was totally wrong for going against the clear instructions of not telling the kids about the death of their father
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What do you think ?
sweet emotion 6 months ago (edited)
That man acted intentionally and almost (giving the benefit of the doubt) maliciously toward those children AND their mother AND his wife. His sentence to the doghouse could (should) be a long one. He also owes each of the four people he injured with his carelessness a heartfelt apology for his crude behavior. What an a$$.
FreeTheUnicorn 6 months ago
If he really doesn't think he did anything wrong OP should leave him. He really only thinks of himself even in a situation that doesn't really concern him and one that he was prepped for.
Alex Mosby 6 months ago
The fact that he told them and then immediately tried to p**n them off on his wife because he didn't want to deal with their grief is telling enough. He couldn't even take responsibility for his actions until his wife and SIL got home.
Sue Ellen 6 months ago
I doubt the funeral is the only family function he will be excluded from.
Kate Johnson 6 months ago
I'm sorry, he's a f*****g adult. He intentionally went against what he was told and decided that he knew better. What a total AH!!! Actions have consequences. If I was the mom, I'd be done with him and never trust him near my children again. He doesn't listen, he doesn't respect boundaries, he's not safe.
Emilu 6 months ago (edited)
I don't think anybody ever does this perfectly (delivering that news is f**k!ng hard, let alone with smaller kids), but.... uh, OP's husband did it rather incorrectly. He stuffed up hard. And if it's three years ago, what gives? I still cry over my father and he died in an accident over 15 years ago. It hurts less, but it never stops hurting. Other people remember the first anniversary (maybe) and then move on. The family's still stuck with the $hit.
Robin Roper 6 months ago
This is actually divorce level not okay. I would have lost all respect for a spouse who did this. What a total jerk; he made it about himself.
Max Fox 6 months ago
I normally would say "but that's just one thing", but I think that the people who are talking about divorce are right. I cannot imagine that anybody with the smallest amount of empathy would have looked at those kids and said to themselves "those kids are about to get their hearts broken, so let's do it now, before their mother gets home". I mean, "he felt the urge to tell them"? How does anybody with the smallest smidgen of empathy have "the urge" to tell them. A person with empathy would actually have the urge to wait and let them be happy for a little longer. These kids will be mourning their father for the rest of their lives, let them have a few hours more. Between having the urge in the first place and the inability to control that urge, I cannot see how this man has been a functioning father. Again, I normally hate it when people make judgements based on one action, but this is a dozen red flags shooting up at once.
Littlemiss 6 months ago
I found the uncle of children who I nannied. He'd taken his own life at their home. My first response was to distract the children, act normal and to contact the first person who could take them to their mum. The husband is awful, he had main character syndrome written all over him. He wanted to be the big man.
Suzanne Pollick 6 months ago
It's usually someone that is dying for attension and what better way to get it than sympathy from other people. You know all the usual stuff people say, Like I'm so sorry for your loss, Are there in a better place now, All the sympathy in well-wishers he's probably staying there just soaking it all up because it's finally about oh that poor person or that poor guy or that poor girl when the whole thing is all about them. Playing on people's emotions to get attention. I know there's a name for it besides narcissist.
Suzanne Pollick 6 months ago
Whenever you go to a funeral or a memorial service and there's someone there just flailing and wailing and crying and making a huge scene
Dove Bradshaw 6 months ago
Husband is a total a****t, honestly if it was me I be considering the realitionship.
sweet emotion 6 months ago (edited)
That man acted intentionally and almost (giving the benefit of the doubt) maliciously toward those children AND their mother AND his wife. His sentence to the doghouse could (should) be a long one. He also owes each of the four people he injured with his carelessness a heartfelt apology for his crude behavior. What an a$$.
FreeTheUnicorn 6 months ago
If he really doesn't think he did anything wrong OP should leave him. He really only thinks of himself even in a situation that doesn't really concern him and one that he was prepped for.
Alex Mosby 6 months ago
The fact that he told them and then immediately tried to p**n them off on his wife because he didn't want to deal with their grief is telling enough. He couldn't even take responsibility for his actions until his wife and SIL got home.
Sue Ellen 6 months ago
I doubt the funeral is the only family function he will be excluded from.
Kate Johnson 6 months ago
I'm sorry, he's a f*****g adult. He intentionally went against what he was told and decided that he knew better. What a total AH!!! Actions have consequences. If I was the mom, I'd be done with him and never trust him near my children again. He doesn't listen, he doesn't respect boundaries, he's not safe.
Emilu 6 months ago (edited)
I don't think anybody ever does this perfectly (delivering that news is f**k!ng hard, let alone with smaller kids), but.... uh, OP's husband did it rather incorrectly. He stuffed up hard. And if it's three years ago, what gives? I still cry over my father and he died in an accident over 15 years ago. It hurts less, but it never stops hurting. Other people remember the first anniversary (maybe) and then move on. The family's still stuck with the $hit.
Robin Roper 6 months ago
This is actually divorce level not okay. I would have lost all respect for a spouse who did this. What a total jerk; he made it about himself.
Max Fox 6 months ago
I normally would say "but that's just one thing", but I think that the people who are talking about divorce are right. I cannot imagine that anybody with the smallest amount of empathy would have looked at those kids and said to themselves "those kids are about to get their hearts broken, so let's do it now, before their mother gets home". I mean, "he felt the urge to tell them"? How does anybody with the smallest smidgen of empathy have "the urge" to tell them. A person with empathy would actually have the urge to wait and let them be happy for a little longer. These kids will be mourning their father for the rest of their lives, let them have a few hours more. Between having the urge in the first place and the inability to control that urge, I cannot see how this man has been a functioning father. Again, I normally hate it when people make judgements based on one action, but this is a dozen red flags shooting up at once.
Littlemiss 6 months ago
I found the uncle of children who I nannied. He'd taken his own life at their home. My first response was to distract the children, act normal and to contact the first person who could take them to their mum. The husband is awful, he had main character syndrome written all over him. He wanted to be the big man.
Suzanne Pollick 6 months ago
It's usually someone that is dying for attension and what better way to get it than sympathy from other people. You know all the usual stuff people say, Like I'm so sorry for your loss, Are there in a better place now, All the sympathy in well-wishers he's probably staying there just soaking it all up because it's finally about oh that poor person or that poor guy or that poor girl when the whole thing is all about them. Playing on people's emotions to get attention. I know there's a name for it besides narcissist.
Suzanne Pollick 6 months ago
Whenever you go to a funeral or a memorial service and there's someone there just flailing and wailing and crying and making a huge scene
Dove Bradshaw 6 months ago
Husband is a total a****t, honestly if it was me I be considering the realitionship.
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