Get Premium
Dark mode theme is available exclusively for premium users. Learn more about the benefits of subscribing.
No fees, cancel anytime.
Dark Mode 
No fees, cancel anytime 
then open in external browser
and click "Open in External Browser" 
Stay-At-Home Mom Beyond Sad When Her Hubs Straight-Up Tells Her That Her Role In Life Is To Be A Mom
Many people like to rave about how great motherhood is. And it can be, if a person is ready for it, wants to do it, and has resources for it. Yet, even in such cases, it doesn’t mean that everything will go smoothly.
After all, taking care of a child is no easy job, no matter how you put it. It’s a whole human you’re responsible for transforming into a decent adult. And this can quickly become too much for a person. That’s exactly what happened to one woman, whose husband made sure her experience was even harder than it was supposed to be.
More info: Reddit
RELATED:
While motherhood can be a very fulfilling experience, it can be rather hard too
Image credits: prostooleh / Freepik (not the actual photo)
When a woman is forced into a stay-at-home mom role, it can mess with their sense of identity, just like it did to the poster
Image credits: Anna Shvets / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The poster was a stay-at-home mom for 7 years before she found a job that she loved
Image credits: cottonbro studio / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The second she started working, her husband started guilt-tripping her, complaining about how hard it is for him to take care of the kids
Image credits: Ron Lach / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Feeling guilty, the woman ended up quitting the job, returning to her role as a stay-at-home mom
Image credits: user25451090 / Pexels (not the actual photo)
This really destroyed the woman’s sense of identity, and she started questioning what her purpose in this life really is
Image credits: Waste-Astronomer5137
When she tried talking to her husband about her feelings, he told her that her purpose was to be a mom, which only made her identity crisis worse
The OP has been a stay-at-home mom for 7 years before she went back to work. She loved her new job, but not everything was rainbows and sunshine. Her husband struggled with being placed closer to a primary parent position. He just had to take care of the kids while the wife was at work; the rest of the time, she was around to help him out.
Still, he made her feel like devil for not being around enough. Mind you, that’s the same man with whom she stayed despite his infidelity and alcoholism. Her career turned out to be the hardest challenge for them.
Then, the OP’s work situation became rather unsustainable, so quit her job and became SAHM again. This made her feel miserable and aimless in life. When the woman tried talking about it to her husband, he reassured her that she isn’t aimless – her purpose is to be a mom. It made the whole situation even worse — she doesn’t want her existence to be only about it!
Of course, she isn’t the only woman in history to have felt this way. One survey of 500 women over 40 showed that 9 out of 10 mothers would like to see themselves in roles that are more than a mom.
Image credits: Ivan Samkov / Pexels (not the actual photo)
You see, when a woman becomes a mom, her whole identity shifts. Before she was mostly responsible for herself; she was at the top of her priorities. When a kid comes, she suddenly is responsible for someone else, who cannot fend for themselves. This youngling now has to come first in a lot of senses, which can skew the woman’s understanding of herself.
In fact, often new mothers feel like they have lost things like value in the job market, their social life, time for self-care, and confidence, to name a few. This can lead them to feel miserable, just like the OP did. And as you can imagine, it’s a tough feeling to handle.
Granted, not feeling the happiest with a mom label doesn’t mean the woman hates being one. Usually, they love being a parent; they just don’t love being only that. Being stuck with only one label can be detrimental for a person’s well-being, just as stories like today’s one are proving.
The worst part in this story, besides the woman’s despair, is the fact that her husband is basically pushing her to it. Taking care of kids is no less of a job than any other. It requires immense energy, dedication, various skills, and there’s no thing as work-life balance, you cannot clock out of this position.
The OP mastered this job for years, and when her husband had to do only a part of it, he started punishing her. That was the fact that most of the netizens were angry at – they said that he used her as “a household appliance.”
Luckily, these same folks didn’t shy away from advising the woman on what she could do to get out of this misery – from books to activities, which she promised to look into. Well, we can only hope that she will, and her situation will get better over time.
What would you advise this woman? We’re always eager to hear your takes in the comments!
Netizens were quick to show their anger at the husband’s point of view and didn’t shy away from advising the woman what to do
Poll Question
Total votes ·
Thanks! Check out the results:
Total votes ·
Newsletter
Subscribe to Access
Exclusive Polls
By entering your email and clicking Subscribe, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. You are also agreeing to our Privacy Policy.
Thank you! You've successfully subscribed to newsletters!
What do you think ?
TruthoftheHeart 3 months ago
Honestly she should have the kids in school, for all their sake. They need social interaction as much as she does. And she shouldn't have to put so much on herself. Sounds like hubs goes to work and not much else and wants her to run a perfect ship on everything else.
Mel in Georgia 3 months ago
I was a SAHM when my kids were young and remained fulfilled by doing part time volunteer work that required just as many skills as a paid job but not as many hours. My kids were in school, though, which freed up my days. This mom is putting a lot on herself and that frustration and resentment will ruin her marriage and her self-esteem. Either put the kids in school or hire a part time sitter and give yourself some hours to do your own thing.
ॐBoyGanesh 3 months ago (edited)
I quit my job when our son was born to be a SAHD. Also for 7 years. My husband works long hours, but aside from Covid era, only 4 days a week. I still had passive income during this time & we’d a great equilibrium between us with household chores & mental/emotional/logistical labor. I also had at least a full day a week, often two, and several evenings to step away & pursue my own interests & volunteering. When our son was 7, I went part-time/on-call as a consultant for my family business. We organically redivided the family responsibilities. I hate to say it, but it has all happened so easily & naturally for us because gender was never an excuse for why one of us should or shouldn’t be responsible or not for anything. You can’t call it a man’s or woman’s responsibility when you’re both men. Sure, there’s certain aspects where either of us fit the more maternal or paternal roles, as they’ve been labeled. There’s just no option for conflict because anything is inherently gender-based.
Sarah Matsoukis 3 months ago
Send the kids to school clubs, let them learn life skills while you work.
Crystalwitch60 3 months ago
They don’t even go to school , so not sure that’s gonna work lol
Load More Replies...
FranSinclair 3 months ago
I was in nearly this same exact situation&felt exactly how she feels. Get those kids in school. Its hard to hand them off to someone else but we raise them so they can stand on their own two feet and starting the process now is much easier than when they head off to college. They also need that social interaction and responsibilities just like mom is seeking. You should never have to wonder if your child is okay with their other parent. My husband can parent our children as well as i can but they sneak off to buy legos (i love that) for other parents in similar situations or single parents, i cannot express how much the restaurant industry can be your best friend. I choose my hours, day or evening, im not committed to the same schedule weekly if the kids have an appt or are off school. i know quite a few people who have some negative opinions on server/bartender wages BUT the job/hrs work for us and i make more an hour than my husband (a police officer)
KrazyChiMama 3 months ago
My mom stayed home with me until I was 12…there was a HUGE difference in her…she was so much happier and the extra money was good for our home. She used her first tax return check to buy new furniture and little things we couldn’t afford on only my dad’s income. My parents never had a good marriage always slept in different rooms but I think my mom working helped that at least for a few years because they wiped out a lot of debt they had racked up (credit cards) before I was born. They amicably divorced when I was 24.
Jeremy James 3 months ago (edited)
I don't know how two working parents, even if they work opposite shifts, expect to effectively homeschool multiple children without outside help. ESH for doing a disservice to their kids by denying them the opportunity for an education.
Duh 3 months ago
"homeschooling" is doing a lot of work in this story. We're sitting by watching people force a high percentage of children to live in ignorance. I've met several well homeschooled young adults, the s**t that flies right now is not that.
Load More Replies...
Apatheist Account2 3 months ago
The expression is "had it IN for me" (hands up, who is now thinking of Carry On Cleo?), not "had it out for me" - which if she meant it literally, is certainly an excuse to leave...
Habiba H.Rahman 3 months ago (edited)
Excuse me, really? If she wanted to leave, she would have done it already. Not letting her have a life or do her own thing is already reason enough to leave him. He’s being a jerk—despite having resources, he only values her availability when it’s convenient for him.
Load More Replies...
Yu Pan 3 months ago
He didn't "miss you"; he misses "you who cleans and cares for the kids so he didn't have to do sh*t".
Sue User 3 months ago
Exactly. The " you" is not " who she is" but " what she does". She doesnt even know who she is anymore, I am sure he doesnt.
Load More Replies... TruthoftheHeart 3 months ago
Honestly she should have the kids in school, for all their sake. They need social interaction as much as she does. And she shouldn't have to put so much on herself. Sounds like hubs goes to work and not much else and wants her to run a perfect ship on everything else.
Mel in Georgia 3 months ago
I was a SAHM when my kids were young and remained fulfilled by doing part time volunteer work that required just as many skills as a paid job but not as many hours. My kids were in school, though, which freed up my days. This mom is putting a lot on herself and that frustration and resentment will ruin her marriage and her self-esteem. Either put the kids in school or hire a part time sitter and give yourself some hours to do your own thing.
ॐBoyGanesh 3 months ago (edited)
I quit my job when our son was born to be a SAHD. Also for 7 years. My husband works long hours, but aside from Covid era, only 4 days a week. I still had passive income during this time & we’d a great equilibrium between us with household chores & mental/emotional/logistical labor. I also had at least a full day a week, often two, and several evenings to step away & pursue my own interests & volunteering. When our son was 7, I went part-time/on-call as a consultant for my family business. We organically redivided the family responsibilities. I hate to say it, but it has all happened so easily & naturally for us because gender was never an excuse for why one of us should or shouldn’t be responsible or not for anything. You can’t call it a man’s or woman’s responsibility when you’re both men. Sure, there’s certain aspects where either of us fit the more maternal or paternal roles, as they’ve been labeled. There’s just no option for conflict because anything is inherently gender-based.
Sarah Matsoukis 3 months ago
Send the kids to school clubs, let them learn life skills while you work.
Crystalwitch60 3 months ago
They don’t even go to school , so not sure that’s gonna work lol
Load More Replies... FranSinclair 3 months ago
I was in nearly this same exact situation&felt exactly how she feels. Get those kids in school. Its hard to hand them off to someone else but we raise them so they can stand on their own two feet and starting the process now is much easier than when they head off to college. They also need that social interaction and responsibilities just like mom is seeking. You should never have to wonder if your child is okay with their other parent. My husband can parent our children as well as i can but they sneak off to buy legos (i love that) for other parents in similar situations or single parents, i cannot express how much the restaurant industry can be your best friend. I choose my hours, day or evening, im not committed to the same schedule weekly if the kids have an appt or are off school. i know quite a few people who have some negative opinions on server/bartender wages BUT the job/hrs work for us and i make more an hour than my husband (a police officer)
KrazyChiMama 3 months ago
My mom stayed home with me until I was 12…there was a HUGE difference in her…she was so much happier and the extra money was good for our home. She used her first tax return check to buy new furniture and little things we couldn’t afford on only my dad’s income. My parents never had a good marriage always slept in different rooms but I think my mom working helped that at least for a few years because they wiped out a lot of debt they had racked up (credit cards) before I was born. They amicably divorced when I was 24.
Jeremy James 3 months ago (edited)
I don't know how two working parents, even if they work opposite shifts, expect to effectively homeschool multiple children without outside help. ESH for doing a disservice to their kids by denying them the opportunity for an education.
Duh 3 months ago
"homeschooling" is doing a lot of work in this story. We're sitting by watching people force a high percentage of children to live in ignorance. I've met several well homeschooled young adults, the s**t that flies right now is not that.
Load More Replies... Apatheist Account2 3 months ago
The expression is "had it IN for me" (hands up, who is now thinking of Carry On Cleo?), not "had it out for me" - which if she meant it literally, is certainly an excuse to leave...
Habiba H.Rahman 3 months ago (edited)
Excuse me, really? If she wanted to leave, she would have done it already. Not letting her have a life or do her own thing is already reason enough to leave him. He’s being a jerk—despite having resources, he only values her availability when it’s convenient for him.
Load More Replies... Yu Pan 3 months ago
He didn't "miss you"; he misses "you who cleans and cares for the kids so he didn't have to do sh*t".
Sue User 3 months ago
Exactly. The " you" is not " who she is" but " what she does". She doesnt even know who she is anymore, I am sure he doesnt.
Load More Replies... You May Like Woman Puts Coworker On Blast On Social Media, Is Shocked When She's Fired Coworker's Nickname For Woman Gets Him Sent To HR, He Doesn't See The Problem: "I Wanted To Compliment Her" 35 Reddit Stories About Coworkers People Still Think About, For All the Wrong Reasons
Justinas Keturka
Ieva Pečiulytė
Viktorija Strelciunaite
Related on Bored Panda
33
27