“I am desperate to meet new friends. I’m lonely and going through the hardest period of my life. I’ll sit on the stairs in front of the town hall from 2pm to 8pm. I have black pants and a North Face bag on.” – written December 7th 2016.
Late last year I wrote this message on an app called Jodel, a European equivalent of Yik Yak. It is an anonymous forum, where you can write about almost anything and where anyone within 10 kilometers can see your message and reply.
I had no idea at the time, that this very short message would change my life as well as 10,000 others.
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Late last year I wrote this message: “I am desperate to meet new friends. I’m lonely and going through the hardest period of my life. I’ll sit on the stairs in front of the town hall from 2pm to 8pm. I have black pants and a North Face bag on.”
I have lived more than half of my childhood and youth life in orphanages. An anxious upbringing with defeat, insecurity and violent assaults that have made me the person I am today; a person with very poor self-esteem and a deep inner sense of identitylessness. In September of 2016 my girlfriend of 6 years cheated on me and left me shortly after. My whole world came crumbling down and I was on the edge of suicide. I got admitted to the local psychiatric hospital, but was released after an intense week of care and treatment.
I never had many friends and those few I had, I stopped seeing after my now ex-girlfriend and I got together back in 2010.
So there I was – with no family, friends or girlfriend. I was all alone. And in my desperation, I decided to write and send out the message you see above.
A lot of people read my cry for help and came to my aid – no less than 13 strangers decided to show up and give their support (I’m in the lower right corner)
I was so overwhelmed with joy, that I had to fight back tears. Many of them confided in me throughout the evening and told me that they too had felt the heartwrenching pain of loneliness, but were too afraid of reaching out because of the stigma.
This meeting went viral in Denmark and the next day I was contacted by a radio station, but not just any radio station – Radio24Syv, the largest public service radio in Denmark wanted to hear and tell my story. I was also contacted by the biggest TV stations as well as numerous papers.
At first I declined their offers, as I was afraid of the stigma and taboo, but after much serious thought, I decided to tell my story – not for myself, but for the good of others. I knew something had to be done about the increasing loneliness rates in Denmark (statistics show, that more than 210.000 Danes often feel lonely), so I took it upon myself to make a change.
I then started a free nationwide peer-to-peer network, where lonely people could find new friends and someone who they could relate to. A network where you were applauded for showing your weaknesses and vulnerability. A network where we as a community would stand together against the taboo that is loneliness.
Five months later – in an effort to create awareness, I decided to start a 10 day relay walk from Copenhagen to Aarhus
The concept was; that under no circumstances was I allowed to walk, unless accompanied by another person. Luckily for me, more than 70 people chose to support my cause by either walking with me or offering me accommodation and food. The project was very successful as it got the attention of the media.
So what now?
It has been almost a year and I couldn’t be any more proud of what we have achieved
I’ve dropped out of my school as a programmer to chase this crazy dream of mine and it has been the best decision of my life
Loneliness should not be a taboo in modern society!
I feel like this story could help and inspire a lot of people sitting at home feeling lonely, so please share it!
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Share on FacebookHow inspiring :) this makes me feel less ashamed for my feelings of loneliness, PTSD really affects one’s ability to form friendships. I really look up to you for being courageous and taking a huge leap of faith like this..i really thank you for sharing your story :) I hope you always find yourself with great company from here on out!
Hi MonsterMash (I now have that song in my head. ha! ;) ) I'm sorry you're experiencing PTSD, and all the other challenges that can come with it. I hope you're getting the support you need. :)
Load More Replies...This is so touching, it's good to know that there is still people who care in the world... congratulations, and keep following your dream of programming :)
What a brave action! Good for you! Life is far too short, and there are far too many souls on this planet, to be lonely! Much love and blessings from Virginia, USA!❤
I'm a member. And I'm in some of the pictures. I owe Patrick so much, and I am proud to know this fine young man, and support him in every way I can. I hope others out there can be inspired by his actions. Let's fight loneliness and solitude!
Are people nicer in Denmark? This was a super brave thing to do! Vulnerability is a super attractive quality because its so rarely seen. Everyone I see is always trying to look like "more"- One-upmanship is a total way of life here.
This is so cool. Great way to make new friends! Maybe I will try it too.
I personally believe that the rise of social media is the cause of so many people feeling lonely and disconnected. Having "friends" on social media can become a substitute for face to face interaction especially for shy or socially awkward individuals. Most of the non-verbal information that is part of communication is absent. Our technology has advanced faster than our ability to observe and reflect. This man is lucky he found a way to use technology to meet face to face with kind people. Hopefully, other lonely people will also find a way to connect.
I've been through that point in my life too although I never felt suicidal, but yes loneliness is very tough to go through. People need other people to feel safe and healthy and lack of friends is really hard to face and although I blamed myself for not having friends at that time in my life, I did feel that weird sense of shame and taboo. It took lots of tears and growing up and learning to reach out for company that helped me crawl out of that hole and be happy. These people that showed up for this guy are all angels.
Linda, I'm so glad to hear that you've come through those experiences, and have found your happiness. Although I don't know you personally, I'm really glad you're still on the planet. May you continue to expand and strengthen your "happy". :)
Load More Replies...Only in Scandinavia. If I intended to try this in my country, nothing good would come out of it, unfortunately. :( I really envy his perseverance in this matter, I am too cowardly to do it. I would be very happy for an app for lonely people. There is always a reason for loneliness, either a mental condition (like depression or anxiety) or just getting fed up with continuous disappointments in people (and being alone is better than being annoyed by petty people).
Sometimes it's really just bad luck, though. When your interests and affinities don't match with the social environment you find yourself in. Makes you friendly with everyone, but friends with no one.
Load More Replies...Yet I can't make a single friend. Not one. single. friend. Sure it's great that he made 10 new friends with one message. But people need to stop saying "oh that's great" and then not doing a thing and just going to back to their cliques. They need to reach out to the unloved, unwanted people like me..
hey maria, this is the wrong approach you know? If you act like nobody loves you, nobody will. Nobody is responsible for being your friend, and also- do you want anybody to only spend time with you out of pure pitty?? As a former loner, here is some advice: Start little- and appreciate much! Have a roomy. Bake cookies with him. Or start a communicative hobby with strangers, and invite one to walk home together from time to time. Share fun stories with him. Save the sad storyparts for a deeper relationship to him. Go out with him- meet his friends and bond with them, or just appreciate that one friend and grow on his affection for you. Do not show your deepest vulnerabilities on first encounter. Show yourself at its best:) you will see..
Load More Replies...In this day and age loneliness seems to affect many people. Maybe it's the modern lifestyle we live in...everyone seems like they are very unhealthily focused on themselves, and the ones that don't feel like outcasts almost. It's really odd that we turned out like this even though our biology dictates that we are a ''social'' animal.
This is inspiring. I’ve been spending a LOT of time on line due to having to walk away from many relationships that weren’t healthy for me. I will try to put myself out there more.
Not exactly relating to the post, but any lonely people out here on bored panda looking to make friends: do what you love in an environment with other people who are doing the same thing you love. Soon enough, you'll come to love the people around you as much as your work.
I posted about being lonely too, had about 30 people reach out, set up a date to go out and have fun together, 3 showed up. Those 3 people are so full of heart and kindness! I'm thankful they took the time and made the effort to show up. Shame on the others for not showing. Had it not been for those 3, I would have say there alone, again feeling beyond lonely and disconnected for people. I just ask if others, when someone takes the leap and reaches out, make the effort, whatever or takes don't flake. You might be the only single person that shows up. It might mean everything to someone.
That so inspiring!!! Thank you si much!!! Would love to meet you and do the same for people (and animals!) No one should be lonely!
So many of us are alone and not by choice either. It can be such a lonely world out there and it feels even lonelier now that we are entering Holiday Season. It's one of the best times to reach out to others. Invite that neighbor or co-worker who everyone knows is alone to your Parties or Dinners. Not just for Xmas but any time of the year. It's hard to make new friends when we get older. Don't forget those in the retirement homes either.
Thank you... You've done a wonderful thing. Being lonely shouldn't be a social taboo. So many of us suffer in silence until something horrible happens. So, thank you
Bravo, for reaching out to the world instead of remaining locked in a victim mindset! You asked for help and the Universe responded! Be blessed in the peace and joy of YOU!!!
Great story and pictures!. Most of us know what loneliness feels like , and it is awful . You should be proud for taking the steps to avoid further loneliness. Believe me , I know what loneliness feels like.
We could definitely use something like this in the states. I would join in a second
So what should I do? Do the same? I have no friends in this country at all (Czech Republic)
Which is why he chose a public place. Life is full of risk, so you take steps to protect yourself, but you still have to take a chance if you're going to cure your loneliness.
Load More Replies...How inspiring :) this makes me feel less ashamed for my feelings of loneliness, PTSD really affects one’s ability to form friendships. I really look up to you for being courageous and taking a huge leap of faith like this..i really thank you for sharing your story :) I hope you always find yourself with great company from here on out!
Hi MonsterMash (I now have that song in my head. ha! ;) ) I'm sorry you're experiencing PTSD, and all the other challenges that can come with it. I hope you're getting the support you need. :)
Load More Replies...This is so touching, it's good to know that there is still people who care in the world... congratulations, and keep following your dream of programming :)
What a brave action! Good for you! Life is far too short, and there are far too many souls on this planet, to be lonely! Much love and blessings from Virginia, USA!❤
I'm a member. And I'm in some of the pictures. I owe Patrick so much, and I am proud to know this fine young man, and support him in every way I can. I hope others out there can be inspired by his actions. Let's fight loneliness and solitude!
Are people nicer in Denmark? This was a super brave thing to do! Vulnerability is a super attractive quality because its so rarely seen. Everyone I see is always trying to look like "more"- One-upmanship is a total way of life here.
This is so cool. Great way to make new friends! Maybe I will try it too.
I personally believe that the rise of social media is the cause of so many people feeling lonely and disconnected. Having "friends" on social media can become a substitute for face to face interaction especially for shy or socially awkward individuals. Most of the non-verbal information that is part of communication is absent. Our technology has advanced faster than our ability to observe and reflect. This man is lucky he found a way to use technology to meet face to face with kind people. Hopefully, other lonely people will also find a way to connect.
I've been through that point in my life too although I never felt suicidal, but yes loneliness is very tough to go through. People need other people to feel safe and healthy and lack of friends is really hard to face and although I blamed myself for not having friends at that time in my life, I did feel that weird sense of shame and taboo. It took lots of tears and growing up and learning to reach out for company that helped me crawl out of that hole and be happy. These people that showed up for this guy are all angels.
Linda, I'm so glad to hear that you've come through those experiences, and have found your happiness. Although I don't know you personally, I'm really glad you're still on the planet. May you continue to expand and strengthen your "happy". :)
Load More Replies...Only in Scandinavia. If I intended to try this in my country, nothing good would come out of it, unfortunately. :( I really envy his perseverance in this matter, I am too cowardly to do it. I would be very happy for an app for lonely people. There is always a reason for loneliness, either a mental condition (like depression or anxiety) or just getting fed up with continuous disappointments in people (and being alone is better than being annoyed by petty people).
Sometimes it's really just bad luck, though. When your interests and affinities don't match with the social environment you find yourself in. Makes you friendly with everyone, but friends with no one.
Load More Replies...Yet I can't make a single friend. Not one. single. friend. Sure it's great that he made 10 new friends with one message. But people need to stop saying "oh that's great" and then not doing a thing and just going to back to their cliques. They need to reach out to the unloved, unwanted people like me..
hey maria, this is the wrong approach you know? If you act like nobody loves you, nobody will. Nobody is responsible for being your friend, and also- do you want anybody to only spend time with you out of pure pitty?? As a former loner, here is some advice: Start little- and appreciate much! Have a roomy. Bake cookies with him. Or start a communicative hobby with strangers, and invite one to walk home together from time to time. Share fun stories with him. Save the sad storyparts for a deeper relationship to him. Go out with him- meet his friends and bond with them, or just appreciate that one friend and grow on his affection for you. Do not show your deepest vulnerabilities on first encounter. Show yourself at its best:) you will see..
Load More Replies...In this day and age loneliness seems to affect many people. Maybe it's the modern lifestyle we live in...everyone seems like they are very unhealthily focused on themselves, and the ones that don't feel like outcasts almost. It's really odd that we turned out like this even though our biology dictates that we are a ''social'' animal.
This is inspiring. I’ve been spending a LOT of time on line due to having to walk away from many relationships that weren’t healthy for me. I will try to put myself out there more.
Not exactly relating to the post, but any lonely people out here on bored panda looking to make friends: do what you love in an environment with other people who are doing the same thing you love. Soon enough, you'll come to love the people around you as much as your work.
I posted about being lonely too, had about 30 people reach out, set up a date to go out and have fun together, 3 showed up. Those 3 people are so full of heart and kindness! I'm thankful they took the time and made the effort to show up. Shame on the others for not showing. Had it not been for those 3, I would have say there alone, again feeling beyond lonely and disconnected for people. I just ask if others, when someone takes the leap and reaches out, make the effort, whatever or takes don't flake. You might be the only single person that shows up. It might mean everything to someone.
That so inspiring!!! Thank you si much!!! Would love to meet you and do the same for people (and animals!) No one should be lonely!
So many of us are alone and not by choice either. It can be such a lonely world out there and it feels even lonelier now that we are entering Holiday Season. It's one of the best times to reach out to others. Invite that neighbor or co-worker who everyone knows is alone to your Parties or Dinners. Not just for Xmas but any time of the year. It's hard to make new friends when we get older. Don't forget those in the retirement homes either.
Thank you... You've done a wonderful thing. Being lonely shouldn't be a social taboo. So many of us suffer in silence until something horrible happens. So, thank you
Bravo, for reaching out to the world instead of remaining locked in a victim mindset! You asked for help and the Universe responded! Be blessed in the peace and joy of YOU!!!
Great story and pictures!. Most of us know what loneliness feels like , and it is awful . You should be proud for taking the steps to avoid further loneliness. Believe me , I know what loneliness feels like.
We could definitely use something like this in the states. I would join in a second
So what should I do? Do the same? I have no friends in this country at all (Czech Republic)
Which is why he chose a public place. Life is full of risk, so you take steps to protect yourself, but you still have to take a chance if you're going to cure your loneliness.
Load More Replies...
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