“[Am I The Jerk] For Refusing To Cover Hospital Expenses Related To My Sister-In-Law’s Childbirth?”

Family is supposed to stand by each other during good and bad times. It really helps a lot to have loved ones to rely on when the going gets tough. The only thing is that even though supporting near and dear ones is important, some people might end up taking advantage of that.

This is what a man experienced when his in-laws demanded he keep giving them financial assistance. Even though he had helped them out earlier, they tried forcing him to keep covering their expenses, which left the man shocked and conflicted.

More info: Reddit

Choosing to have a child is a big decision, and it then becomes the parents’ responsibility to cover the costs without expecting other people to bail them out

Woman in labor with doctor and partner in hospital room discussing childbirth expenses.

Image credits: wavebreakmedia_micro / Freepik (not the actual photo)

The poster and his family were on a tight budget and didn’t have extra money to spare, but despite that, they helped out his wife’s sister, who was also struggling financially

Text discussing family financial concerns about hospital expenses for sister's childbirth.

Text about hospital expenses for wife's sister's childbirth and financial challenges.

Text describing the financial support for sister's childbirth and her husband's unemployment.

A man in scrubs standing pensively by a barred window, related to hospital expenses and childbirth.

Image credits: Ron Lach / Pexels (not the actual photo)

The man’s sister-in-law needed financial help during her first two pregnancies because her husband had been incarcerated and generally didn’t help out as much 

Text discussing family financial adjustments related to sister's childbirth hospital expenses.

Text about loans during pregnancy and a visit to the hospital for childbirth expenses.

Text about hospital expenses for childbirth not covered by sister's relative.

Text discussing hospital expenses related to sister's childbirth and a disagreement about covering the hospital bill.

Woman at desk holding cash, concerned about hospital expenses for sister's childbirth.

Image credits: lgolubovystock / Pexels (not the actual photo)

The sister-in-law got pregnant again after her husband was released from jail, and for their third pregnancy, they expected the poster to cover their childbirth expenses

Text discussing a disagreement over unexpected hospital expenses for sister's childbirth.

Text discussing hospital expenses and limited government assistance in a developing country.

Text discussing hospital expenses and financial challenges for sister's childbirth, mentioning insurance and loans.

"Text on hospital expenses for childbirth comparing private and government hospital costs.

Text discussing hospital expenses related to post-operation payments after childbirth.

Image credits: anonymous

The man refused to help the couple out with more money, which led to a big conflict between the families

Right from the start, the OP had been obligated to help his sister-in-law out with her expenses. Since her husband had been jailed, she relied on everyone else to chip in for her pregnancy-related costs. Even though the poster’s family wasn’t well-off, he still took care of his wife’s sister without any complaint.

Things became problematic when his sister-in-law’s husband was released from prison. The lazy and entitled man expected the cost of their 3rd pregnancy to also be borne by the OP. He and his family even tried to force the poster into paying their hospital bill despite already having been given a generous monetary gift.

It’s not easy to deal with demanding family members like the poster’s in-laws. To understand what to do in such situations, Bored Panda interviewed Brad Shore, LMFT, who explained that “coercion of any type needs to be disregarded.”

He mentioned that the situation “may not be able to be handled without ‘burning bridges.’ Sometimes [it] is the only leverage we may have with self-centered, entitled ‘takers.’ If the in-laws are reasonable people, simply explain that this is not [your] financial responsibility and wish them well.” 

“If they are indeed reasonable people, they will simply say thank you and move on. Coddling others in terms of some type of illusionary soft-landing is rarely helpful and can easily turn into blurred boundaries. This then can give the takers more ammunition to keep coming back for more and trying yet again,” Brad stated.

Family supports pregnant woman during ultrasound, focused on childbirth and hospital expenses.

Image credits: standret / Freepik (not the actual photo)

When the poster told his in-laws that he wouldn’t be covering their hospital bill, the husband was extremely angry and began saying insulting things about the OP. He was so entitled that instead of being grateful that his wife had been taken care of financially through two pregnancies, he demanded that all the new costs be covered, too.

Brad told us that “when we assist family members (or, for that matter, anyone else) who don’t take responsibility for their own financial planning, then we simply become the ‘enablers.’ This enabling denies people the opportunity to learn basic life skills on their own. Such as keeping steady employment, having a savings account, and budgeting funds.”

“Of course, this is quite different from helping family members during an actual disaster, such as an earthquake or fire destroying one’s house, for example. In these times, it’s wonderful to be able to step in and financially assist others.” 

The sister-in-law’s husband could have worked hard to save up for his wife and future kid. Instead, he stayed unemployed and depended on others for support. Although the OP knew that he was being put in an unfair situation, he probably felt guilty and unsure of what to do.

Brad Shore advised that “if someone is unable to set healthy boundaries with others in their life, then this is an issue that should be discussed in therapy with a licensed therapist. The therapeutic goal for them would be to explore why they are willing to treat themselves as a sacrificial lamb in an illusionary attempt to please others.”

It’s obvious that the OP was only trying to do the right thing by his wife’s family. In the process, he shouldn’t end up sacrificing his own peace and well-being for their sake. 

How do you think he should handle this uncomfortable situation? We’d love to hear your thoughts.

Netizens advised the poster to stop supporting his entitled in-laws and to let them fend for themselves

Reddit comment discussing family tensions and hospital expenses for a sister's childbirth.

Reddit comment discussing financial support related to hospital expenses for a sister's childbirth.

Reddit comment discussing views on paying hospital expenses for sister's childbirth.

Reddit comment discussing boundaries over hospital expenses related to childbirth.

Online comment discussing hospital expenses related to sister's childbirth.

Text discussing assumptions about paying hospital expenses for sister's childbirth.

Text discussing issues about covering costs related to sister's childbirth expenses and family expectations.

Reddit comment discussing financial support and hospital expenses for a sister's childbirth.

A comment discussing hospital expenses related to a sister's childbirth situation.

User comment discussing financial support issues related to hospital expenses for sister's childbirth.

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