It is easy to get into everyday routines, when everything runs so smoothly that your brain is quite happy to cruise along on autopilot. However there are occasions when this blissful absent- mindedness can suddenly disappear with a rude awakening.

Go ahead, share your embarrassing story of your brainfart and let's all have a good laugh!

#1

I was driving a rental car and noticed the gas was low. I was at a stop light so I rolled down the window and stuck my head out to see if I could see the gas tank on the drivers side. While I was looking, I felt a raindrop land on my head. Without thinking, I reached down and hit the button to roll up the window. Suddenly I panicked as my head was getting slowly smashed by the rising window and I had no idea what was happening. I panicked and escaped and slowly figured out what I had just done.

I looked up to see a very confused girl stopped in the car next to me was looking at me. She had no context for why I had stuck my head out of the car and, for some reason, decided to smash it with the power window.

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Misterscooter 6 months ago

She's telling that story of what she saw forever.

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#2

Went downstairs, got in the car got half way to work, realised i'd forgotten my lunch, turned round and went home. got home to find no lunch. So i made some and set back off to work. Got half way and realised I don't work Sundays.

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Misterscooter 6 months ago

Also, it wasn't your house.

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#3

My car needed a small repair, so I had taken it into the garage and left it there.

As I was continued walking to work, I remembered that I hadn't stopped for gas on the way, so I walked into the gas station and up to the pump before I realized that I didn't have my car with me. At least I remembered before I tried pumping the gas!

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Claire Shamgochian 6 months ago

this one is the best!

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#4

Just a couple of weeks since i’ve moved out from my parents place, was celebrating my independence at work, got drunk and instead of going to my new home, went straight to my parents place on autopilot letting them see me drunk for the first time trying to open their door with my new key... Dad was laughing his brains out asking me if i’m sure i’m ready to live alone

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James A. Smith Jr. 6 months ago

And hopefully drove you home

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#5

I was having sex with my girlfriend at the time. I was obscenely tired and a mate of mine was going through a bad time. I was just thinking about him rather than what I was doing, ended up pathetically whimpering his name in a sympathetic way.

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Analyn Lahr 6 months ago

Awkward.

#6

How many times have you put on your glasses to look for your glasses?

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Chess Wizard 6 months ago

I spent several minutes looking for my sunglasses the other day. Turns out they were sitting on top of my head the whole time.

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#7

I called my teacher "mommy" in front of the class. I was in high school, and the teacher was... An old man. I don't know which of us was the most surprised.

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Leslie Cully 6 months ago

Oh, that's humiliating! lol!

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#8

One day, I sprayed air freshener instead of deodorant on my armpits. Spoiler : IT BURNS LIKE HELL.

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Kate Au 6 months ago

Once I found out you can use the air freshener in stores and was playing with it. Sprayed my own face by accident. Smelled nice felt horrible

#9

I had a glass of water in my right hand, and my phone in my left. I walked into my bedroom and tossed my phone on to my bed. Except I didn't, I threw the glass of water instead. I was very very tired. Unfortunately my lack of sleep then became the reason I couldn't go to bed.
I just sort of stood there and gawped at my own stupidity.

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#10

Went to walk my dog without the leash....and the dog

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Misterscooter 6 months ago

Would it be worse if you had the leash but no dog?

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#11

One of my favorite tweets I've seen is something like this:

Lady walks in: gasps I forgot my dog.

You forgot to bring your dog. TO THE VET.

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Misterscooter 6 months ago

That's autopilot for you.

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#12

I used to work in a cinema and I had a habit of saying "enjoy your film!" after handing people the tickets they got. So, of course, that also became the phrase I would say to just random cashiers at shops after they handed me a receipt for my groceries.

I guess that's the main reason why I started using self-checkouts more often.

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jamelooot 6 months ago

I'm currently working in a contact center and everytime someone would call, I'll welcome them with the opening spiel lol

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#13

As a kid I sat down on my fathers lap in a more or less crowded train. Looked up and suddenly saw my father, standing next to me. Turned around just to see the stranger on whose lap I was sitting was just as shocked as me.

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Misterscooter 6 months ago

Kids do this a lot and their shock makes me feel bad for them but also amused.

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#14

Went to the kitchen to get something to eat. Forgot why I was at the fridge so I grabbed something to drink. 5 minutes later realized I didn't grab food so I went back to the fridge to once again forget why I was there.

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Misterscooter 6 months ago

There was a study recently that said something about going through doorways and how that somehow contributes to us doing things like this.

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#15

Make a cup of tea with house keys instead of a tea bag.

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Em Boldt 6 months ago

You don't like the taste of slowly eroding metal in your water? *:)*

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#16

In college, I was regularly invited to eat lunch with the pastor's family following the Sunday morning service. One Sunday after lunch, I reached for a blue and white tube of toothpaste in one of the bathroom drawers. I spread it over my teeth with my index finger to clean my teeth, but realized it was extra sticky and not feeling like typical toothpaste. I then took a second look at the tube to find out I had coated my teeth with the toddler's diaper-rash cream, Desitin! Diaper-rash cream is made to resist more than water, and I had great difficulty getting it off my teeth. Toilet paper falls apart when meeting Desitin cream, teeth and water, and it sticks to diaper-rash-cream-coated teeth. I wish I could say I learned my lesson then. However, being an autopilot moron, I did the same thing one month later. I stopped borrowing toothpaste.

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M.J. J. 6 months ago

Tooth paste isn't butt paste, haha!

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#17

I was sitting in the car, while my girlfriend (now my wife) was out at the ATM. I lit a cigarette, while I waited, but for some reason we only had a barbecue lighter. I absent-mindedly thought about how, when you hold down the trigger on a regular lighter without striking the flint, you can hear the gas coming out. I wondered if that was also true of barbecue lighters. So, I held the thing up to my ear and hit the trigger...completely forgetting that, on a barbecue lighter, the trigger and flint are the same thing. My hair is very curly, and I was in the process of growing it out at the time. As soon as I hit the trigger, all the hair on that side of my head went up in flames. I panicked, dropped the lighter, and started slapping the side of my head to put it out.

I wasn't hurt, but I had to get a haircut the next day and start growing my hair from scratch. The best part was my girlfriend getting back in the car and asking, "What the heck is that smell?"

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Peggy Schultz 6 months ago

Burnt hair smells nasty.

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#18

When I was pregnant with my son, I once got into the bathtub fully dressed. It took me several minutes to figure out why the bathwater felt so weird.

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Hamlets twin 6 months ago

Why is the water is so thick?

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#19

I use my iPad all the time for drawing and studying, and I need to make sure it is always charged. I guess I'm at the point where Iv'e permanently reprogrammed my brain, because when I was getting out a piece of paper from my binder, I actually wondered if I needed to charge it. Go me. XD

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Suzi Gauthier 6 months ago

Several times when I have been reading paper magazines or newspapers, my finger heads to the page to click on something I want to comment on.

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#20

I was maybe 18 years old at the time when I saw this dude get into a car that looked exactly like mine. There weren't many cars like mine and it was a weird colour, so when I saw this dude getting into the car and driving off, I thought he had stolen my car...so I got into a car chase and drove after him....[think about it].

After a couple of blocks and honking the horn, it dawned on me...I'm driving my car!

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Linda Something 5 months ago

This is the best autopilot story I've ever heard (read)!!!! =)

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#21

Girlfriend called me to remind me to pick her up for dinner with her mom on her birthday. I was really excited to go, and happy I had a girl that wanted me to meet her family. I felt really good about that and man did I need it on this day. I had 2 people quit coincidentally on the same day both to start their own ventures. I was really happy for them, but at the same time really jealous. I had long thought about starting my own thing, having that freedom to do what I want. Am I afraid because I am comfortable in this job? Do I even like this career? What would the business be in and do I have the soft skills outside of just development to make a business work? I remembered someone I admired in the business was always hilarious and he referenced it as a way of keeping employees and getting clients.

I decided I definitely needed some comfort food with my newfound self reflection. As I got in the car I fired up a new comedy podcast my friend was making and it really was hilarious. I was bummed I didn't have his talent in timing and making these jokes happen and kept thinking about how it was a bridge for a lot of social situations. Am I even funny? Are people laughing at me or with me? When I get home I decide making some pasta will be the comfort food I need, and I am not going to be shy with the cheese. As I often do, I jump right into pajamas, start cooking, and pondering my thoughts for the day on starting my own business and my lack of comedy.

That's when my girl facetimes me. I pick up and she sees me cooking pasta, in pajamas, and not looking happy. Then I remembered this whole thing started because I was supposed to pick her up for dinner after work to meet her mom. She yells at me, deservedly so, why the fuck I am not there yet and explain what she is seeing. All I can blurt out is "I am thinking about starting my own business, and I don't think I am very funny."

We are getting married in July.

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TC 6 months ago

What ..?

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#22

I once stumbled to the bathroom in the middle of the night and didn't turn on the light because I didn't want to be blind when I went back to the bedroom. I sat down and peed. It was a lot because I had drank a lot of water the evening before. Then I realized that a) the toilet lid was still down and b) I had not taken off my underwear and pajama shorts.

Suddenly I was wide awake. 0/10 would not recommend.

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TC 6 months ago

Hahahaha

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#23

Was cleaning out my desk when a problem student turned up with his final essay that would allow him to graduate. I absent mindedly took and said a very unenthusiastic "Thanks" and threw it in the bin. Poor guy visibly teared up as he was leaving before I realized what I had done. Never ran as fast before to catch up with him.

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TC 6 months ago

Thumbs up

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#24

Not me but affected me. Me and my friend Marc were going to a party and he decided to drive there and leave his car. He just wanted to pick up a bottle of vodka from his house first. We pull up outside and he runs in while I wait outside in the car. He was in there for a while but I figured he might have been chatting to his family or maybe having a big poo. I didn't want to interrupt either.

After about twenty minutes, his father returned home from walking the dog and saw me sat in the passenger seat of his son's car, which still had the engine running. He went in and mentioned it to Marc who came straight out.

In the time it took him to walk up his path he had completely forgotten about us going to the party. He went in, made a sandwich, and took it to bed.

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#25

Get into the passenger seat of my car instead of the driver's. Instantly realize something isn't right and had to awkwardly get out of my car and go to the other side.

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Andy Taylor 6 months ago

I did this. I complicated it further by making driving motions and motor noises. My kids loved it.

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#26

My dad asked me to feed our dogs before I went to bed. He looked at me weird, and that when I realized I had opened the dishwasher. I kinda laughed, closed the dishwasher, and fed the dogs. I still don’t know why I did that...

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#27

Calling my cell to find the phone I misplaced...from my cell I thought I misplaced. Yes, I did answer the call waiting beep. I didn't know you could call yourself until that day.

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Jill Rhoads 6 months ago

Cell phone inception!

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#28

I put a mug of coffee to be heated in a kitchen cabinet instead of the microwave. It took a couple of minutes to realize what I had done!

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James A. Smith Jr. 6 months ago

I have poured the kids cereal and put the milk in the cupboard and the cereal in the refrigerator.

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#29

I had a tv that I could only turn off with the remote. I had to leave for work, but couldn't find the remote. I searched all over the living room. I was on the edge of being late for work, so I resigned myself to leaving the tv on all day. I go out the door and, as I shut the door, I realized that the remote had been in my left hand the whole time.

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James A. Smith Jr. 6 months ago

Where is my hat? It's on your head. Oh.

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#30

When my now 4 year old daughter was about a month old, I got up to get her a bottle at about 3 am. Went through the motions grabbed her bottle and proceeded to try and feed her. I had grabbed an empty soda can instead. I will never forget the WTF look she gave me all while my brain tried to sort out what the problem was!!.

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#31

I went to brush my teeth and, right before the toothbrush hit my teeth, I noticed a different color in he mirror. That's when I realized that I had just put a squirt of hand soap instead of toothpaste on the brush.

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Bethany Lingle 6 months ago

ahahaha I've put hydrocortisone on my toothbrush and didn't noticed until I was trying to brush my teeth with it >w<

#32

Wasn't feeling well one day and took a nap. When I got up, still out of it, I walked past my child, who was one the floor petting the cat. I petted my child on the head, told her she was a good kitty, and headed to the bathroom. My child was extremely unimpressed.

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Suzi Gauthier 6 months ago

My daughter, who has a new baby, keeps finding herself burping the cat when she holds it.

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#33

Instead of driving home, I drove to my ex's house(where I used to live) on autopilot after a looong day at work and to put icing on the day, of course she had to be outside walking her dog! At which point, I made the situation worse by slowing down and waving awkwardly out the window...

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#34

Getting undressed for a shower, needed to pee, threw my clothes into the toilet

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Annoneymoose 5 months ago

Ohhhh >w<

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#35

Taking my husband out for his birthday to his favorite place, autopilot drove to work and parked. He didn't say anything because he thought it was hilarious.

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#36

Lost track of my 18 month old sister for 2 solid minutes in a pet store. In a total panic, I realized I was carrying her

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#37

I was my girlfriend's ride to and from work for a long while, and every time I dropped her off or picked her up, she would kiss me as she got in or got out of the car. Well, one weekend after dropping her off, I had to drive my mom to the airport, and accidentally kissed her as I was saying goodbye.

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Lilly 3 months ago

ALWAYS kiss your mother! but not french kissing, that's just creepy...

#38

While shaving with an electric razor, autopilot said "remove all facial hair." Hand recognized left eyebrow as hair that was on my face.

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Amelia Junge 2 months ago

R.I.P your eyebrow

#39

Today I tore up a medical bill by accident while tearing all the junk mail. I even thought to myself, don't touch the bill, just need to tear up the junk mail.

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TC 6 months ago

I need a photo

#40

Dunno if it's dumbest necessarily, but it could have ended badly.

I flew out to San Diego a few months ago. I fly maybe 1-2 times a year so I'm familiar with the process but I'm by no means a pro at this.

Atlanta airport, TSA line. Monday morning, so a huge crowd. Laptop in the bin. Suitcase on the conveyor belt. Shoes, glasses, keys, watch. Take off my belt. Unbutton my jeans and hook my thumbs in the top of my jeans and underwear and PREPARE TO PULL THEM DOWN...

Come on, brain, could you show up a little earlier next time?

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#41

Once I got off work and stopped at a gas station. Parked on the side of the building, went inside made my purchase. Came out, got in my car. Took several moments trying to figure out where the stuff hanging from my rearview came from. Snapped to the fact that it wasn't my car and bolted before someone thought i was stealing.

The car was a 2 door. Mine was 4. Different color, different everything. Not remotely similar. I still cringe.

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#42

While at a convience store getting some food on my lunch break, the cashier asks " Would you like to donate a few dollars to this organization that help starving kids ?" (I was low on cash and had already donated a few other times.) My auto pilot answer was "Nah, they'll be alright." Which is similar to my "Nah, it'll be alright" answer to whether or not I want my receipt. I just stood there wordlessly at the high level of douchery that just came out of my mouth. Dude didn't say anything, but my coworker thought it was the greatest thing ever.

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#43

Instead of putting lip balm on my lips, I put it on my teeth. As in full on grinned and put it on my teeth

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James A. Smith Jr. 6 months ago

there you go. No more cracked and windburned teeth.

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#44

Headed to work, stopped at a traffic light. Turns green, I turn right, and don't realize until about 20 miles later I'm no longer "headed to" work.

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Penny Campbell 6 months ago

Wish I could do that and just keep going .....

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#45

Wife has an appointment the later in the week and kid has been sick so asks me if I can work from home if he has to miss school that day. I say OK, if he is sick. That morning, get up, get ready, drive to train, get to work, sit down and wife texts me why I'm not at home. I had completely forgotten to check with her and went through my normal routine. So, I pack up, head back down to the subway and start heading home. Luckily, my train is coming soon. Get on train, pull out a book and start reading. After a while, I glance up and don't recognize the buildings around me and realize that I had gotten on one train too early and was on the wrong line. Get off train at first station, run downstairs and back up the other side, figure out a transfer I've never had to do before, make the switch and barely get home in time for her to leave. Realize that I'm not focusing well that day and decide to spend more time with the kid than on work.

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James A. Smith Jr. 6 months ago

LMAO! Good for you. Quality time with the kids can be hard to find.

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#46

Woke up in a panic because I was already late to work. Got dressed as fast as I could. Realized that everybody else was sleeping at home. Got out of the house, anyway, to catch a taxi. Everything was empty and silent. Walked around confused that not even the stores were open. Realized that the alarm hadn't rung yet and it was two hours earlier to go to work.

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James A. Smith Jr. 6 months ago

Sleepworking

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#47

I microwaved cereal and orange juice, with a spoon in the cereal.

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6 months ago

I ate warm cereal for breakfast and the microwave blew out.

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#48

I was leaving my office to go out to lunch and I thought I was in the middle lift of three but I was in the one that opened next to the glass exit doors, I walked out of the lift and kept walking and ended up smashing my face into the glass door in front of the security guard.

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James A. Smith Jr. 6 months ago

Windex makes it shine.

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#49

Back when kids still delivered the newspaper on their bikes, I had a paper route for two years. I'd get up every morning around 4am, ride my bike to the drop off point, fold the papers and then deliver them. On two different occasions, I woke up, got dressed, jumped on my bike and arrived at the drop off point where there were no newspapers waiting for me. Only then did I realize that I hadn't woken up to an alarm and was actually two hours early. The worst part was riding back home to go back to sleep but knowing I still needed to get up again soon.

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TC 6 months ago

Horrible....

#50

I work in a business centre (several different companies offices in the same building). For almost a year I worked in an office on the second floor until that company closed down and the office was let to another company. A few months later I got another job on an office on the third floor. Guess how many times I've burst in the OLD office???

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#51

Was making scrambled eggs. I kinda blanked out and ended up cracking the egg in the trash and put the shell in the bowl.

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#52

Okay this was not me but a cop i encountered.
I drive a left-hand-driven car in a country that has right-hand-driven rule. It was 2:00 am, cop stops us for a random alcohol test.
Comes over to right side (logically), offers test to my passenger friend and asks him to blow the breathalyzer while i am waving and calling out form the driver's seat (viz.. on the left).
Cop gives me a stern look, get backs to my friend to blow again. Test is negative, gives a smile to us both and clears the way.

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TC 6 months ago

Hohohoho....

#53

I had gotten a bowl of chips and then poured milk into it. My sister never lets me forget it

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James A. Smith Jr. 6 months ago

They stay crispy? Nope lol

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#54

Woke up early to prepare my stuff and make sure I don't get late for school. Dumbfounded when the guards won't let me in. Jesus, I forgot I already graduated yesterday.

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Cherie Morales 6 months ago

whoo hoo...congrats on forgetting

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#55

I used to work up to 15 hours as a waitress so when at home I had power only to brush my teeth. At least 3 times it happened that instead of toothpaste I put hair removal cream which I used for my legs.

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Peggy Schultz 6 months ago

Yikes!! I hope you keep them in separate places far away from each other now.

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#56

Once, my teacher asked a question (I just got out of work, I go from work to school). He turned to me, saw I had a dazed look, because I was daydreaming, and he asked me “Did you get that?” I woke up and nodded and said “Will that be all, sir?” He said yes. Then, here’s the autopilot part, I said “Okay, your total will be 25.50” He looked annoyed and said, “Can I add a small ‘this is not retail’ drink?” I shook my head and realized I was in class. Everyone giggled.

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#57

I woke up one day with my brain on autopilot, I wanted to watch a bit of Netflix. So I turned on my tv and put it on Netflix. I got to the kitchen to grab something to eat and returned. I have searched for 30 minutes for my remote until I gave up and used my phone as the remote.

That night my BF came home and asked me why the remote was in the fridge... Little did I know that my brain was on autopilot and that I didn't pay attention to what I actually did. All this happened before I was pregnant with my first child. Now my autopilot is even worse, but I manage to pay attention to it so I can save my phone, remote, hot tea, coffee, well basically anything from getting into places where they don't belong.

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BusLady 6 months ago

You can use your phone as a remote?

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#58

When I was 5 y. o. I was walking home with my mom. I was tired from shopping and didn´t pay attention to anything around me. Suddenly, she started to gradually quicken her pace so I also started walking quickly. After a moment I looked up and realized that I´m walking next to some stranger young man. He was trying to shake me off - all horrified of his newly acquired fatherhood.

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Parmeisan 6 months ago

Not an unusual story, but upvote for the flavourful telling.

#59

My dad and uncle are very similar. From their personalities to both of them being fairly tall (both just are over 6ft) and they have the same build type as a lot of brothers would. When I was 2 years old I believe, we had gone over to my uncle's house for dinner. I was terrified of my uncle for some odd reason I cannot remember, but I never let him hold me, hug me or anything. Meanwhile, I enjoyed sitting on my dad's lap and let him read to me, talk to me, etc.
Well, when we had gone to my uncle's for dinner that evening, I thought I had been sitting on my father's lap only until my dad came back to the couch to sit down with a drink in hand. With anxiety building up inside, I turned around to see my uncle whose lap I was sitting on and screamed.
I cried and was scared for my life, and to this day, neither my dad nor uncle will let me forget the look on my face to see my uncle sitting there.

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#60

Right before I went on a canoe trip, I put all my valuables in the trunk of my car for safe keeping, along with my car keys. It was the precise moment the trunk closed that I realised what I had done.

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#61

Heated my frozen dinner in the microwave. Pulled off the plastic from the dinner, turned around, and threw the dinner in the garbage.

Needless to say, my meal was something else. Plastic cover didn't seem appealing..

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Aditya Negi 4 months ago

Oh my god XD

#62

I pulled into the driveway of my old townhouse and started ranting about some inconsiderate arsehole parking in my spot. I hadn’t lived there for a solid 3 months.

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#63

Gotten in the shower wearing all my clothes.

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#64

I had been driving for a long time and got to stop sign. Instead of stopping only for a short period of time, I stopped for about 5 minutes and only moved because a car behind me started honking.

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Lilly 3 months ago

I have been zoned out on auto pilot that i've actually stopped at a green light because I usually ALWAYS catch every red light. thankfully, no one was behind me!

#65

I put a banana in the cutlery rack in the dishwasher and actually turned the dishwasher on. There was fucking smushed banana everywhere.

I also lost my then two year old for some time at school when collecting my eldest son. I ended up asking a group parents who helpfully let me know that the child I was looking for was in fact asleep in a carrier on my back....

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#66

Goes to get socks to put my shoes on. Gets socks, and leaves shoes.

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Misterscooter 6 months ago

As long as you remember what goes on first.

#67

One day I woke up and I realized I was late from the school. I did not eat breakfast and I run to the bus stop. The bus was over 30 minutes late. When I arrived at the school I did not see anyone and I saw that there were flags on every flagpole. Then I realized that it was the Independence Day of my country (Finland) and the school was closed. So that was why the alarm clock did not wake me up and the bus was late (the timetable is different on the holidays). :D

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Ms.ShaunaBee 6 months ago

Canadian here, did that on Victoria day when i way 14

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#68

The most recent thing I did was back in November on my husband's birthday. On my way home from work, I picked up his favorite pizza and was going to bring it to him as a surprise. I then turned out of the parking lot and headed down the road happy as could be, thinking I was so clever.

My sister then calls, and I'm on the phone with her for about 20 minutes. Still driving along. When I hang up, 5 minutes later I'm like "God, why is it taking so long to get home tonight?" My stomach sunk when I saw signs for a town that is far from my house! Turns out, I never turned at the intersection that was RIGHT BY the pizza place. Just drove straight, without a thought in the world. I could not believe that it took me almost a half hour to realize something was wrong. It then took another whole half hour to get home from where I ended up.

I've actually done this several times lately. Just keep driving straight without turning! That time was by far the worst though.

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Jackie C. 6 months ago

Maybe stay off the cell while driving.

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#69

I have a couple of my own, and one for my mom.

#1, me: Decided I wanted cocoa at like midnight. Filled a cup with milk, popped it in the microwave, and 2 minutes later realized I somehow managed to NOT blow up the microwave with a metal cup. Melted the plastic handle off, though.

#2, me: Started a new job. 1month after I started, got distracted on my drive and drove to my old job. Thankfully they’re only a couple miles away from each other, but I had to drive past my new one to get to the old.

#3, mom: Calls me to tell me she looked everywhere, but she can’t find her cell phone. I asked her how she managed to call me from it anyway. This happened twice. Yes, she loses her glasses on her own face too.

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#70

Whenever I buy salt I always empty it into a jar as it usually comes in a sachet. I forgot to do this immediately after coming home from the grocery store and started binge-watching a show online. I had to cook on auto-pilot as my mind was still on the show, and I ended up emptying the entire sachet of salt (about 250 grams) into the stew. I frantically scooped out as much as I could but I couldn't salvage the food.

Another time I nearly poured milk into some onions I was sautéing.

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Hannah Ingram 6 months ago

at least you didn't forget to put salt in the meal

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#71

Single parent, full-time job, part-time college, totally sleep deprived. Got home from work one night and could only find a parking spot 3 houses away from mine. I got my briefcase, diaper bag, my purse, and 3 bags of groceries, locked the car and trudged to the house. Dragged ass up 2 flights of stairs. Threw my coat, boots, and everything else on the floor. Realized I had left my toddler asleep in the back seat. I ran down the block in stocking feet with no coat to find a very bewildered 15 month old just sitting in his car seat. Worst mom ever.

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Magpie 6 months ago

No no hun you are not alone in this. At least you fixed it quite soon. ... and it was not a hot day. Hot cars are much more lethal, and faster.

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#72

One early morning I cleaned my face with nail polish remover.. It stinged.. A lot..

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Marnee DeRider 6 months ago

Yikes!

#73

When I was in the Navy, I lived in the barracks. So on Sunday, I took a nap, went into a deep sleep and woke up at 6, thinking OMG I'm late for work (I have to be there at 6:00 a.m.). So I rush to get my clothing on, telling my roommates "I'm late for work!" and they did appear a bit confused. So I get to my office, which is manned 24 hours and the person I'm there to replace asks me "Why are you here?" And.. I realize it is 6:00 p.m., that same Sunday.
It was that time of year when it's a bit dark out both morning and evening around 6 and so.. that really played into my confusion.

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Leon Šebek 6 months ago

I did something similar a number of years ago when I had been working 100 hour weeks. I lay down for a quick 2 hour nap and ended up getting up 14 hours later, wondering why it was getting lighter instead of darker...

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#74

Was at work on the phone with my husband when the 911 line rang. Put him on hold and proceeded with a 911 not-really-an-emergency call. Wrapping up the call told the caller "ok, love ya, bye". So confused, but I wonder if the caller realized how over-worked we are!

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Niall Mac Iomera 3 months ago

If you're chatting to your husband while at work, you can't claim you're overworked.

#75

One morning on my way to the office i was trying to get into my car but for some reason I couldnt open the door. The key would not fit in.
I was messing with it for awhile, getting really mad becasue I was late, not understanding what's wrong with the damn lock.
As I was at it I noticed someone approaching, staring at me with a very concerned and worried look on his face.
That was when I realized:
1. It was not my car.
2. It was not even the same make as my car
3. My car parked a couple of meters away
4. The concerned passer-by staring at me was in fact the owner of this car.

For my defence I can say:
1. It was the same color as my car
2. I was pregnant. They say pregnancy makes your brain shrink. That is probably true...

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BusLady 6 months ago

i did this once! So embarrising.

#76

It was winter, and having arrived home from a heavy day at work at about 6pm I went straight to bed for a nap. Woke up about an hour later, saw 7:20 on the clock, panicked thinking I was going to be late for work, hurriedly got dressed and drove to work. Was confused why it was all locked up when I got there, then looked at my watch which told me it was pm, not am. Drove home in shame.

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#77

A couple is having a reception for friends. Wife tells husband to go upstairs and change. He gets upstairs but forgets why he is there. Spies a clue: the bed. Changes into pajamas and gets in.

-- True story from Bill Bryson, Short History of Nearly Everything.

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Cherie Morales 6 months ago

ha ha ha

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#78

I was in school, when I turned right and ended up and turned out in my last year's 1st perod. As you would guess, my teacher was confused.

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Here to Troll 5 months ago

This is unreadable, good god.

#79

While in Washington, DC my family and I were waiting for my Aunt to pick us up from a bus shelter as it was raining out. I was 7 at the time and I seen a "Punch Buggy" drive by. I wound up and punched my grandma who was sitting next to me, I then looked up and realized it wasn't my grandma at all...but a homeless woman. My family was horrified!

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James A. Smith Jr. 6 months ago

Punch-buggy, Punch-buggy, No punching back.....OOOPPS!

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#80

I was reading in my room listening to music and my mom called me to come into the kitchen. So I turned my music off and went to see what she wanted. She had asked me to go downstairs to get something but instead of saying okay i yelled
I DONT WANT TO BE A PINEAPPLE.
She looked at me like I was on fucking drugs. Funniest thing to ever happen to me. My family still jokes about it till this day

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James A. Smith Jr. 6 months ago

Bwahhhahhhaa! Now that's funny!

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#81

I live on the second floor of a five floor walk up building. I was 7 months pregnant and exhausted from restless nights. Coming home from work one day, I climbed all the way up to the fifth floor of the building without realizing where I was. Even tried my key in what I thought was my door, until I saw the door number. Mom brain and autopilot; not a good combo.

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James A. Smith Jr. 6 months ago

Wrong building or what?

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#82

I had just arrived home after a long day of errands and doing some grocery shopping. All I wanted to do was just get the food inside, put it away, and crash. Well in my hurry to finish adult-ing for the day I forgot to put the driver's side window up. Came out the next morning to find several inches of snow covering the floor and seat on the driver's side.

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Anjo 4 months ago

well, i hope you like being cold while you drive :)

#83

I don't know if sleepwalking is counted as "autopilot", but when I was younger, my sister walked in my room asleep. I had no idea that she was asleep and just looked at her and rold her to go away. She started walking down the hallway and then all of a suddden started running down the starirs. Now scared I got out of my bed and looked to see what she was doing. When my father got home from work everyday, my sister and I would run down the stairs to greet him and he would be waiting at the bottom of the stairs to see us. We would jump off the third or fourth step and he would catch us. Now my sister must have been dreaming while she was sleepwalking, because she jumped off the fourth step like our father was there to catch her, but he wasn't! Thank goodness I yelled at her before she could jump off and hurt herself. The crazyest part about all this is that after she wasn't even rattled! She just went back to her bedroom and fell back asleep, not even to remeber it tomorrow.

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Claire Shamgochian 6 months ago

My sister has been found in the bathroom, shirtless, without the light on when she is sleep walking. And if she reads this comment she is going to be really mad!

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#84

I regularly throw away my movie ticket by accident. I don't like carrying trash so I will toss out one of the two slips of paper and more often then probability should dictate, I toss the ticket instead of the receipt. Which ends up with me digging through gross trash and/or having a cashier confirm I bought the seat before hand-writing the ticket.

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Peggy Schultz 6 months ago

You don't have to worry about that anymore, now a days you can have the ticket on your phone.

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#85

I went to school with two totally different boots on, and didn't realize until about an hour had gone by. Yes, I am in high school.

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Magpie 6 months ago

With me it was socks. Screaming red sock and pale blue sock with white flowers.

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#86

I recently join to works for a theme park management. Just two weeks after my joined date, I was in a serious meeting with the Management Teams, the CEOs and the Owners, regarding new rides coming to the theme park.

When the presentation slide open to a ride named Crazy Swinger, I loudly snorted laugh... No one else did. Only me. Everyone else just stared... at me.

After my awkward attempt to explain, everyone in the meeting room googled image the name.

They instantly changed the name of said ride.
While I kept the reputation as the guy who instantly recognized the sleazy meaning of the original innocent fun friendly name. Hope I can changed that too.

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Anjo 4 months ago

VV wow U

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#87

I was standing on a stool to look through some things in a garage cabinet. I saw a particular item and wanted to ask the family if we should throw it out. I turned, started walking to the door and remembered while falling to the floor that I was standing on a stool. Sprained my ankle pretty badly.

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Monika Soffronow 6 months ago

I suppose you found out that although you are pretty good at flying there are issues with your landing techniques.

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#88

This isn't my story - it's my dad's - but I think it qualifies.

In the past, my family used laundry powder to do laundry, however at some point we switched to laundry pods, which at that time were kind of a novelty in my country. The pods were stored in a box we kept on the washing machine. For some reason, I guess it was the heat coming from the washing machine, some of them stuck together. What did my father do? Well, his autopilot brain told him to do what you would normally do to detach things that are stuck - he poured some water into the washbowl and threw all the pods in... To his utter surprise, there was nothing to fish out of the washbowl anymore!

Then we switched back to powder... :)

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Jason 6 months ago

At lease he didn't use his teeth ;)

#89

I had my work key hanging off my work lanyard, but it kept falling off on my way to work one morning, so I took it off the lanyard and put it on my house keys for safe keeping. Then when I arrived at work, I went through my usual routine of really strong coffee, changed my boots, dumped my stuff in my locker, went down for the staff meeting, then started my shift.

About 20 minutes in to my shift when the coffee kicked in, it dawned on me in horror that when I dumped my stuff in my locker, I had absentmindedly thrown my keys in, with my locker key attached, before closing it and clicking the lock shut. My purse and travel card was in there and I had no way of getting it out. It was also my last shift of the week. I had to borrow a bolt cutter from my dad when I returned to work a few days later to get my stuff out. I was so embarrassed, everyone at Work thought my brain fart was hilarious but I still cringe when I think about it!

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Marius Nicolae 6 months ago

someone should always have a master key or at least spare keys to all the lockers, at least they did everywhere I worked

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#90

This happened about 10 years ago. All of this is real.

One day after school…

I was tired and home alone and can barely keep my eyes open. Disaster struck as I:

-Tried to do homework with an unused pencil, trying to figure out for 15 minutes why the pencil didn’t make a mark
-Threw that pencil out and proceeds to do it again. I finally realized after another 15 minutes.
-Thought that I left my laptop at school, where all my homework is.
-E-mailed a friend to send the homework over. With my laptop.
-Sent the email to my grandma instead
-Sends the email to the right person, gets homework from a week ago (My teacher names homework documents like “Wednesday HW” and it’s easy to mess it up if you haven’t deleted last week’s)
-Proceeds to calculate 2x2 in the calculator. The calculator wasn’t turned on.
-Turns it on and punched in 2x2. Realize how dumb I was
-Tried for 5 minutes straight to erase a pen mark
-Writing an entire page of homework on the table (with that exact pen)

Can’t remember much more… My parents came home at 11pm and found me

-Sleeping on the table, hugging a maths textbook
-Papers all over the place. Most of them had only one question on them
-My laptop on the floor
-A whole page of mathematical nonsense on the table
-A package of 50 unused pencils spread all over the place
-The calculator showing 2x2=4 (for some reason it was still on)

My parents thought I was doing drugs. Wakes me up and questioned me for 2 hours.

Went to bed at 1:30 am

Wakes up next morning, walked to school and realized
-Forgot laptop
-The homework was all wrong
-Forgot maths textbook
-Forgot to eat breakfast.

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Marnee DeRider 6 months ago

OMG, that's hilarious (but isn't related to being on autopilot?) Someone could write a funny montage of that into a comedy show

#91

Told my husband to walk the dog. In our City we‘re supposed to pick the dog’s poo up with tiny bags to ensure a clean sidewalk.Well.
When husband came back with happy dog, he also brought the bag with dog‘s poo back home.
He did not get my WTF - face!

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TC 6 months ago

You are supposed to do that in your city? Wouldn't you collect it otherwise...?

#92

Just this morning I took out the rubbish in a bag, bought a bottle of water from the shop downstairs in my building, then went to put the rubbish in the bin outside on my way to work. I put the new water bottle in the bin instead and carried the rubbish all the way to work. That's my sleepy 6am brain -_- I must have looked so odd walking with that...

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#93

While I was finishing up at the after-hours doctor my partner went out to wait in the car. I walked out of the medical center, got in the car and started sobbing about how I needed to go to the ER as I had severed the tendon and would need surgery. I then looked up at a wholly unfamiliar guy looking at me with confusion and sympathy. I apologised profusely, leapt out of the car and ran across the road to my boyfriend's car.

But wait, there's more.

As we leave drive around the corner, i realise I've left my referral paperwork from the doc IN THE RANDOM DUDE'S CAR. So I have to run back and retrieve it. Mortified doesn't even cover it, though the guy seemed, thankfully, very understanding.

In my defense, I was in a lot of pain and shock to the point of almost tripping, and he was driving an identical make, model and colour 86 ford laser, bird poop yellow.

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#94

Oh, and can't forget the many times now that nursed my son to sleep, and while sitting there waiting for him to really nod off (and just enjoying the serene cuddles) I've heard one of the neighbours' kids crying and been like "Oh no! Bub!" looking around....

A year of 2-5 hours sleep does strange things to your brain

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#95

Gone to the local shop to buy some bread and also fill my prepaid SIM card (important fact - the code for filling is usually printed on the receipt). So I paid for what I bought and decided to go, but shop-assistant kept staring at me and putting the receipt almost into my hands. I got a bit nervous about this, because few seconds before I said to him that I don't need a receipt and he can throw it away (I always do that because it bothers me when the receipts are all over my backpack). Anyway, on my way to the doors I threw that receipt away myself. Gone to my car and just then realized what did I do... So I got to go back to that shop, and look through the trash bin to find my SIM card refill code. This part was a bit shameful.

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#96

Went to hang up the phone and instead of saying "goodbye" I said "amen"

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#97

How many times do you have to walk past your dresser to realize your glasses are RIGHT THERE?

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#98

I made two pieces of toast and lost one of them. I still have no idea where it is.

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#99

Ordered food, drove up to the window to pay for said food, drove home without getting the food. I realized once I was home that I was hungry, and I was like, I just got some delicious Arby's that I've been thinking about all day. That's when it hit me that I never actually got my Beef 'n' Cheddar with curley fries.

Had to drive back to the store and shamefully ask them for my food. Thankfully, this seems to happen all the time so they remade it for me without making a big deal about it.

LegendOfBobbyTables Report

#100

I just poured cat food into the litterbox.

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#101

I was working at a daycare, little boy had an accident which is very common. I take care of him, put him in a fresh diaper send him on his way.

Well he wasn’t wearing a diaper. I thought pee=diaper change. Anyway he had no complaints about it as I changed him a couple more times throughout the day.

Got a pretty angry call from his parents though lol.

PM_ME_UR_baaby Report

TC 6 months ago

How old was he...?

#102

Once in high school I had the idea of rearranging my bedroom - I moved my bed and few cabinets. Happy with the results went to sleep hours later. Half asleep half awake I went to pee during the night. When I came back as usually, without turning any light on the whole time, I threw myself back at the bed.
Or so I thought bed - ended up throwing myself and the floor.
Nothing woke me up faster ever since.

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#103

Woke up super late for work one day; I was in shock how late I had slept. I had twenty minutes before I had to leave. When I was making cereal I got out a plate instead of a bowl, and didn't realize it until I went to pour cereal on a paper plate. I grabbed my baby's pacifier and tried to crank the car with it. When I got to work I felt something weird in my pants. Went to the bathroom and pulled out two dryer sheets.

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James A. Smith Jr. 6 months ago

The night before must have been awesome.

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#104

Around 3 Am I went to the bathroom in my room, got done, washed my hands, and went back to bed. Only before realizing that there is no bathroom in my room, or that I wasn't in my room but I was in the dining room sleeping under the table

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Mikleo 6 months ago

I'm interested to know, why you slept in the dinning room?

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#105

Pouring water for my family's dinner (I would have been about 9), I get the jug, go to pour water and sit down. Jug still in hand. Someone asks for water, I start looking around for a jug- which is still in my hand.Duh.

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Laura Ellis 6 months ago

I once went to work on Saturday, thinking it was Friday, got there to work, sat outside waiting for someone to open the gate (pre-cell phones) and waited, and waited, started to look around and saw that there was no one outside, the entire street was deserted. Realized, it was Saturday. I also forgot to change my clock when the time changed and arrived at work at 4:00 a.m. instead of 5:00 a.m. Felt pretty stupid both times.

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#106

Driving to work (the morning after watching Blair Witch Project at a drive in, in the woods, where I had to have someone else drive home I was so shaky - yeah, I'm a coward) in late Oct before the sun rose, I had to go through a wooded area in the suburbs and was constantly seeing things out of the corner of my eye. Getting so anxious I forgot to watch the road and rear ended a commercial size garbage truck parked on the side of the road going about 45mph. Ghosts win every time!

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James A. Smith Jr. 6 months ago

Driver inattention. Day dreams about night things.

#107

Back when I was in college I had two funny situations, in the first one I woke up in a rush thinking I was utterly late got dressed, had breakfast and ran... only to realize, midway there, that it was only 4 am pitch dark outside and no living soul on the street...

In the second one, we had a gap between classes, and as I lived nearby I went home. To be more comfortable I changed to sleepers and just forgot time. When I realized it was late... I put my coat on and headed to college. Amidst my walk I start feeling my feet really really cold... I did not change in to my shoes...

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#108

so i don't know which one is worse...
when i was in 6th grade i was walking to home room and the teacher said give me your home work, so i went in my book bag and gave her a paper. i realized when we got report cards i gave her a paper that was due in first grade. Whoops!
number 2:
so one day i poured orange juice in my cereal before school and ate it. i thought the milk went bad and threw away a whole gallon of milk. Whoops!

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若韵 雷 6 months ago

Surprised you still had a paper from first grade in sixth.

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#109

Left for school, got to jazz band and forgot my iPad, walked home to get my iPad and it wasn’t there, went back to school and it was on the music stand.

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Destiney Bolin 6 months ago

same thing happened with me... but instead of an iPad, I thought I had forgotten all of my jazz music..

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#110

I got up 6:50, got ready for school and drove to school pulled up realizing no one was there, I thought it was odd so I went up to the doors and tried to open them.Locked. Finally I looked at my phone. Saturday. Whoops.

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#111

This happens to me a lot, but sometimes, I will start uncovering the entire house looking for something later to find I was holding it in my hand the whole time.

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#112

I trashed half the house looking for my keys. I had them...in my freaking hand... the entire time...

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Patricia Mullen 6 months ago

Got my sister a tile that she put on her keyring. I call from my phone & it plays a song. We find her keys.

#113

One time I was walking to my art program at school, got there, realized I'd forgotten my plans, walked back to class to get them, and then remembered I had left my plans in the art cupboard the day before.

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#114

I was putting a glass away but neglected to open the cabinet door. Hit the cabinet hard enough to break the glass I was holding. Luckily none of the cuts were so bad I needed stitches!

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Magpie 6 months ago

Oooooh ow !! I'm wincing in sympathy.

#115

Mom & I were coming back from a doctor's appoinment & she starts driving towards her work, forgetting I'm in the seat next to her that she needs to drop at home first.

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Jason 6 months ago

what did the doctor do to her during the appoinment?

#116

in my current unit of spainish 2, my class is learning the vocab for electronics. today the teacher stated that we would be continuing computer vocab. the sleeped deprived brains of over-worked students (myself inculded) heard the word "computer" and imedietly reached into thier back packs to get thier computer out. I had mine on my desk before my friend started to laugh at my actions.

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#117

Two stories. First is mine, second is my sister's:
1. It is time to walk the dog. I find the "dog bag"(where I put treats, his ball, poo scooping bags, etc), get my keys and we are out. Mid-walk I realise that Argo's leash is not around my shoulders(as usual) and I panic, thinking I've lost it. I haven't. I had put Argo's collar on and completely forgotten about the lead. Walked him in the park anyway and had no problems(A fellow dog owner had gone one step further: her golden, Jill, didn't even wear a collar one morning).
2. My sister Yana, running around the house, holding a scissor and resembling a maniac: "Where's my scissor, where's my SCISSOR?!"

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#118

Went out to go to the store. Turned left instead of right. Ended up at work, 12 miles away before I noticed I went to the wrong place. I think I had an audiobook on at a particularly interesting part of the story...

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#119

Couple of weeks ago, after a long shift at work (Housekeeper in a Hotel), I went to the dressing room, opened my locker, took my work clothes off, put my street clothes on, locked my locker, took the streetcar, arrived home, right in front of the building's door reached to my bag to retrieve my keys, discovered my bag wasn't there, panicked, suspected something, went back to the Hotel, opened my locker (I carry my work's keys on a ribbon around my neck), and found my bag there. I had forgot to take it.
Relieved, I went back home.
Next day while changing after work, I kept telling myself "Don't forget the bag, don't forget the bag".
I forgot the bag again.

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#120

My friend was supposed to pick me up.He was driving his mom's car, which i had never seen. A car stops in front of my house, i promptly enter the car and tis guy looks at me like "Who the hell are you?"...It was definitely not my friend!!!

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Jason 6 months ago

Lol

#121

I have tried several times to open my locked office with my car key remote.

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#122

Trying to drive off in the car, heard this weird sound and nothing happened, almost called breakdown assistance before realising I hadn't started the engine and the sound was because I put the car in gear without the engine running.

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#123

I lit the first cigarette of the day. Since the ashtray was full, I ambled over to the coffee pot and emptied the ashtray. I filled it with coffee and wandered back to the couch.

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Elizabeth Butler 6 months ago

so did you quit smoking???

#124

Rattled after a fender bender, gave the cop my gas card instead of my drivers license.

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#125

There is something I continually do and have felt pretty stupid until I experienced a woman in a store do the same thing...she was talking to someone on her cell and she suddenly starts looking around, in her purse, pockets etc... Her 11yr. old son notices and asks what she was looking for. In an irritated voice she tells him "My phone!" "Your talking on it" he said, rolling his eyes as only an 11 yr. old can do :/

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#126

I used to work at Little Caesars. I always answer the phone with "Thank you for calling Little Caesars, would you like to try our (whatever promotional product we are selling at the time). Anyway, I'm off from work one day and my aunt calls me at home. I pick up the phone and automatically say "Thank you for calling Little Caes..."(trails off as I realize my mistake)...ers'. On the plus side, my aunt thought it was funny.

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#127

I was driving home from work one night (in the middle of winter) and was going to leave the parking lot. As I looked to my left, I noticed something and turned that way instead of going right like I was supposed to. The "thing" I noticed was the biggest rabbit I have ever seen in my life and I was dumb struck! My truck is rolling down the street and I'm sitting there like an idiot just looking at this thing! The truck kept going til I hit the snow bank and got really stuck! Thank god a father and son were right behind me and helped push me out. To this day I wonder if I really saw a 3ft. rabbit or if I dreamt the whole thing!

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Azziza 6 months ago

Could a kangaroo have escaped from a zoo?

#128

We have 5 printers scattered across our office floor.

One morning, I proceeded to print something and went to the wrong printer.

I went back, sended the document to the printer I had just gone to, and proceeds to walk to another printer.

This went on for about 30 minutes and all 5 printers ended up printing my document.

One more thing. It wasn't the right document. It was my daughter's birthday invitation that I made for her last night.

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Marnee DeRider 6 months ago

Just pretend you were testing all the printers and call it good

#129

When I was a child, one day I forgot to take my satchel to school. I didn't notice it was missing minutes before school started and when I finally did notice I was initially thinking someone made fun of me and hid it. Suddenly though the realisation hit me. The worst thing was, that my teacher made me go home (30 minutes one way) to get it. Sooo embarrassing. I can still feel the shame today thinking about it.

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#130

I have always had cult cars, the type where if you see another one coming the other way, you wave, and they wave back. Until one day I wave at this car coming the other way and nothing, no response, oops, silly me I just slid that car last week, and also I am on foot that day! Face palm moment

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6 months ago

Edit:Sold that car, not slid!

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#131

This happened about 10 years ago. All of this is real.

One day after school…

I was tired and home alone and can barely keep my eyes open. Disaster struck as I:

-Tried to do homework with an unused pencil, trying to figure out for 15 minutes why the pencil didn’t make a mark
-Threw that pencil out and proceeds to do it again. I finally realized after another 15 minutes.
-Thought that I left my laptop at school, where all my homework is.
-E-mailed a friend to send the homework over. With my laptop.
-Sent the email to my grandma instead
-Sends the email to the right person, gets homework from a week ago (My teacher names homework documents like “Wednesday HW” and it’s easy to mess it up if you haven’t deleted last week’s)
-Proceeds to calculate 2x2 in the calculator. The calculator wasn’t turned on.
-Turns it on and punched in 2x2. Realize how dumb I was
-Tried for 5 minutes straight to erase a pen mark
-Writing an entire page of homework on the table (with that exact pen)

Can’t remember much more… My parents came home at 11pm and found me

-Sleeping on the table, hugging a maths textbook
-Papers all over the place. Most of them had only one question on them
-My laptop on the floor
-A whole page of mathematical nonsense on the table
-A package of 50 unused pencils spread all over the place
-The calculator showing 2x2=4 (for some reason it was still on)

My parents thought I was doing drugs. Wakes me up and questioned me for 2 hours.

Went to bed at 1:30 am

Wakes up next morning, walked to school and realized
-Forgot laptop
-The homework was all wrong
-Forgot maths textbook
-Forgot to eat breakfast.

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Vinay Kumar 5 months ago

Did I read this already a few posts ago? Or am I on autopilot now?!

#132

Tried to simplify polynomial by using distributive property.

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Suzi Gauthier 6 months ago

i hate when I do that! lol

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#133

I've had days when I've been too tired and tried using everyday things in the wrong way. For example, I took the bus card out of the bag and thought it would open my door and later that evening I took it out to start a washing machine with in the laundry room... The same day I was one second from showing the bus driver my keys instead of the bus card...

Another time I tried to check out a book from the library with a completely different card than the library card and told the librarian that the card didn't work. She immediately saw what was wrong.

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#134

Drove 30+ minutes in the opposite direction of where I was supposed to be going because my brain was on autopilot trying to go to work.

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#135

Spent a whole day looking for my phone. I used my friends to call it. It was in my back pocket....

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BusLady 6 months ago

we have all done this!

#136

my mom told me to go outside and get the mail... so i did but kept walking. it took me a couple minutes to realize i was already a street over in my pajamas

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#137

Woke up in the middle of the night and had to pee. Got up, and on the way to the toilet I must have been hungry, as I swung by the kitchen to make a sandwich. I must have been asleep still, as evidence in the morning showed.

Apparently I wanted a ham and cheese sandwich. I must have taken the ham out of the dvd player in the living room, on the way to the kitchen.

When I woke up the next morning and went in to the kitchen, there was a ham and cheese sandwich on the counter , but instead of ham, it was the dvd of Animatrix, that I had borrowed from the library. I had obviously tried to eat it as there was mustard and shards of dvd on the counter and floor.

Had to buy the library a new copy.

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Veronica Niechajczyk 6 months ago

This is the first one I actually laughed at. Hilarious.

#138

I was testing out a bunch of eyeliners in a shop, then wondered off to another shop only to discover that I still had half the eyeliners in my hand........security had already been called.

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#139

running out from Walmart so i could sit in front, got into the car and started laughing cause my brother had to sit in the back. not realizing i was in the wrong car.

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rai mei 6 months ago

was there someone in the car or was it just unlocked?

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#140

I was at a local busy coffee shop with some friends, when it was time for me to leave I got into my car, which was parked right in front of the coffee shops big glass window. I was just starting to put the keys in the ignition when I noticed a pile of CD's in the console I didn't remember having, then I noticed some beads hanging on the rear view mirror that I never had and a stick shift (my car was an automatic). It wasn't untill I noticed the interior was black and not grey that my brain finally told me I was in someone else's car. I looked up and saw a lady looking out the window from her seat in the coffee shop staring at me with a look of total shock. I freaked, jumped out of her car and half-ran to my car parked three stalls down. Of course my friends were there to see the whole thing. I can still hear them laughing at me later asking me 'what the hell were you doing??!?'

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#141

I got a nice, new water bottle for Christmas, and I took it with me to college. I normally take a water bottle with me to classes. One time last week, I somehow went through whole evening without realizing I left it somewhere. On the next day, I checked university physics 2, the professor’s office, the workshop, and calculus 3... it’s gone. I didn’t find it in my dorm either.

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#142

i was at a party and there was a bowl of nuts next to ashtray, being buzzed and having the munchies , i reached down to grab a hand full of nuts... being stoned , i tossed a whole bunch of nuts in my mouth... they wernt nuts.. i was chewing on cigarette buts, so gross i had to vomit.... party over for me.. and i dont smoke.. lol

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#143

I used to work in a garage and we had to id people if they looked young when they bought cigarettes. It was quite a busy day and I ended up id'ing a full bus load of pensioners and didn't notice everyone laughing until the last one thanked me for making their day. Cue my face going from completely blank to purple with embarassment

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#144

Sleeping with fever...
Alarm rings...
Ringing for a while now...
Get up, shut electric heater button off, goes back to sleep.
Wakes up hysterically: Why's the alarm still ringing?!!!!!

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#145

I always put a spoon in the laundry basket and socks in the trash bin.

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Asterisk 6 months ago

Hi

#146

Went to the mall to buy some Christmas lights for my Grandma. Didn't buy them. Went to the mall again. Again didn't buy them. Went to the mall once again. All the Christmas light was gone. Grandma went and buy them next day by herself

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#147

When I was in high school, I got up at 11 pm, got dressed for school, and was about to head out to my bus stop when my mom stopped me to ask where I was going

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#148

At my parents there is a little electricity meter where you load electricity. When it's running low it beeps periodically. They also have a cockatiel. Last time I was there, the meter was beeping. After it beeped, I automatically made kissing sounds to it as though it was the cockatiel.

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#149

I was talking to my mother on the phone, and I wanted to put on my headphones to keep talking and.... I tried plugging the jack into my ear ...

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#150

I once went to brush my teeth and when the toothbrush went into my mouth and brushed around a little bit, I knew something was off. I picked up the "toothpaste" that I was using and to my surprise, it was baby butt cream. Smart.

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#151

5 star hotel in Germany. i walked into a glass door. embrassing enough. but then i looked at the door puzzled, and walked into it again. i think i must have not believed that it was a door. maybe some kind of forcefield.
worst bit was when the staff came running to see if i was ok and i was just mortified.

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#152

Put Tigers Balm on chapped lips instead of lip balm. Ow!

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#153

1) Filled a jug of water, forgot I was holding it, threw it on the couch.

2) Put the TV remote in the fridge and tried to change the channel with a block of cheese.

3) Threw my underwear into the toilet instead of the tissue paper.

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Micki Van Patten 6 months ago

I payed for gas once, then got in my car and drove off without pumping it. Had to go back inside and confess to what I'd done so I could get the gas.

#154

It was one of those morning when you hit snooze without even realising. When I finally came to is was already super late to work where I had a conference call planed first thing in the morning. I got a taxi (to cut the time off my usual hour long bus trip to the office), ran into the office, straight into the meeting room, still on time for the conference call to start. Exited I made it, I sit down and realise I left the laptop at home...

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#155

One time I tried to get out of the car with my seatbelt on. After that I walked into the car door that I had forgotten to shut.

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#156

Go to work and look up 15 minites later on bored panda

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#157

I got my frickin' name wrong. At work, I typically answer the phone by saying "[Store name], Meg speaking." One day, for whatever reason, I answered and said "[Store name], Mary--Meg speaking...how can I help you?" I kind of slurred the "Mary" bit, so I don't think the customer really noticed, but I've never felt like more of an idiot.

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#158

First day back at work after 4 months off for maternity leave. I left work, eager to get home. Boarded my train without really thinking and ended up at my apartment...the one I had lived in 4 years earlier. Had to scramble to get a bus back to the right line to get home.

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#159

when I was little we were doing an assignment and we had to glue pictures. Well, I was really tired that day and mistook the plastic cup of glue for my plastic cup of milk! I almost drank it before someone shouted stop. Yep, I was a stupid kid!

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#160

I once forgot my twins birthday because I was too excited about mine...

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Kat Kaboodle 6 months ago

I'm friends with twins. One was talking about her birthday and I said "Oh yeah, your sister just had her birthday recently too." Derp.

#161

Woke up late, and jumped out of bed still half asleep to get ready for work. I was half way through getting ready, trying to do three things at once so I could get out as quickly as possible, and I ended up trying to brush my teeth with mascara.

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#162

(i told this as a comment but feel as if people read posts more so...)
I found out you could spray the febreeze without opening it and was playing with it and was aiming at my brother's butt but accidentally sprayed it into my own face!

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#163

Walked up to my apartment building after school with my head buried in my phone. I just saw the neighbor kids out front like always. I opened the door to my apartment and walked inside only to notice we suddenly have leather furniture and some guy on the couch staring at me just as startled. My apartment was the next building down.

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#164

Once while watching a movie with some friends I ate my own ticket. We were all sharing this giant bucket of popcorn and every time the bucket came to me I would always drop at least one piece and my ticket fell too so thinking I was eating popcorn I ate my ticket. I folded it up really small too so it was just like popcorn. I realized only after the movie finished and the lights came back on.

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#165

Yesterday I spent a good 6 hours looking for my phone (I was supposed to get a importance e mail) only to find that my phone was in my pocket.

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#166

When I was little my Mum went outside to hang out the washing and locked the door, leaving me happily playing inside unaware of what was going on. She had to wait until Dad came home from work with the other set of keys.

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#167

I work at Subway and when someone asks for a breakfast sandwich I have on multiple occasions asked if they want the egg white or the egg wheat. They usually laugh and joke with me about it.

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#168

While still a student in university, I woke up one morning, had my bath and got ready to head out to class for lectures. I got some cash out - you needed to have some money on you for snacks or any unforeseen situations.
All prepared, I set off. I had been walking five or ten minutes when I realized I had forgotten my pen at home. I stopped walking and considered my options. Thoughts flooded my mind.
“Come on, my friend”, one voice suggested, “you can’t turn back after walking all this way. You want to be late for lectures? You’ve money with you, buy another pen!”
That sounded like a good idea, but before I could proceed another voice hollered at me. “Buy another pen? Why not walk back the short distance to your flat and pick up the pen. Save money!”
That was a better idea, I turned and walked back to my flat. I unlocked the door and stepped in.
The first thing that caught my eye once inside was my money which I had all along also left behind on my bed.

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Stef Bollen 6 months ago

The number of pens I have borrowed in high school is too damn high

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#169

I was in a hurry to get to school. Got dressed got to school and unzipped my jacket and realized that I was wearing a nightgown with jeans.

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#170

For about 6 months, I was working two jobs to save up extra cash. 65 hours a week. They were close by, so I at least had time for a short nap between jobs. We kept a little tray on the kitchen counter for our keys, loose change, etc. I come home from my first job, exhausted, drop off my keys and flop into bed.

I wake up and my keys aren't on the tray. They aren't in my pocket, not on my table, desk, anywhere. I'm frantically searching for my keys, I'm going to be late! When suddenly, I see something shiny in the garbage can. I apparently dropped my keys right into the trash and fell asleep!

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#171

When I was getting ready for school one morning, I almost put hand soap on my toothbrush then tried to wash my hands with toothpaste.

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#172

While visiting my mother-in-law, I came downstairs last to breakfast.Already up were my mother-in-law, brother-in-law, sister-in-law and hubby. Went into the kitchen to grab a cup of coffee, but the pot was nowhere to be seen. Decided to get orange juice instead. Opened the door to the fridge and guess what?! There was the coffee pot on the top shelf. My darling hubby had struck again!

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#173

k so this wasn't me... friends brother.


So My friend's room is right next to the bathroom, the closet, and her sister's bedroom. Apeeanently, one night, her brother got up to go to the bathroom, and acidently peed in the hamper in the closet, instead of the toilet in the bathroom. Which is why my friend had to throw out her favorite shirt.

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#174

Recently, my schedule for school had changed because of the new semester. It used to be where after math, I would head to lunch, but now I had another period before going to lunch. After math class, I had gone downstairs, grabbed my lunch from my locker, and walked all the way over to the cafeteria (which was in another building), & started eating my lunch. I was really confused when I didn't recognize anyone, but then realized that I still had another period before lunch. I quickly packed everything up, put it back in my locker, and rushed over to where I should have been.

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#175

I was rushing to step out and meet my friend who is going to pick me up when she called asking where i am coz shes already near my building. I said...give me a second coz i cant find my phone. ...the phone im using to tell her that.

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#176

My colleague insisted to drop me home as we live in the same area. He got a call while driving and drove straight to his house. When we stopped he said..o i forgot you are there. Ended up walking to my house.

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#177

One time I was wearing my contacts and I saw my glasses sitting on the counter and I reached to put them on my face. Once they were on my face and it made my vision a little weird I realized I was wearing contacts and didn't need to put my glasses on! It's just such a habit, that when I see my glasses I put them on my face, that I didn't even think twice about it!

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#178

Spent 10 minutes turning every room in the house upside down trying to find my glasses. They were on my face the whole time

seeyouspacecowboyx Report

#179

Filled the coffee maker, put in fresh coffee and water, left the jug sitting on top of the machine. Got an all staff email later "someone's flooded the kitchen with coffee, the machine is out of action until it dries."

shaftautopump Report

#180

When I was around 16/17, when there weren't any normal clean cups, I'd use an old sippy cup from when I was little.

My mom watched me walk into the kitchen, pour the sippy cup full of milk, and proceed to dump it all over my face. I had forgotten the lid.

Heli023 Report

#181

I accidentally shaved my beard. When I wake up in the morning I'm on autopilot until I'm out the front door, and part of my morning routine is trimming my beard. Normally the trimmer attachment for the length I like is not attached when I start using the trimmer, so the first thing I do is attach it. For some reason the day before I had left it on the trimmer, and my brain, knowing that there was a step between picking up the trimmer and turning it on, but not caring what that step is, apparently decided that I should take the attachment off before turning the damn thing on. I was two passes in before I fully woke up and realized I'd just taken a massive chunk out of my beard and there was no going back at that point.

Wulfger Report

#182

Wondering what time it is. Open my phone, check snapchat and Facebook. Put away the phone, without checking the time. I can do this 3-4times before I get the time.

Oddganic Report

#183

I tried to scan the bus ticket at the front door of my house to get in.

craig_machine Report

#184

Once met some friends at a restaurant a few blocks from my house. I drove and parked on the street right in front of the place. After we ate, we walked over to Dairy Queen, walking right past my car in the process. I then proceeded to walk home from Dairy Queen. Got home and thought it was strange that my car wasn't in the driveway...

browncoat63 Report

#185

I drive a forklift at work. When i come to an intersection in the warehouse, i have to beep my horn to let others know where i am. I also subconsciously do that in my car after work sometimes at busy intersections

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#186

To many times to count.

Made coffee - forgot to add coffee

Made coffee - forgot to add water

Made coffee - forgot I made coffee

microagent99 Report

#187

I had a bad headache and thought it would go away if I could only close my eyes for a few minutes. I was driving at the time.

weezeebee Report

#188

Got out of the shower, dried off, grabbed my comb, grabbed the toothpaste, applied toothpaste to comb, and paused...

I only stopped because for a few seconds I legitimately did not know if I was supposed to brush my teeth or comb my hair. I knew I should do one or the other, but I also knew I couldn’t do both with what I had in my hand. So I just stood there looking at my comb with a glob of toothpaste spread across it. Then I looked in the mirror and wondered if I was still dreaming.

Then I snapped out of it, had a good chuckle, rinsed off my comb, and got on with my routine as normal.

hyperjumpgrandmaster Report

#189

Made a bowl of cereal with chicken broth instead of milk.

diffyqgirl Report

#190

finished eating lunch and had some trash in one hand and my phone in the other. Walked by the trash can and tossed my phone in the trash. Didn't realize it until I got outside and tried to check my messages on some plastic silverware.

mustbefuckeryafoot Report

#191

On several occasions throw things in the garbage such as:

My Laundry

An undamaged plate

My high school transcripts which we paid money for a hard copy of

RoastyTheToastyGhost Report

#192

I got this.

First day back at work from vacation, just got home and I'm emptying my pockets, I grab a smoke and head back outside...

For some reason I'd had a red pen that day and my keychain is also red. Guess what I put back in my pocket and what I left on my notebook? I realised as soon as the door shut behind me.

$40 mistake at ten pm

noob_almost Report

#193

I tried unlocking my apartment door with the button for my car.

crimsonblade55 Report

#194

Was going through my camera and deleting shitty photos and I accidentally deleted a picture of me with Mel Brooks.

Tzar-Romulus Report

Aditya Negi 4 months ago

That Sucks

#195

A few years ago, my commute to work involved entering a train station and going down the escalator to the underground platform. I did this journey every day for about 4 or 5 years, taking the same route each time.

One day, and it happened to be on a day I was nursing a pretty nasty hangover, they switched the up and down escalators so that the one I usually take down was coming up instead. Dunno why, some sort of maintenance thing I guess.

Anyway, of course I head to the down escalator without even thinking. Pure autopilot. But when I step on to the escalator, instead of my brain recognizing that the stairs were moving in the wrong direction, I still tried to walk down...against the force of the moving stairs. I must have done this for a good 10 seconds before I had a "what's going on here" moment and stepped back.

It was pretty crowded too...must have looked pretty dumb.

massivebumwizard Report

#196

Working on an airplane and had to put my head in a tight spot to see a plug. Caught a sharp piece of metal on my cheek and immediately pulled my head away and slammed it on the other side of the opening. Repeat process two more times until I can force myself to stop the reactions.

rabidroger Report

#197

I cooked pasta with tomato sauce. Then my apartment owner called that somehow a rent didnt go through and i had to pay it afterwards. Usually after im finished cooking i wash the pots directly with dish detergent. This time i put the pasta on a plate but put the dish detergent on the pasta and put the sauce on the sponge and started to wash the noodle pot with my pasta sauce.

ThEgPl Report

#198

I defrosted a steak instead of a slice of bread for breakfast.

I had a great breakfast.

BravoBeTheName Report

#199

Mine always involves the bathroom. In third grade, I went to a school that had outdoor classrooms (trailer-type) with bathrooms installed in them. Anyway, I used to like to sing to myself while in the bathroom - it's a thing kids do, right? So I sang in the classroom bathroom without realizing my entire class could hear me.. everyone laughed. I felt embarrassed. Now, I laugh. Because it's cute!

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#200

One time I had a bad weather day at school. That morning was fine, I woke up late and was happy to have a day off. Then that night at about 11 O-Clock I put my shoes on, grabbed my back pack and prepared to leave when I realized that I didn't have school that day and I never had school at 11 PM.

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#201

When I was in university, I would go to my girlfriends (at the time) work and walk her back when she worked nights.

Well one night I ended up drinking way to much and apparently noticed that it was nearly 9pm, so I got dressed to leave and made my way to her work and we both came back and all was fine.

What was told to me the next day as I do not remember any of this was that my roommate was going to walk her back, but I insisted I was fine, quickly through on my jacket, stayed in my shorts, put on flip flops, and ran out the door. My girlfriend said she came out and found me waiting outside drunk and definitely not dressed for below freezing temps.

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#202

I got my first car when I was in college. And there was this one event that I had to go to and I was in a rush because my class ended late. I arrived there just in time and only then I realized that i forgot my car in the parking lot of our campus. *facepalm*

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#203

This is another thing I did if u did read my other one,
I got my scone, put it in the toaster and proceeded to go do work while it’s toasting, never toasted....

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Here to Troll 4 months ago

Wait, so the dumbest thing was posting this, right?

#204

When I was younger, I got up in the middle of the night to go to the toilet. When I finished, I got up and realised I had peed on a footstool.

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Monika Soffronow 6 months ago

I know of a kid who opened the lid - and peed in the record player.

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#205

One time when I was about 9, I spent at least 15 minutes looking for a Hot Wheels car I had in my hand the entire time.

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#206

My sister knew this boy in grade school who would pull down his pants at recess. Underwear and all.

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#207

when I was 6-7 years old I had a headache, apparently Your not supposed to put ice packs in the microwave... long story short the new microwave came a week later oops...

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