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Hey, Pandas! What’s The Dumbest Thing You’ve Done Because Your Brain Was On Autopilot?
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It is easy to get into everyday routines, when everything runs so smoothly that your brain is quite happy to cruise along on autopilot. However there are occasions when this blissful absent- mindedness can suddenly disappear with a rude awakening.
Go ahead, share your embarrassing story of your brainfart and let's all have a good laugh!
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I was driving a rental car and noticed the gas was low. I was at a stop light so I rolled down the window and stuck my head out to see if I could see the gas tank on the drivers side. While I was looking, I felt a raindrop land on my head. Without thinking, I reached down and hit the button to roll up the window. Suddenly I panicked as my head was getting slowly smashed by the rising window and I had no idea what was happening. I panicked and escaped and slowly figured out what I had just done.
I looked up to see a very confused girl stopped in the car next to me was looking at me. She had no context for why I had stuck my head out of the car and, for some reason, decided to smash it with the power window.
Went downstairs, got in the car got half way to work, realised i'd forgotten my lunch, turned round and went home. got home to find no lunch. So i made some and set back off to work. Got half way and realised I don't work Sundays.
My car needed a small repair, so I had taken it into the garage and left it there.
As I was continued walking to work, I remembered that I hadn't stopped for gas on the way, so I walked into the gas station and up to the pump before I realized that I didn't have my car with me. At least I remembered before I tried pumping the gas!
Just a couple of weeks since i’ve moved out from my parents place, was celebrating my independence at work, got drunk and instead of going to my new home, went straight to my parents place on autopilot letting them see me drunk for the first time trying to open their door with my new key... Dad was laughing his brains out asking me if i’m sure i’m ready to live alone
I was having sex with my girlfriend at the time. I was obscenely tired and a mate of mine was going through a bad time. I was just thinking about him rather than what I was doing, ended up pathetically whimpering his name in a sympathetic way.
How many times have you put on your glasses to look for your glasses?
I spent several minutes looking for my sunglasses the other day. Turns out they were sitting on top of my head the whole time.
I called my teacher "mommy" in front of the class. I was in high school, and the teacher was... An old man. I don't know which of us was the most surprised.
One day, I sprayed air freshener instead of deodorant on my armpits. Spoiler : IT BURNS LIKE HELL.
I had a glass of water in my right hand, and my phone in my left. I walked into my bedroom and tossed my phone on to my bed. Except I didn't, I threw the glass of water instead. I was very very tired. Unfortunately my lack of sleep then became the reason I couldn't go to bed.
I just sort of stood there and gawped at my own stupidity.
One of my favorite tweets I've seen is something like this:
Lady walks in: gasps I forgot my dog.
You forgot to bring your dog. TO THE VET.
I used to work in a cinema and I had a habit of saying "enjoy your film!" after handing people the tickets they got. So, of course, that also became the phrase I would say to just random cashiers at shops after they handed me a receipt for my groceries.
I guess that's the main reason why I started using self-checkouts more often.
As a kid I sat down on my fathers lap in a more or less crowded train. Looked up and suddenly saw my father, standing next to me. Turned around just to see the stranger on whose lap I was sitting was just as shocked as me.
Kids do this a lot and their shock makes me feel bad for them but also amused.
Went to the kitchen to get something to eat. Forgot why I was at the fridge so I grabbed something to drink. 5 minutes later realized I didn't grab food so I went back to the fridge to once again forget why I was there.
There was a study recently that said something about going through doorways and how that somehow contributes to us doing things like this.
Make a cup of tea with house keys instead of a tea bag.
I was sitting in the car, while my girlfriend (now my wife) was out at the ATM. I lit a cigarette, while I waited, but for some reason we only had a barbecue lighter. I absent-mindedly thought about how, when you hold down the trigger on a regular lighter without striking the flint, you can hear the gas coming out. I wondered if that was also true of barbecue lighters. So, I held the thing up to my ear and hit the trigger...completely forgetting that, on a barbecue lighter, the trigger and flint are the same thing. My hair is very curly, and I was in the process of growing it out at the time. As soon as I hit the trigger, all the hair on that side of my head went up in flames. I panicked, dropped the lighter, and started slapping the side of my head to put it out.
I wasn't hurt, but I had to get a haircut the next day and start growing my hair from scratch. The best part was my girlfriend getting back in the car and asking, "What the heck is that smell?"
When I was pregnant with my son, I once got into the bathtub fully dressed. It took me several minutes to figure out why the bathwater felt so weird.
I was maybe 18 years old at the time when I saw this dude get into a car that looked exactly like mine. There weren't many cars like mine and it was a weird colour, so when I saw this dude getting into the car and driving off, I thought he had stolen my car...so I got into a car chase and drove after him....[think about it].
After a couple of blocks and honking the horn, it dawned on me...I'm driving my car!
Girlfriend called me to remind me to pick her up for dinner with her mom on her birthday. I was really excited to go, and happy I had a girl that wanted me to meet her family. I felt really good about that and man did I need it on this day. I had 2 people quit coincidentally on the same day both to start their own ventures. I was really happy for them, but at the same time really jealous. I had long thought about starting my own thing, having that freedom to do what I want. Am I afraid because I am comfortable in this job? Do I even like this career? What would the business be in and do I have the soft skills outside of just development to make a business work? I remembered someone I admired in the business was always hilarious and he referenced it as a way of keeping employees and getting clients.
I decided I definitely needed some comfort food with my newfound self reflection. As I got in the car I fired up a new comedy podcast my friend was making and it really was hilarious. I was bummed I didn't have his talent in timing and making these jokes happen and kept thinking about how it was a bridge for a lot of social situations. Am I even funny? Are people laughing at me or with me? When I get home I decide making some pasta will be the comfort food I need, and I am not going to be shy with the cheese. As I often do, I jump right into pajamas, start cooking, and pondering my thoughts for the day on starting my own business and my lack of comedy.
That's when my girl facetimes me. I pick up and she sees me cooking pasta, in pajamas, and not looking happy. Then I remembered this whole thing started because I was supposed to pick her up for dinner after work to meet her mom. She yells at me, deservedly so, why the fuck I am not there yet and explain what she is seeing. All I can blurt out is "I am thinking about starting my own business, and I don't think I am very funny."
We are getting married in July.
I once stumbled to the bathroom in the middle of the night and didn't turn on the light because I didn't want to be blind when I went back to the bedroom. I sat down and peed. It was a lot because I had drank a lot of water the evening before. Then I realized that a) the toilet lid was still down and b) I had not taken off my underwear and pajama shorts.
Suddenly I was wide awake. 0/10 would not recommend.
Was cleaning out my desk when a problem student turned up with his final essay that would allow him to graduate. I absent mindedly took and said a very unenthusiastic "Thanks" and threw it in the bin. Poor guy visibly teared up as he was leaving before I realized what I had done. Never ran as fast before to catch up with him.
Not me but affected me. Me and my friend Marc were going to a party and he decided to drive there and leave his car. He just wanted to pick up a bottle of vodka from his house first. We pull up outside and he runs in while I wait outside in the car. He was in there for a while but I figured he might have been chatting to his family or maybe having a big poo. I didn't want to interrupt either.
After about twenty minutes, his father returned home from walking the dog and saw me sat in the passenger seat of his son's car, which still had the engine running. He went in and mentioned it to Marc who came straight out.
In the time it took him to walk up his path he had completely forgotten about us going to the party. He went in, made a sandwich, and took it to bed.
Get into the passenger seat of my car instead of the driver's. Instantly realize something isn't right and had to awkwardly get out of my car and go to the other side.
I did this. I complicated it further by making driving motions and motor noises. My kids loved it.
My dad asked me to feed our dogs before I went to bed. He looked at me weird, and that when I realized I had opened the dishwasher. I kinda laughed, closed the dishwasher, and fed the dogs. I still don’t know why I did that...
Calling my cell to find the phone I misplaced...from my cell I thought I misplaced. Yes, I did answer the call waiting beep. I didn't know you could call yourself until that day.
I put a mug of coffee to be heated in a kitchen cabinet instead of the microwave. It took a couple of minutes to realize what I had done!
I have poured the kids cereal and put the milk in the cupboard and the cereal in the refrigerator.
I had a tv that I could only turn off with the remote. I had to leave for work, but couldn't find the remote. I searched all over the living room. I was on the edge of being late for work, so I resigned myself to leaving the tv on all day. I go out the door and, as I shut the door, I realized that the remote had been in my left hand the whole time.
When my now 4 year old daughter was about a month old, I got up to get her a bottle at about 3 am. Went through the motions grabbed her bottle and proceeded to try and feed her. I had grabbed an empty soda can instead. I will never forget the WTF look she gave me all while my brain tried to sort out what the problem was!!.
I went to brush my teeth and, right before the toothbrush hit my teeth, I noticed a different color in he mirror. That's when I realized that I had just put a squirt of hand soap instead of toothpaste on the brush.
ahahaha I've put hydrocortisone on my toothbrush and didn't noticed until I was trying to brush my teeth with it >w<
In college, I was regularly invited to eat lunch with the pastor's family following the Sunday morning service. One Sunday after lunch, I reached for a blue and white tube of toothpaste in one of the bathroom drawers. I spread it over my teeth with my index finger to clean my teeth, but realized it was extra sticky and not feeling like typical toothpaste. I then took a second look at the tube to find out I had coated my teeth with the toddler's diaper-rash cream, Desitin! Diaper-rash cream is made to resist more than water, and I had great difficulty getting it off my teeth. Toilet paper falls apart when meeting Desitin cream, teeth and water, and it sticks to diaper-rash-cream-coated teeth. I wish I could say I learned my lesson then. However, being an autopilot moron, I did the same thing one month later. I stopped borrowing toothpaste.
I use my iPad all the time for drawing and studying, and I need to make sure it is always charged. I guess I'm at the point where Iv'e permanently reprogrammed my brain, because when I was getting out a piece of paper from my binder, I actually wondered if I needed to charge it. Go me. XD
Several times when I have been reading paper magazines or newspapers, my finger heads to the page to click on something I want to comment on.
Wasn't feeling well one day and took a nap. When I got up, still out of it, I walked past my child, who was one the floor petting the cat. I petted my child on the head, told her she was a good kitty, and headed to the bathroom. My child was extremely unimpressed.
My daughter, who has a new baby, keeps finding herself burping the cat when she holds it.
Instead of driving home, I drove to my ex's house(where I used to live) on autopilot after a looong day at work and to put icing on the day, of course she had to be outside walking her dog! At which point, I made the situation worse by slowing down and waving awkwardly out the window...
Getting undressed for a shower, needed to pee, threw my clothes into the toilet
Taking my husband out for his birthday to his favorite place, autopilot drove to work and parked. He didn't say anything because he thought it was hilarious.
Lost track of my 18 month old sister for 2 solid minutes in a pet store. In a total panic, I realized I was carrying her
I was my girlfriend's ride to and from work for a long while, and every time I dropped her off or picked her up, she would kiss me as she got in or got out of the car. Well, one weekend after dropping her off, I had to drive my mom to the airport, and accidentally kissed her as I was saying goodbye.
While shaving with an electric razor, autopilot said "remove all facial hair." Hand recognized left eyebrow as hair that was on my face.
Today I tore up a medical bill by accident while tearing all the junk mail. I even thought to myself, don't touch the bill, just need to tear up the junk mail.
Dunno if it's dumbest necessarily, but it could have ended badly.
I flew out to San Diego a few months ago. I fly maybe 1-2 times a year so I'm familiar with the process but I'm by no means a pro at this.
Atlanta airport, TSA line. Monday morning, so a huge crowd. Laptop in the bin. Suitcase on the conveyor belt. Shoes, glasses, keys, watch. Take off my belt. Unbutton my jeans and hook my thumbs in the top of my jeans and underwear and PREPARE TO PULL THEM DOWN...
Come on, brain, could you show up a little earlier next time?
Once I got off work and stopped at a gas station. Parked on the side of the building, went inside made my purchase. Came out, got in my car. Took several moments trying to figure out where the stuff hanging from my rearview came from. Snapped to the fact that it wasn't my car and bolted before someone thought i was stealing.
The car was a 2 door. Mine was 4. Different color, different everything. Not remotely similar. I still cringe.
While at a convience store getting some food on my lunch break, the cashier asks " Would you like to donate a few dollars to this organization that help starving kids ?" (I was low on cash and had already donated a few other times.) My auto pilot answer was "Nah, they'll be alright." Which is similar to my "Nah, it'll be alright" answer to whether or not I want my receipt. I just stood there wordlessly at the high level of douchery that just came out of my mouth. Dude didn't say anything, but my coworker thought it was the greatest thing ever.
Instead of putting lip balm on my lips, I put it on my teeth. As in full on grinned and put it on my teeth
Headed to work, stopped at a traffic light. Turns green, I turn right, and don't realize until about 20 miles later I'm no longer "headed to" work.
Wife has an appointment the later in the week and kid has been sick so asks me if I can work from home if he has to miss school that day. I say OK, if he is sick. That morning, get up, get ready, drive to train, get to work, sit down and wife texts me why I'm not at home. I had completely forgotten to check with her and went through my normal routine. So, I pack up, head back down to the subway and start heading home. Luckily, my train is coming soon. Get on train, pull out a book and start reading. After a while, I glance up and don't recognize the buildings around me and realize that I had gotten on one train too early and was on the wrong line. Get off train at first station, run downstairs and back up the other side, figure out a transfer I've never had to do before, make the switch and barely get home in time for her to leave. Realize that I'm not focusing well that day and decide to spend more time with the kid than on work.
LMAO! Good for you. Quality time with the kids can be hard to find.
Woke up in a panic because I was already late to work. Got dressed as fast as I could. Realized that everybody else was sleeping at home. Got out of the house, anyway, to catch a taxi. Everything was empty and silent. Walked around confused that not even the stores were open. Realized that the alarm hadn't rung yet and it was two hours earlier to go to work.
I microwaved cereal and orange juice, with a spoon in the cereal.
I ate warm cereal for breakfast and the microwave blew out.
I was leaving my office to go out to lunch and I thought I was in the middle lift of three but I was in the one that opened next to the glass exit doors, I walked out of the lift and kept walking and ended up smashing my face into the glass door in front of the security guard.
Back when kids still delivered the newspaper on their bikes, I had a paper route for two years. I'd get up every morning around 4am, ride my bike to the drop off point, fold the papers and then deliver them. On two different occasions, I woke up, got dressed, jumped on my bike and arrived at the drop off point where there were no newspapers waiting for me. Only then did I realize that I hadn't woken up to an alarm and was actually two hours early. The worst part was riding back home to go back to sleep but knowing I still needed to get up again soon.
I work in a business centre (several different companies offices in the same building). For almost a year I worked in an office on the second floor until that company closed down and the office was let to another company. A few months later I got another job on an office on the third floor. Guess how many times I've burst in the OLD office???
Was making scrambled eggs. I kinda blanked out and ended up cracking the egg in the trash and put the shell in the bowl.
Okay this was not me but a cop i encountered.
I drive a left-hand-driven car in a country that has right-hand-driven rule. It was 2:00 am, cop stops us for a random alcohol test.
Comes over to right side (logically), offers test to my passenger friend and asks him to blow the breathalyzer while i am waving and calling out form the driver's seat (viz.. on the left).
Cop gives me a stern look, get backs to my friend to blow again. Test is negative, gives a smile to us both and clears the way.
I had gotten a bowl of chips and then poured milk into it. My sister never lets me forget it
Woke up early to prepare my stuff and make sure I don't get late for school. Dumbfounded when the guards won't let me in. Jesus, I forgot I already graduated yesterday.
I used to work up to 15 hours as a waitress so when at home I had power only to brush my teeth. At least 3 times it happened that instead of toothpaste I put hair removal cream which I used for my legs.
Yikes!! I hope you keep them in separate places far away from each other now.
Once, my teacher asked a question (I just got out of work, I go from work to school). He turned to me, saw I had a dazed look, because I was daydreaming, and he asked me “Did you get that?” I woke up and nodded and said “Will that be all, sir?” He said yes. Then, here’s the autopilot part, I said “Okay, your total will be 25.50” He looked annoyed and said, “Can I add a small ‘this is not retail’ drink?” I shook my head and realized I was in class. Everyone giggled.
I woke up one day with my brain on autopilot, I wanted to watch a bit of Netflix. So I turned on my tv and put it on Netflix. I got to the kitchen to grab something to eat and returned. I have searched for 30 minutes for my remote until I gave up and used my phone as the remote.
That night my BF came home and asked me why the remote was in the fridge... Little did I know that my brain was on autopilot and that I didn't pay attention to what I actually did. All this happened before I was pregnant with my first child. Now my autopilot is even worse, but I manage to pay attention to it so I can save my phone, remote, hot tea, coffee, well basically anything from getting into places where they don't belong.
When I was 5 y. o. I was walking home with my mom. I was tired from shopping and didn´t pay attention to anything around me. Suddenly, she started to gradually quicken her pace so I also started walking quickly. After a moment I looked up and realized that I´m walking next to some stranger young man. He was trying to shake me off - all horrified of his newly acquired fatherhood.
My dad and uncle are very similar. From their personalities to both of them being fairly tall (both just are over 6ft) and they have the same build type as a lot of brothers would. When I was 2 years old I believe, we had gone over to my uncle's house for dinner. I was terrified of my uncle for some odd reason I cannot remember, but I never let him hold me, hug me or anything. Meanwhile, I enjoyed sitting on my dad's lap and let him read to me, talk to me, etc.
Well, when we had gone to my uncle's for dinner that evening, I thought I had been sitting on my father's lap only until my dad came back to the couch to sit down with a drink in hand. With anxiety building up inside, I turned around to see my uncle whose lap I was sitting on and screamed.
I cried and was scared for my life, and to this day, neither my dad nor uncle will let me forget the look on my face to see my uncle sitting there.
Right before I went on a canoe trip, I put all my valuables in the trunk of my car for safe keeping, along with my car keys. It was the precise moment the trunk closed that I realised what I had done.
Heated my frozen dinner in the microwave. Pulled off the plastic from the dinner, turned around, and threw the dinner in the garbage.
Needless to say, my meal was something else. Plastic cover didn't seem appealing..
I pulled into the driveway of my old townhouse and started ranting about some inconsiderate arsehole parking in my spot. I hadn’t lived there for a solid 3 months.
I had been driving for a long time and got to stop sign. Instead of stopping only for a short period of time, I stopped for about 5 minutes and only moved because a car behind me started honking.
I put a banana in the cutlery rack in the dishwasher and actually turned the dishwasher on. There was fucking smushed banana everywhere.
I also lost my then two year old for some time at school when collecting my eldest son. I ended up asking a group parents who helpfully let me know that the child I was looking for was in fact asleep in a carrier on my back....
Goes to get socks to put my shoes on. Gets socks, and leaves shoes.
One day I woke up and I realized I was late from the school. I did not eat breakfast and I run to the bus stop. The bus was over 30 minutes late. When I arrived at the school I did not see anyone and I saw that there were flags on every flagpole. Then I realized that it was the Independence Day of my country (Finland) and the school was closed. So that was why the alarm clock did not wake me up and the bus was late (the timetable is different on the holidays). :D
While in Washington, DC my family and I were waiting for my Aunt to pick us up from a bus shelter as it was raining out. I was 7 at the time and I seen a "Punch Buggy" drive by. I wound up and punched my grandma who was sitting next to me, I then looked up and realized it wasn't my grandma at all...but a homeless woman. My family was horrified!
The most recent thing I did was back in November on my husband's birthday. On my way home from work, I picked up his favorite pizza and was going to bring it to him as a surprise. I then turned out of the parking lot and headed down the road happy as could be, thinking I was so clever.
My sister then calls, and I'm on the phone with her for about 20 minutes. Still driving along. When I hang up, 5 minutes later I'm like "God, why is it taking so long to get home tonight?" My stomach sunk when I saw signs for a town that is far from my house! Turns out, I never turned at the intersection that was RIGHT BY the pizza place. Just drove straight, without a thought in the world. I could not believe that it took me almost a half hour to realize something was wrong. It then took another whole half hour to get home from where I ended up.
I've actually done this several times lately. Just keep driving straight without turning! That time was by far the worst though.
I have a couple of my own, and one for my mom.
#1, me: Decided I wanted cocoa at like midnight. Filled a cup with milk, popped it in the microwave, and 2 minutes later realized I somehow managed to NOT blow up the microwave with a metal cup. Melted the plastic handle off, though.
#2, me: Started a new job. 1month after I started, got distracted on my drive and drove to my old job. Thankfully they’re only a couple miles away from each other, but I had to drive past my new one to get to the old.
#3, mom: Calls me to tell me she looked everywhere, but she can’t find her cell phone. I asked her how she managed to call me from it anyway. This happened twice. Yes, she loses her glasses on her own face too.
Single parent, full-time job, part-time college, totally sleep deprived. Got home from work one night and could only find a parking spot 3 houses away from mine. I got my briefcase, diaper bag, my purse, and 3 bags of groceries, locked the car and trudged to the house. Dragged ass up 2 flights of stairs. Threw my coat, boots, and everything else on the floor. Realized I had left my toddler asleep in the back seat. I ran down the block in stocking feet with no coat to find a very bewildered 15 month old just sitting in his car seat. Worst mom ever.
One early morning I cleaned my face with nail polish remover.. It stinged.. A lot..
When I was in the Navy, I lived in the barracks. So on Sunday, I took a nap, went into a deep sleep and woke up at 6, thinking OMG I'm late for work (I have to be there at 6:00 a.m.). So I rush to get my clothing on, telling my roommates "I'm late for work!" and they did appear a bit confused. So I get to my office, which is manned 24 hours and the person I'm there to replace asks me "Why are you here?" And.. I realize it is 6:00 p.m., that same Sunday.
It was that time of year when it's a bit dark out both morning and evening around 6 and so.. that really played into my confusion.
I did something similar a number of years ago when I had been working 100 hour weeks. I lay down for a quick 2 hour nap and ended up getting up 14 hours later, wondering why it was getting lighter instead of darker...
Was at work on the phone with my husband when the 911 line rang. Put him on hold and proceeded with a 911 not-really-an-emergency call. Wrapping up the call told the caller "ok, love ya, bye". So confused, but I wonder if the caller realized how over-worked we are!
One morning on my way to the office i was trying to get into my car but for some reason I couldnt open the door. The key would not fit in.
I was messing with it for awhile, getting really mad becasue I was late, not understanding what's wrong with the damn lock.
As I was at it I noticed someone approaching, staring at me with a very concerned and worried look on his face.
That was when I realized:
1. It was not my car.
2. It was not even the same make as my car
3. My car parked a couple of meters away
4. The concerned passer-by staring at me was in fact the owner of this car.
For my defence I can say:
1. It was the same color as my car
2. I was pregnant. They say pregnancy makes your brain shrink. That is probably true...
It was winter, and having arrived home from a heavy day at work at about 6pm I went straight to bed for a nap. Woke up about an hour later, saw 7:20 on the clock, panicked thinking I was going to be late for work, hurriedly got dressed and drove to work. Was confused why it was all locked up when I got there, then looked at my watch which told me it was pm, not am. Drove home in shame.
A couple is having a reception for friends. Wife tells husband to go upstairs and change. He gets upstairs but forgets why he is there. Spies a clue: the bed. Changes into pajamas and gets in.
-- True story from Bill Bryson, Short History of Nearly Everything.
I was reading in my room listening to music and my mom called me to come into the kitchen. So I turned my music off and went to see what she wanted. She had asked me to go downstairs to get something but instead of saying okay i yelled
I DONT WANT TO BE A PINEAPPLE.
She looked at me like I was on fucking drugs. Funniest thing to ever happen to me. My family still jokes about it till this day
I live on the second floor of a five floor walk up building. I was 7 months pregnant and exhausted from restless nights. Coming home from work one day, I climbed all the way up to the fifth floor of the building without realizing where I was. Even tried my key in what I thought was my door, until I saw the door number. Mom brain and autopilot; not a good combo.
I had just arrived home after a long day of errands and doing some grocery shopping. All I wanted to do was just get the food inside, put it away, and crash. Well in my hurry to finish adult-ing for the day I forgot to put the driver's side window up. Came out the next morning to find several inches of snow covering the floor and seat on the driver's side.
I don't know if sleepwalking is counted as "autopilot", but when I was younger, my sister walked in my room asleep. I had no idea that she was asleep and just looked at her and rold her to go away. She started walking down the hallway and then all of a suddden started running down the starirs. Now scared I got out of my bed and looked to see what she was doing. When my father got home from work everyday, my sister and I would run down the stairs to greet him and he would be waiting at the bottom of the stairs to see us. We would jump off the third or fourth step and he would catch us. Now my sister must have been dreaming while she was sleepwalking, because she jumped off the fourth step like our father was there to catch her, but he wasn't! Thank goodness I yelled at her before she could jump off and hurt herself. The crazyest part about all this is that after she wasn't even rattled! She just went back to her bedroom and fell back asleep, not even to remeber it tomorrow.
My sister has been found in the bathroom, shirtless, without the light on when she is sleep walking. And if she reads this comment she is going to be really mad!
I regularly throw away my movie ticket by accident. I don't like carrying trash so I will toss out one of the two slips of paper and more often then probability should dictate, I toss the ticket instead of the receipt. Which ends up with me digging through gross trash and/or having a cashier confirm I bought the seat before hand-writing the ticket.
You don't have to worry about that anymore, now a days you can have the ticket on your phone.
I went to school with two totally different boots on, and didn't realize until about an hour had gone by. Yes, I am in high school.
I recently join to works for a theme park management. Just two weeks after my joined date, I was in a serious meeting with the Management Teams, the CEOs and the Owners, regarding new rides coming to the theme park.
When the presentation slide open to a ride named Crazy Swinger, I loudly snorted laugh... No one else did. Only me. Everyone else just stared... at me.
After my awkward attempt to explain, everyone in the meeting room googled image the name.
They instantly changed the name of said ride.
While I kept the reputation as the guy who instantly recognized the sleazy meaning of the original innocent fun friendly name. Hope I can changed that too.
Two stories. First is mine, second is my sister's:
1. It is time to walk the dog. I find the "dog bag"(where I put treats, his ball, poo scooping bags, etc), get my keys and we are out. Mid-walk I realise that Argo's leash is not around my shoulders(as usual) and I panic, thinking I've lost it. I haven't. I had put Argo's collar on and completely forgotten about the lead. Walked him in the park anyway and had no problems(A fellow dog owner had gone one step further: her golden, Jill, didn't even wear a collar one morning).
2. My sister Yana, running around the house, holding a scissor and resembling a maniac: "Where's my scissor, where's my SCISSOR?!"
I was standing on a stool to look through some things in a garage cabinet. I saw a particular item and wanted to ask the family if we should throw it out. I turned, started walking to the door and remembered while falling to the floor that I was standing on a stool. Sprained my ankle pretty badly.
I suppose you found out that although you are pretty good at flying there are issues with your landing techniques.
This isn't my story - it's my dad's - but I think it qualifies.
In the past, my family used laundry powder to do laundry, however at some point we switched to laundry pods, which at that time were kind of a novelty in my country. The pods were stored in a box we kept on the washing machine. For some reason, I guess it was the heat coming from the washing machine, some of them stuck together. What did my father do? Well, his autopilot brain told him to do what you would normally do to detach things that are stuck - he poured some water into the washbowl and threw all the pods in... To his utter surprise, there was nothing to fish out of the washbowl anymore!
Then we switched back to powder... :)
I had my work key hanging off my work lanyard, but it kept falling off on my way to work one morning, so I took it off the lanyard and put it on my house keys for safe keeping. Then when I arrived at work, I went through my usual routine of really strong coffee, changed my boots, dumped my stuff in my locker, went down for the staff meeting, then started my shift.
About 20 minutes in to my shift when the coffee kicked in, it dawned on me in horror that when I dumped my stuff in my locker, I had absentmindedly thrown my keys in, with my locker key attached, before closing it and clicking the lock shut. My purse and travel card was in there and I had no way of getting it out. It was also my last shift of the week. I had to borrow a bolt cutter from my dad when I returned to work a few days later to get my stuff out. I was so embarrassed, everyone at Work thought my brain fart was hilarious but I still cringe when I think about it!
someone should always have a master key or at least spare keys to all the lockers, at least they did everywhere I worked
This happened about 10 years ago. All of this is real.
One day after school…
I was tired and home alone and can barely keep my eyes open. Disaster struck as I:
-Tried to do homework with an unused pencil, trying to figure out for 15 minutes why the pencil didn’t make a mark
-Threw that pencil out and proceeds to do it again. I finally realized after another 15 minutes.
-Thought that I left my laptop at school, where all my homework is.
-E-mailed a friend to send the homework over. With my laptop.
-Sent the email to my grandma instead
-Sends the email to the right person, gets homework from a week ago (My teacher names homework documents like “Wednesday HW” and it’s easy to mess it up if you haven’t deleted last week’s)
-Proceeds to calculate 2x2 in the calculator. The calculator wasn’t turned on.
-Turns it on and punched in 2x2. Realize how dumb I was
-Tried for 5 minutes straight to erase a pen mark
-Writing an entire page of homework on the table (with that exact pen)
Can’t remember much more… My parents came home at 11pm and found me
-Sleeping on the table, hugging a maths textbook
-Papers all over the place. Most of them had only one question on them
-My laptop on the floor
-A whole page of mathematical nonsense on the table
-A package of 50 unused pencils spread all over the place
-The calculator showing 2x2=4 (for some reason it was still on)
My parents thought I was doing drugs. Wakes me up and questioned me for 2 hours.
Went to bed at 1:30 am
Wakes up next morning, walked to school and realized
-Forgot laptop
-The homework was all wrong
-Forgot maths textbook
-Forgot to eat breakfast.
OMG, that's hilarious (but isn't related to being on autopilot?) Someone could write a funny montage of that into a comedy show
Told my husband to walk the dog. In our City we‘re supposed to pick the dog’s poo up with tiny bags to ensure a clean sidewalk.Well.
When husband came back with happy dog, he also brought the bag with dog‘s poo back home.
He did not get my WTF - face!
Just this morning I took out the rubbish in a bag, bought a bottle of water from the shop downstairs in my building, then went to put the rubbish in the bin outside on my way to work. I put the new water bottle in the bin instead and carried the rubbish all the way to work. That's my sleepy 6am brain -_- I must have looked so odd walking with that...
While I was finishing up at the after-hours doctor my partner went out to wait in the car. I walked out of the medical center, got in the car and started sobbing about how I needed to go to the ER as I had severed the tendon and would need surgery. I then looked up at a wholly unfamiliar guy looking at me with confusion and sympathy. I apologised profusely, leapt out of the car and ran across the road to my boyfriend's car.
But wait, there's more.
As we leave drive around the corner, i realise I've left my referral paperwork from the doc IN THE RANDOM DUDE'S CAR. So I have to run back and retrieve it. Mortified doesn't even cover it, though the guy seemed, thankfully, very understanding.
In my defense, I was in a lot of pain and shock to the point of almost tripping, and he was driving an identical make, model and colour 86 ford laser, bird poop yellow.
Oh, and can't forget the many times now that nursed my son to sleep, and while sitting there waiting for him to really nod off (and just enjoying the serene cuddles) I've heard one of the neighbours' kids crying and been like "Oh no! Bub!" looking around....
A year of 2-5 hours sleep does strange things to your brain
Gone to the local shop to buy some bread and also fill my prepaid SIM card (important fact - the code for filling is usually printed on the receipt). So I paid for what I bought and decided to go, but shop-assistant kept staring at me and putting the receipt almost into my hands. I got a bit nervous about this, because few seconds before I said to him that I don't need a receipt and he can throw it away (I always do that because it bothers me when the receipts are all over my backpack). Anyway, on my way to the doors I threw that receipt away myself. Gone to my car and just then realized what did I do... So I got to go back to that shop, and look through the trash bin to find my SIM card refill code. This part was a bit shameful.
Went to hang up the phone and instead of saying "goodbye" I said "amen"
How many times do you have to walk past your dresser to realize your glasses are RIGHT THERE?
I made two pieces of toast and lost one of them. I still have no idea where it is.
Ordered food, drove up to the window to pay for said food, drove home without getting the food. I realized once I was home that I was hungry, and I was like, I just got some delicious Arby's that I've been thinking about all day. That's when it hit me that I never actually got my Beef 'n' Cheddar with curley fries.
Had to drive back to the store and shamefully ask them for my food. Thankfully, this seems to happen all the time so they remade it for me without making a big deal about it.
I just poured cat food into the litterbox.
I was working at a daycare, little boy had an accident which is very common. I take care of him, put him in a fresh diaper send him on his way.
Well he wasn’t wearing a diaper. I thought pee=diaper change. Anyway he had no complaints about it as I changed him a couple more times throughout the day.
Got a pretty angry call from his parents though lol.
Once in high school I had the idea of rearranging my bedroom - I moved my bed and few cabinets. Happy with the results went to sleep hours later. Half asleep half awake I went to pee during the night. When I came back as usually, without turning any light on the whole time, I threw myself back at the bed.
Or so I thought bed - ended up throwing myself and the floor.
Nothing woke me up faster ever since.
Around 3 Am I went to the bathroom in my room, got done, washed my hands, and went back to bed. Only before realizing that there is no bathroom in my room, or that I wasn't in my room but I was in the dining room sleeping under the table
I was in school, when I turned right and ended up and turned out in my last year's 1st perod. As you would guess, my teacher was confused.
Pouring water for my family's dinner (I would have been about 9), I get the jug, go to pour water and sit down. Jug still in hand. Someone asks for water, I start looking around for a jug- which is still in my hand.Duh.
I once went to work on Saturday, thinking it was Friday, got there to work, sat outside waiting for someone to open the gate (pre-cell phones) and waited, and waited, started to look around and saw that there was no one outside, the entire street was deserted. Realized, it was Saturday. I also forgot to change my clock when the time changed and arrived at work at 4:00 a.m. instead of 5:00 a.m. Felt pretty stupid both times.
Driving to work (the morning after watching Blair Witch Project at a drive in, in the woods, where I had to have someone else drive home I was so shaky - yeah, I'm a coward) in late Oct before the sun rose, I had to go through a wooded area in the suburbs and was constantly seeing things out of the corner of my eye. Getting so anxious I forgot to watch the road and rear ended a commercial size garbage truck parked on the side of the road going about 45mph. Ghosts win every time!
Back when I was in college I had two funny situations, in the first one I woke up in a rush thinking I was utterly late got dressed, had breakfast and ran... only to realize, midway there, that it was only 4 am pitch dark outside and no living soul on the street...
In the second one, we had a gap between classes, and as I lived nearby I went home. To be more comfortable I changed to sleepers and just forgot time. When I realized it was late... I put my coat on and headed to college. Amidst my walk I start feeling my feet really really cold... I did not change in to my shoes...
so i don't know which one is worse...
when i was in 6th grade i was walking to home room and the teacher said give me your home work, so i went in my book bag and gave her a paper. i realized when we got report cards i gave her a paper that was due in first grade. Whoops!
number 2:
so one day i poured orange juice in my cereal before school and ate it. i thought the milk went bad and threw away a whole gallon of milk. Whoops!
Left for school, got to jazz band and forgot my iPad, walked home to get my iPad and it wasn’t there, went back to school and it was on the music stand.
same thing happened with me... but instead of an iPad, I thought I had forgotten all of my jazz music..
I got up 6:50, got ready for school and drove to school pulled up realizing no one was there, I thought it was odd so I went up to the doors and tried to open them.Locked. Finally I looked at my phone. Saturday. Whoops.
This happens to me a lot, but sometimes, I will start uncovering the entire house looking for something later to find I was holding it in my hand the whole time.
I trashed half the house looking for my keys. I had them...in my freaking hand... the entire time...
Got my sister a tile that she put on her keyring. I call from my phone & it plays a song. We find her keys.
I was putting a glass away but neglected to open the cabinet door. Hit the cabinet hard enough to break the glass I was holding. Luckily none of the cuts were so bad I needed stitches!
Mom & I were coming back from a doctor's appoinment & she starts driving towards her work, forgetting I'm in the seat next to her that she needs to drop at home first.
in my current unit of spainish 2, my class is learning the vocab for electronics. today the teacher stated that we would be continuing computer vocab. the sleeped deprived brains of over-worked students (myself inculded) heard the word "computer" and imedietly reached into thier back packs to get thier computer out. I had mine on my desk before my friend started to laugh at my actions.
Went out to go to the store. Turned left instead of right. Ended up at work, 12 miles away before I noticed I went to the wrong place. I think I had an audiobook on at a particularly interesting part of the story...
Couple of weeks ago, after a long shift at work (Housekeeper in a Hotel), I went to the dressing room, opened my locker, took my work clothes off, put my street clothes on, locked my locker, took the streetcar, arrived home, right in front of the building's door reached to my bag to retrieve my keys, discovered my bag wasn't there, panicked, suspected something, went back to the Hotel, opened my locker (I carry my work's keys on a ribbon around my neck), and found my bag there. I had forgot to take it.
Relieved, I went back home.
Next day while changing after work, I kept telling myself "Don't forget the bag, don't forget the bag".
I forgot the bag again.
My friend was supposed to pick me up.He was driving his mom's car, which i had never seen. A car stops in front of my house, i promptly enter the car and tis guy looks at me like "Who the hell are you?"...It was definitely not my friend!!!
I have tried several times to open my locked office with my car key remote.
Trying to drive off in the car, heard this weird sound and nothing happened, almost called breakdown assistance before realising I hadn't started the engine and the sound was because I put the car in gear without the engine running.
I lit the first cigarette of the day. Since the ashtray was full, I ambled over to the coffee pot and emptied the ashtray. I filled it with coffee and wandered back to the couch.
