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#1
All of the self-shaming my wife put herself through about not being able to have a "natural" childbirth. She SO wanted to do it all on her own, but our son was sunny-side up, and his nose and forehead got stuck on her pelvic bone. After several hours of agonizing pushing, she "gave up," and safely delivered him via C-section. To anyone who might say she took the "easy" way out, I say shame on you!
Final score:
21points
jolie laide 2 years ago
I'll never understand birth shaming either, it makes 0 sense. I can understand why women want to do it naturally, because recovering from a C-section can take a long time and increase complications but it's ABSOLUTELY the right decision for the life of the mother and baby when things go sideways. Protracted labor, breech, cord around the neck, large baby, etc. can go badly pretty fast without intervention. It's never worth the risk.
Kristi Northcutt 2 years ago
My first child was breech,and it was somehow missed until she should have been crowning. I was given the option of attempting a vaginal birth or having a C,-section. This was after I was fully dilated. I told them no way was I going through that much labor AND having to heal from surgery, so I delivered vaginally in the operating theater in case something went wrong. It was a teaching hospital, so I delivered with an audience of at least 30, by the way. Your wife had to do what I balked at and refused to do. I feel her pain, believe me, and would never call what she did "the easy way out" and shame on everybody who even thought that!
Alison Shanahan 2 years ago
Having a live baby is the only important fact, how they arrived is irrelevant.
Susie Elle 2 years ago
How is having your belly cut open to fish out a baby the 'easy way out' for some people?
RELATED:
#2
Oof people touching my belly without even asking me! My MIL ( who I love btw) even touched my belly under my t-shirt without asking me... I found it really intrusive.... It was awful
Final score:
20points
Brocken Blue 2 years ago
I find this interesting, because I definitely respect the boundaries of people like you don’t want to be touched. I though that’s how I was going to be too… But I personally like having my pregnant belly touched, it feels friendly and welcoming. only two people have done it to me so far with that asking. And I’ve much more often been in the situation of seeing people awkwardly hesitating, not knowing how to ask if they are allowed, and I’m having to tell them “It’s fine!” I hope that this trend of people hesitating and asking before touching continues, so pregnant people like you can have bodily autonomy and peace. But it’s interesting to see that on the East Coast of the US at least, belly touching is much less prevalent than I thought it would be
Hales M 2 years ago (edited)
Maybe it's from an entire lifetime of people touching my hair without asking or just getting sexually harassed in sales by contractors. I don't even ask to touch a belly, I don't want the person to feel like a jerk for saying no. I always just wait to see if they offer. I would hate yet another body part people feel comfortable touching without consent.
#3
Being very pregnant during an unusually hot summer in a house with no AC and no fly screens on the windows. That was a bit of hell
Final score:
16points
jolie laide 2 years ago
I've never been pregnant, but I have heard that dealing with the 3rd trimester in summer can be brutal.
#4
I had hyperemesis gravidarum which was absolutely horrendous and preeclampsia, also horrible. Six months on bed rest, induced emergency labor, preemie... It was way too much. But tearing and breaking my hip during delivery leaving me in a wheelchair for three years? That was even worse. Maternal mortality numbers are no joke, particularly in the US. If you are a pregnant person, or a person who's medical needs are often ignored by professionals, study up and prepare to be your own best and educated advocate. My use of the right terminology is likely the only reason my daughter and I are alive.
Final score:
12points
jolie laide 2 years ago
Ooh god, I'm so glad you both made it, but what a nightmare. If I remember right, HG is extreme morning sickness, right? It can last 24/7 for eons on end. I remember in high school I had a geometry tutor, and we'd talk about all kind of things. She told me about her 2nd pregnancy, where about a month before her daughter was born, she was in a car accident. The baby was fine, but she'd torn all the ligaments/tendons in her lower back. Her OB/GYN wasn't available when she went into labor, but they'd agreed before hand on an epidural for her birth plan instead of a C-section. The doc on call wasn't having it, but after the 2nd time she (my tutor) passed out from the combined pain of labor and her injured back, the doc finally did the epi. Her daughter was 2 when I started math lessons with her, and she was still far from recovered. She was absolutely miserable.
#5
Being diagnosed with TTTS with my identical twins. That's a hell of a diagnosis to go through.
Final score:
10points
Laughing otter 2 years ago
Gosh, it sounds awful! I just looked TTTS up, and all the interventions are so invasive and frightening. Were both of your twins okay (if you don't mind my asking)?
howdylee (Submission author) 2 years ago
Yes. Only had to do 1 amnio reduction (not laser surgery). Two healthy babies born at 34 weeks, only needed a short NICU stay for feeding and growing. Healthy and sassy 7 year olds now! :)
Load More Replies... #6
1977. Keeping it a secret from my parents while I (then 17yo) get a completely legal abortion in a hospital. Only 2 other people in the world know.
Final score:
10points
#7
Getting pregnancy depression (similar to post partum, body can't deal with hormones), that was zero fun. Also everyone thought tjat can only happen with an unwanted pregnancy, which it wasn't!All the great advice like "Have you tried to enjoy pregnancy?" "Nope, I figured being miserable is better!"
Final score:
9points
Kevin the Manager 2 years ago
That advice always sucks. "Have you tried NOT being depressed?" "Have you tried just NOT being bulimic?" Gee, why didn't I think of that!
Huddo's sister 2 years ago
Oh y goodness, that sound horrible! People really need to educate themselves more and not jump to conclusions about people. My best friend and her husband both had pregnancy depression with their second child and although she was able to shake it off after giving birth, he hasn't, and doesn't want to admit it.
#8
To loose pregnancy after pregnancy, not knowing why. To carry my dead children until induction started, not wanting to let go. The feeling on a little body on your chest a few hours before autopsy and the guilt of not being able to give life to them. I have had live born as well, but always several losses between them. And people giving you permission to grieve depending on the length of the pregnancy. My lost baby at 8 weeks was as precious to me as the baby I lost after half the pregnancy has passed. But somehow losses of early pregnancies isnt a cause to be sad.
Final score:
9points
#9
Every random person asking me about my personal health and unborn child! Nott your business!
Final score:
8points
Hales M 2 years ago (edited)
Sometimes "kind and supportive" can be patronising and fear-inducing. And sometimes unsolicited advice and opinions are not helpful. I can attest that some people really go too far and I think that may be what OP was talking about. I had to train a new employee at my last job, she was noticeably pregnant. So clients would come to us, strangers we have just met and they'd say things like "oh, you're pregnant? How far along are you? Now, are you taking pre-natal meds?" Or "have you had water recently? Well don't you think you should? I mean, shouldn't you be thinking about the baby? What is your birthplan, I hope you aren't considering a C-section, those are unnatural"... and yes you can see it as being overly nosy and trying to share wisdom... but it also is quite judgemental and undermines your feeling that you can do it. Becoming a mother is a very very scary thing, some rando shouldn't take it upon themselves to stick their nose in and effectively judge you.
Load More Replies... #10
just trying to get comfortable! My daughter weighed 11 pounds 11 ounces when she was born!
Final score:
8points
Elizabeth VanDyke 2 years ago
I had a 10 1/2 pounder after the doctor assured me that he would not be a big baby.
jolie laide 2 years ago
Holy c**p! Did they have to take you C-section or? Sorry for the questions, I just know that the bigger the baby, the more at risk you can be for complications of all kinds.
Sara Bardsley (Submission author) 2 years ago
It was a vaginal delivery. But I had a huge episiotomy! She was the biggest baby in the hospital! I had to send my husband home for a 6 month outfit for her to wear. As an adult, she was tall and wore a size 5! Go figure!
Load More Replies... Huddo's sister 2 years ago
Wow! I was only 6 pounds, half an ounce and I was one of my mum's biggest babies.
#11
i’m not the mom, i’m the kid, (never have been pregnant never will lol i am Amab) but I was born five weeks early, in an hour and a half, at 4 pounds and 4 ounces. My mother says that the worst part of being pregnant was having to give birth to me prematurely, and knowing that there was a decent chance I wouldn’t survive. But here I am, 18 years later :D
Final score:
8points
jolie laide 2 years ago
I was born a day early, at only 5lbs 5oz but I was healthy. I remember my Mom saying she didn't like the last trimester much, because I hated to be "squished". If I felt I didn't have enough room, I'd plant hands and feet on her hipbones and rib cage and "stretch". That was uncomfortable/painful for her. I also apparently didn't like it when she used her belly a a table for eating. I guess I could feel the pressure, so I'd push against it. She said I loved rock and roll and showers too. Whenever my Dad would play records or she'd shower, I'd get super active in the womb. It was amusing to her until I nailed her bladder, etc. But she always told me that she could tell a lot about me through things like that before I was born, and sure enough, I've always hated being squished (tight clothes, plane seats, etc), always loved music (played myself for years) and am a huge fish in water. There's more, but I'm probably about to run out of room in the reply box, LOL.
#12
Finding out I was pregnant 6 weeks before having my daughter. I did not have regular cycles and could easily go a year without a period. Also, I'm built weird. My skeleton wouldn't fit into a size 8. Apparently she was able to grow nicely without me getting a bigger belly. I got a bigger butt in the last 4 weeks, but I can't explain that. I felt movement and thought "Oh, c**p. I think there's someone in there." And I swear she was trying to hide from me. As soon as it was confirmed she became a gymnast. My ex MIL thought I was exaggerating when I said she was practicing standing up. Not only did she freak out the nurses by lifting her head and looking around trying to locate them her first day out, "Nurse: she shouldn't be able to do that! Me: Tell her!" she stood up on Nana's lap. She still at age 18 has strong legs.
Final score:
7points
#13
First time: Ectopic pregnancy that burst at nine weeks Second time: Preeclampsia and partial kidney failure, couldn't see my daughter for 2 days bc I was in ICU Third time: Full eclampsia, seizures, C-section and preemie born at 2lbs 14 oz, Four months in NICU until he reached five pounds. 10 days later: different hospital, incision reopened for tubal ligation of remaining tube, so--equivalent of 2 C-sections within 10 days of each other. (Birth hospital had the NICU but was a Catholic-owned institution that did not allow birth control surgery, so had to transfer to a different hospital that did allow it. This was recommended by the OB/GYN who said my next pregnancy would kill two people.) No more times.
Final score:
7points
Brocken Blue 2 years ago
Oh that stinks that the Catholic hospital refused to do what needed to be done. I’m glad you made it through <3
Panda Kicki 2 years ago
OMG. Where you on meds to prevent pre-eclampsia and still got it that bad?
Stephanie Did It (Submission author) 2 years ago (edited)
No, I was 19, married at 17, for the first pre-eclampsia episode (Ectopic loss at age 18). Dr said "don't get pregnant again" but didn't say why. I was so young, I guess he thought I wouldn't understand. At 24, my son was on the way and I learned why!
Load More Replies... #14
We lived in the country at the time I was pregnant and if I had a food craving it I was out of luck. The nearest store closed at 9PM. One day I drove past the grocery store and stopped in for just a jar of sauerkraut. Stock up on weird food.
Final score:
6points
Brocken Blue 2 years ago
This makes me very grateful I live on the edge of the woods and not deep in them. It’s still only a couple minute drive to my favorite foods.
#15
Hands down, food poisoning at 38 weeks .. the absolute worst way to end a pregnancy.
Final score:
5points
#16
Well I had the perfect pregnancy - first trimester only morning sickness. Whoever named morning sickness that has never been pregnant because that lasted for half a day in my case, for three months. Second trimester - I was profoundly sweating. All. The. Time. And it was winter, not summertime. And I stunk. I showered all the time. Other than that no biggies. Third trimester - the uncomfort. I couldn't sit nicely, driving was hell (I wasn't the one driving), lying down and/or sleeping was majorly uncomfortable. And then the Carpal tunnel syndrome kicked in. Hell, some mornings I'd cry from the pain. I felt as if someone had cut off my hands. Fourth trimester as some call it - I delivered normally, I arrived at the hospital "just for a checkup" because the Braxton Hicks were becoming annoying and 3 hours later here he was. The PPD kicked in soon after, which I'm mostly still working on. The sleepless nights were the worst when the baby was still too small, I hallucinated from the lack of sleep at times. At the end of the day, I was more than luckier than most woman out there and I very much appreciate every experience. End of rant
Final score:
5points
#17
The heartburn was unworldly. My babies grew backwards, taking up all the space in my abdominal cavity. I never got a big belly. I wore my neighbors castoffs for maternity clothes,they were one size bigger than my normal size. I changed doctors at 35 weeks, and they were preparing for a psych consult until they examined me because they thought I was delusional to believe I was that far along, when to someone who didn't know me, it looked like I wasn't even showing. There was constant pressure on my organs. This meant one bite of anything gave me instant heartburn. I don't know how I managed to keep my babies nourished so that they were born healthy. I did become severely anemic at a level 7. As soon as I delivered, it shot up to a 14, so the babies were taking what they needed to my vast relief.Both my children were born at 37 weeks. My theory is that they had no more room at all to grow, so they came out. I would have had to have one more to prove my theory, so that's all it remains.
Final score:
5points
#18
Losing our baby at 7 weeks but not finding out until the 12 week scan. This was yesterday.
Final score:
5points
Tamra 2 years ago
I am so sorry. I know what this pain is like. It is... indescribable. Please be gentle and loving with yourself. You aren't alone, even though the grief swallows you up and makes you feel that way. I hope you find healing and joy in time.
Madster (Submission author) 2 years ago
Thank you for your kind words. I'm doing my best to stay positive x
Load More Replies... #19
Oh my gosh… Where to start? Think of any symptom, I had it. 🤣 I was pregnant at 40, so we knew there would be risks - but my beautiful baby boy is 100% worth it! Pregnancy: One star. Wouldn’t recommend. 😜 Hardest parts were the bloating, constant nausea, headaches, no concentration (couldn’t work at all), bleeding gums, sciatica (lower back pain extends to your bum down the back of your leg), swollen legs, constipation, high blood pressure, daily blood thinner injections, bad skin, dry hair, you name it… Not for the faint of heart.
Final score:
4points
#20
Getting pregnant. It took ten years and multiple pregnancies for our five-year-old.
Final score:
4points
#21
Feeling like a house not just in size but think about it, there is a living being grow inside of you for 36 to 40 weeks. Whenever I saw my belly moving from my kids moving around, I had flashes of alien and kept thinking "omg he's gonna burst out of me!" I love my children but hated being pregnant
Final score:
4points
Brocken Blue 2 years ago
It is a kind of creepy experience when you think about it. I think human culture tends to wrap a pregnancy either in secrecy and silence or in flowers and fluffy, pretty colors because nobody wants to deal with how icky and weird at all can be if you overthink it.
#23
Waiting for 2 hours to see a doctor after having a 19 week ultra sound of my twins with a technician who saw something she couldn't share with me and then immediately put me in a wheelchair! It was a terrifying 2 hours. I found out that I was dialating at 19 weeks and was taken to the hospital. Over the next 10 weeks I had 2 cerclages where they sew the cervix closed and was on bedrest in the hospital. I was on magnesium and in Trendelenburg until I delivered at 29 weeks. My twins were in the NICU for 5 weeks and came home still more than a month before their due date! They are 20 now and both have been taller than me since they were teenagers - but I will always see them as my tiny preemies!
Final score:
4points
#24
My 1st child was born 9/11/1990. My husband was deployed to the Red Sea a month before I gave birth for what was supposed to be a 3 month tour. He met our daughter when she was 7 months old. Nevermind that I was on the "safe" side of the war, that for many months I worried if our child would ever meet their father was a very difficult ordeal. The Gulf war was on the nightly news and i had no support from family.
Final score:
4points
#25
I have anxiety about sleeping lately because I’m SO uncomfortable and have such a hard time falling asleep. My hips and ribs hurt no matter how often I switch sides. I sometimes end up crying at 3am because I’m aching so badly and just want to sleep and can’t
Final score:
3points
#26
Oof. 1st pregnancy I had morning sickness all day everyday of the pregnancy. 2nd pregnancy was fine. 3rd pregnancy I developed paricardiomyopathy. My heart was enlarged and working double time. Nurses said it sounded like horses galloping. I was put on bed rest. How does one rest with two toddlers to look after? Husband helped when he wasn't working or boinking his girlfriend. Yeah, I left him.
Final score:
3points
#27
The point when I couldn't tie my own shoes. At that point - it was old.
Final score:
3points
#28
1/ Everyone, and I mean literally every adult I knew, told me what I should/should not do. 2/ I had to keep people away hence they were heading for my belly. Everyone just felt it was ok to touch... No comments (well, apart from that I really missed sleeping head down!)
Final score:
3points
#29
We wanted a "Natural Birth". My wife went through 3 days of labor. We went to the hospital 3 times, only to be sent back because she "wasn't ready". We didn't sleep for 3 days. She ended up having an epidural. He was an only child.
Final score:
3points
#30
im a kid and have never been preggo but when i was born i was in the hospital for like a month in the nicu. i still have a huge scar across my stomach from one of the surgeries i had
Final score:
2points
#31
Getting fatal diagnosis and pressured to abort even though I wanted to savour all the time I had with them! Other than that - morning sickness (that showed up any time of day…) for the full 9 months!!
Final score:
2points
Huddo's sister 2 years ago
I'm sorry for your loss. You don't have to answer, but did you tell people about the diagnosis before you gave birth? It absolutely makes sense you would want to savour the time with your baby, it was probably the best option for you. I hope you are doing well now.
#32
Undiagnosed postnatal depression with all 3 babies until last baby was 12 months old. Going into premature menopause at 34 after birth of first baby, lucky to have the other 2 children. Putting on 20 kgs in 2 months of first pregnancy when my thyroid medication was cut in half by gynaecologist, it should have been doubled. Being asked if I was having triplets when pregnant with last baby, I carried very big babies, 5kg plus 1kg placentas. Catching whooping cough at 6 months pregnant and nobody able to diagnose it, apparently only paediatricians know the symptoms. Having my youngest stop breathing whilst in hospital after birth and no midwives available as twin premmies were being born and everyone was attending. My senior midwife was the only one with previous experience so she was in charge and unavailable. She was very cross when she found out, luckily it was my third and I knew what to do.
Final score:
2points
#33
9 months of morning sickness 24 hours a day, with both pregnancies.
Final score:
2points
#34
The end of it. I loved everything about being pregnant. I felt comfortable in my body for the first time in my life, had almost no morning sickness and treasured every movement, even when it gave me heartburn and swollen ankles. Then I gave birth. 14 hours of active labour, an episiotomy, forceps and fever ='d a baby in the NICU and an inability to walk for a week. I love my kid but until she slept through the night at 8 months I just wanted to shove her back inside.
Final score:
2points
#35
Being induced, 16 hours of labour only to realise baby was stuck, being rushed into the operating theatre at 3am, finding out the epidural hadn't worked completely when they started the episiotomy and I felt the pain of the cuts. Almost dying and almost losing the baby.
Final score:
2points
#36
Entire pregnancy on my back, high-risk. They took me off the preterm-labor meds at 8 months, I started getting contractions right away. I had contractions for an entire week, until I could not even eat anymore and I hardly got any sleep. Then I was in labor for 22 hours. My son came out sideways.
Final score:
2points
#37
Uterine inversion with my second. The operating room looked like a trauma bay. Always wanted three, but that ended that idea!
Final score:
2points
Cheshirecasss (Submission author) 2 years ago
It won't let me edit? Second baby / second C-section.
#38
I have a few "hardest parts" if you dont mind! Diagnosed with preeclampsia, 2 months on mandatory bed rest in the hospital. Blood pressure so high that a heart attack or stroke was often referred to as "impending" instead of "possible to happen". Cabin fever was so stressful it was only worsening my blood pressure. BUT i had a safe and easy-ish emergency induction birth that lasted only 45 minutes. I think the other hardest part was my family not understanding just how deadly preeclampsia is and they all showed up within hours of my birth, thanks to my mother inviting them without my permission! Almost died of a heart attack right then, no joke, as the nurse near-physically shoved everyone out of the room as I was demanding they leave but they wanted their damn "baby fix" while I literally lay there dying. Now, pregnant with my second child, I am struggling the most with mental health. Depression, anxiety, fear of preeclampsia and other complications, being judged by family (some who have had children and most who havent) for choices we havent even had a chance to make because our baby hasnt been born yet. Someone even told my husband its his fault for not providing me with (something) that I didnt even want. People demanding I have a baby shower when I dont want one, because "it'll be fun!" (not for me but for them) and now people are upset because my husband and I are having a small dinner instead of a huge expensive baby shower. Oh, and my SIL is always drunk, calling up my husband and telling him that we are "doing it wrong" and that we "will find out when the baby arrives" 😡
Final score:
2points
#39
I'm the dad, so obviously it wasn't my pregnancy. That said, the worst part of the delivery was when my wife threw up after it was over. Baby out of the birth canal? Strange, but also enormously gripping to watch. Little but of poop? Not great, but what can you do? Throw up as soon as the baby's born? I can't look at you do that. I can hold your hand and clean it up after, but something about the act of vomiting is the one thing that turned my stomach.
Final score:
1point
jolie laide 2 years ago
Ooof, poor wife. I remember my Mom saying she never had morning sickness, until she went into labor. So for 46 hours she was vomiting/dry heaving along with the contractions. They gave her ice chips, but no IV even though she begged for it, trying to tell them that she was dehydrating. Sure enough, after I was born, the doctor said, "Oh you're dehydrated!"
Brocken Blue 2 years ago
Stupid doctor . It’s almost like she was telling them that she needed hydration all along 🤦
Load More Replies... the quickening 2 years ago
Just HEARING somebody vomit can make me vomit, too. If I see it, or smell it? Yeah, am dry heaving trying to contain myself. It doesn't have to be human to have that effect on me.
#40
I had hyperemesis. Vomited every day, sometimes as much as 10x day, for 9 months. Lost 20lbs.
Final score:
1point
#41
The birth, baby got stuck, episiotomy, large tear, lots of bruising 8lb 15oz 1st baby
Final score:
1point
#42
Being induced, 16 hours of labour only to realise baby was stuck, being rushed into the operating theatre at 3am, finding out the epidural hadn't worked completely when they started the episiotomy and I felt the pain of the cuts. Almost dying and almost losing the baby.
Final score:
1point
What do you think ?
Lindelwa Khuzwayo 2 years ago
Going through the pregnancy and birth of my child without my mum, who died when I was young. There are milestones in my adult life which hit hard, and this one was especially difficult.
Lindelwa Khuzwayo 2 years ago
Going through the pregnancy and birth of my child without my mum, who died when I was young. There are milestones in my adult life which hit hard, and this one was especially difficult.
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