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Hey Pandas, What Is The Darkest Secret Your Family Kept From You As A Child? (Closed)
What is the darkest secret your family kept from you as a child that you didn’t learn until you were an adult? How did you find out? Has knowing changed your perspective on anything, changed how you feel about a certain person, etc.?
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The reason my mom and dad where divorced and why I never got to see my dad is because he r*ped my older sister and was found to be a pedophile. I found out via my mom when I turned 21 and she thought I could handle it. My whole life I thought dad was dead, nope, turns out he was a r*pist. It definitely changed my views on my dad drastically and it also somewhat changed views on my mom, I was mad she kept something so huge from me my whole childhood. I now realize there is no earthly way I would have been able to handle thAt and no way I would have had a happy childhood or felt safe. I’m sure she also didn’t want me going around telling friends/teachers and the like this.
OP here. Forgot to mention that I also didn’t know they where divorced, I always thought that dad had died. Once I found out they where divorced I thought they had divorced and he had soon thereafter died which was why I never saw him.
My paternal grandmother didn't die from a heart attack. She was murdered.
So many. :( I found out that:
- my aunt had a fake passwort with a wrong birthday in it
- she was once kidnapped, raped and then freed for ransom money
- my father insulted, threatened, beat and raped my mother
- my father was part of a gang that hunted homeless people in their town
- my grandfather bribed a college so that my father would be accepted
.. and actually some more..
I know this all sounds terrible and it truly is, but I still had a very carefree and happy childhood. I was only told later about all of this.
At least you had the illusion of that childhood. My fam didn't keep secrets. I wish they had!
When I was about 5 and my brother was 7 he decided it would be so funny to kill my hamster and eat the heart. My mother found out and bought me a new one and I had no idea. My brother has been in and out of mental hospitals since.
That my mother died in a car crash while my father was driving. I was 6 months old when that happened.
My father remarried when I was a toddler. I never thought it odd that I had 3 sets of grandparents. At a certain point they had to explain of course because other kids started asking us questions.
My grandfather was a very abusive alcoholic. Unconfirmed, but I was told as a kid that he started drinking after he accidentally shot and paralyzed a friend of his. I thought the drinking was why I was never allowed to be alone with him or stay at their house.
My mother later confided to me that he started r*ping her when she was 11. That was why.
I always thought my mom wasn’t gay……until she came out as trans…EVERYONE KNEW AND I DIDNT?
My Nana met my grandpa because she babysat his kids with his first wife. She was also married with kids at the time.
My grandmother had an affair early on her marriage and my father was a result. Her husband caught the man at their house and shot him. He died several years later due to complications of that gunshot wound. I didn’t know any of this until just recently at 56 yrs old.
When I was 18 I found out that the man I was told was my biological father wasn't. My biological father was a man my mom had a summer fling with when she and her husband were separated. She went back to her husband, then they found out she was pregnant with me. They decided to keep the truth from me and my biological father was never told I even existed. The truth only came out during a contentious divorce when a paternity test was asked for to avoid paying child support. My brother also found out he wasn't her husband's biological child either. He was conceived during a different separation during the marriage. My sister is the only biological child she had with her first husband. My story has a happy outcome though. I found my biological father and now have a good relationship with him.
Glad that you have good relationship with him! Good to hear that something positive came out of this
My whole childhood I thought my grandfather had died from a heart attack. Well, actually he died from the stroke he got after he tried to kill my grandmother and his children with a machete
This blew out into the open of the whole family. For years a relative was embezzling savings, credit off a grandparent, and made her take out a second mortgage, and was actively trying to get her to put all inheritances of my grandma's towards her and no one else.
Apparently this relative also was doing some other illegal crimes. There are other rumors going around about her but I don't like repeating hearsay.
I have suspicions about others but those are unconfirmed.
My adoptive parents told me for nearly 3 years that my biological dad ( who I visited sometimes) had died from a heart attack.
He actually died from an overdose.
I still can't forgive them for that.
There are two answers here, that are very related to each other.
I grew up never knowing my mother. By the time I was old enough to understand that mom didn't live with us, I didn't question it and I didn't really case. Most people don't understand, but things worked the way they were and it really just didn't bother me.
When I was old enough to understand, I was told what happened. Mom and Dad split up when I was 6 months old. I honestly don't even know if they were married. When I was 7 months, Dad gave up trying to raise me himself and moved back in with his parents. I'm 39 and I've lived in that house ever since.
What I didn't know until later was that Mom tried to give me up for adoption. As you can imagine, this didn't endear me to the woman very much. Dad wouldn't have it so he took me by himself.
Now it's worth pointing out that I have an older half sister, who grew up being taken care of by Mom's parents. She and I have kept in touch, as well as the rest of Mom's family. Saying Mom was the black sheep does a disservice to the ovine population. Fast forward to a few years ago, sis and I find out that Mom had another kid that neither of us ever knew about, and she'd tried to turn him into a mama's boy forever. Never let him get a job, never let him get his license.
I wonder how close my story was to the Jason movies.
Even before my parents got married he always treated her like she was nothing, even his family didn't like her and it was one hell of emotional stress... He even beat her one time and I found a letter of her begging to get back together with him because of me .
I still don't understand why someone would belittle herself so much for a toxic person and his family ( they've been together for almost 25 years tho, I'd rather be single than be in such a marriage)
Same happened to my mom, except she found out she was pregnant with me and broke up with him anyway, and then my grandmother (her mother) forced her to marry him. In those times single mothers were “stain on society”, woman needs a husband, children need a father blah blah blah. Grandmother worried more about what would neighbours say than her own daugher’s happiness and safety. Every time my mother turned up at hers with bruises she would send her back to go “work on her marriage”. Took my mother 30 years to leave.
I was looking through some old family records when I discovered a note about one of my aunts and her husband... only the name mentioned was not my uncle's. Turns out she'd gotten married shortly out of college, divorced that guy then later married my uncle. My extended family is pretty conservative, so this whole thing was swept completely under the rug. Not really that dark, although I think it's kinda weird they're this hush-hush about it.
One of my other uncles cheated on his wife with their 16-year-old babysitter, but that came to light pretty quickly (and messily, as you can imagine, although that aunt and uncle are still together for some reason).
Not MY childhood, but my husband's. Apparently his father was messing around with his mother's sister and in turn fathered a child with her. (A girl almost a year younger than him) It was kept quiet for years but, when he was in his early teens his life was up-rooted and they moved to Florida. (From West Virginia 🙄go figure) It later came out that they moved because he and this girl were friends and his parents didn't want them to start dating. All this to keep a secret. My husband found out the truth, his "sister-cousin" still has no clue.
Have I mentioned his family is missing a few french fries from their happy meal? 😆
i wasnt supposed to exist. my parents had planned having 2 children.
they had my big sister.
four years later, they found out my mom was pregnant. it was a girl. two minutes later, the nurses told my parents, "oh, now its two girls."
now i have a twin sister 2 minutes older than i am. i am but an extra... :D
because your sister was closer to the exit you are just for spare parts? no love, you were closer to the heart at the time of your births ;) The both of you played a prank on your parents planning.
That my older sister committed suicide. I was 14 when she died, she was 27 with kids, I was told that it was car accident. In reality she took a gun to her head and left a note. I didn’t find out for another 2 years.
Oh no! I hope her kids have at least a safe place to grow up, and are told the truth.
I've got two, both involving extended family.
1st. My extended family had always been very close with us. Visiting every summer and staying for weeks on end. My oldest... not cousin, whatever he was to me, was never very friendly with most of us kids, (He was a teen so I figured that was why.) but he always liked me really really well. And wanting to stay in his good side after seeing how he treated the others, I hung out with him often. Until one day out of nowhere, everyone decided I was NOT allowed to hang out with him alone anymore. No matter what. Two years later he stopped coming down for summer. And ten or so years after that I learned my grandma had realized he was trying to groom me and put a stop to it the best way she knew how without "causing a rift in the family"... So I'm yeah, doged a BIG bullet with that one.
2nd. So my dad had a cousin who got cancer. She got well for a while, then she got worse. Then she disappeared for a while. Then she died. And I had been under the impression she died of cancer. As is the logical thing to assume... Turns out her mom had taken her in, and begun overdosing her on her meds so she would be too weak to leave and change her will (which was initially giving all her money to her mom but was supposed to be switched over to her gay (very taboo at the time) brother who was struggling and couldn't get a job due to health complications.) She ended up killing her through overdose and since no one managed to prove it, everyone hid it from us kids so we wouldnt have to remember her like that. Never did like my great aunt. Guess I was right not to.
I found out when I was 45 that I was born without a immune system (Primary Common Variable Immune Disorder). My parents found out when I was 2 that I had this condition but, chose not to tell me or have it treated. I found out when a Dr. searched through my records and stumbled upon it because, I was always sick.
When I confronted them about it they just replied "I don't know didn't seem important."
I reminded them that I was deaf until 8 years old and had a speech impediment. These were caused because of my tonsils. They had grown so large that they deformed my ear canals and deafened me.
To which they replied you got over it so what is the big deal?
They totally ignored the fact when I brought it up that, my dad used to smack me in the mouth hard enough to draw blood if I mispronounced a word. (i.e. church would come out as turch. ) This started when I was approx 4 years old.
They have both since passed but, I never trusted them again after that.
I am doing a lot better. When I was 13 I emancipated myself and lest home. Yes it was abuse but what can you do? It was the 70's and no one really noticed. Thanks for asking but I am still here so must have gotten something right.
