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My favorite thoughts are the contradictory ones. Share your best ones here!
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
My personal favorite is “If humans are 60% water, then is drinking water an act of cannibalism?”
Yeah, these are pretty dumb, but they’re FUNNY AND THATS ALL THAT MATTERS HERE
Final score:
12points
RELATED:
#2
Animals with wings, such as birds and bats, have four limbs - two legs and wings instead of arms.
But dragons, fairies and angels have wings in addition to arms, meaning they have six limbs.
So that means these creatures must be insects?
I spent a long time puzzling over this one once.
Final score:
10points
BeesEelsAndPups 10 months ago
There was a book from the 70s or 80s called The Flight of Dragons (not to be confused with the movie of the same name). This book is based on the hypothetical that dragons are an extinct real species, and if so how would they have worked. In this book the author explains that dragon wings were likely more like sails developed as extractions from the ribs, and not limbs per se. That dragons needn't fly by beating their wings, as they used their stomach acids to internally produce hydrogen gas, making them lighter than air. The book is short and definitely written for children, so it's an easy read. When I was little, it was one of my favorite books, and really drove my love for science, and finding the fantastical in the mundane. Unfortunately, I doubt it's still in print, but you may find it on ebay or something.
#3
Mine is "If you have sex with a vampire is it considered necrophilia?"
Final score:
9points
#4
If you can drink your drink then why can't you food your food?
Final score:
8points
Susie Elle 10 months ago
In Dutch you can :) You can 'eet' your 'eten', and you 'drink' your 'drinken.
Iampenny 10 months ago
In German you can too, infact you can "essen" your "Essen" in a town call "Essen"
Load More Replies... #5
Neil A backwards is Alien
Final score:
7points
The person leveling NYC 10 months ago
Oh God no and he was an astronaut, this is where conspiracies come from
Load More Replies... #6
"oh my god the bee god was gay"
referring to a section of the poem "Eurydice" by Ocean Vuong, a prompt for my first prose competition ever held by the NEHS of my high school. I didn't understand the perspective of the poem (assumedly the Bee God whose name i forgot, but was allegedly in love with Eurydice in the version of the myth i heard) for ages despite being part of the LGBTQ+ community as well, but when it clicked that the narrator was in love with Orpheus/at least vaguely jealous of their love, i could start writing and I won 3rd place :)
Final score:
7points
#7
I have so many really specific puns I could make that nobody would ever want to hear :(
Final score:
6points
Andrew Keir 10 months ago
I thought of 5 puns to answer this, then 5 more, still hoping that one of them might get an upvote - but no pun in ten did.
#8
Shower question, more like... If you drink a whole bottle of food coloring, will your s**t be colored? I am in desperate need of an answer.
Final score:
5points
Sonny 10 months ago
Yes, actually. There was so much dye in the halloween burgers at Burger King (I think it was Burger king) that some of it was absorbed but some stayed. People were depositing lots of vibrant green after eating it.
#9
Actual thought I had randomly in the shower:
"Mrs. Doubtfire, Mrs. Doubtfire, Mrs. Doubtfire, Mrs. Doubtfire, Mrs. Doubtfire..." (like, my thoughts were on an ENDLESS LOOP)
Final score:
4points
The person leveling NYC 10 months ago
If I could upvote this 100 times I would, it made me laugh out loud IN FRONT OF LIKE 12 PEOPLE
The person leveling NYC 10 months ago
And then I had to explain why I was on Bored Panda instead of Google Docs
Load More Replies... #10
Shower joint. Shower wine. Shower burrito. Natural eucalyptus hanging on the shower head wall. I’m a shower genius.
Final score:
4points
#11
Horror & Terror. Both dark/scary.
Horrible & Terrible. Same situation.
Horrific & Terrific. Suddenly meanings diverge.
Final score:
4points
#12
In "I Love Lucy" her husband's name is Ricky Ricardo. As he is Cuban and Ricky is short for Ricardo; then his name would technically be Ricardo Ricardo.
Final score:
4points
Andrew Keir 10 months ago
There's a hill in Cornwall called Torpenhow hill. "Tor" is an old word for a hill; so are "Pen" and "How". So, it's "Hill hill hill" hill.
#13
If ice cream is just frozen milk, why is melted ice cream not called milk? ALSO, ISN'T CHEESE JUST A LOAF OF MILK?! Now that I think about it, an omelet is a loaf of egg.
Final score:
4points
BeesEelsAndPups 10 months ago
Yes on the loaf points. An omelet is an eggloaf, and cheese is a milkloaf. A meatloaf is a singer who will do ALMOST anything for love, but not that.
Bored Sailor 10 months ago (edited)
Giving one vote back as you are correct many other ingredients are normally, like sugar, but almost never just churned milk. But the FAIL part was not needed.
Load More Replies... #14
Who was the first person to domesticate an animal? How did that happen? Did someone was like:
-"Hey, look at that bouncing boy on the top of the mountain. He's got horns and hooves and can climb a rock wall...I am going to put him in a pen and take his wool".
-"Hey, look at that apex predator! He's got sharp teeth and can take down a moose with his friends! I am going to give him food and shelter, make him my best friend and make him help me hunt!
-Woah! Look at the miniature tiger! He is quick and agile and has razor sharp claws! I am going to let him into my cave and let him purr on my lap!
And then I hear a loud crash and have to step out of the shower to check what my cats have broken now...
Final score:
4points
The person leveling NYC 10 months ago
“Say hello to my little friends.” (Claws, that wasn’t clear, sorry)
BeesEelsAndPups 10 months ago
There is actually a hypothesis around this question. A leading theory is that human tribes started noticing that wolf packs would follow the tribe, and eating the uneaten food the humans left behind. They also noticed that other predators stayed away, being fearful of the wolves who were active at night. The humans would then start to purposefully leave food for the wolves, and over time a bond started to form between human and wolf tribes, with each benefiting the other.
Andrew Keir 10 months ago
It's just a demand for food. They're training you. Imagine a cat with a New Jersey accent - "Nice vase you've got here, it'd be a shame if anything - happened- to it. Now feed us"
#15
As I stood there waiting for the water to heat up. "What if instead of heating all the water in one place and piping it through the cold attic, we heat it where it is being used?"
Final score:
3points
Bored Sailor 10 months ago
They do have them, alot of countries use them. In my house in US I have a tankless which is better then heating a large tank even when not in use. But the hotel I stayed at in Philippines you turned it on at the shower and it was on a timer. See others in other places as well, kitchen sink inline heaters are pretty common.
BeesEelsAndPups 10 months ago
We do this a lot in Brazil. The water is heated in the shower head directly, rather than hot water tanks. But honestly, when I was living in brazil, I rarely showered with hot water. Usually I showered to cool down.
#17
Why didn't Chuck Nolan played by Tom Hanks in Castaway just use the crystal face of the pocket watch Kelly (Helen Hunt) had given him to start a fire. Instead he spent an enormous amount of time and effort plus being injured before finally succeeding in "making fire?"
Final score:
3points
#18
Shower thoughts led me to realizing that I'm gay
Final score:
3points
Apatheist Account2 10 months ago
Coming out of the shower instead of the closet - good for you!
#19
Hmm, what do you suppose this pulsating setting on my hand-held shower head is good for?
Final score:
2points
#20
you would give your guests cookies, but Chrome guest mode gives you no cookies
Final score:
2points
#22
this one happened the other day:
"how many bananas can someone eat before they die of radiation poisoning again?"
Final score:
2points
The person leveling NYC 10 months ago
wait wow i knew bananas were radioactive but I didn’t think death was realistic
OzymandiasTheManokit They/Them (Submission author) 10 months ago
not 10 million in a lifespan, to clarify. 10 million in one sitting.
Load More Replies... OzymandiasTheManokit They/Them (Submission author) 10 months ago
the answer is 10 million apparently
#23
If we continue counting until we have more numbers than there are atoms in the universe, how would we be able to record all those numbers?
Final score:
1point
Andrew Keir 10 months ago
Write it down in standard notation - like, 300 million is 3 x the to the poser of eight (3E8). But counting all those atoms might take a while ...
Warren Peece (Submission author) 10 months ago
Writing a number in standard notation would still require more than one atom regardless of whether we record it analog (such as on paper or some other material) or digital (on a computer storage device).
Load More Replies... Warren Peece (Submission author) 10 months ago
No doubt that is the most intelligent comment you have ever made.
Load More Replies... Warren Peece (Submission author) 10 months ago
I already addressed that possibility. Try reading it. Apparently I was right when I said that "Uhhh" was the most intelligent comment you have ever made.
Load More Replies... #24
Why do we call it "rush hour" when nothing moves?
It's like we're all just standing still in our cars, contemplating life while pretending we're in a race!
Final score:
1point
#25
One day, they'll probably create a Harry Potter remake, and there's nothing we can do to stop it.
Final score:
1point
#26
"what if I could make something that gives off illusions so I look like a boy?"
this was last month, and it has led to me drafting out an invention that you wear on your wrist that is controlled by a phone app that can give off an illusive appearance to give you things such as a beard, boobs, shorter hair etc, that is meant to help reduce dysphoria and boost euphoria in trans individuals
Final score:
0points
Andrew Keir 10 months ago
Ideas are free. 'Getting them to work reliably' takes the effort and turns them into product.
TheForrestGreene (he/they/it) (Submission author) 10 months ago
yes im very well aware of that, this is more of a side project that im doing for fun, but i am planning on asking some of my teachers for help, while also teaching myself how to code
Load More Replies... #27
How was Mr. Spock always able to calculate “the probability of success” for an event that was happening for the first time ever?
Final score:
0points
Andrew Keir 10 months ago
I'm 87.4% sure he was just winging it and relying on trust in his renowned high IQ to get his answer accepted. "Fake it till you make it" sounds better in Vulcan.
Warren Peece (Submission author) 10 months ago
I would try to refute that figure. But Jim, I'm a doctor, not a statistician.
Load More Replies...
#28
How to defend myself should I be attacked by an intruder. I don't like showers so this is in the bathtub (clearly I am in the vulnerable position easily could succumb to drowning or weapons). First I turn the shower nozzle facing the sink. Then I lift the little nozzle that will switch the water to the shower instead of faucet. Then I turn the water all the way to hot. Our water is scalding hot to the point of near boil. If a m**o tries to attack me 🥳 (that emoji is a typo but it feels appropriate so I will leave it) then I just pull the nozzle up and they get a face load of boiling water. Then I slip out of the tub and slide out the door like a walrus. There might be combat and I might get burned. Needless to say- bath time could be more relaxing and maybe I should try some new thoughts
Final score:
0points
#29
Why BP sold out ton reddit and instagram.
Final score:
-1point
#30
"The water is too cold."
Final score:
-2points
