Hey Pandas, Show Us Your Beautiful Eyes (Closed)

hi :) yes i am fine i am going to text this morning once you can see the texts

Alright! I can see stuff now so feel free to text me as much as u want

I must now catch you up on the current events of my life for ten hours

please do i have missed talking to you

So uhh do you know why I have a new account?

i’m guessing it was discovered?

No actually. I deleted it myself before running away and getting caught. Now I'm trying to get proof of abuse to get the f**k away from my family

omg finally i’m so glad

The past week or two has been eventful to say the least

i’ve felt bad for not being able to log on and help with anything and i feel like i’ve missed a ton which i have lol

Yooo hi bee! I'm glad u aren't dead thats cool

cant say i’m also glad but heyyy

Well I'm glad enough for both of us (: if u ever want to talk I'm always here for u

thanks :) and I’m hoping I’ll be able to be online more often soon since school starts really soon (and my mom went back to work already so i have more chances to log on assuming i don’t keep sleeping in until 3 pm every day like I have been-]

I'm always here to talk too, bee.

thank you. this reminds me so much of when you first had an account am i the only one who thinks that😭😭

I'm not exactly sure what you mean by that.

like that first time all three of us had a really long thread of comments (i believe that was back in april if i remember correctly)

Wait what I can't remember this what were we talking abojt

We were talking about how excellent and supreme I am compared to you mortals

Oh yeah. It's been forever since we've all talked like this :) I missed talking to you

i missed talking to you as well. i forgot how much i need the people on here, especially you and crow

Aww :) I'm surprised how fast I've made friends on here. I've been here since March 29th and y'all treat me like we've been friends forever. I still feel like the new member of our little group even though so many people have joined since then haha

well it feels like we’ve been friends forever honestly. it’s insane how much has changed since then though. i think bp has helped us all.

My life a few months ago was so wildly different it's weird to think about.

same for me. my life a year ago was crazy and i doubt I’d even still be alive if it wasn’t for bp

Life has gotten even crazier for me now. But it's not any worse, because now I have friends to help me with it :)

i have a completely new set of friends now and that part of my life is so much better even if everything else is a disaster :)

:) y'know, a little over four months ago, I had never had a single friend. Just my family, a family that hated me. I don't know how I've made it this far. I never planned to or wanted to make it this far. Life wasn't as bad as it was now, yet everything seemed worse. I had nobody there for me, but what I did have was a bunch of people teaching me how horrible I am, and everyone I should hate. I was like them. I'm sure if I met any person like the people on here four years ago, any gay person or trans person or just anyone in general who wasn't like me, I would have been a d**k. I still feel like an a*****e for that. I was probably worse than my family actually, because I knew I was like the people here, and I was scared of that. Scared of peoples reactions, scared of my family hating me even more. I hated everything about life even more than I do now. I feel horrible about how I was a few years ago.Now I have friends like you and I'm happy to say I don't think I'm a bad person anymore.

i don’t think you were ever a bad person, just not being given a good balance of interaction with people who were different. and that’s not your fault. and you’re definitely an awesome person and one of my best friends and i care about you so much and am so glad that things are about to work out

I'm not going to stop beating myself up for it anyway

May please be nice to yourself, you deserve it

Sorry about the long stupid rant haha. It all sounds so dumb, but I could literally continue with this and how different I am now and how much better life is now and how much you've improved it for hours.

I improve everything except for my grades in math (:

Hi crow! You still haven't looked at my wonderful cat so I'm going to pretend to be mad now

Oh sjit jm so sorry I'm just super lazy, I'm literally in my room rn but I have gotten out of bed cause I'm tired haha (I got decent sleep tho so that's a win) I swear I will look at him I'm seriously just stupid

Haha it's okay and you're not stupid

Tell that to my grades. I promise I will look later tho

Trust me, if your grades are bad mine will be wayyy worse. You have no clue the quality of my education so far 💀

Yeahh jt sounds pretty s**t. I'm sure there are remedial classes u can take tho (: the only reason my math grades are terrible (I'm a straight a student otherwise) is cause I was in a class 2 grades ahead of my math level and although I could definitely understand it, the teacher was s****y and I've never been amazing at math so I got a c and now I'm going back to normal people math

You get to watch me fail so miserably I end back up in sixth grade 💀

I can be that one friend nobody likes who keeps bothering you to do ur homework if that would help

Not exactly sure that will make up for a lifetime of basically no education but thanks

I can qlways help! I love teaching people things and I could definitely go over stuff with you and help

Haha that will help :)

Aw hell yeah I love helping. About where are you with math? It's a very linear subject so it's the easiest to teach without a curriculum

Uhh basically I suck at math and anything past basic algebra I'll just guess at. Math is also one of the things I'm best at 💀

May I'm literally going into algebra next year (just went down from geometry cause my teacher sucked, I know algebra already but i hate math). Uhh idk much about how to teach science but I can give you random science facts and explanations at random times during the day, or help you understand concepts ur confused by. Im really good at sciencey stuff in general

Okay I have literally never made it through a full year of science. Math is what I'm best at. I also know basically no history except for the history I use to justify my existence as a person (yay for being trans so fun) and any other subject I'm even worse at. Basically, I know math, that's it.

Alright! Give me a scientific concept or a historical event/period and I'll try to explain it to you in a simple way

Uhh explain the first world war

Was that the one with Hitler? Cause there's a very fun way to explain that one that I can show you. If not ur out of luck. I'm realizing now that I'm not actually good at history I just know a bunch of super niche s**t

Crow is that a serious question. No, world war one was not the one with Hitler 💀 well I guess technically he was a world war one veteran if I recall correctly. I know basically nothing about world war one but a shitload of stuff about world war two for some reason. Idk my knowledge is weird. I know world war two, the Napoleonic wars, and the civil war but literally nothing else

Qns there was a Roman leader (can't remember the word for Roman leaders) called egalabus (I think) who was a transfem bisexual (or straight, j cant remnever if her relationshils with women were real or just politicql) teen known for f*****g a s**t ton of people and presenting as a woman to the public. I think she died pretty young but she slayed when she was alive

Also, there's this guy called Albert cashier who I think fought in one of the wars that America was in, I can't remember which. He was a trans man who ran away from his family to join the army and was accepted as a guy, and he lived a pretty good life until he went to a nursing home as an old man and was forced to live out his last days in a dress as a woman. (Sad trend I'm noticing here)

:(

Yes tjat was a serious question haha. Did u know that Joan of arc was actually genderqueer? They said it multiple times but they were still forced to be burnt at the stake as a woman, wearing a dress. They also imo probably made up the 'message from God' s**t to be able to live as a boy/not as a girl

Really? Okay let's do science because any science thing you tell me I will not know. I know uhh people have blood and organs, and uhh atoms exist. Educate me further

Please keep asking questions, I'm bad at just coming up with facts

Hmmm Uhh how the f**k does photosynthesis work

Also, there's a science podcast called radiolab thats really good for just random s**t, u should listen to it

Alright! So basically, light is a form of energy. Plants have leaves, which are built to collect that energy from the light. It then turns the energy from the light into energy for the plant, and I'm not exactly sure what causes the green color but it's either that or the fact that plants use carbon instead of oxygen. Also, if we breathed carbon, we would have to do photosynthesis. I'm not sure why so I'm ignoring that in favor of having a cool character design in my sci fi thing

Also please ignore how stupid I am I would say it isn't my fault but it totally is

You aren't stupid your parents are just doing a s**t job of educating you. It isn't ur fault

So how has your day been?

Im still mostly asleep haha what about you?

I want to go back to sleepppp

Classic haha

Hi can I talk to you for a bit, I kinda f****d up and you were the first person I could think of because I can't talk to anyone irl about this

What's up?

There's been a lot of stressful stuff going on lately, and I've been keeping it together pretty well but yesterday I got super overstressed and got to the point where I couldn't think straight, I freaked out in front of my parents and I couldn't even find the words to explain, and I locked myself in the bathroom and scratched my leg really hard... I've never used a blade or anything, only my nails, but I've been trying to stop and I HAD stopped for a while... I'm ok now, I just really wanted to talk to someone about this

Alright. That makes sense, I've done the same thing before. Do you think you could put a rubber band on your arm and snap it when you're getting the urge to hurt yourself? That might help. Also, looking at your arm/leg/whatever and imagining it belongs to your best friend/sibling/someone you care about can help a bit. Next time you're freaking out like that, it's okay to not explain. You can always say that you need a few minutes to yourself and then try to calm down. Also,ctelling your parents you've been really stressed out lately might help, I'm sure they'll try to make you feel better. I'm glad you're okay now

Thank you, I think that will work. It doesn't happen often, but I've never talked to anyone about it and I just needed to get it off my chest. Thanks for being here for me

Of course, anytime