We've all heard them. Any normal sentence that overheard or taken out of context suddenly becomes very weird and confusing. Post one you've said or overheard.
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"It's okay for your father to be an owl."
i might get downvoted but this was NOT ME saying it, this was my friend possibly former friend saying it and i do not share the same opinion now to get into the words "if you have a wee wee your a guy, if you have a uh, the other thing your a girl" he proceeded to get educated by 5 girls oh i also heard "straight white men are the worst" by one of them
My version of that: if you are a hoomin, you are hoomin.
T H Y R O I D
*context* i was listening to a podcast and they said something that sounded vaguely like T H Y R O I D.
I have a ton from my friend's quote book
1) 'why isn't Shrek a lesbian?' (Me, talking about our school play of Shrek the musical where the one dude who auditioned for Shrek got it)
2) 'God. He wants his slurp juice' (you don't want to know)
3)'I'm going to push you off the fence' (my choir teacher, artfully using a metaphor)
4) 'I'm gay but I'd kill for a lemon bar' (me!!)
I guess I'll start:
"If a snake is civilized enough to drink tea with it's tail, you can sleep with it."
Wasn't this when you were talking about which snakes were dangerous?
"I shouldn't be accounting for how much bodily harm a gun can cause to an alien if I'm filling the city streets with dozens and dozens of snakes..."
Why are you in the floor, you need to go to neptune to get baptised over a cat
If you eat a fossil in the future , it will not turn into the creature when you come back to now!
“Pune is the USA of Maharashtra”
Context: Pune is a city in India in a state called Maharashtra and there’s a stereotype about people from there being very self centred. A friend of mine from Pune said this
"You may have a gun, BUT I HAVE A TRUCK!!!"
this one was said to me, so i have the context but i’m sure it was strange to anyone passing by:
my uncle: “Mitya, i will drink ALL YOUR VODKA AND MAYONEZ RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU”
*i was very clearly 8 years old*
Warning: dark humor
"Hey, why can't orphans play baseball?"
"...why?"
"They don't know where home is"
"I wanna get burnt at the stake"
A few of my favorites (some from bp, some irl):
- "MY F*CKING DORITOS"
- (Just the entire conversation when Donut and Betta tried to eat me)
- "I am about two seconds from turning into a ball of sparkly rainbow fury"
- "I am a bian.. a biean? idk"
- "I am one with the beanbag"
- "Well now I want an alpaca farm"
- "The IQ of mayonnaise"
- "Curry is an unusual weather phenomenon"
- "Obviously tofu is an endangered resource"
- C̴̡̧̡̨̛͚̦̙̺͙̺̖͓̫͑̓́̔͜͝Ḧ̷̡̦̹͎̺̠͍̈̑̄͆̕̕̚̚͘͝͠ͅA̶͈̤͍̻͇̰̤̯̒͜I̸̢̱̼̘̯̙̝̯̤͎͑͒̉͠R̵̡̡̘̝̤̬̳̦̼̲̺̘͙̀̂͑͂́̒̾̎͊̌̚͘͜
Oh I also forgot "For the millionth time, I KNOW I still have my liver"
i can't believe we've finally slept together. totally worth digging out your grave.
I have 4-6:
Not necessarily funny: “Door. Hinge. Sah. Rynge.”
This be true tho: “It’s not a slapping if I didn’t slap you.”
Odd even with context: “You got a pimple because you didn’t wipe your butt!”
Just, no: “Seal butt gloss.”
Confusing without context: “Something!”
Something I said: “But I can’t, my eyebrow’s itchy.”
My sister: “OW MY ANKLE KNOBS.” - referring to her knuckles, interestingly enough.
If for some reason the exorcism doesn’t work, I have kittens.
From the official Sonic the Hedgehod twitter account: "Get your Kentucky fried fetish away from me!"
“This may not be your first rodeo, but it is my last brain cell!”
I'm going to say this next time someone is making me reach my boiling point.
It’s memorized!
You are a humongous scrumptious butt scallion and I scoggle in dispute at. Your bloated jumbles.
It’s an insult no one will know it!
"I can feel it in my butt" - my friend
Talking about a broken seat in the lunchroom
