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Hey Pandas, Please Share A Moment That Completely Changed The Way You See Your Spouse
What experiences have helped you understand your partner in a deeper way, leading to changes in how you show love, respect, or appreciation? Share the insights that transformed your relationship for the better!
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#1
He did everything for everyone else. I was always put last. Put his name first on the divorce papers.
Final score:
16points
RELATED:
#2
Here is my story....We have been married for 8 years and my wife have a bumpy relationship with my parents and sister. Everytime we meet them there are some complaints and she is not entirely at fault I knew that my family didn't treat her well. I would ask her to ignore and try to convince her etc... coz I tried taking stand for her and didn't go well and it only made her look more bad infront of them.
Few years back my sister lost her husband in an accident and that just turned everything upside down for us. I was required ro give more support to my sister and my wife have been supportive. I was expecting her to say something abt how she is not ok with me sending all my free time there . That never happened. More over she would come with me whenever she could.I thought that the humanity version and expected of people.But what she did while she was there is what amazed me.
Giving their past differences they couldn't still look eye to eye and there are more than one incident when my sister snapped at my wife or said something rude.My wife would stay silent. Whenever she is over she started taming their plants , usually my BIL would be doing them. She spent all her time in renovating the garden or folding the laundry, or restocking the kitchen or just taking kids out for ice cream while I spent time with my sister. Just the silent help which actually made their life easy.
One evening when we were over my mom said something harsh to my wife and I was not ok . I made an excuse and we left. I took my wife for coffee and apologized to her. I asked her why did she stopped complaining although their behavior didn't change much towards her and how I have been observing all the nice things she has been doing all these months.
She said they are going through a hard time and if snapping at me releases some of that anger ,let it be. Moreover I am not bending backwards or being nice to them . Despite our differences I know how difficult it is to function when you lose someone. All the things I do helps them to function. Slowly they will recover till then we shouldn't think about our ego and avoid them.
All this while I am with such great partner and I have never realized. She has always been a good person and not just coz they are grieving.
Next time when I was over at my sister's ....I told her "you do realize that your garden is green again coz my wife right ? Despite how you treat her she is bringing good things in your life.I need you to remember that next time you meet her."
Final score:
14points
Dog Mom to Zoe 3 weeks ago
This actually pisses me off. He should have gone low contact with his family for treating his wife so poorly.
#3
I started writing my whole story here, but it was too long, so I'll summarize. Married for 7 years with 2 kids when my wife got sick (COVID). She then had a terrible depression that lasted for nearly 12 months, while I did whatever I could to keep the family going. When things finally opened back up, my company kept me working from home, which I liked because I enjoyed being involved with my kids, but she hated that I was there in "her space". After a year of being told I was in the way, that I was such a burden, and I didn't do anything right, I became very depressed myself. One day I admitted I was thinking of hurting myself, so she took the kids and went to her mom's and said she'd never forgive me for telling her that. She came back three days later and said if I didn't stop being depressed she was going to leave me and take the kids away. Afterwards, she became super belligerent with me, and took every opportunity to put me down, tell me I was useless, that I'll never be able to do anything right. I hit rock bottom failed in a self harm attempt, and started going to therapy. After that I began to realize that I was in an a*****e relationship.
I've been separated for 2 years, and divorced for 1. I still have my kids, and I still work from home so that I can spend as much time with them as possible. I have the best kids, an awesome puppy, started making new friends, and I am genuinely happy.
Final score:
13points
#4
Boyfriend is street type, imagine Jessie Pinkman. All the problems. One evening I realized I left my plushie at home and knowing I have trouble sleeping without it he immediately was out the door to walk to my place and grab it. Showed me how big his soft side really is.
Final score:
11points
#5
There were a few milestones, but one that stands out is he told me a year or so after we married, "I only say sorry to {get you to shut up}." I don't remember exactly how he worded the part in braces. I never believed another word he said.
Final score:
10points
#6
Married for years. he never remembered birthdays, anniversaries. Not a romantic person. No flowers or other little gifts.
One day I got very upset, not just about that, it had been a bad month, various things had happened, and feeling miserable.
He went out, came back later then went off to work, and I found a card left on my dresser.
In his not very good writing it said:
You are the only one I love and trust.
X.
X being his name.
I still have that card now, 4 years after his death
Final score:
10points
#7
I was married to my husband for 13 years, and over the years I learned that he had been lying to me about several key things the entire time, and just sort of letting out bits of the the truth little by little. For example, about 6 months after we were married, I found out that he had a huge amount of financial debt, including money owed to the IRS. And then a few years after that he told me about some ongoing a*******n issues of his.
While I tried to take everything in stride, and to tried to help him resolve some of the actual problems, I was definitely also upset that he had been lying to me about some pretty fundamental things. But I was truly unable to stomach it when he finally revealed that he had been arrested for public exposure and that this was an ongoing behavioral problem for him. …… Not because I don’t think mentally ill people like this deserve compassion, but because he was aware before we got married that I have survived multiple sexual assaults. This is a highly triggering situation for me. And he lied to me about his history. I just feel incredibly violated by him.
Final score:
7points
#8
I'd been seeing my girlfriend for a couple weeks. The night after a blizzard we wanted to get together but I knew she didn't like driving in inclement weather. I told her to stay home; the streets hadn't been plowed and my car was buried under about five to six feet of snow and ice. After midnight she calls to tell me she parked at a parking deck downtown (over ten city blocks away) and that she was going to walk to my house.
Naturally, I immediately left to meet her halfway, (She wasn't walking through the worst part of the city but it was still a rough neighborhood.)
But she had already ended her previous relationship to be with me, now walking ten blocks through the city in snow and ice?
We'll be married eight years now in June.
Final score:
7points
#9
Things had not been well in our marriage.
Through the years, I had, had some pregnancy health issues that resulted in several different blood transfusions. We did have two children.
This was back in the mid '80's, when the talk of AIDS was in the news. Not a lot was known, at that time.
During an argument Mr. Wonderful, trying to 'get back at me' decided to hurt me by saying; 'You probably have AIDS with all those blood transfusions'.
It was then that I saw my now X-Husband in a cruel light that I didn't know was in him.
Not to skip a beat I replied; "Well, if I have AIDS then so do you, we have had s.e.x a few times over the years". The look on his face when his comment came back and hit him was like those Credit Card commercials: Priceless.
It was then that I stopped trying to keep my marriage going and started making Divorce plans.
Final score:
6points
#10
We had people come in from all over for our wedding. It was the third one for both of us. The outside park setting was perfect. The Justice of the Peace asked me for the marriage license and I gave him what the county gave me and he said that this was not the proper paperwork. I Panicked. My Wonderful spouse looked at the guy and said "Here's what you're going to do. Marry us now, in front of our guests and when you find the paperwork, call us and we can officiate it later." The JP agreed and the rest went off without a hitch. I knew then that third time was the charm.
Final score:
6points
Jessica Langmeyer Specht 2 weeks ago
If that's what hubby #3 said, those exact words, that doesn't sound like a charming man. That sounds like a man threatening the JP (which isn't good, IMHO).
#11
after dating my ex for a month or so, we traveled to meet her family (7 brothers and her mom), she said, if it comes up, tell them i was a virgin when we met. after i stopped laughing, she said, well just tell them i only had s*x a couple of times.
after a couple of months of being married (i was stationed overseas), we were visited by ncis. she, her sister, and a gaggle of women were caught in a black marketing scheme.
Final score:
4points
#12
I was working from home, and my phone shift started at 10 am. I would normally get up at 9:40 which gave me enough time to wash, dress, and set up. One morning my husband woke me at 6 am because one of our cats had missed the cat box. He insisted I get up right then and clean the mess. I asked if I could wait until my normal wake-up time because I was, frankly, exhausted. He blew up, screamed at me that I would do it NOW!! and so I got up, cleaned up the mess (one tissue took care of the problem) and went back to bed, seething and unable to get back to sleep.
Annoying, but not the pivotal moment. No, he waited until my lunch break to tell me our two cats were being picked up by the local Humane Society the next day. No pleading, no promises of better behavior, or attempts at negotiating worked. I spent the rest of the day being extra kind to the cats, knowing they were being sent away through no fault of their own. It didn't help that they'd been shelter cats in the first place, and now we were sending them back to the shelter again (after 9 years).
The next day, the Humane Society guy came during my lunch hour. We loaded the cats into their carriers, and he took them away. I went back into my office and basically sobbed hysterically right up until the time to start the second half of my phone shift. Through a LOT of acting ability, I was able to put on my "friendly customer service" voice and do my job. What I didn't know was that husband was listening outside the office door. He couldn't hear what I was saying but could hear the tone and thought I was being entirely too cheerful and not "suffering" enough.
A week went by, and I finally told him unless he agreed to couple's counseling, we would be through. To my surprise, he said he had been wanting me to go to counseling with him, but hadn't suggested it because he knew I'd say no.
Our counselor saw us together once a week for nearly a year. During that time, we discovered my husband had a lot of preconceived notions about my behavior and what I thought, and I had similar notions about him. We finally ended up taking time to really talk about what we were feeling and thinking and brainstorming through any conflicts that came up.
But even after that, I stopped seeing husband as a mature man but as a somewhat immature person instead. And looking back, I realized I had felt for a long time that I was more a caregiver than a spouse.
Final score:
4points
Lyone Fein 3 weeks ago
If any partner of mine decided to get rid of my animals, that would be the end of the relationship for me.
#13
After being with my spouse for over half my life they come out with ‘people let you down,’ while looking at me.
Well F- you. Like I haven’t always been there for you, always doing what you want. Supporting you when you need to do something that costs money. Enabling you.
I’ve found myself daydreaming about getting out and getting my own place and not being with them. At the moment financial and child issues are keeping us together. I feel like we’re siblings, not married partners.
Final score:
4points
#14
When our son was born (our first baby), he was given the baby to hold while I was being tended to. He was holding him close and talking to him, like, wow, you've had a big day, haven't you? Do you know Mommy and I love you very much? We do! We've been waiting a long time to see you and we're so glad you're here. Our son was making cooing noises at him, so it seemed like they were having a conversation. I still get teary thinking about how quickly they bonded. Guys are often told that they have to be stoic and distant from their kiddos. I'm so glad he's not and showed his love from the first minute.
Final score:
4points
#15
After a few years of marriage I realised that I had married someone who acted one way around me but revealed her true personality when with her friends or family. Example: At home us two (before kids) we'd share snacks and watch movies together or play videogames together, have conversations both serious and playful. When we were with her family or friends, I was regularly given fowl looks when joining in on any conversation (told after the outing to stop saying stupid things), when at dinner at her families house, was told to keep my mouth shut, when I did exactly that, was told later I made her and her mother uncomfortable because I was so quiet and was asked what was wrong with me. Constantly being told I'm stupid or useless, downplays my mental health problems (Anxiety and Depression) caused mostly by the above situations and a b u s e, As a result I stopped going to her family gatherings and told her it was because she and her family made me feel unwanted/unwelcome, and because of this i also cut all physical and emotional affection towards her.
I'm in the process of getting my personal life and finances sorted before I eventually file papers.
I'm Done.
Final score:
4points
#16
I was beyond happy with her, then I woke up.
Final score:
2points
#17
Had been together 17 years (since high school) and married for 8 years when I unexpectedly became pregnant. It wasn't shocking as we didn't use any protection and had just been taking the attitude of "what happens happens."
My husband acted like he was cool with it even though it wasn't planned, until our 20 weeks appointment, when we got excellent pictures of the baby and saw ten fingers and ten toes. When we left, he let me know we could "still get rid of it" and that he felt like I didn't give him any choice and I had changed his life on him.
At that far along, abortion wasn't on the table, and that's where the break happened. We stayed together and have a beautiful 7-yr-old son, but he has never "forgiven" me and is only the fun dad (plays with him for 10 minutes or takes him for a few hours on a weekend); he does nothing to care for our son and pays nothing for him but his health insurance.
I've never looked at him the same since that day in the car after my doctor's appointment.
Also, I offered him a divorce that day, and he said he didn't want it.
Final score:
1point
Jessica Langmeyer Specht 2 weeks ago
You should have left with the baby as soon as the abortion comment came. You should have realized he would be an absent dad and didn't need your son to get any chance of thinking that's normal.
#18
I was walking home from the station and was a little way behind an attractive brunette. She kept stopping every few feet to pick up the snails on the pavement (it had been raining and there was loads of them out seemingly on a mission to be crushed by tired commuters). I thought that was a really lovely thing to do. Got closer and realised it was my GF (now wife of 22 years). She's still a total babe and if she were in Shallow Hal, she'd look exactly the same (for those old enough to get that reference, this is a compliment - she's a beautiful on the inside as outside. Her only flaw is her terrible taste in men, thankfully for me).
Final score:
1point
#19
When my spouse said they liked chicken breasts and the chicken thighs were gross, I knew I had married a monster.
Final score:
0points
#20
My (ex) husband & I used to work together; sometimes we'd take breaks together, most times not. He was on a break one day and on the way home he starts giving me hell for talking trash to a new person, telling them how bad the place was to work, etc. I'm sitting there dumbfounded because I had NOT had a conversation like that with ANYONE recently, and also because I LOVED my job. Sure, there were bad days, but overall it was great.
He goes on & on about how bad it made him look to have his wife degrading their place of employment, and was really upset over it. Still perplexed, I asked him who it was (he wouldn't tell me anything other than she was new) and how he knew she was talking about me. She described me. Not very well, in my opinion, but what do I know? No amount of denial on my part would convince him I was telling the truth.
A few days later, he brings it up again & tells me, "oh, I found out it wasn't you" that the new girl was talking about, and he kind of chuckled as he said it. No apology, nothing. More like 'oops, my bad' and he thought that was ok; bygones, and we're all good.
Turns out it was someone I didn't think I looked like at all (other co-workers referred to her as horse-face or nanny mcphee) AND SHE WAS 15 YRS YOUNGER THAN ME! Her hair was dark brown, mine a lighter, mousy brown.
And the description he got? She's short & has long hair.
Pretty bad when someone who is supposed to honor & cherish, not to mention have your back, automatically ASSumes the worst about you...yeah, we didn't last long after that--especially since it wasn't the first time!
Final score:
0points
Jessica Langmeyer Specht 2 weeks ago
Please tell me you divorced this man. Sounds like an ex-boyfriend of mine that believed what his teenage niece was saying about our s*x life instead of asking me if I even told her anything about our s*x life (which I didn't because it's none of her business, or anybody else's).
#21
As a mid-50's adult, I just looked at my past medical records as saw that a doctor or nurse 13 years ago diagnosed me with ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder), which explains a lot of things from my childhood and adulthood so far. I've been researching about it and taking steps to work with the diagnosis instead of continuing the way I have. My husband is very supportive and doing what he can to remind me of things that I'm doing better recently.
Final score:
0points
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