So, for background info, I wasn’t the best kid last year. I had a temper issue (and other issues that I’m working on).
I had this friend who I’ll call Bri, who was really toxic. Bri would seem really nice at first, but once she became your friend she’d find out your insecurities and tell lies about your other friends talking about you behind your back.
My insecurity is my body, so once she found that out she said that my new best friend (I’ll call her Aria) said that I was fat and was body-shaming me behind my back. I knew that Aria wouldn’t do or say something like that, so I called BS. Then, she made herself the victim and uncovered some dirt on me from 3rd grade about my mental issues. I had really severe anxiety, and I had a horrible panic attack in front of her and some others. We said we’d never tell anyone, but here she is. This was in November.
Fast forward to about a week ago. I had a blowup at my friends for reasons that would take too long to detail about, but in summary, they were avoiding and ignoring me for 2 weeks straight. I apologized for my behavior, and everyone accepted my apology except Bri. This is what she said: “I'm not trying to be rude but I just want to get one thing straight, ever since everyone got mad at you, you came to me and started talking, so pretty much used me… I'm not saying I want to be friends again but I'm trying to say this in a nice way but I don't forgive you don't get offended.”
he’s mad at me for talking to her? Everyone knows that Bri is problematic, so I called her out for her lies. All hell breaks loose. We get into a fight, and everyone brings back things that I try to leave in the past. I’ve changed and no one realizes because they can’t let go of the old me. They pick out my worst from my best.
After all, hell breaks loose and I talk with Aria and another girl, who I’ll call Raina, about the situation, I send yet another lengthy apology to everyone. Bri sends me this: “(My name), no don't apologize, don't act like I can't read texts o just realized how much u beg for forgiveness don't even- I know you talk crap about me just to make people think I'm a bad person.”
I’ve never talked about her behind her back. I’ve mentioned that she’s been annoying me to my friends, but I’ve never crap-talked about her. She also brought up some lies about me and another girl from 5th grade, that blew up across the school (I live in a small town where everyone knows everyone so it was a huge deal), which I hoped everyone forgot. But no. This thing gave me a panic attack that’s after-effects are still affecting me now. Just writing this makes me feel sick to my stomach. Once all my friends are available, we’ve scheduled to talk it out. AITA here?
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About this: "I’ve changed and no one realizes because they can’t let go of the old me. They pick out my worst from my best."
Hon, you can't make people forget the old you, or believe that the best you is the only you that counts, especially if the old you hurt people. If you hurt someone you lose their trust, temporarily or forever, you should know that apologizing does *not* restore trust pr friendship on its own, an apology is only the first step towards restoring trust. If you want to stay friends with your crew, you have to prove that you've really changed, you have to be your best you whenever you're with them, and never go back to the behaviors that caused the trouble, no matter how hurt or stressed you feel.
I feel like we need more information
NTA. No matter the background info, this girl is toxic. Any "friend" who will talk about you just to make you fear them is NOT your friend, and should be avoided. I've only met one girl similar to this, and she singularly (and regularly) excludes me in almost everything. She treats me with zero respect, like I was incompotent at everything, and anyone who also knew her would get toxic too. BEWARE: Don't ever let awful people get to you.
