Teen Calls Parents “Selfish” For Making Him Miss His Graduation Trip To Watch His Siblings During Family Emergency, Parent Asks For Advice
Finding the right person to look after your child is not an easy task, especially when it’s a last-minute thing or an emergency situation.
The latter is what led to the redditor u/Some-Accident-1065 asking his son to watch over his siblings. The oldest of three kids, he had just graduated high school and was about to go on a road trip when an accident in the family altered the plans. The graduate’s parents weren’t able to find someone to watch over the kids, so they asked for their son’s help and split the AITA community into two camps about it.
Finding someone to look after your child might not be easy, especially in emergency situations
Image credits: Tirachard Kumtanom (not the actual photo)
This young man had to miss his graduation road trip when he was asked to look after his younger siblings
The parent updated the community on how things developed
Image credits: THIS IS ZUN (not the actual photo)
Image source: Some-Accident-1065
The OP explained certain matters in the comments
Children of different ages often help their parents to look after their younger siblings
Image credits: Annie Spratt (not the actual photo)
Anyone with a younger sibling or two knows that being the eldest one often entails assisting parents in numerous ways. Whether it’s babysitting the little ones or helping around the house, oldest kids typically become parents’ right hand for family-related matters. Some data suggests that out of all people under the age of 18 that have siblings, 41% are the oldest ones, meaning there ought to be quite a few people familiar with the struggle.
Watching over their younger siblings is likely one of the most common tasks that befalls the shoulders of the eldest ones. However, the age of when they start to do it differs with each household. Some parents believe a thirteen-year-old can be completely fine looking after a child younger than them, while others might feel uneasy leaving kids with someone this young.
A survey of parents in the UK revealed that the majority of them—66%, to be exact—are okay with their twelve-year-old offspring looking after the family’s little ones for an evening. When it comes to overnight stays, the vast majority (81%) said they would only leave their kids if the eldest one was 15 and over.
The OP was understandably not willing to leave their seven and 11-year-olds home alone overnight, which is why they asked the oldest one to stay with them, even though it meant missing the first few days of the graduation trip.
Traveling can have numerous benefits on a developing mind
Image credits: averie woodard (not the actual photo)
Even though it was an emergency that altered the family’s plans, the young man was understandably upset about not being able to join his friends for the entirety of the trip. In addition to spending quality time with friends, graduation travel has more benefits on the youth, according to a recent study. It pointed out that such travels positively reflect in the graduate’s social fulfillment, self-efficacy improvement, escape/relaxation, interest pursuit, and self-esteem enhancement.
A survey conducted by the Student & Youth Travel Association also suggested that traveling can have a positive effect on the developing mind of a young person. According to it, as many as 74% of teachers believe travel has a positive impact on students’ personal development, and 56% say it also positively influences their education and career.
There are numerous benefits of traveling to people of different ages; however, unexpected matters can change travel plans at any time. That’s why the OP was put in a position where they had to ask their son to look after his younger siblings—a request that split the online community into two camps about whether they were a jerk for doing so.
Some Redditors didn’t think the parent was a jerk in the situation
Others believed the OP was in the wrong here
There were also community members who thought everyone was at fault
As well as those who thought no one was being a jerk here
What the hell, I can't understand people saying the father is the a*****e. The grandparents were in a serious accident. What a douche thinking he still gets to go on his trip, apparently he doesn't seem concerned about his grandparents. The kid needs to learn that life throws you curveball sometimes. Or as Monica from Friends said to Rachel: "Welcome to the real world. It sucks! You're gonna love it". I hope the parents will have a grown-up conversation with their son. And I hope the kid will apologize for losing his sh*t while his mom was at the hospital fearing for her dad's life.
I agree. In life not everything will run according to plan. Sometime your plans will have to change. Accidents often do that. That entitled jerk had even plenty of trip days left.
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Honestly the one thing that bothered me was one of the comments saying “he’s 18 and legally an adult”… I hate that phrase. I’ve met 18 year olds with the emotional intelligence of a 12 year old who’s balls just dropped. Plus, one day your 17 and the next you turn 18 and all of a sudden you’re supposed to just “be an adult”? He is still a teen, still growing, still learning to process emotions in a situation like this. Things could of been handled better in some regards, sure, but he has a right to his reaction (albeit he could of been a bit more compassionate).
Caring more about a trip with friends than your grandparents almost dying isn't a typical kid reaction. This kid needs a wakeup call, and I hope to hell this was it. It was normal for him to be upset about missing the trip, but screaming at your mother that she's selfish for being worried about her parents almost dying ....that kid is f*****g brat.
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If some one cannot understand the gravity of a serious medical injury, they are entitled as heck.
This, he could have lost one or both of his grandparents. His last memory would have been his own selfish behaviour and feelings when they were fighting for their health and lives in a hospital far away. If grandpa had passed and he was on this trip, would he have cared enough to return for the funeral or be there for his mother who just lost her father? I cannot fathom this level of spoilt entitlement from this very immature 18 kid. Everybody wants the parents to never set a foot wrong, well it cuts both ways. Regrets come in a variety of packaging and taking responsibility begins with the man in the mirror. Grow up and wake up if you lack the empathy to circle your family wagons and lean on each other in a crisis, it's embarrassing to even watch such selfish antics.
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So vermidiank says YTA and in one breath says to take the younger kids with them but that the mother shouldn't have shown the 18 yo pictures of the grandparent. So it's okay for the younger ones to see those injuries in person? Or are the younger ones expected to stand outside the room, in a hospital on their own? Or are the parents supposed to take the young kids to the hospital then what... have already over worked staff watch them? Or not be able to go in to see their own father/FIL because they have young kids with them?
This. Anybody saying “just take the kids” is being pretty glib and not thinking about all that would entail.
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Ok, I have a question. No one in the comments have said anything about the son lying about where the group trip was headed to. A group of 18 y/o going to Cali is bad enough but then actually they were going to Mexico!!! If they don't have to sense to be a group of young males obviously with money for the trip, then probably drunk as drinking age is lower in Mexico, the dangers of going south of the boarder are so high right now. If one or more ended up in compromised situation, the could have been forced to mule for cart.els. Would have completely freaked me out if I found out they all lied. Wonder how many are going to be calling stateside parents to get them out of trouble.
This here !! I've been thinking the same thing. And op just blows over like yeah he has a passport whatever. Like what happens when something happens to them in another country while everyone thinks there in Cali ??? Which this is all probably why he throws a fit and says it's not worth it bc he doesn't want dad finding out where they are and that they have been traveling pretty quickly probably to get out of country before anyone finds out.
Load More Replies... I don’t understand how this is even remotely a question. Missing two days of your pleasure trip vs helping out your parents in a family emergency (parents who PAID for your trip in the first place.). If the parents suck at all, it’s only for raising an entitled kid, but honestly can’t even say that wholeheartedly because even with the best parents some people are just born brats.
Personally I would've taken my youngest kids with me and figured it out - or had my husband drop me off and head back to watch the kids and managed on my own. My dad died 6yrs ago, I took my kids with me to the hospital, they wanted to see their papa before he wasn't with us anymore, and even though he died and I was completely broken I was still capable of looking after my children, my youngest at the time was only a month old, breastfed and therefore very much reliant on my presence. The son throwing a hissy fit shows he's not mature enough to be considered an adult to take care of younger siblings and I dread to think how he treated them out of anger while the parents were gone. My son will be 18 in a few months, there's no way on earth I would leave him with my younger two for two days, I don't even get him to babysit for longer than an hour because I know he isn't mature enough to handle little kids and I'll come home to everyone upset and stressed.
My thoughts exactly. My sister kept telling me how ugly I was and pinched me when she had to babysit me (I was 9 and she was 17) and that if I told my mother she would even pinch me harder the next time. I will never ever forget that. I didn't ask for her to babysit me?? And I also wonder... what would they have done if they didn't have an 18 year old to fall back on, but only two younger kids.
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I think the son will feel different about this in a couple of years..
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Has the grandparents died in the accident, would the son have a different reaction? It’s unfortunate but sometimes emergencies occur. We can’t exactly plan them and sometimes they happen at inconvenient times. The son is the one being selfish in this story and I really hope he comes around and sees the light of this. It really is a life lesson he needs to learn now because he’s going to be set up to be angry all his life if he thinks he can just walk through life with plans that never change.
Exactly. Died and then had to attend funeral. He'd have had to miss everything.
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What a monster wants to go on a party trip while their grandparents lay in the hospital in critical condition? If I'd been that guy I'd have cried my eyes out if my grandparents were in this situation! At least on the fathers side. So I wonder what's missing here? Either they raised a spoiled brat with the emotional capacity of a bratwurst or the grandparents are not nice people which was the reason their son didn't really care for them. Or they just discovered their son is a sociopath. This is not normal and there's not enough information to make a judgement. But assuming that the family dynamics are normal and the grandparents are nice people the son is a nasty, selfish brat. And the parents are NTA. Family is there to help each other in emergency situations. That includes the kids. And going on a road trip is not more important than helping your parents while your grandparents are in critical condition. That's not parentification. That's human decency, an 18 year old should get it
It seems like more people need to be prepared for the deaths of aged loved ones. Embrace life and accept death since the latter can happen at any moment.
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If I were a grandparent in a serious accident, on the verge of death, I would've wanted my grandchild to go on the vacation. It would break my heart knowing that he missed his trip because of me. Present generations are not beholden to nor should sacrifice for older ones. Grandparents are SUPPOSED to die and it's not a tragedy when they do. Too much was sacrificed by kids and young families to keep old people alive during Covid. I'm 52, diagnosed with brain cancer. If I can live 5-8 more years to see my youngest to adulthood, that's all I need.
You have a similar mindset with me. I'm 10 years younger than you at stage 4 colon and stage 3 nose cancer. If only I have 10-15 years to see my youngest to adulthood, I'm content. But maybe because we have the chronic disease that made us think like that, unlike this case that is actually an emergency.
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How the hell is anyone calling them a-hole? If my grandparents had been in an accident, I would have been heading there with my parents.. then once I knew they'd be ok, catch up with my friends if I still felt like taking the trip.... what an entitled child... and at 18 he should be an adult not a child...
I have a sneaking suspicion that there have been many times where his plans have been scrapped because he was made to watch his siblings when something came up. This makes a lot more sense as the straw that broke the camel's back than an isolated incident.
As a mom, if my ADULT son would yell at me for missing out on 2 days of his trip when my parents almost died, it would hurt me so much. We had a very serious accident in the family a few years ago with daughter of sister 1, she might have died that weekend. Sister 2 had a son who had his communion that weekend, but he was 8, a totally different age. This "festivity" went on and we were there for a bit, for our nephew. He couldnt comprehend the severity of the situation. But he was 8. At 18, even if he wouldn't feel sorrow or worry or sadness, he should know that his feelings about a roadtrip are not as important as relatives suddenly nearly dying. I'm heartbroken for his mom.
(1/2) How the f**k is it that people are blaming the parents? The boy is 18! Not a young kid or anything! He's already an adult! He wasn't even babysitting his younger siblings for nothing! The dad paid him for that! And it was just 2 days so he could have still gone to the trip, just missing the first 2 days. To those calling the mom selfish for being a wreck, it seems to be that you guys are the selfish, heartless ones. Your parents could die and you're here worried about your son's trip being missed? Wow.
(2/2) And the reason why they couldn't take their younger children should be simple - who would take care of them in the hospital? The grandparents who are hospital? The mom who is a wreck? Or the dad who not only has to take care of his wife and in laws but also deal with all other matters in the hospital? Also the parents stayed nearly 48 hrs in the hospital, so were the 2 kids also expected to stay at the hospital? If so then what if they scream, cry or make a scene in the hospital and disturb others in the hospital? (It really does happen). That would have been unfair to the others and causing them inconvenience. The father did the right thing. The mom's action of showing the son (18 y/o) pics of his grandparents injury also seem ok to me. The son definitely did not seem to realise just how serious the situation was and took it lightly. Boy is an adult and it's not going to be a "trauma" for him, especially since even after seeing the pics he was still fighting with his parents.
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This got me. Really. Why didn't they take the youngest children with them, I wondered. Then, I read the OP saying his wife was a wreck and he was the one to take care of it all. So live them with the wife in the room and go do what you need. They are 7 and 11 y.o. they would be perfectly content in that room with their phones/tablets. Is it ideal? No. Would they survive 48 hours like this? Hell, yes. It's not a trip to Disneyland, it's an emergency. Then, the OP tells that he doesn't want his kids to see their grandparents like this. But how would they learn compassion and empathy then? If everything is perfect all the time, there is no reason to want to help others. They need to see things like this to understand. Then maybe they will not act like their big brother when they grow up and wouldn't throw a fit because they have no empathy for their surrounding.
ESH. The son for throwing a tantrum, the father for not searching another babysitter (the Redditors are right, what if he had already left?) and the mother for sending pictures of mangled grandpa to her son to guilt trip him. Everyone sucks here.
K what sucks is this is not just some trip. This is a present for him for graduation. Graduating is accomplishment. You are taking away his graduation gift and ruining it. That's terrible and you literally took away something very important that he deserved for his hard work. That's awful and should be avoided at all costs. He obviously isn't close to his grandparents and that doesn't make him a bad person. I would be freaking out because I love my grandparents but maybe he is not close with them for whatever reason. His mom is understandably having a nervous breakdown but his dad is acting like he's just helpless. You could watch your kids while your wife is with her parents stupid. What could you possibly have to do? What is running around? Running around for what? The only thing you have to do is sit at a damn hotel and watch your kids and pick up your wife when visiting hours are over. People are so stupid.
His parents offered send him 2 days later and on top of that he lied about where he was going. How mature was it for him to lie about leaving the country. He is 18 he didn't need to lie. But your judging the mother when she almost lost her parents.
Load More Replies... Parents sorry you're the AH here's why After you came back you throw money at him and I will get a plane ticket. Did you apologize and say thank you? Have you both done this to him before? (I believe you have) And to come on a forum to try to make him the bad guy. Emergencies happen but YOU had the children including him (meaning he's a child) FORCING (that's what you did) him to take care of your responsibility. Could he have been a bit gracious yes. After your wife's entitled behavior you wonder where he gets this from
Woah, the kid lied. What does a liar deserve? You're crazy.
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Whoever the OP is, he is a silver tongue devil. He, absolutely, worded this post for max inflammation. We don't know anything about this family and their dynamic. We can't make assumptions based on our own experiences. These parents might be parentifying this 18 year old ALL the time. The grandparents could be a******s. The mother seems rather weak willed. Graduation trips are a milestone in life and shouldn't be missed because parents can't get or keep their stuff together. IF he had a decent relationship with the Grandparents, then he would likely be ticked by not having gone WITH the parents to see them. Then again, that might be why he is really angry. He's 18 and his brain is not fully developed yet. I would like to hear his side of this story.
Son sounds like he's messed up and has serious empathy issues, which is very troubling, to say the least. On the other hand, what would they have done if it had happened a couple days later and the son had already left for the trip? Probably bring the younger kids with them, i assume.
I get being an immature teen and being upset, but the way he doubled down, lost his s**t on his mom who is dealing with something way more serious? No. Eff this kid. He will probably realize it later, but he was out of line. His dad tried to make it up to him with a reasonable option, he refused. I'd be concerned how little he cares about his grandparents or his parents. He cares about being with his friends so much more? He can move out and live with them. No one is calling them selfish because they couldn't wait for him. Maybe they had good reasons, but I doubt they care about him more than his parents. Teenagers in general just suck, and all the people on here bashing the parents, who aren't perfect, but are not monsters, just shows that the younger generations commenting are garbage too. This is coming from someone in their 30s but clearly I identify as a boomer. Get off my lawn and grow up.
So let's break this 18 year old's issue for those who don't get it. He was upset because his lie got found out. He wasn't supposed to be going to Mexico. He lied to his parents. In a way his anger is more of a flight or fight reaction, he probably got scared and didn't know how to react nor was he sure of how his parents would react. Just my 2 cents, because I have gotten real mad at someone dear to me who caught me in a lie, I was too embarrassed and I just got angry and deflected. This is what I see at play sadly.
To the idiots saying you should have just taken the younger kids with you - what planet are you from?? Yeah, let's traumatize these kids so their older brother can go ON A ROAD TRIP? The son is a spoiled, selfish, immature little pr*ck. I wonder what his reaction would have been if the grandparents actually died? And to not take OP up on the offer to fly him to meet his friends, all because he missed a whopping two days of the trip, is beyond stupid.
The son was really mad about them finding out he was going to Mexico instead.
Load More Replies... The parents here need to take a step back and look at this differently. He's 18, he of course is disappointed about the trip but he may also be feeling really upset about the grandparents and not able to express it. Everything is revolving around how Mom feels and he probably can't even process his conflicting emotions. At 18 it may be the first time he's dealt with something like this, almost losing grandparents. The fact that he agreed to stay home and watch the siblings shows he had some understanding of the seriousness. Just give him a little space and time and stop assuming he's a jerk, this is a lot for a kid his age.
No concern for the grandparents or compassion for his own mother, that family needs professional help.
I miss one solution that almost always works: ask the parents of your children's best friends! This was only for two nights. We hosted a couple of emergency sleepovers for classmates of my children. That's where friends are for.
I don't think you are the arsehole. I think you did the best you could in an urgent and stressful situation and at times like this families are supposed to pull together. The fact that you offered to fly him down to meet his friends already says a lot about your acknowledgement and commitment to his wants/needs. I dont think the kid is necessarily an arsejole either. He is a bitterly disappointed and pretty normal egocentric teenager who could use some lessons in empathy. Hope grandfather recovers and you all find your back to each other.
You better than me dad the 18 year old could go to hell for all I care. This was an emergency them ppl could of died but his selfish a*s wants to throw a pity party cus he missed 2 days. Yall even paid him and tried to get him there after you got back. Screw what these adults say some of them are the self entitled coworkers we all hate at work. Yall are damn good parents, glad they are OK now and get that boy in counseling if he this upset over a near death experience I would hate to see how he is if he has to take care of you in your golden years. Good luck.
I made greater sacrifices for my family at 12 years old. And I contine to do so now at 27. I took in my second cousin when I was 21 because nobody else would, and I've now adopted him. I get that having that independence to go on a trip is something important to many people as they enter adulthood, but you know what? Sacrificing, taking responsibility even when circumstances aren't your fault, and loving others just as much if not more than yourself are the most important parts of being an adult. If this is the most extreme thing this 18-year-old has ever had to sacrifice, then I think this experience is good for him. It's not good for a person to go so long being so unaquainted with reality. Does it suck? Sure, but not much if you grow to appreciate reality for what it is.
The son is a brat and needs to get a taste of real life. The lack of empathy for his family is astonishing. Everyone saying the parents are the A-holes, literally have no morals or are at an age where your brain hasn't developed properly. You only get one set of parents, their well being trumps any stupid trip. Plus, he lives under his parents household, the least he can do is assist during trying times.
Parents are nta. The mother sent the photos probably thinking that they would convince the son how bad grandpa's injuries were. He didnt need to be protected from the truth. The son topped the list as an a---h. He should apologize to his mother for his poor choice of words.
I'm kind of surprised OP didn't want to take the younger kids along, especially given how badly their grandfather was hurt. Yeah it's stressful, but if I was close to the grandparent I'd want to see them again before they possibly passed. If the grandfather was alert they could say "I love you" and possibly feel more at peace about the passing (since passing means no more suffering). And really, they could probably take tablets and cellphones and keep the kids entertained and out of the way easily. They weren't babies or toddlers. I'd vote NAH, or maybe a VERY slight YTA to OP. He did what he felt was best, but it sucks it interfered with the graduation trip and that sort of last hurrah with the son's buddies and their sneaky trip to Mexico. Hiding that is probably more why the kid didn't jump at the opportunity to meet up with his friends than still being upset about having to babysit - its hard to have your dad pay to get you to friends who aren't where the dad expects. You know?
Acting like that towards his parents that almost lost their own parents in an apparently horrific accident. The son is lucky he still has a home. To even consider letting him go on the trip after that behavior, I can't imagine it. Kid is 100% the AH, parents are saints.
Parents are the AH. It's not like these people were laying in a ditch and needed help, they were at the hospital. They didn't do anything the staff couldn't take care of. Mom needed to get herself together and manage so she could drive or fly and dad needed to stay with the kids. What everybody needs to realize is that bringing a hysterical mess to the hospital is not only unnecessary it is unhelpful and selfish. The staff already has patients to care for and they don't need you being hysterical. The kid worked his whole little life for this trip and after 13 years of school, the parents diminished his accomplishment and prioritized hospital paperwork. The hospital didn't need both of you.
Mic drop. She is selfish for not controlling herself and sending him pics to gas light him. It's a waiting game anyway. Nothing you can do but sit there during visiting hours. He should've been at the room with the kids once things settled down. The teen is NTA
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I'm sorry but am I the only one that read that the son was supposed to be going to California but OP found out he and his friends were actually going to Mexico. The son had a passport and everything.
Why did the kid have such an unemotional, blase attitude about his grandparents serious accident? Bc he's a self-centered kid. A serious accident can be much worse on an elderly body. But it also seems that OP's wife, the daughter, couldn't handle this whole thing either. OP said something like his wife couldn't even take care of herself during the crisis. Yes, a horribly dangerous situation was created due to an accident. But that's when you need to be the bravest. During that unexpected crisis. I've been there with loved ones who were near death. This is when you have to find the strength within yourself. You can't help if you're a mess yourself. Suppose somehow the kid managed to go on that trip. How would he have felt if one or both grandparents had died? Would he have felt guilty? IDK. I think the kid needs to buck up and learn the value of family. Unavoidable things change plans sometimes. Others need to gain some courage to be the most helpful during family crisis.
Not everybody reacts to trauma like you do. It isn't about bravery. Learn that.
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I think your son is a spoiled little brat that anybody that says you ruined his holiday or idiots and probably have spoiled little brats too because your parents were in a bad accident your mother is a rap and all you can think about is your stupid road trip but Welcome to the Real World sonny boy because when you get in the job world they're not going to make exceptions for you cuz you want to go on a trip this is the beginning and a good lesson to learn right off the bat the world doesn't revolve around you suck it up buttercup
Parents did that themselves. Children do not turn out spoiled if parents don't enable them.
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Tell that little entitled pain in Tybee a**, that he should be thankful that they are alive. That's it, period! I wish i had that problem. My grandparents are all dead. Smack that little spoiled brat on the a*s and call it done. For the rest of you that did with the son, I'm guessing you are heartless, cold, or selfish! Grow some feelings and get over yourself. You are not the only one in the universe! Pathetic selfish people who have no regard for anyone else!!!
The only thing I can't agree with on the parents side is mom sending pictures of grandpas injuries because he was upset with her. They very specifically didn't bring the other two kids because they didn't want them having to see grandpa like that, but the minute mom gets mad at her kids reaction she does exactly that?? Very much not cool. But outside of that, kid was out of line. It was a family emergency and dad even tried to get him out there for the rest of the trip.
NAH. There was an emergency, and OP needed his family to pull together. I think the son was angry about the unfairness of the universe, but understood that his family needed him. He did end up caring for his siblings for those two days. I also think that OP came up with a fantastic solution, that the son could catch up with his classmates. Gentle YTA at the son for not agreeing with the solution; nobody needs your guilt trip right now, kid.
Nah mom started the guilt trip. He learned from her.
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The parents created this monster, they're too soft, and bottle it up until a bad situation arises and the result is "an emotional and irrational mess". I lost my grandfather who was closer to me than my own father ever was, and I've been an emotional mess since, more than 8 months; I'm also a mom and a wife and have a job that I need to show up for. I can't just "check out" while I get my s**t together.... YKWIS?? Also.... Did anyone miss the part that "THEYRE GOING TO MEXICO INSTEAD OF CALIFORNIA?" Lying to his parents, and acting like a child.... Sounds like he is the one that needs babysitting. Why would you even pay him?? Or "make it up to him"? He needs to grow up and dad needs to cut the cord. This family sounds like a whole lotta feelings! And dad coming to Reddit for validation instead of acting like a man and taking charge of his family.... Mother snap out of it, acting like a bigger baby than your 18 year old?? No wonder why your son doesn't respect you and yells at you
**continue**** mom snap out of it, buy a plane ticket and go take care of your mom and dad, call the rest of the family while you're at it..... What a weak woman.... I can't believe she can be so helpless and childish. She def doesn't have a job other than the nail salon and pilates.... Good job father... Head of the household raising a bunch of losers and enabling entitlement.... Y'all need to be dropped on a remote island without internet and nothing but your wits and smarts.... Grow a pair mom dad and teen
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Family comes 1st . There's nothing for the parents to feel bad. The eldest son if had learned anything from all the education he received, should have stayed with the siblings with out the parents asking. There's no need for the parents to ask how to appease the son. They are his grandparents that were in the emergency. He actually could have offered to drive his mum n give her the support she needed.
I lived thru something similar. I feel there is more information that isn't being said. 1. How many times has your oldest ever had to cancel plans for the family? 2. I get the hassle but you decided to have kids so why not take responsibility and take your kids with you? 3. How close are your kids with the grandparents? I turned 18 the week of my high school graduation. I had a small party planned with some friends. Just days before my birthday, my grandpa ate a bullet. I had to cancel everything and help plan a funeral. Now that alone sucked. My parents still came to my graduation and I tried to act like nothing was wrong. I would have been accepting of that, accept for the fact that my older brothers birthday is the EXACT SAME DAY as mine. He's 11 years older. They threw a part for him, yet forgot about me entirely. I was close with my gpa, and so was he. It was hard for all of us, but I was the last one to talk to him before he blew his brains out later that same night. I live....
Your all crazy! No 18 year old cares about his grandparents! Do you remember being 18? It's graduating and being with your friends for a once in a lifetime experience. We all have kids! We all take then with us when we don't have a choice. It's not like the 18 year old was just going to a sleepover down the street. HE WAS LEAVING! So that means you take your kids with you. One parent in with the grandparents, one parent with the kids.
Definitely nta. Dad did his best to accommodate everyone satisfactorily and still support mom as she was a compromised state of mind. I'm sure mom sent the pictures not to guilt him but for him to see the gravity of the situation. I understand he's upset about missing 2 days but dad offered multiple times to help him catch up to his friends n he refused. Probably thinking if I act up n don't go they'll feel really bad for prioritizing an emergency but all he's doing is causing himself more pain and disappointment. I understand not taking the younger kids because in a hospital they need constant supervision despite any level of maturity. That would mean dad wouldn't have been able to support mom adequately n they really didn't need to see mom like that and grandpa in critical state that becomes nightmare fuel for some kids to the point they'd be prone to fear anyone getting in a car. Son clearly missed the lesson on emotional maturity and empathy.
The father is definitely not an a*****e here. The mother wasn't thinking straight and should not have sent those photos, but extremely levels of anxiety and stress, especially when sudden, make us not think very well. The son is a teen, and needs to learn not everything in life goes exactly as planned. 12/14 days is still in the 80th percentile. The other parents were even willing to wait a bit at the other state for him to get there. Maybe if the father had explained the ratios it may have changed the kid's mind. But the father doesn't seem to have the best education background, and most kids are very stupid with math anyways. The kid (he's 18, men start to mature around 27, f**k off, he has 9 years still) overreacted and this would have been a great lesson to teach that life sometimes gets a crinkle in plans, but to not let it ruin the whole experience. He honestly sounds like he might have been spoiled. Which would then make the parents the a******s, but I digress.
Everyone made some slip-ups, but nobody here is really 100% the a*****e.
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Nope. YTA. As a parent it is MY responsibility to see to my younger 2 kids (14 and 10). Not throw them in the lap of my 18yo. What would you have done if he had already left? Same thing you should have done to begin with. Take them with you. You're absolutely an azzhole for trying to guilt your son for his 100% valid feelings.
The boy is being a a*****e you did what any perents in the same situation would have and all the people saying other wise are lying
I can't believe people are blaming the parents. Did they really think it was OK to subject 2 tiny kids to their grandparents being mangled?!?!?! They were so injured the parents didn't even think they would survive. The mother was a wreck and dad's trying to hold everything together and what's the oldest do? Throw a 3 year old level tantrum over not going on a trip DURING A FAMILY EMERGENCY!! Honestly tell the oldest once everything calms down that since he feels a trip was so important he can move out. I would never be able to trust him after such a stunt.
I can't believe people are saying the father shouldn't have kids. How can people be so heartless in a situation like this? The son may not have a relationship with the grandparents, but his mother does. And they nearly died. And he called her selfish? He refused to catch up with the friends on the trip? Does he just want a reason to play victim or what?
Why didn't they just get grand dad to a hospital nearer to them nobabysitter needed a d teen cud go on holiday prob sorted
In high school, a close friend died in an accident. I was home with my older sister and she dropped everything to be there for me, drive me to see my friends who were also mourning. My parents had to come home from their weekend getaway early. It was only a couple hours away. My mom was a bit annoyed about it because she said I was spending all my time with my friends anyway, but I just wanted my parents THERE. I felt awful about it but I was struggling, incredibly depressed, and my sister wasnt sure how to handle all of it on her own, but she was willing to. She did her best. I've always been really grateful to how she was there for me especially when we didn't always get along. And I never forgot how my mom made me feel bad about her missing out on a weekend away when I'd lost a friend. She lost friends at my age and I thought she would be more understanding. People are more important than things. You show up for people. You show them that they matter.
That is called spoiled. Sorry but when it comes to family emergency there is no discution about the right thing to do. And any teenager I know would not only stay with their siblings gladly but would be mainly concerned about the grandparents and not any other plans.
Teens do not make good parents/caregivers and should not be abandoned to care for anyone elses kids for that long. Thats not good for any of the kids. It only took one person to deal with this, yet two fully able bodied adults could see no other solution but for their oldest son to miss his graduation party, that he may have even paid for. The reason? The mom was too hysterical, so everyone had to drop everything. I have zero respect for people who become too emotionally incapacitated to be there for the people who need them, so now in addition to the people who actually need help, so did this healthy mom. I'm guessing this husband enables this mom's self-absorbed behavior and this isnt the first time they tag-teamed against their oldest kid. When parents have kids, their kids come first, period. People should not have any more kids than they can take care of. It is unsafe and wrong to make the older ones care for the younger ones. The fact the grandparents ended up being ok makes it worse. They just taught him that he doesnt matter. These parents should not be surprised if their oldest gets tired of their expectations and opts out of his relationship with them.
Split on this one. They should have just took the kids with n had them hang out in the waitng room of the hospital especially if it was the quick of a visit. They can hang out there. But the teen was also rude and lied about where the trip was at...
Enter the old saying: as long as you live under my roof, you abide by my rules". -- too had for the son (sarcasm). Big deal. He'll either get over it and learn about responsibility or he'll learn the hard way once he's out on his own. Either way, the boy was disrespectful, rude, and crude. That's grounds for a major grounding in the household I grew up in. And better not slam the bedroom door either, good way to lose it.
NTA firstly young adults /kids only think about themselves but will regret later on in life that this situation was extreme. You did what u could because it seems that your wife usually handles the emergencies. Back up's not available so next in line which should be 1st is the oldest. Boo hoo he lost 2 days. Get over it man. But secondly why the f**k are they going to Mexico, kids alone in a foreign country where we see a lot of child trafficking going around. Wake the f**k up dude (this to you all) haven't u been seeing what s is really happening. A lot here are calling you the a*s... However life sometimes interferes in our plans to thwart something else. So take that as a lesson (to the young adult). And remember you can always go some other time in a safer environment. Later on you ll miss your GP's and regret talking s**t to your mom.
People are weird saying the teen doesn't care about his grandparents. Some people don't like to sit around and worry and rather worry while continuing with their plans. He should have been on his milestone trip. Say he had already left for the trip and a grandparent didn't pull through. Should he be expected to cut the trip short and come home? I don't think there is a right or wrong answer. It all depends on how that person handles grief. I personally would not return home but I know my sister would. This case should have been the teen on his trip with the younger two kids with their parents.
Did the contributors deliberately choose bad replies? They are either just as entitled, just as callous about their family, or judgemental people who (I bet) has never been responsible for anyone in their life. I'm glad the commenters here still keep their sense.
Did you know about Mexico? Or was he trying to put one over on you? Leaving the country at 18 is a big deal and Mexico is dangerous.
I left for college the day after I graduated high school... My parents drove me 600 miles to the school, and turned around and went home. I had pretty much raised them from the time I was 10. Their father was my stepfather... He beat our Mom for 20+ years. I even found out when I was 25 that he had killed 3 babies while Mom was still carrying them inside of her. So, I don't have any sadness from walking away from everything that was going on. I couldn't wait to get away from him... and live my own life.
If your oldest son was all you had to rely on for babysitting in an emergency, I just have to ask: what do you plan to do if he leaves for college, or are you going to make him go to college locally so he’s available to babysit? What if he just decides to leave home and get a job and be on his own? What are you going to do for babysitters then. You should’ve had a back up plan for any emergency and your son should not have been your backup plan.
There's absolutely zero chance any college would accept an entitled and unskilled piece of s**t lol
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This was really hard to read, where is the compassion? At 18 there will be plenty of trips with friends. Now I hope this 18 understand the bed he made. Even if he doesn't care about his grandparents, I hope at least he cares about his mom and can at least empathize with what his mom is possibly going through, but it didn't read like that's the case. He is a selfish teenager.
This story baffled me. In a new week which included a woman who is being prosecuted for murder after abandoning her 16 month baby for 10 days to go on vacation to Puerto Rico, some Reddit poster questions these parents for failing to quadruple plan for an emergency. This kid is so entitled that after being PAID to watch his siblings in an emergency he throws a fit that his PAID trip is short 2 days. 2 day!!! For those who are saying this trip was ruined, the trip was 14 days and the father was making arrangements to get him to his friends...Let's set aside the emotional intelligence arguments for a second and point out that after yelling at his father about missing 2 days of his graduation trip, he then called his mother to rant about the same thing. Assuming he has the basic intelligence of someone in his age group, how could he have seen that playing out? Pictures sent by his mother were likely intended to be a reality check. Maybe this parent should be asking...am I raising an A#$ho^÷, and how do I keep from doing it with the other 2?
Everything about that teen seems like an entitled self centered brat. Overly dramatic by not just accepting his dad's offer to meet up with his friends. But didn't want to find solutions and learn how to negotiate the unforseen weather changes in the storms. He didn't want to do that, he wanted to sit on his acting like a petulant child princess behavior and give his parents s**t. That kind of c**p at 18 sounds pathetic. I can't tell if it's just some people have not really had to go through any adversity, have any sense of what Hard Times really are and life events have come out of left field and your never the same again. People perpetually online and on reddit are out of touch with reality when they be commenting the most absurd and asinine comments. They really don't think they're talking out their a*s with narcissist takes on how Life actually is with family and relationships.
Seems he lied about going to California when he really planned to go to Mexico but that said family is more important than friends and he could have still gone, Except in my opinion he was acting like a spoiled entitled brat 2 days later should have been an acceptable compromise. So he missed 2 weeks of the trip b/c he was unwilling to help out when needed. Don't feel bad about it if he wants to act like a spoiled brat that's his problem.
A child’s mind doesn’t automatically mature into that of a 40-year-old just because the child turned 18 (eighTEEN, as in still a teenager). The son made the situation harder than it had to be, but so did the parents (as many others have said, what would they have done if the boy had already left???).
As an 18 year old, his parents have no obligation to support them any longer. They can do what they want, but they will have to do it from their own apartment they are working and paying for themselves.
What a narcissistic little brat....this was a real emergency. And they WILL have far more serious ones come up
Reading these comments make me appreciate my family. None of us are this entitled or stupid. Also a lot of them sound like terrible family members and lacking intelligence and abilities to walk in someone else's shoes.
For one, my 12 year old has more empathy and care then this selfish 18 year old. This is an adult lesson of sacrifice out of love. Even if he wasn't close to his grandparents, does he not love and care about his mom and what she is going through? His grandparents, mother and dad are all human and deserve love and respect. This is a family. This kid does not know, feel or understand that meaning. What if it were his parents that happened to. I guess he would just go on that trip. I am so glad the wife showed him pictures. He is an adult now and needs to see the reality of things. I do not even know these people and am willing to watch these kids for them. This is a heartbreaking situation. Life happens. Things happen, emergencies happen. The kid could have went on this trip after. Since he doesn't give a darn about his grandparents, maybe he should let them know not to send birthday and Christmas gifts for him.
The father and the mother should not beat themselves up. This was an emergency and all trusted sitters were unavailable. The son sounds entitled but probably never learned to empathize because he never had to think about loosing anyone close to HIM. We dont know if he ever felt close to the grandparents. When he brings it up years from now remind him that it was his choice not to finish the last 12 days of the trip. Taking the 2 younger ones wolud have been to stressful on the both of you. Your attention was focused on wife's parents and the wife's emotional state plus paperwork and other needs. I can understand looking forward to something that you dreamed about and felt that it was a sure thing and out of the blue it was snatched away. It was punch in the gut for everyone. I feel for the son up to a point because he had to step up and become an adult before he had his last highschool hangout with friends. Most of us had a family health issue that pushed us to adulthood.
I wouldn't have made the kid miss his grad trip. You can't blame him for being upset. Legally he's an adult but no 18 yr old is really an actual adult. Your brain is still growing at that age. The parents should have taken the younger kids with them. And they raised the boy so if he isn't compassionate and understanding then that's on them for raising a thoughtless brat! Also, the mom sounds a like a princess. Sack up woman!
Good grief people saying the parents were in the wrong. Does this kid value anything but his own fun time. Growing up I knew the world didn't revolve around me. I knew human life was vastly more important than fun. If you is all you care about then you will be all you'll have left one day. How would he feel if it was him in the hospital and no one was there to help or comfort him. OP was bending over backwards to try and get his son on the remainder of the trip. I think 18 should have had to go to the hospital and see first hand how he he really stood to loose.
Get over it kid it was an emergency!!! Plus am I the only one who noticed him and his friends were supposed to be going to California?? Turns out the friends were almost to Mexico!?! So it seems Jr lied about where they were going for 2 weeks!!! We all know how well Americans have been doing down in Mexico so if something bad did happen his parents didn't even know where he was!!!
I am appalled that you would make him miss that trip!!!!! Some of us did not have the financial means to go on grad trips, u only graduate once, u only have 1 grad trip, the last trip with your friends before you all split up and join adulthood. For you to have him skip that to deal with adult issues, to put aside his last chance to be a kid before facing a life full of adult s**t, probably made him feel resentful. He doesn't have a 7 and 11 year old, u do, be adults and let ur kids be kids. I am almost certain that a daily babysitter for the 2 youngest could be found in the grandparents area.
Uh peopkle bashing parents because son has a kanniption fit when he was given a completely viable option only 12 days left. Tf boy-o you better get a grip. Also 18 year olds should NOT be crossing over to Tijuana or anywhere near that boarder for damn good reason. Drama king. Your parents were willing to pay for you to catch up to your friends and you said no because you missed 2 out of 12 days?.nah yoir the problem.
This could have possibly been the last chance for the younger siblings to see their grandparents so I only think your TA for saying that it would have been awful for everyone if you would have taken the younger kids with. I'm glad the grandparents are okay. But your son is definitely TA because he was given the opportunity to connect with his friends once you returned home. He obviously doesn't have a good relationship with his grandparents and this type of behavior from him has always been allowed so blame yourself and your wife for allowing it.
Kid needs to grow up. Parents tried to get somebody else and couldn't. Sometimes you have to make sacrifices. He only missed two days of the trip. Dad not only paid him for watching his siblings, but offered to pay for joining his friends at a later dad. He may not care about his grandparents, but his Mom did as it's her parents. He's just being a brat.
I think the dad did everything he could. Just because you had kids and, yes, are your responsibility, doesn't mean emergencies and unforseen events don't happen. My job is my responsibility, but if my car breaks down and I can't get cab or a friend to help, what am I going to do, pull magic out of my a*s? Things happen. Life happens. And if you're close to your parents (I wasn't, they were abusive) then I suspect if they were injured or worse one would, you know, be upset like the mother was. She was kind of manipulating the situation by showing the kid the pictures of the injured grandparents, but that's all I see wrong here. It was just a s****y situation.
You are not an a*****e. It was an emergency. I understand that he is sad about the 2 days, but 2 days are not the world and you offered him for the remaining time a plane ticket so he could go. It sounds mean but he is 18 and should understand the situation and not be disrespectful to his parents but understanding. And I understand that you didn't want your younger kids in the situation where they have to see the grandparents die maybe and the mother just crying while you are away. I hope your kid understand soon what a s****y kid he was in this situation. And I wish you and the grandparents the best.
People who are saying YTA... What is wrong with you? And what happened in your lives that had led you to be so entitled and so ridiculously out of touch with reality and common sense? I am really curious to know how you got to be the way you are. Really, really curious.
What is wrong with so many people freaking out about dying? Especially old people dying? The world would be MUCH worse if no one ever died!
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All involved are twits, except grandparents. Should have taken ALL the children with you. Your son’s a dweeb, but you and wife are too.
You don't know that. Maybe the grandparent CAUSED the accident and so they are the twits.
Load More Replies... Did anyone else catch that bit where the son and his group of friends *lied* about where they were going for their trip? It wasn't a school trip, the friend group was probably getting into something a bit crazier than just hanging out, since they were secretly headed to Mexico instead of the *assumed* California.....
When there's a family emergency, family is supposed to step up. It sucks he couldn't leave for his trip and he's allowed to be bummed about it, but this stuff happens sometimes. He doesn't get to treat his parents like they're horrible for asking him to help out in a family emergency. The dad was only gone for two days. He could have caught up with them and had 12 great days with his friends but at that point he was cutting off his nose to spite his face. That kind of immaturity just tells me he wasn't mature enough to travel on his own.
God, at 18, I'd have watched my sibs and been more upset about not being able to go to the hospital too. My best friends would have canceled or post poned the trip and stayed with me, they might have even told me to go to the hospital with my parents while they watched the kids. I would have offered and they would have offered without even being asked. There would be no question. ESH because clearly this young man wasn't raised to have any sort of family values and has no empathy or compassion or emotional connection with his actual family, and only surface friendships. Unless he was one of the rare ones born that way, he's well on his way to being a bit of a sociopath. Might sound extreme, but that level of selfishness and disregard for others is a pretty huge red flag with giant neon red lights and arrows pointing to it. If the parents didn't realize this was the type of person they raised, they weren't paying attention.
Who takes 2 days to fill out paperwork? It takes 10 minutes. Take you kids with you. Dad can stay with them at their grandparents' house and when the dad needs to check in here and there the older kid can babysit until he returns. It's normal for 11 year olds to babysit for money so why not for your sibling? People are also forgetting the teen is acting exactly how he was raised.
When you go to people in the hopsital you do not fill out paperwork, you go there to support them, to be there for them, to be there in their darkest hour. The paperwork is a side thing that has to be done. And the mom was a wreck - Dad is there to support her, and he is probably very emotional himself as well. The two younger kids can't stay alone and a hospital is no environment for them to hang around for 2 days. Also, people have a personality, some things can't be tought or changed in upbringing.
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What would happen if they only had young children with no one to look after them? Would the "trauma" be justified then? These things are part of life and to want to shield your children from having to experience their grandparents that way is a responsibility that falls squarely on the parents. If you are willing to hinder one child to protect two others, the quality of parent ship is questionable in my opinion. Instead of stopping him from taking his trip they should have taken their children with them and dealt with the situation together, hurt together, show them how to manage those feelings right then and there. Obviously their mother doesn't have the ability to keep herself together? What does that mean for the children in the situations to come? Parents have to be strong for their children and teach with their actions, instead of that they decided to skip that.
They didn't need to. You are describing a situation that was not present. In the same sense, you could say, what if the couple had no kids? What if their car broke down? What if ...No. They had their adult son at home, they had a family emergency. It's called empathy to care, even if he doesn't care about his grandparents, he could care about his mom and how she would feel.
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Old people die! That's what they do. We plan for it as their kids. How is an adult woman not prepared to loose her parents. What did u think? They would live forever? This is insane. What kind of mentally pathetic wife cant care for her children becasuse shes worried? Plus, I guarantee if they died u would take those little ones to the funeral, but they can't go to a hospital? And u made him miss his graduation trip, a literal once in a lifetime experience with a group of people that won't be together again ever, to watch kinds that are your responsibility, because mom had a menatl breakdown? Yea, i call that' selfish and very feeble.
The parents are wrong here. They should have taken the younger kids with them. It would have been more difficult but so what. That's what we have to deal with as parents and adults. The father would have to do all the paperwork and such in the family waiting room with the kids while Mom was in the hospital room with her parents. They could have managed just like they would have if the son had already went on the trip. The teens anger is valid. He definitely should have still joined them for the rest of the trip!
People really wants to speak about the boy not loving grandparents because he wanted to go on his trip. It's a trip of a life time and he was excited. To him the world is unfair. Adults always doing something to ruin what he wants. Trust me my daughter is 21 and I deal with other teens. This is how they feel it takes time to let them calm down.
I can't even suggest therapy, Gawed damn your a mess girl, lol.
Load More Replies... Your assuming her reaction is problematic. She could just have a very close Loving relationship with her parents and this was just to heartbreaking for her.
Load More Replies... Kid is being a brat and needs to get over himself. His parents tried to get a sitter and couldn't. He was paid for his time. Dad offered for him to catch up with his friends. Kid needs to get a wake up call that the world doesn't revolve around him and can learn some compassion. That's part of being an adult. Things come up and you sometimes have to miss out on things. It's fine to be upset, but he's being unreasonable.
For those who think that he had to have issues with grandparents think again. I pretty much understand that. When my daughter was 16, I kept going to the hospital with severe pain and asthma attacks. These cracks kept assuming I wanted pain meds. The last time they sent me home i had my baby sister bring me some motrin. When she seen how I was walking she took me to a different hospital that hospital knew what was wrong just with my symptoms. They had to admit me. My gallbladder rupture and I had poison in my body. If I never made it to the hospital I could have died. My sister and daughter are with me. The next morning they was doing surgery. My sister told my daughter to get ready to come to the hospital to see me before I go under the knife. My daughter didn't want to because her and her boyfriend at the time made plans. I told my sister don't argue with her she's a teenager it's not her responsibility let her go. She just better pray I don't die. Me and my daughter have always been
Close. I was 6 months pregnant with her when her father my husband died in an accident. I know she love me but she was a teenager and had her hopes set up. But a month later her boyfriend dumped her and my family laughed at her and told her that's what she gets putting a boy before your mom that raised her and is always there for her.
Load More Replies... I would of took my younger kids with me. They could of sat in the car running errands with dad. I remember my daughter was 18 I was pregnant everyone kept saying at least you got a babysitter. No I don't it's not her kid do no. I had to go to the hospital I couldn't breathe. My son didn't stay with nobody other than me and my daughter. She was 2 hours away off from school. I could of easily had her boyfriend bring her home but it was her life. Instead my brother met me at the Emergency Room he sat there with us keeping my son while they ran tests. X-Ray Ct scan. They wanted to keep me they couldn't my brother was ready to go get my daughter i told him no. My mom is a retired nurse I stayed at her house so she can watch over me while the steroids kicked in. My daughter was hanging with friends and living the college life. I can't depend on her she didn't make him so why make her take care of him.
NTA. I wonder if the son was having second thoughts about the trip after hearing his friends' judgement calls so far. This may have been the out he needed. Mexico, in particular, can be extremely dangerous in places. Our contactor's friend's daughter disappeared there. This makes his parents the ones to blame.NTA. Son's saving face.
The exact way you worded this. Always with the interlude of grandpa making this or that milestone after you impose on your son. If you have to include those bits, you're trying very hard to justify your actions, and denigrate your son's. This is most likely made up, but if you have to word it this way, there was much more left unsaid. I'm thinking this isn't the only time something has been explained this way by you, too practiced. YTA.
What a mess. I agree that the parents could have simply taken the kids with them. Like several responders asked - "what would you have done, if the oldest son had already departed?" In a tragic situation like this, no one is really right or wrong...
Read Monday's response above. Why take 2 small kids on a 4 hour trip with a Mother who is in pieces at the prospect of her Father dying. What do you do with them once you get there? Leave them in a corridor or the car? Put the hospital staff in a position where they have to watch the kids instead of attending to dying and injured people? Seems there's not much thought been put into the practicality of "simply take the kids with them".
Load More Replies... I assume this adult kid still lives with you, OP. I'd force the point of family therapy so long as he is under your roof because there are some serious red flags here that scream for professional help. This isn't just entitlement, or simple lack of empathy. He lashed out at your wife who was dealing with her parents possibly dying and he pulled the whole "you ruined it so I'm gonna tank everything and blame/guilt you over it" move, which is an abuse tactic. Get help before he does this to a girlfriend/spouse. You have raised an abuser.
The therapist would not side with the parents and I think they know that. This is probably not the first time they made him cancel his plans in order to watch his siblings.
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The only a*****e here is the son. He's 18. Legally and mentally mature. How can your grandparents be involved in a serious accidents as this and you still want to go on a trip. Fine, even if the trip guilt doesn't get to you, the least you can do is assist your mum, the kid of your grandparents, in any possible way instead of feeling so f*****g entitled!. Sometimes, we raise kids that have no idea that life's a cycle, what goes around,comes around. Today, you're a kid, tomorrow, a parent, and the next a grandparent( if you're lucky). Then imagine your grandkid acting up like this, when you're fighting for your life. Smh.
NTA emergencies happen and if you can't depend on family then who can you depend on? The 18yo was only going to be delayed a couple of days In a 2 week trip? This brat needs a wake up call.. so does anyone calling you TA.. you paid him, and you tried to get him back on the trip... so it's all or nothing with this brat? And the way he treated his mom? Sorry but bags would be getting packed for my 18yo who yells at my wife who's father was in critical condition after an accident. He was only missing a couple of days on a trip that was paid for him.
Anyone saying the father is the AH is messed up in the head. The kid however has behavioral problems and I question the up bringing.
Stop automatically questioning the upbringing. Some People Are Just Horrible People Period.
Load More Replies... Oh look, yet another transparent, likely fictional, attempt at stirring up petty, divisive emotions to generate clicks and likes. AITA for wishing we could gather people who like this trash and nuke them en masse?
There’s several things I’m still not clear over - such as why the two younger kids couldn’t have gone, or what they family would have done if the 18yo had already left for their trip. And as we only hear one side of the story, I’m inclined to say YTA.
Because taking two kids under 12 on a 4 hour road trip while your wife is a crying, sobbing mess worried about the survival of her parents is a nightmare. What would they have done with the kids once there? Kids can't go into the ICU and have you tried to keep a 7 year old entertained and calm in a hospital waiting room? Obviously if the kid had already left they'd have had no choice but to take them, but it was far better for those 2 younger kids to stay with their sibling rather than see their mother breaking down for 4 hours straight while trapped in car with her, followed by being stuck in a hospital room. There will be other trips. The older kid could even have joined the last 10 days of the trip since his dad was cool with buying him plane tickets to catch up, but he was too much of a brat to think beyond "OMG how dare they ruin my vacation".
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What the hell, I can't understand people saying the father is the a*****e. The grandparents were in a serious accident. What a douche thinking he still gets to go on his trip, apparently he doesn't seem concerned about his grandparents. The kid needs to learn that life throws you curveball sometimes. Or as Monica from Friends said to Rachel: "Welcome to the real world. It sucks! You're gonna love it". I hope the parents will have a grown-up conversation with their son. And I hope the kid will apologize for losing his sh*t while his mom was at the hospital fearing for her dad's life.
I agree. In life not everything will run according to plan. Sometime your plans will have to change. Accidents often do that. That entitled jerk had even plenty of trip days left.
Load More Replies... Honestly the one thing that bothered me was one of the comments saying “he’s 18 and legally an adult”… I hate that phrase. I’ve met 18 year olds with the emotional intelligence of a 12 year old who’s balls just dropped. Plus, one day your 17 and the next you turn 18 and all of a sudden you’re supposed to just “be an adult”? He is still a teen, still growing, still learning to process emotions in a situation like this. Things could of been handled better in some regards, sure, but he has a right to his reaction (albeit he could of been a bit more compassionate).
Caring more about a trip with friends than your grandparents almost dying isn't a typical kid reaction. This kid needs a wakeup call, and I hope to hell this was it. It was normal for him to be upset about missing the trip, but screaming at your mother that she's selfish for being worried about her parents almost dying ....that kid is f*****g brat.
Load More Replies... If some one cannot understand the gravity of a serious medical injury, they are entitled as heck.
This, he could have lost one or both of his grandparents. His last memory would have been his own selfish behaviour and feelings when they were fighting for their health and lives in a hospital far away. If grandpa had passed and he was on this trip, would he have cared enough to return for the funeral or be there for his mother who just lost her father? I cannot fathom this level of spoilt entitlement from this very immature 18 kid. Everybody wants the parents to never set a foot wrong, well it cuts both ways. Regrets come in a variety of packaging and taking responsibility begins with the man in the mirror. Grow up and wake up if you lack the empathy to circle your family wagons and lean on each other in a crisis, it's embarrassing to even watch such selfish antics.
Load More Replies... So vermidiank says YTA and in one breath says to take the younger kids with them but that the mother shouldn't have shown the 18 yo pictures of the grandparent. So it's okay for the younger ones to see those injuries in person? Or are the younger ones expected to stand outside the room, in a hospital on their own? Or are the parents supposed to take the young kids to the hospital then what... have already over worked staff watch them? Or not be able to go in to see their own father/FIL because they have young kids with them?
This. Anybody saying “just take the kids” is being pretty glib and not thinking about all that would entail.
Load More Replies... Ok, I have a question. No one in the comments have said anything about the son lying about where the group trip was headed to. A group of 18 y/o going to Cali is bad enough but then actually they were going to Mexico!!! If they don't have to sense to be a group of young males obviously with money for the trip, then probably drunk as drinking age is lower in Mexico, the dangers of going south of the boarder are so high right now. If one or more ended up in compromised situation, the could have been forced to mule for cart.els. Would have completely freaked me out if I found out they all lied. Wonder how many are going to be calling stateside parents to get them out of trouble.
This here !! I've been thinking the same thing. And op just blows over like yeah he has a passport whatever. Like what happens when something happens to them in another country while everyone thinks there in Cali ??? Which this is all probably why he throws a fit and says it's not worth it bc he doesn't want dad finding out where they are and that they have been traveling pretty quickly probably to get out of country before anyone finds out.
Load More Replies... I don’t understand how this is even remotely a question. Missing two days of your pleasure trip vs helping out your parents in a family emergency (parents who PAID for your trip in the first place.). If the parents suck at all, it’s only for raising an entitled kid, but honestly can’t even say that wholeheartedly because even with the best parents some people are just born brats.
Personally I would've taken my youngest kids with me and figured it out - or had my husband drop me off and head back to watch the kids and managed on my own. My dad died 6yrs ago, I took my kids with me to the hospital, they wanted to see their papa before he wasn't with us anymore, and even though he died and I was completely broken I was still capable of looking after my children, my youngest at the time was only a month old, breastfed and therefore very much reliant on my presence. The son throwing a hissy fit shows he's not mature enough to be considered an adult to take care of younger siblings and I dread to think how he treated them out of anger while the parents were gone. My son will be 18 in a few months, there's no way on earth I would leave him with my younger two for two days, I don't even get him to babysit for longer than an hour because I know he isn't mature enough to handle little kids and I'll come home to everyone upset and stressed.
My thoughts exactly. My sister kept telling me how ugly I was and pinched me when she had to babysit me (I was 9 and she was 17) and that if I told my mother she would even pinch me harder the next time. I will never ever forget that. I didn't ask for her to babysit me?? And I also wonder... what would they have done if they didn't have an 18 year old to fall back on, but only two younger kids.
Load More Replies... I think the son will feel different about this in a couple of years..
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Load More Replies... Has the grandparents died in the accident, would the son have a different reaction? It’s unfortunate but sometimes emergencies occur. We can’t exactly plan them and sometimes they happen at inconvenient times. The son is the one being selfish in this story and I really hope he comes around and sees the light of this. It really is a life lesson he needs to learn now because he’s going to be set up to be angry all his life if he thinks he can just walk through life with plans that never change.
Exactly. Died and then had to attend funeral. He'd have had to miss everything.
Load More Replies... What a monster wants to go on a party trip while their grandparents lay in the hospital in critical condition? If I'd been that guy I'd have cried my eyes out if my grandparents were in this situation! At least on the fathers side. So I wonder what's missing here? Either they raised a spoiled brat with the emotional capacity of a bratwurst or the grandparents are not nice people which was the reason their son didn't really care for them. Or they just discovered their son is a sociopath. This is not normal and there's not enough information to make a judgement. But assuming that the family dynamics are normal and the grandparents are nice people the son is a nasty, selfish brat. And the parents are NTA. Family is there to help each other in emergency situations. That includes the kids. And going on a road trip is not more important than helping your parents while your grandparents are in critical condition. That's not parentification. That's human decency, an 18 year old should get it
It seems like more people need to be prepared for the deaths of aged loved ones. Embrace life and accept death since the latter can happen at any moment.
Load More Replies... If I were a grandparent in a serious accident, on the verge of death, I would've wanted my grandchild to go on the vacation. It would break my heart knowing that he missed his trip because of me. Present generations are not beholden to nor should sacrifice for older ones. Grandparents are SUPPOSED to die and it's not a tragedy when they do. Too much was sacrificed by kids and young families to keep old people alive during Covid. I'm 52, diagnosed with brain cancer. If I can live 5-8 more years to see my youngest to adulthood, that's all I need.
You have a similar mindset with me. I'm 10 years younger than you at stage 4 colon and stage 3 nose cancer. If only I have 10-15 years to see my youngest to adulthood, I'm content. But maybe because we have the chronic disease that made us think like that, unlike this case that is actually an emergency.
Load More Replies... How the hell is anyone calling them a-hole? If my grandparents had been in an accident, I would have been heading there with my parents.. then once I knew they'd be ok, catch up with my friends if I still felt like taking the trip.... what an entitled child... and at 18 he should be an adult not a child...
I have a sneaking suspicion that there have been many times where his plans have been scrapped because he was made to watch his siblings when something came up. This makes a lot more sense as the straw that broke the camel's back than an isolated incident.
As a mom, if my ADULT son would yell at me for missing out on 2 days of his trip when my parents almost died, it would hurt me so much. We had a very serious accident in the family a few years ago with daughter of sister 1, she might have died that weekend. Sister 2 had a son who had his communion that weekend, but he was 8, a totally different age. This "festivity" went on and we were there for a bit, for our nephew. He couldnt comprehend the severity of the situation. But he was 8. At 18, even if he wouldn't feel sorrow or worry or sadness, he should know that his feelings about a roadtrip are not as important as relatives suddenly nearly dying. I'm heartbroken for his mom.
(1/2) How the f**k is it that people are blaming the parents? The boy is 18! Not a young kid or anything! He's already an adult! He wasn't even babysitting his younger siblings for nothing! The dad paid him for that! And it was just 2 days so he could have still gone to the trip, just missing the first 2 days. To those calling the mom selfish for being a wreck, it seems to be that you guys are the selfish, heartless ones. Your parents could die and you're here worried about your son's trip being missed? Wow.
(2/2) And the reason why they couldn't take their younger children should be simple - who would take care of them in the hospital? The grandparents who are hospital? The mom who is a wreck? Or the dad who not only has to take care of his wife and in laws but also deal with all other matters in the hospital? Also the parents stayed nearly 48 hrs in the hospital, so were the 2 kids also expected to stay at the hospital? If so then what if they scream, cry or make a scene in the hospital and disturb others in the hospital? (It really does happen). That would have been unfair to the others and causing them inconvenience. The father did the right thing. The mom's action of showing the son (18 y/o) pics of his grandparents injury also seem ok to me. The son definitely did not seem to realise just how serious the situation was and took it lightly. Boy is an adult and it's not going to be a "trauma" for him, especially since even after seeing the pics he was still fighting with his parents.
Load More Replies... This got me. Really. Why didn't they take the youngest children with them, I wondered. Then, I read the OP saying his wife was a wreck and he was the one to take care of it all. So live them with the wife in the room and go do what you need. They are 7 and 11 y.o. they would be perfectly content in that room with their phones/tablets. Is it ideal? No. Would they survive 48 hours like this? Hell, yes. It's not a trip to Disneyland, it's an emergency. Then, the OP tells that he doesn't want his kids to see their grandparents like this. But how would they learn compassion and empathy then? If everything is perfect all the time, there is no reason to want to help others. They need to see things like this to understand. Then maybe they will not act like their big brother when they grow up and wouldn't throw a fit because they have no empathy for their surrounding.
ESH. The son for throwing a tantrum, the father for not searching another babysitter (the Redditors are right, what if he had already left?) and the mother for sending pictures of mangled grandpa to her son to guilt trip him. Everyone sucks here.
K what sucks is this is not just some trip. This is a present for him for graduation. Graduating is accomplishment. You are taking away his graduation gift and ruining it. That's terrible and you literally took away something very important that he deserved for his hard work. That's awful and should be avoided at all costs. He obviously isn't close to his grandparents and that doesn't make him a bad person. I would be freaking out because I love my grandparents but maybe he is not close with them for whatever reason. His mom is understandably having a nervous breakdown but his dad is acting like he's just helpless. You could watch your kids while your wife is with her parents stupid. What could you possibly have to do? What is running around? Running around for what? The only thing you have to do is sit at a damn hotel and watch your kids and pick up your wife when visiting hours are over. People are so stupid.
His parents offered send him 2 days later and on top of that he lied about where he was going. How mature was it for him to lie about leaving the country. He is 18 he didn't need to lie. But your judging the mother when she almost lost her parents.
Load More Replies... Parents sorry you're the AH here's why After you came back you throw money at him and I will get a plane ticket. Did you apologize and say thank you? Have you both done this to him before? (I believe you have) And to come on a forum to try to make him the bad guy. Emergencies happen but YOU had the children including him (meaning he's a child) FORCING (that's what you did) him to take care of your responsibility. Could he have been a bit gracious yes. After your wife's entitled behavior you wonder where he gets this from
Woah, the kid lied. What does a liar deserve? You're crazy.
Load More Replies... Whoever the OP is, he is a silver tongue devil. He, absolutely, worded this post for max inflammation. We don't know anything about this family and their dynamic. We can't make assumptions based on our own experiences. These parents might be parentifying this 18 year old ALL the time. The grandparents could be a******s. The mother seems rather weak willed. Graduation trips are a milestone in life and shouldn't be missed because parents can't get or keep their stuff together. IF he had a decent relationship with the Grandparents, then he would likely be ticked by not having gone WITH the parents to see them. Then again, that might be why he is really angry. He's 18 and his brain is not fully developed yet. I would like to hear his side of this story.
Son sounds like he's messed up and has serious empathy issues, which is very troubling, to say the least. On the other hand, what would they have done if it had happened a couple days later and the son had already left for the trip? Probably bring the younger kids with them, i assume.
I get being an immature teen and being upset, but the way he doubled down, lost his s**t on his mom who is dealing with something way more serious? No. Eff this kid. He will probably realize it later, but he was out of line. His dad tried to make it up to him with a reasonable option, he refused. I'd be concerned how little he cares about his grandparents or his parents. He cares about being with his friends so much more? He can move out and live with them. No one is calling them selfish because they couldn't wait for him. Maybe they had good reasons, but I doubt they care about him more than his parents. Teenagers in general just suck, and all the people on here bashing the parents, who aren't perfect, but are not monsters, just shows that the younger generations commenting are garbage too. This is coming from someone in their 30s but clearly I identify as a boomer. Get off my lawn and grow up.
So let's break this 18 year old's issue for those who don't get it. He was upset because his lie got found out. He wasn't supposed to be going to Mexico. He lied to his parents. In a way his anger is more of a flight or fight reaction, he probably got scared and didn't know how to react nor was he sure of how his parents would react. Just my 2 cents, because I have gotten real mad at someone dear to me who caught me in a lie, I was too embarrassed and I just got angry and deflected. This is what I see at play sadly.
To the idiots saying you should have just taken the younger kids with you - what planet are you from?? Yeah, let's traumatize these kids so their older brother can go ON A ROAD TRIP? The son is a spoiled, selfish, immature little pr*ck. I wonder what his reaction would have been if the grandparents actually died? And to not take OP up on the offer to fly him to meet his friends, all because he missed a whopping two days of the trip, is beyond stupid.
The son was really mad about them finding out he was going to Mexico instead.
Load More Replies... The parents here need to take a step back and look at this differently. He's 18, he of course is disappointed about the trip but he may also be feeling really upset about the grandparents and not able to express it. Everything is revolving around how Mom feels and he probably can't even process his conflicting emotions. At 18 it may be the first time he's dealt with something like this, almost losing grandparents. The fact that he agreed to stay home and watch the siblings shows he had some understanding of the seriousness. Just give him a little space and time and stop assuming he's a jerk, this is a lot for a kid his age.
No concern for the grandparents or compassion for his own mother, that family needs professional help.
I miss one solution that almost always works: ask the parents of your children's best friends! This was only for two nights. We hosted a couple of emergency sleepovers for classmates of my children. That's where friends are for.
I don't think you are the arsehole. I think you did the best you could in an urgent and stressful situation and at times like this families are supposed to pull together. The fact that you offered to fly him down to meet his friends already says a lot about your acknowledgement and commitment to his wants/needs. I dont think the kid is necessarily an arsejole either. He is a bitterly disappointed and pretty normal egocentric teenager who could use some lessons in empathy. Hope grandfather recovers and you all find your back to each other.
You better than me dad the 18 year old could go to hell for all I care. This was an emergency them ppl could of died but his selfish a*s wants to throw a pity party cus he missed 2 days. Yall even paid him and tried to get him there after you got back. Screw what these adults say some of them are the self entitled coworkers we all hate at work. Yall are damn good parents, glad they are OK now and get that boy in counseling if he this upset over a near death experience I would hate to see how he is if he has to take care of you in your golden years. Good luck.
I made greater sacrifices for my family at 12 years old. And I contine to do so now at 27. I took in my second cousin when I was 21 because nobody else would, and I've now adopted him. I get that having that independence to go on a trip is something important to many people as they enter adulthood, but you know what? Sacrificing, taking responsibility even when circumstances aren't your fault, and loving others just as much if not more than yourself are the most important parts of being an adult. If this is the most extreme thing this 18-year-old has ever had to sacrifice, then I think this experience is good for him. It's not good for a person to go so long being so unaquainted with reality. Does it suck? Sure, but not much if you grow to appreciate reality for what it is.
The son is a brat and needs to get a taste of real life. The lack of empathy for his family is astonishing. Everyone saying the parents are the A-holes, literally have no morals or are at an age where your brain hasn't developed properly. You only get one set of parents, their well being trumps any stupid trip. Plus, he lives under his parents household, the least he can do is assist during trying times.
Parents are nta. The mother sent the photos probably thinking that they would convince the son how bad grandpa's injuries were. He didnt need to be protected from the truth. The son topped the list as an a---h. He should apologize to his mother for his poor choice of words.
I'm kind of surprised OP didn't want to take the younger kids along, especially given how badly their grandfather was hurt. Yeah it's stressful, but if I was close to the grandparent I'd want to see them again before they possibly passed. If the grandfather was alert they could say "I love you" and possibly feel more at peace about the passing (since passing means no more suffering). And really, they could probably take tablets and cellphones and keep the kids entertained and out of the way easily. They weren't babies or toddlers. I'd vote NAH, or maybe a VERY slight YTA to OP. He did what he felt was best, but it sucks it interfered with the graduation trip and that sort of last hurrah with the son's buddies and their sneaky trip to Mexico. Hiding that is probably more why the kid didn't jump at the opportunity to meet up with his friends than still being upset about having to babysit - its hard to have your dad pay to get you to friends who aren't where the dad expects. You know?
Acting like that towards his parents that almost lost their own parents in an apparently horrific accident. The son is lucky he still has a home. To even consider letting him go on the trip after that behavior, I can't imagine it. Kid is 100% the AH, parents are saints.
Parents are the AH. It's not like these people were laying in a ditch and needed help, they were at the hospital. They didn't do anything the staff couldn't take care of. Mom needed to get herself together and manage so she could drive or fly and dad needed to stay with the kids. What everybody needs to realize is that bringing a hysterical mess to the hospital is not only unnecessary it is unhelpful and selfish. The staff already has patients to care for and they don't need you being hysterical. The kid worked his whole little life for this trip and after 13 years of school, the parents diminished his accomplishment and prioritized hospital paperwork. The hospital didn't need both of you.
Mic drop. She is selfish for not controlling herself and sending him pics to gas light him. It's a waiting game anyway. Nothing you can do but sit there during visiting hours. He should've been at the room with the kids once things settled down. The teen is NTA
Load More Replies... I'm sorry but am I the only one that read that the son was supposed to be going to California but OP found out he and his friends were actually going to Mexico. The son had a passport and everything.
Why did the kid have such an unemotional, blase attitude about his grandparents serious accident? Bc he's a self-centered kid. A serious accident can be much worse on an elderly body. But it also seems that OP's wife, the daughter, couldn't handle this whole thing either. OP said something like his wife couldn't even take care of herself during the crisis. Yes, a horribly dangerous situation was created due to an accident. But that's when you need to be the bravest. During that unexpected crisis. I've been there with loved ones who were near death. This is when you have to find the strength within yourself. You can't help if you're a mess yourself. Suppose somehow the kid managed to go on that trip. How would he have felt if one or both grandparents had died? Would he have felt guilty? IDK. I think the kid needs to buck up and learn the value of family. Unavoidable things change plans sometimes. Others need to gain some courage to be the most helpful during family crisis.
Not everybody reacts to trauma like you do. It isn't about bravery. Learn that.
Load More Replies... I think your son is a spoiled little brat that anybody that says you ruined his holiday or idiots and probably have spoiled little brats too because your parents were in a bad accident your mother is a rap and all you can think about is your stupid road trip but Welcome to the Real World sonny boy because when you get in the job world they're not going to make exceptions for you cuz you want to go on a trip this is the beginning and a good lesson to learn right off the bat the world doesn't revolve around you suck it up buttercup
Parents did that themselves. Children do not turn out spoiled if parents don't enable them.
Load More Replies... Tell that little entitled pain in Tybee a**, that he should be thankful that they are alive. That's it, period! I wish i had that problem. My grandparents are all dead. Smack that little spoiled brat on the a*s and call it done. For the rest of you that did with the son, I'm guessing you are heartless, cold, or selfish! Grow some feelings and get over yourself. You are not the only one in the universe! Pathetic selfish people who have no regard for anyone else!!!
The only thing I can't agree with on the parents side is mom sending pictures of grandpas injuries because he was upset with her. They very specifically didn't bring the other two kids because they didn't want them having to see grandpa like that, but the minute mom gets mad at her kids reaction she does exactly that?? Very much not cool. But outside of that, kid was out of line. It was a family emergency and dad even tried to get him out there for the rest of the trip.
NAH. There was an emergency, and OP needed his family to pull together. I think the son was angry about the unfairness of the universe, but understood that his family needed him. He did end up caring for his siblings for those two days. I also think that OP came up with a fantastic solution, that the son could catch up with his classmates. Gentle YTA at the son for not agreeing with the solution; nobody needs your guilt trip right now, kid.
Nah mom started the guilt trip. He learned from her.
Load More Replies... The parents created this monster, they're too soft, and bottle it up until a bad situation arises and the result is "an emotional and irrational mess". I lost my grandfather who was closer to me than my own father ever was, and I've been an emotional mess since, more than 8 months; I'm also a mom and a wife and have a job that I need to show up for. I can't just "check out" while I get my s**t together.... YKWIS?? Also.... Did anyone miss the part that "THEYRE GOING TO MEXICO INSTEAD OF CALIFORNIA?" Lying to his parents, and acting like a child.... Sounds like he is the one that needs babysitting. Why would you even pay him?? Or "make it up to him"? He needs to grow up and dad needs to cut the cord. This family sounds like a whole lotta feelings! And dad coming to Reddit for validation instead of acting like a man and taking charge of his family.... Mother snap out of it, acting like a bigger baby than your 18 year old?? No wonder why your son doesn't respect you and yells at you
**continue**** mom snap out of it, buy a plane ticket and go take care of your mom and dad, call the rest of the family while you're at it..... What a weak woman.... I can't believe she can be so helpless and childish. She def doesn't have a job other than the nail salon and pilates.... Good job father... Head of the household raising a bunch of losers and enabling entitlement.... Y'all need to be dropped on a remote island without internet and nothing but your wits and smarts.... Grow a pair mom dad and teen
Load More Replies... Family comes 1st . There's nothing for the parents to feel bad. The eldest son if had learned anything from all the education he received, should have stayed with the siblings with out the parents asking. There's no need for the parents to ask how to appease the son. They are his grandparents that were in the emergency. He actually could have offered to drive his mum n give her the support she needed.
I lived thru something similar. I feel there is more information that isn't being said. 1. How many times has your oldest ever had to cancel plans for the family? 2. I get the hassle but you decided to have kids so why not take responsibility and take your kids with you? 3. How close are your kids with the grandparents? I turned 18 the week of my high school graduation. I had a small party planned with some friends. Just days before my birthday, my grandpa ate a bullet. I had to cancel everything and help plan a funeral. Now that alone sucked. My parents still came to my graduation and I tried to act like nothing was wrong. I would have been accepting of that, accept for the fact that my older brothers birthday is the EXACT SAME DAY as mine. He's 11 years older. They threw a part for him, yet forgot about me entirely. I was close with my gpa, and so was he. It was hard for all of us, but I was the last one to talk to him before he blew his brains out later that same night. I live....
Your all crazy! No 18 year old cares about his grandparents! Do you remember being 18? It's graduating and being with your friends for a once in a lifetime experience. We all have kids! We all take then with us when we don't have a choice. It's not like the 18 year old was just going to a sleepover down the street. HE WAS LEAVING! So that means you take your kids with you. One parent in with the grandparents, one parent with the kids.
Definitely nta. Dad did his best to accommodate everyone satisfactorily and still support mom as she was a compromised state of mind. I'm sure mom sent the pictures not to guilt him but for him to see the gravity of the situation. I understand he's upset about missing 2 days but dad offered multiple times to help him catch up to his friends n he refused. Probably thinking if I act up n don't go they'll feel really bad for prioritizing an emergency but all he's doing is causing himself more pain and disappointment. I understand not taking the younger kids because in a hospital they need constant supervision despite any level of maturity. That would mean dad wouldn't have been able to support mom adequately n they really didn't need to see mom like that and grandpa in critical state that becomes nightmare fuel for some kids to the point they'd be prone to fear anyone getting in a car. Son clearly missed the lesson on emotional maturity and empathy.
The father is definitely not an a*****e here. The mother wasn't thinking straight and should not have sent those photos, but extremely levels of anxiety and stress, especially when sudden, make us not think very well. The son is a teen, and needs to learn not everything in life goes exactly as planned. 12/14 days is still in the 80th percentile. The other parents were even willing to wait a bit at the other state for him to get there. Maybe if the father had explained the ratios it may have changed the kid's mind. But the father doesn't seem to have the best education background, and most kids are very stupid with math anyways. The kid (he's 18, men start to mature around 27, f**k off, he has 9 years still) overreacted and this would have been a great lesson to teach that life sometimes gets a crinkle in plans, but to not let it ruin the whole experience. He honestly sounds like he might have been spoiled. Which would then make the parents the a******s, but I digress.
Everyone made some slip-ups, but nobody here is really 100% the a*****e.
Load More Replies... Nope. YTA. As a parent it is MY responsibility to see to my younger 2 kids (14 and 10). Not throw them in the lap of my 18yo. What would you have done if he had already left? Same thing you should have done to begin with. Take them with you. You're absolutely an azzhole for trying to guilt your son for his 100% valid feelings.
The boy is being a a*****e you did what any perents in the same situation would have and all the people saying other wise are lying
I can't believe people are blaming the parents. Did they really think it was OK to subject 2 tiny kids to their grandparents being mangled?!?!?! They were so injured the parents didn't even think they would survive. The mother was a wreck and dad's trying to hold everything together and what's the oldest do? Throw a 3 year old level tantrum over not going on a trip DURING A FAMILY EMERGENCY!! Honestly tell the oldest once everything calms down that since he feels a trip was so important he can move out. I would never be able to trust him after such a stunt.
I can't believe people are saying the father shouldn't have kids. How can people be so heartless in a situation like this? The son may not have a relationship with the grandparents, but his mother does. And they nearly died. And he called her selfish? He refused to catch up with the friends on the trip? Does he just want a reason to play victim or what?
Why didn't they just get grand dad to a hospital nearer to them nobabysitter needed a d teen cud go on holiday prob sorted
In high school, a close friend died in an accident. I was home with my older sister and she dropped everything to be there for me, drive me to see my friends who were also mourning. My parents had to come home from their weekend getaway early. It was only a couple hours away. My mom was a bit annoyed about it because she said I was spending all my time with my friends anyway, but I just wanted my parents THERE. I felt awful about it but I was struggling, incredibly depressed, and my sister wasnt sure how to handle all of it on her own, but she was willing to. She did her best. I've always been really grateful to how she was there for me especially when we didn't always get along. And I never forgot how my mom made me feel bad about her missing out on a weekend away when I'd lost a friend. She lost friends at my age and I thought she would be more understanding. People are more important than things. You show up for people. You show them that they matter.
That is called spoiled. Sorry but when it comes to family emergency there is no discution about the right thing to do. And any teenager I know would not only stay with their siblings gladly but would be mainly concerned about the grandparents and not any other plans.
Teens do not make good parents/caregivers and should not be abandoned to care for anyone elses kids for that long. Thats not good for any of the kids. It only took one person to deal with this, yet two fully able bodied adults could see no other solution but for their oldest son to miss his graduation party, that he may have even paid for. The reason? The mom was too hysterical, so everyone had to drop everything. I have zero respect for people who become too emotionally incapacitated to be there for the people who need them, so now in addition to the people who actually need help, so did this healthy mom. I'm guessing this husband enables this mom's self-absorbed behavior and this isnt the first time they tag-teamed against their oldest kid. When parents have kids, their kids come first, period. People should not have any more kids than they can take care of. It is unsafe and wrong to make the older ones care for the younger ones. The fact the grandparents ended up being ok makes it worse. They just taught him that he doesnt matter. These parents should not be surprised if their oldest gets tired of their expectations and opts out of his relationship with them.
Split on this one. They should have just took the kids with n had them hang out in the waitng room of the hospital especially if it was the quick of a visit. They can hang out there. But the teen was also rude and lied about where the trip was at...
Enter the old saying: as long as you live under my roof, you abide by my rules". -- too had for the son (sarcasm). Big deal. He'll either get over it and learn about responsibility or he'll learn the hard way once he's out on his own. Either way, the boy was disrespectful, rude, and crude. That's grounds for a major grounding in the household I grew up in. And better not slam the bedroom door either, good way to lose it.
NTA firstly young adults /kids only think about themselves but will regret later on in life that this situation was extreme. You did what u could because it seems that your wife usually handles the emergencies. Back up's not available so next in line which should be 1st is the oldest. Boo hoo he lost 2 days. Get over it man. But secondly why the f**k are they going to Mexico, kids alone in a foreign country where we see a lot of child trafficking going around. Wake the f**k up dude (this to you all) haven't u been seeing what s is really happening. A lot here are calling you the a*s... However life sometimes interferes in our plans to thwart something else. So take that as a lesson (to the young adult). And remember you can always go some other time in a safer environment. Later on you ll miss your GP's and regret talking s**t to your mom.
People are weird saying the teen doesn't care about his grandparents. Some people don't like to sit around and worry and rather worry while continuing with their plans. He should have been on his milestone trip. Say he had already left for the trip and a grandparent didn't pull through. Should he be expected to cut the trip short and come home? I don't think there is a right or wrong answer. It all depends on how that person handles grief. I personally would not return home but I know my sister would. This case should have been the teen on his trip with the younger two kids with their parents.
Did the contributors deliberately choose bad replies? They are either just as entitled, just as callous about their family, or judgemental people who (I bet) has never been responsible for anyone in their life. I'm glad the commenters here still keep their sense.
Did you know about Mexico? Or was he trying to put one over on you? Leaving the country at 18 is a big deal and Mexico is dangerous.
I left for college the day after I graduated high school... My parents drove me 600 miles to the school, and turned around and went home. I had pretty much raised them from the time I was 10. Their father was my stepfather... He beat our Mom for 20+ years. I even found out when I was 25 that he had killed 3 babies while Mom was still carrying them inside of her. So, I don't have any sadness from walking away from everything that was going on. I couldn't wait to get away from him... and live my own life.
If your oldest son was all you had to rely on for babysitting in an emergency, I just have to ask: what do you plan to do if he leaves for college, or are you going to make him go to college locally so he’s available to babysit? What if he just decides to leave home and get a job and be on his own? What are you going to do for babysitters then. You should’ve had a back up plan for any emergency and your son should not have been your backup plan.
There's absolutely zero chance any college would accept an entitled and unskilled piece of s**t lol
Load More Replies... This was really hard to read, where is the compassion? At 18 there will be plenty of trips with friends. Now I hope this 18 understand the bed he made. Even if he doesn't care about his grandparents, I hope at least he cares about his mom and can at least empathize with what his mom is possibly going through, but it didn't read like that's the case. He is a selfish teenager.
This story baffled me. In a new week which included a woman who is being prosecuted for murder after abandoning her 16 month baby for 10 days to go on vacation to Puerto Rico, some Reddit poster questions these parents for failing to quadruple plan for an emergency. This kid is so entitled that after being PAID to watch his siblings in an emergency he throws a fit that his PAID trip is short 2 days. 2 day!!! For those who are saying this trip was ruined, the trip was 14 days and the father was making arrangements to get him to his friends...Let's set aside the emotional intelligence arguments for a second and point out that after yelling at his father about missing 2 days of his graduation trip, he then called his mother to rant about the same thing. Assuming he has the basic intelligence of someone in his age group, how could he have seen that playing out? Pictures sent by his mother were likely intended to be a reality check. Maybe this parent should be asking...am I raising an A#$ho^÷, and how do I keep from doing it with the other 2?
Everything about that teen seems like an entitled self centered brat. Overly dramatic by not just accepting his dad's offer to meet up with his friends. But didn't want to find solutions and learn how to negotiate the unforseen weather changes in the storms. He didn't want to do that, he wanted to sit on his acting like a petulant child princess behavior and give his parents s**t. That kind of c**p at 18 sounds pathetic. I can't tell if it's just some people have not really had to go through any adversity, have any sense of what Hard Times really are and life events have come out of left field and your never the same again. People perpetually online and on reddit are out of touch with reality when they be commenting the most absurd and asinine comments. They really don't think they're talking out their a*s with narcissist takes on how Life actually is with family and relationships.
Seems he lied about going to California when he really planned to go to Mexico but that said family is more important than friends and he could have still gone, Except in my opinion he was acting like a spoiled entitled brat 2 days later should have been an acceptable compromise. So he missed 2 weeks of the trip b/c he was unwilling to help out when needed. Don't feel bad about it if he wants to act like a spoiled brat that's his problem.
A child’s mind doesn’t automatically mature into that of a 40-year-old just because the child turned 18 (eighTEEN, as in still a teenager). The son made the situation harder than it had to be, but so did the parents (as many others have said, what would they have done if the boy had already left???).
As an 18 year old, his parents have no obligation to support them any longer. They can do what they want, but they will have to do it from their own apartment they are working and paying for themselves.
What a narcissistic little brat....this was a real emergency. And they WILL have far more serious ones come up
Reading these comments make me appreciate my family. None of us are this entitled or stupid. Also a lot of them sound like terrible family members and lacking intelligence and abilities to walk in someone else's shoes.
For one, my 12 year old has more empathy and care then this selfish 18 year old. This is an adult lesson of sacrifice out of love. Even if he wasn't close to his grandparents, does he not love and care about his mom and what she is going through? His grandparents, mother and dad are all human and deserve love and respect. This is a family. This kid does not know, feel or understand that meaning. What if it were his parents that happened to. I guess he would just go on that trip. I am so glad the wife showed him pictures. He is an adult now and needs to see the reality of things. I do not even know these people and am willing to watch these kids for them. This is a heartbreaking situation. Life happens. Things happen, emergencies happen. The kid could have went on this trip after. Since he doesn't give a darn about his grandparents, maybe he should let them know not to send birthday and Christmas gifts for him.
The father and the mother should not beat themselves up. This was an emergency and all trusted sitters were unavailable. The son sounds entitled but probably never learned to empathize because he never had to think about loosing anyone close to HIM. We dont know if he ever felt close to the grandparents. When he brings it up years from now remind him that it was his choice not to finish the last 12 days of the trip. Taking the 2 younger ones wolud have been to stressful on the both of you. Your attention was focused on wife's parents and the wife's emotional state plus paperwork and other needs. I can understand looking forward to something that you dreamed about and felt that it was a sure thing and out of the blue it was snatched away. It was punch in the gut for everyone. I feel for the son up to a point because he had to step up and become an adult before he had his last highschool hangout with friends. Most of us had a family health issue that pushed us to adulthood.
I wouldn't have made the kid miss his grad trip. You can't blame him for being upset. Legally he's an adult but no 18 yr old is really an actual adult. Your brain is still growing at that age. The parents should have taken the younger kids with them. And they raised the boy so if he isn't compassionate and understanding then that's on them for raising a thoughtless brat! Also, the mom sounds a like a princess. Sack up woman!
Good grief people saying the parents were in the wrong. Does this kid value anything but his own fun time. Growing up I knew the world didn't revolve around me. I knew human life was vastly more important than fun. If you is all you care about then you will be all you'll have left one day. How would he feel if it was him in the hospital and no one was there to help or comfort him. OP was bending over backwards to try and get his son on the remainder of the trip. I think 18 should have had to go to the hospital and see first hand how he he really stood to loose.
Get over it kid it was an emergency!!! Plus am I the only one who noticed him and his friends were supposed to be going to California?? Turns out the friends were almost to Mexico!?! So it seems Jr lied about where they were going for 2 weeks!!! We all know how well Americans have been doing down in Mexico so if something bad did happen his parents didn't even know where he was!!!
I am appalled that you would make him miss that trip!!!!! Some of us did not have the financial means to go on grad trips, u only graduate once, u only have 1 grad trip, the last trip with your friends before you all split up and join adulthood. For you to have him skip that to deal with adult issues, to put aside his last chance to be a kid before facing a life full of adult s**t, probably made him feel resentful. He doesn't have a 7 and 11 year old, u do, be adults and let ur kids be kids. I am almost certain that a daily babysitter for the 2 youngest could be found in the grandparents area.
Uh peopkle bashing parents because son has a kanniption fit when he was given a completely viable option only 12 days left. Tf boy-o you better get a grip. Also 18 year olds should NOT be crossing over to Tijuana or anywhere near that boarder for damn good reason. Drama king. Your parents were willing to pay for you to catch up to your friends and you said no because you missed 2 out of 12 days?.nah yoir the problem.
This could have possibly been the last chance for the younger siblings to see their grandparents so I only think your TA for saying that it would have been awful for everyone if you would have taken the younger kids with. I'm glad the grandparents are okay. But your son is definitely TA because he was given the opportunity to connect with his friends once you returned home. He obviously doesn't have a good relationship with his grandparents and this type of behavior from him has always been allowed so blame yourself and your wife for allowing it.
Kid needs to grow up. Parents tried to get somebody else and couldn't. Sometimes you have to make sacrifices. He only missed two days of the trip. Dad not only paid him for watching his siblings, but offered to pay for joining his friends at a later dad. He may not care about his grandparents, but his Mom did as it's her parents. He's just being a brat.
I think the dad did everything he could. Just because you had kids and, yes, are your responsibility, doesn't mean emergencies and unforseen events don't happen. My job is my responsibility, but if my car breaks down and I can't get cab or a friend to help, what am I going to do, pull magic out of my a*s? Things happen. Life happens. And if you're close to your parents (I wasn't, they were abusive) then I suspect if they were injured or worse one would, you know, be upset like the mother was. She was kind of manipulating the situation by showing the kid the pictures of the injured grandparents, but that's all I see wrong here. It was just a s****y situation.
You are not an a*****e. It was an emergency. I understand that he is sad about the 2 days, but 2 days are not the world and you offered him for the remaining time a plane ticket so he could go. It sounds mean but he is 18 and should understand the situation and not be disrespectful to his parents but understanding. And I understand that you didn't want your younger kids in the situation where they have to see the grandparents die maybe and the mother just crying while you are away. I hope your kid understand soon what a s****y kid he was in this situation. And I wish you and the grandparents the best.
People who are saying YTA... What is wrong with you? And what happened in your lives that had led you to be so entitled and so ridiculously out of touch with reality and common sense? I am really curious to know how you got to be the way you are. Really, really curious.
What is wrong with so many people freaking out about dying? Especially old people dying? The world would be MUCH worse if no one ever died!
Load More Replies... All involved are twits, except grandparents. Should have taken ALL the children with you. Your son’s a dweeb, but you and wife are too.
You don't know that. Maybe the grandparent CAUSED the accident and so they are the twits.
Load More Replies... Did anyone else catch that bit where the son and his group of friends *lied* about where they were going for their trip? It wasn't a school trip, the friend group was probably getting into something a bit crazier than just hanging out, since they were secretly headed to Mexico instead of the *assumed* California.....
When there's a family emergency, family is supposed to step up. It sucks he couldn't leave for his trip and he's allowed to be bummed about it, but this stuff happens sometimes. He doesn't get to treat his parents like they're horrible for asking him to help out in a family emergency. The dad was only gone for two days. He could have caught up with them and had 12 great days with his friends but at that point he was cutting off his nose to spite his face. That kind of immaturity just tells me he wasn't mature enough to travel on his own.
God, at 18, I'd have watched my sibs and been more upset about not being able to go to the hospital too. My best friends would have canceled or post poned the trip and stayed with me, they might have even told me to go to the hospital with my parents while they watched the kids. I would have offered and they would have offered without even being asked. There would be no question. ESH because clearly this young man wasn't raised to have any sort of family values and has no empathy or compassion or emotional connection with his actual family, and only surface friendships. Unless he was one of the rare ones born that way, he's well on his way to being a bit of a sociopath. Might sound extreme, but that level of selfishness and disregard for others is a pretty huge red flag with giant neon red lights and arrows pointing to it. If the parents didn't realize this was the type of person they raised, they weren't paying attention.
Who takes 2 days to fill out paperwork? It takes 10 minutes. Take you kids with you. Dad can stay with them at their grandparents' house and when the dad needs to check in here and there the older kid can babysit until he returns. It's normal for 11 year olds to babysit for money so why not for your sibling? People are also forgetting the teen is acting exactly how he was raised.
When you go to people in the hopsital you do not fill out paperwork, you go there to support them, to be there for them, to be there in their darkest hour. The paperwork is a side thing that has to be done. And the mom was a wreck - Dad is there to support her, and he is probably very emotional himself as well. The two younger kids can't stay alone and a hospital is no environment for them to hang around for 2 days. Also, people have a personality, some things can't be tought or changed in upbringing.
Load More Replies... What would happen if they only had young children with no one to look after them? Would the "trauma" be justified then? These things are part of life and to want to shield your children from having to experience their grandparents that way is a responsibility that falls squarely on the parents. If you are willing to hinder one child to protect two others, the quality of parent ship is questionable in my opinion. Instead of stopping him from taking his trip they should have taken their children with them and dealt with the situation together, hurt together, show them how to manage those feelings right then and there. Obviously their mother doesn't have the ability to keep herself together? What does that mean for the children in the situations to come? Parents have to be strong for their children and teach with their actions, instead of that they decided to skip that.
They didn't need to. You are describing a situation that was not present. In the same sense, you could say, what if the couple had no kids? What if their car broke down? What if ...No. They had their adult son at home, they had a family emergency. It's called empathy to care, even if he doesn't care about his grandparents, he could care about his mom and how she would feel.
Load More Replies... Old people die! That's what they do. We plan for it as their kids. How is an adult woman not prepared to loose her parents. What did u think? They would live forever? This is insane. What kind of mentally pathetic wife cant care for her children becasuse shes worried? Plus, I guarantee if they died u would take those little ones to the funeral, but they can't go to a hospital? And u made him miss his graduation trip, a literal once in a lifetime experience with a group of people that won't be together again ever, to watch kinds that are your responsibility, because mom had a menatl breakdown? Yea, i call that' selfish and very feeble.
The parents are wrong here. They should have taken the younger kids with them. It would have been more difficult but so what. That's what we have to deal with as parents and adults. The father would have to do all the paperwork and such in the family waiting room with the kids while Mom was in the hospital room with her parents. They could have managed just like they would have if the son had already went on the trip. The teens anger is valid. He definitely should have still joined them for the rest of the trip!
People really wants to speak about the boy not loving grandparents because he wanted to go on his trip. It's a trip of a life time and he was excited. To him the world is unfair. Adults always doing something to ruin what he wants. Trust me my daughter is 21 and I deal with other teens. This is how they feel it takes time to let them calm down.
I can't even suggest therapy, Gawed damn your a mess girl, lol.
Load More Replies... Your assuming her reaction is problematic. She could just have a very close Loving relationship with her parents and this was just to heartbreaking for her.
Load More Replies... Kid is being a brat and needs to get over himself. His parents tried to get a sitter and couldn't. He was paid for his time. Dad offered for him to catch up with his friends. Kid needs to get a wake up call that the world doesn't revolve around him and can learn some compassion. That's part of being an adult. Things come up and you sometimes have to miss out on things. It's fine to be upset, but he's being unreasonable.
For those who think that he had to have issues with grandparents think again. I pretty much understand that. When my daughter was 16, I kept going to the hospital with severe pain and asthma attacks. These cracks kept assuming I wanted pain meds. The last time they sent me home i had my baby sister bring me some motrin. When she seen how I was walking she took me to a different hospital that hospital knew what was wrong just with my symptoms. They had to admit me. My gallbladder rupture and I had poison in my body. If I never made it to the hospital I could have died. My sister and daughter are with me. The next morning they was doing surgery. My sister told my daughter to get ready to come to the hospital to see me before I go under the knife. My daughter didn't want to because her and her boyfriend at the time made plans. I told my sister don't argue with her she's a teenager it's not her responsibility let her go. She just better pray I don't die. Me and my daughter have always been
Close. I was 6 months pregnant with her when her father my husband died in an accident. I know she love me but she was a teenager and had her hopes set up. But a month later her boyfriend dumped her and my family laughed at her and told her that's what she gets putting a boy before your mom that raised her and is always there for her.
Load More Replies... I would of took my younger kids with me. They could of sat in the car running errands with dad. I remember my daughter was 18 I was pregnant everyone kept saying at least you got a babysitter. No I don't it's not her kid do no. I had to go to the hospital I couldn't breathe. My son didn't stay with nobody other than me and my daughter. She was 2 hours away off from school. I could of easily had her boyfriend bring her home but it was her life. Instead my brother met me at the Emergency Room he sat there with us keeping my son while they ran tests. X-Ray Ct scan. They wanted to keep me they couldn't my brother was ready to go get my daughter i told him no. My mom is a retired nurse I stayed at her house so she can watch over me while the steroids kicked in. My daughter was hanging with friends and living the college life. I can't depend on her she didn't make him so why make her take care of him.
NTA. I wonder if the son was having second thoughts about the trip after hearing his friends' judgement calls so far. This may have been the out he needed. Mexico, in particular, can be extremely dangerous in places. Our contactor's friend's daughter disappeared there. This makes his parents the ones to blame.NTA. Son's saving face.
The exact way you worded this. Always with the interlude of grandpa making this or that milestone after you impose on your son. If you have to include those bits, you're trying very hard to justify your actions, and denigrate your son's. This is most likely made up, but if you have to word it this way, there was much more left unsaid. I'm thinking this isn't the only time something has been explained this way by you, too practiced. YTA.
What a mess. I agree that the parents could have simply taken the kids with them. Like several responders asked - "what would you have done, if the oldest son had already departed?" In a tragic situation like this, no one is really right or wrong...
Read Monday's response above. Why take 2 small kids on a 4 hour trip with a Mother who is in pieces at the prospect of her Father dying. What do you do with them once you get there? Leave them in a corridor or the car? Put the hospital staff in a position where they have to watch the kids instead of attending to dying and injured people? Seems there's not much thought been put into the practicality of "simply take the kids with them".
Load More Replies... I assume this adult kid still lives with you, OP. I'd force the point of family therapy so long as he is under your roof because there are some serious red flags here that scream for professional help. This isn't just entitlement, or simple lack of empathy. He lashed out at your wife who was dealing with her parents possibly dying and he pulled the whole "you ruined it so I'm gonna tank everything and blame/guilt you over it" move, which is an abuse tactic. Get help before he does this to a girlfriend/spouse. You have raised an abuser.
The therapist would not side with the parents and I think they know that. This is probably not the first time they made him cancel his plans in order to watch his siblings.
Load More Replies... The only a*****e here is the son. He's 18. Legally and mentally mature. How can your grandparents be involved in a serious accidents as this and you still want to go on a trip. Fine, even if the trip guilt doesn't get to you, the least you can do is assist your mum, the kid of your grandparents, in any possible way instead of feeling so f*****g entitled!. Sometimes, we raise kids that have no idea that life's a cycle, what goes around,comes around. Today, you're a kid, tomorrow, a parent, and the next a grandparent( if you're lucky). Then imagine your grandkid acting up like this, when you're fighting for your life. Smh.
NTA emergencies happen and if you can't depend on family then who can you depend on? The 18yo was only going to be delayed a couple of days In a 2 week trip? This brat needs a wake up call.. so does anyone calling you TA.. you paid him, and you tried to get him back on the trip... so it's all or nothing with this brat? And the way he treated his mom? Sorry but bags would be getting packed for my 18yo who yells at my wife who's father was in critical condition after an accident. He was only missing a couple of days on a trip that was paid for him.
Anyone saying the father is the AH is messed up in the head. The kid however has behavioral problems and I question the up bringing.
Stop automatically questioning the upbringing. Some People Are Just Horrible People Period.
Load More Replies... Oh look, yet another transparent, likely fictional, attempt at stirring up petty, divisive emotions to generate clicks and likes. AITA for wishing we could gather people who like this trash and nuke them en masse?
There’s several things I’m still not clear over - such as why the two younger kids couldn’t have gone, or what they family would have done if the 18yo had already left for their trip. And as we only hear one side of the story, I’m inclined to say YTA.
Because taking two kids under 12 on a 4 hour road trip while your wife is a crying, sobbing mess worried about the survival of her parents is a nightmare. What would they have done with the kids once there? Kids can't go into the ICU and have you tried to keep a 7 year old entertained and calm in a hospital waiting room? Obviously if the kid had already left they'd have had no choice but to take them, but it was far better for those 2 younger kids to stay with their sibling rather than see their mother breaking down for 4 hours straight while trapped in car with her, followed by being stuck in a hospital room. There will be other trips. The older kid could even have joined the last 10 days of the trip since his dad was cool with buying him plane tickets to catch up, but he was too much of a brat to think beyond "OMG how dare they ruin my vacation".
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