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15
Lady Issues Ultimatum To BF, Forces Him To Choose Between Her And Going On A Trip With Female Bestie
Interview With Expert
I can dub myself a kind of expert in horror movies, even though I can’t actually stand them. That’s simply because my wife loves them, and I respect her interests. She, on the other hand, doesn’t like sports, but she understands why I, for instance, spend several hours in front of the TV on weekends. Because she also respects my hobbies. I think this mutual respect is another reason we’re together for so long.
In fact, it’s hard to be together if you disrespect or even ridicule your significant other’s interests, and there’s no trust in the relationship. So today’s story, originally told by the user u/WallowsEcho, goes a long way to explaining why his relationship was on the brink of collapse. However, let’s not get ahead of ourselves…
More info: Reddit
RELATED:
Sometimes it’s just too difficult to live together with someone who mocks your hobbies – especially in case it’s your girlfriend
Image credits: Alena Darmel / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The author of the post has been dating his girlfriend for 3 years, since college
Image credits: WallowsEcho
Image credits: Ron Lach / Pexels (not the actual photo)
They weren’t particularly close in high school, but turned out to be the only familiar faces at college – that was the ground for their relationship
Image credits: WallowsEcho
Image credits: Drazen Zigic / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The man is very fond of anime, manga, and whatnot, while his girlfriend calls everything related just “childish”
Image credits: WallowsEcho
Image credits: Timur Weber / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The author also has an online-friendly group consisting of 2 other guys and a woman called “Violet”
Image credits: WallowsEcho
Image credits: syda_productions / Freepik (not the actual photo)
They’re all huge anime lovers, but this communication is online only since they live in different places around the country
Image credits: WallowsEcho
Image credits: prostock-studio / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Recently, the friends decided to attend the upcoming anime con and to rent an Airbnb for the whole group
Image credits: WallowsEcho
Image credits: Timur Weber / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The author’s girlfriend, however, was just livid with this idea and demanded that the man drop it all
Image credits: WallowsEcho
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The man wanted to invite her as well, but she ended up with an ultimatum: either the trip or the relationship
Image credits: WallowsEcho
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
All the man’s numerous attempts to change her attitude were just in vain
Image credits: WallowsEcho
The man finally chose to go on the trip, and the woman left, but he believes it’s just “silent treatment”
So, the Original Poster (OP) is a 26-year-old man who has been dating his girlfriend for three years at the time of the events described. They’d known each other since high school, and when they arrived at college, they were practically the only familiar faces in their new place. That’s how their relationship actually began.
Well, everything seemed fine, except that the girlfriend usually made fun of our hero’s hobbies: anime, manga, board games, and whatnot. Not only did she not share his leisure preferences, but she sometimes “good-naturedly” mocked him for them. At the same time, the OP, according to himself, was always quite tolerant of his partner’s hobbies.
And then there was “Violet.” A woman two years older than the author, whom he met in line at the movies a few years ago, and with whom, along with two other guys, they formed an online group sharing common interests. However, as long as this was all exclusively online, the author’s girlfriend apparently didn’t attach much importance to this communication. At least, that’s what the OP thought.
But when our hero told her that their entire friend group was planning to meet at an upcoming anime con, where the four of them would be staying in an Airbnb, the woman flatly opposed the idea. Furthermore, she even gave the original poster an ultimatum: either he doesn’t go on this trip, or it’s all over between them.
We don’t actually know if Violet had any romantic plans for the OP, but his girlfriend seemed absolutely certain of it. So, when the guy, after weighing the pros and cons, finally announced he was going, she simply left. The author calls this “giving him the silent treatment,” but my feelings tell me there’s something much more serious going on there…
Image credits: Connor Gan / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
“It’s entirely possible that this woman’s concerns had some real basis, but in any case, it comes across as a lack of trust in her partner and some self-doubt too,” says Irina Matveeva, a psychologist and certified NLP specialist, whom Bored Panda asked for a comment on this situation. “At the very least, it would be worth voicing your concerns to your boyfriend anyway.”
According to the expert, a lack of acceptance of your partner’s hobbies also causes concerns in these relationships. After all, no matter how “childish” or “easy” your significant other’s interests may seem to you, they are, in one way or another, an important part of their life. Well, you’re building a relationship with a complete person, not just their certain aspects and facets, Irina Matveeva claims.
Be that as it may, many people in the comments to the original post actually believe that the author’s (ex-)girlfriend was probably right about one thing: he’s quite naive. At least when it comes to her attitude toward him. After all, for many people in relationships, such a dismissive attitude toward something they enjoy is definitely a red flag.
Responders also believe that after the OP rejected the ultimatum, their relationship was de facto over. However, some netizens think that the original poster may have dodged a bullet here. After all, while it’s possible to live happily with someone who simply doesn’t share your hobbies, it’s much more difficult with someone who ridicules them. So what do you, our dear readers, think about this case?
People in the comments are sure it’s all over between them, but many folks believe he actually just dodged a bullet here
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What do you think ?
FreeTheUnicorn 2 months ago
Gf belittles OPs interests, shuns his friends, controls who he can travel with and says it's all his fault. This ultimatum is just pushing the boundary to see how much control she can exert. She has markers of an a****r and no green flags. Get out of the relationship, find someone who isn't interested in inflicting emotional (or any other kind of) pain to get her way.
Lee Gilliland 2 months ago
She may be a narcissist along with her other charming qualities.
Load More Replies...
Uncle Panda 2 months ago
His response to the first ultimatum should have been, "Then we're done here."
Mel in Georgia 2 months ago
My husband is passionate about a hobby I'm just not into, even though I've tried to be. He has friends, male and female that love it, too. They go on trips together to enjoy it, and I have no problem with it. But it does make me wish we enjoyed it together. Find someone who shares your passions - at least some of them. It makes a long-term relationship so much better.
Ace 2 months ago
Yes, you don't need to share all of your combined interests, as long as there are some that you do share, but this unwillingness to compromise is just stupid, and the lack of trust is even worse. There is no future in such a relationship. All else apart, she could just go along for the ride and find some site-seeing opportunities while they're at the con. I recall a guy I skied with a few times, Australian, came over to Switzerland for three weeks each year, they'd go to the Geneva motor show, then he'd go off skiing for a week (with a group leader, me) while she just enjoyed shopping and stuff in Geneva for the week. It obviously worked for them, as they'd been doing it for many years and were still married. He was in his 70s, IIRC.
Load More Replies...
FreeTheUnicorn 2 months ago
Gf belittles OPs interests, shuns his friends, controls who he can travel with and says it's all his fault. This ultimatum is just pushing the boundary to see how much control she can exert. She has markers of an a****r and no green flags. Get out of the relationship, find someone who isn't interested in inflicting emotional (or any other kind of) pain to get her way.
Lee Gilliland 2 months ago
She may be a narcissist along with her other charming qualities.
Load More Replies... Uncle Panda 2 months ago
His response to the first ultimatum should have been, "Then we're done here."
Mel in Georgia 2 months ago
My husband is passionate about a hobby I'm just not into, even though I've tried to be. He has friends, male and female that love it, too. They go on trips together to enjoy it, and I have no problem with it. But it does make me wish we enjoyed it together. Find someone who shares your passions - at least some of them. It makes a long-term relationship so much better.
Ace 2 months ago
Yes, you don't need to share all of your combined interests, as long as there are some that you do share, but this unwillingness to compromise is just stupid, and the lack of trust is even worse. There is no future in such a relationship. All else apart, she could just go along for the ride and find some site-seeing opportunities while they're at the con. I recall a guy I skied with a few times, Australian, came over to Switzerland for three weeks each year, they'd go to the Geneva motor show, then he'd go off skiing for a week (with a group leader, me) while she just enjoyed shopping and stuff in Geneva for the week. It obviously worked for them, as they'd been doing it for many years and were still married. He was in his 70s, IIRC.
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