“Do Not Speak To Me”: Girl Is Sick And Tired Of Boy’s Attention, Writes Him A List Of Rules To Follow Around Her
Adults often forgive kids for their behavior because they are young and don’t know better. This is definitely true, but it is important to react, because how will they know better if we don’t point out what they’re doing wrong?
Emotional intelligence is key to raising successful people and it seems that this girl is on the right path as she communicated to a boy who annoyed her that she doesn’t want to have contact with him by setting clear boundaries.
More info: Twitter
Girl in 5th grade was not interested in a boy who kept showing her attention, so she wrote a list of rules to keep him away
Image credits: olia danilevich (not the actual photo)
Many people struggle with setting boundaries and the thought of it causes stress or anxiety, but at the same time, when others cross those boundaries, they feel the same way. Dr. Erin Eatough, an occupational health psychologist, says that the most common reason for struggles to set a boundary is that people don’t know how to do it or are unsure about what is reasonable.
It seems that this 5th grader doesn’t have this problem, because when she became annoyed by a boy showing her unwanted attention, she wrote 7 rules and regulations for him to follow and expressed her irritation openly.
A while ago, a woman shared a letter her friend who works as a teacher was shown by a student
Image credits: WhosDenverJones
Image credits: WhosDenverJones
Image credits: Ceri_turns
The list was posted by Cydni Jenkins, whose friend is a 5th grade teacher and sent it to her. It went viral in 2016 both on Twitter and in the media as the whole concept was unexpected, let alone the rules and how clearly the girl could express her emotions. The topic is still relevant 7 years later and the letter is as surprising today as it was then.
The letter is titled Rules + Regulations and is addressed to Noah from Zoë. They are both in 5th grade, but in separate classes, as the Twitter user told BuzzFeed after the teacher got her hands on it when the boy gave it to her.
The letter was written by a girl and addressed to a boy who liked her and kept trying to spend time with her
Image credits: LadyGamer955
Image credits: StanFritz
Image credits: RODNAE Productions (not the actual photo)
From what we can gather, Noah likes Zoë, as she mentions in the 7th rule, and keeps showing her attention, touching her and playing with her, which she finds annoying. When Noah gave the letter to his teacher, he told her that she liked Zoë because he admired how smart she was.
But the girl didn’t feel the same way about Noah and explained in her letter that she has a short temper with people and Noah keeps ruining her day by playing with her. If her day is ruined one more time, she says, she will have to go to counseling, so that is why she is asking Noah to stop interacting with her. She won’t even accept a greeting.
The letter specified the behavior the girl didn’t appreciate and was quite direct
Image credits: SuzyCatastrophe
Image credits: katierwm
Image credits: eicarttracie
As for consequences for Noah if he breaks any of the rules, he would have to face the adults because Zoë would simply report him. To make sure she gets her point across, she asks Noah to reread the rules 500 times and clearly states that she isn’t interested in him.
Although the idea of the letter is smart and shows that Zoë was taught about boundaries, people couldn’t help but notice how sassy she was and their favorite was the 3rd rule: “Do not speak to me unless it’s a greeting, which will be never” so some of them felt a bit bad for Noah.
Mostly she wanted to be left alone and didn’t even want the boy to greet her
Image credits: Joe Shlabotnik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: only2blackcats
Image credits: Always_Shaun
Those commenters pointed out that the girl was being rude because they assumed the “fake mom” is her stepmom and believed she will grow up cynical and needs counseling now. Others responded to that and thought that they are saying that just because Zoë is a girl, and if a girl is anything but gentle even when rejecting someone, they are mean.
That goes back to Dr. Erin Eatough’s explanation about how people can’t set boundaries because they simply don’t know what is too much to ask for. Is a girl asking a boy not to greet her too much, or is she simply looking after her mental health because she’s on the edge after tolerating his behavior for so long?
Twitter users were quite impressed by how eloquent the girl was and how she didn’t leave any room for misinterpretation
Image credits: Molybdenum45
Image credits: hollylowejones
Image credits: jdog90 (not the actual photo)
Fresh Hope Counseling admits that “Putting boundaries in place can feel like you are being rude” and it may feel like you’re doing something wrong when you’ve just started. They explain that it’s just because this is something new that you are not used to, but in nature, their purpose is not to offend someone.
What could make you feel bad about it is also other people’s reactions, because you might face resistance and you might be called selfish. But if you compare boundaries to a fence around your home to prevent a neighbor from walking their dog on your lawn, you wouldn’t call it selfish, but just protecting your property. And boundaries are there to protect yourself.
They also applauded her for setting boundaries and loved the strict tone in which they were delivered
Image credits: BayAlden
Image credits: WhitneyKani
Image credits: HoneyM0nster
Psychotherapist Sharon Martin says it loud and clear that it’s not mean or rude to set boundaries. And the negative reaction you get to them solely depends on the other person because they don’t like that you’re not agreeing to something.
Dr. Martin adds, “remember that when others call you mean or selfish, it’s often a manipulation tactic, an attempt to get you to do what they want. Stand true to your boundaries, even if others don’t like them.”
Image credits: LoveGardeningPB
Image credits: Nenad Stojkovic (not the actual photo)
It may truly be hard to set boundaries even if we really don’t want to do something, even if we know we’ll hate doing it, and we know that we are creating precedent to be asked something similar in the future, but despite being aware of boundary benefits, we still freeze up at the fear of confrontation or letting someone down.
Maybe this 5th grader will inspire you to tell people what in their behavior makes you uncomfortable or leads you to realize that you need to stop talking to someone who constantly ruins your day. Let us know if this has happened to you and what are your thoughts on the rule list and the tone of the letter in general.
I'm guessing people insisting this is fake don't spend much time with fifth graders. Sure, some wouldn't be capable of this, but some of the ones I teach 1000% would.
Damn! Good on you Zoe! That boy needs to learn to respect boundaries and that NO MEANS NO! Yeah, he's a kid, but I, along with alot of other people, have had to endure guys not respecting my boundaries, or accepting NO as an answer. I've heard a couple of times after turning a guy down saying 'I have a boyfriend', and they respond 'well I don't see your boyfriend here'. It's gross. We should be discussing with young men about consent and respecting boundaries earlier. Because those boys grow up, and continue to not respect a woman's decision.
Amen! I’m also going to start threatening people with “I’m going to call my dad, my mom’s friend, my fake mom and a janitor I know”
Load More Replies...The adults in these children's lives need to intervene, work to understand the situation, then apply action & support appropriately.
The only thing that needs to be understood is that the girl doesn't want to be bothered by the boy period. That's all the adults need to know. IMO Your comment is just another adult saying let's work something out to spare the boys feelings.
Load More Replies...Without context, this one is tough. It *seems* like a pattern where he won't leave her alone. If that's the case, this is great. (the 'stop playing with me on the bus' suggests he might have a pattern of teasing or hassling). However, Without knowing that context, this could also be a case of bullying someone who's said hello a few times.
I don't... think that's how it works. I was a fifth grade girl, once. You don't usually tell people to get away from you unless they're already bothering you, and her being bothered by a little boy is *far* more likely.
Load More Replies...janitor will use that sawdust stuff to suck up the spills after the slaughter apparently.
When my niece was about that age and had a similar issue with a boy, she told the boy to F@%# OFF!!!, the teacher saw the boy pestering so she didn' get in trouble, but talked to my sister about it, and when my sis asked my niece where she learned that word her response was Uncle Rick (me). My sis barely got the story out to me through her laughter, she knows her and her husband swear but thought it was funny I was to blame, and thought I would find that funny too which I do and am glad to be my niece's scape goat for such occurrences. I think the boy stopped his pestering after that outburst in class too.
FYI fake mom= play mom. It's a really close family friend. Likely her best friend's mom or a neighbor. It's not used to describe parents SO's.
Well by the time you are 10 you should know what is right and what is wrong as well as what NO means. Good for her to make it quite plain and clear she's not interested in him or his antics. Listen up dipshit, back off and leave me alone!!! Enough said. Unfortunately taking this kind of behavior to a teacher or any other adult in the school is a waste of time because they are all so afraid to do anything. When it comes to unwanted attention and behavior one has to stand up for oneself. All too many times the people who should be protecting you will do nothing and actually gaslight you. You go girl 👏
I need to hire Zoe to write my boundaries out. I don't care if it's fake or true. Zoe is my hero.
Cute but I doubt she wrote it herself… that being said 5th graders can be very wise
She for sure did, it seems exactly like something my brother might do, and he is almost the same age.
Load More Replies...To all the people saying that the handwriting doesn’t look like a 5th grader’s, I personally think this is what a kid’s handwriting looks like in Year 3 or Year 4
Taught my tiny kindergarten daughter some self defense moves because the school would not take seriously that she was being bullied by a much larger boy (oh, he must like her, etc. type bullsh*t). When she kicked him in the nuts and he dropped on the playground, it finally got their attention. Meeting with principal & his parents, who were clueless. Dad starts going off on ME & I informed him that pulling my 5 y/o's pants down was considered sexual assault & I'd just go ahead and call the cops. They moved him to another school. It still took almost a year for her ulcer to go away. Yeah - you read that right.
She's laying boundaries. Sounds like Noah already has unsavory tendencies.
Zoe’s parents for the win, Noah’s parents for the FAIL. Parents… start raising young gentlemen again, PLEASE. I can’t help but wonder if the Titanic sank today… would all of today’s man-child narcissts race the women and children to get to the lifeboats first…?
So you really think that things were better for women back then?
Load More Replies...A 10 year old kid would 100% call a stepmom a fake mom. I know this because I had friends who called the stepmom fake mom. My toxic ex and his younger brother had a stepmom who they were basically forced to call mom.
Load More Replies...By that logic, I think your comment is fake because you also made grammatical errors.
Load More Replies...I have a diary from when I was in 5th grade and it's about the same. Everyone always assumes unless it's a messy scrawl it can't POSSIBLY be a child writing it - maybe don't underestimate kids.
Load More Replies...Trust me, if I tell someone to stop, back off, no or anything else along those lines I'm nice about it maybe the first three times. If you don't get the point by then I will get obnoxious too. She drew the line and if he get's it they'll get along fine with their lives. He shouldn't bother someone that doesn't want to be bothered. And I assume she'll just leave it by this if the kid leaves her alone now. It would be different if the kid leaves her alone now but she would start badmouthing him anyway. Than she would be truly obnoxious. Right now from the info we got she's just being crystal clear.
Load More Replies...A fifth-grader absolutely could have written this, and very likely did. My fifth graders would have no problem coming up with and executing something like that list.
Load More Replies...I'm guessing people insisting this is fake don't spend much time with fifth graders. Sure, some wouldn't be capable of this, but some of the ones I teach 1000% would.
Damn! Good on you Zoe! That boy needs to learn to respect boundaries and that NO MEANS NO! Yeah, he's a kid, but I, along with alot of other people, have had to endure guys not respecting my boundaries, or accepting NO as an answer. I've heard a couple of times after turning a guy down saying 'I have a boyfriend', and they respond 'well I don't see your boyfriend here'. It's gross. We should be discussing with young men about consent and respecting boundaries earlier. Because those boys grow up, and continue to not respect a woman's decision.
Amen! I’m also going to start threatening people with “I’m going to call my dad, my mom’s friend, my fake mom and a janitor I know”
Load More Replies...The adults in these children's lives need to intervene, work to understand the situation, then apply action & support appropriately.
The only thing that needs to be understood is that the girl doesn't want to be bothered by the boy period. That's all the adults need to know. IMO Your comment is just another adult saying let's work something out to spare the boys feelings.
Load More Replies...Without context, this one is tough. It *seems* like a pattern where he won't leave her alone. If that's the case, this is great. (the 'stop playing with me on the bus' suggests he might have a pattern of teasing or hassling). However, Without knowing that context, this could also be a case of bullying someone who's said hello a few times.
I don't... think that's how it works. I was a fifth grade girl, once. You don't usually tell people to get away from you unless they're already bothering you, and her being bothered by a little boy is *far* more likely.
Load More Replies...janitor will use that sawdust stuff to suck up the spills after the slaughter apparently.
When my niece was about that age and had a similar issue with a boy, she told the boy to F@%# OFF!!!, the teacher saw the boy pestering so she didn' get in trouble, but talked to my sister about it, and when my sis asked my niece where she learned that word her response was Uncle Rick (me). My sis barely got the story out to me through her laughter, she knows her and her husband swear but thought it was funny I was to blame, and thought I would find that funny too which I do and am glad to be my niece's scape goat for such occurrences. I think the boy stopped his pestering after that outburst in class too.
FYI fake mom= play mom. It's a really close family friend. Likely her best friend's mom or a neighbor. It's not used to describe parents SO's.
Well by the time you are 10 you should know what is right and what is wrong as well as what NO means. Good for her to make it quite plain and clear she's not interested in him or his antics. Listen up dipshit, back off and leave me alone!!! Enough said. Unfortunately taking this kind of behavior to a teacher or any other adult in the school is a waste of time because they are all so afraid to do anything. When it comes to unwanted attention and behavior one has to stand up for oneself. All too many times the people who should be protecting you will do nothing and actually gaslight you. You go girl 👏
I need to hire Zoe to write my boundaries out. I don't care if it's fake or true. Zoe is my hero.
Cute but I doubt she wrote it herself… that being said 5th graders can be very wise
She for sure did, it seems exactly like something my brother might do, and he is almost the same age.
Load More Replies...To all the people saying that the handwriting doesn’t look like a 5th grader’s, I personally think this is what a kid’s handwriting looks like in Year 3 or Year 4
Taught my tiny kindergarten daughter some self defense moves because the school would not take seriously that she was being bullied by a much larger boy (oh, he must like her, etc. type bullsh*t). When she kicked him in the nuts and he dropped on the playground, it finally got their attention. Meeting with principal & his parents, who were clueless. Dad starts going off on ME & I informed him that pulling my 5 y/o's pants down was considered sexual assault & I'd just go ahead and call the cops. They moved him to another school. It still took almost a year for her ulcer to go away. Yeah - you read that right.
She's laying boundaries. Sounds like Noah already has unsavory tendencies.
Zoe’s parents for the win, Noah’s parents for the FAIL. Parents… start raising young gentlemen again, PLEASE. I can’t help but wonder if the Titanic sank today… would all of today’s man-child narcissts race the women and children to get to the lifeboats first…?
So you really think that things were better for women back then?
Load More Replies...A 10 year old kid would 100% call a stepmom a fake mom. I know this because I had friends who called the stepmom fake mom. My toxic ex and his younger brother had a stepmom who they were basically forced to call mom.
Load More Replies...By that logic, I think your comment is fake because you also made grammatical errors.
Load More Replies...I have a diary from when I was in 5th grade and it's about the same. Everyone always assumes unless it's a messy scrawl it can't POSSIBLY be a child writing it - maybe don't underestimate kids.
Load More Replies...Trust me, if I tell someone to stop, back off, no or anything else along those lines I'm nice about it maybe the first three times. If you don't get the point by then I will get obnoxious too. She drew the line and if he get's it they'll get along fine with their lives. He shouldn't bother someone that doesn't want to be bothered. And I assume she'll just leave it by this if the kid leaves her alone now. It would be different if the kid leaves her alone now but she would start badmouthing him anyway. Than she would be truly obnoxious. Right now from the info we got she's just being crystal clear.
Load More Replies...A fifth-grader absolutely could have written this, and very likely did. My fifth graders would have no problem coming up with and executing something like that list.
Load More Replies...
112
99