45 Tweets By These Women That Got People’s Sides Hurting From Laughter

I've had a middle part, bangs and straight hair since the 70s, with a few random perms in the 80s and 90s lol

I hear you. I'm super dumb.

And there are ample, clean toilets with no lines.

I snort-laughed at this

That sounds awesome!

Their union requires reports on how many people they annoyed.

*pokes self in eye* "Ow! I wasn't expecting that"

Yep.

It’s official…you can win therapy

Perfectly acceptable, I see nothing wrong with this. Fish are interesting

Once invited a girl back to my place when I was at college and she genuinely thought I’d been burgled.

It is, but you're supposed to clean it out every time you buy gas. And no gross garbage, only clean garbage.

Honestly that might work. Sometimes they just want to know you know about it too.

My dude does accounts for a not so well known hotel booking business. They don't play that nonsense, and I f*****g love that he's broke for the cause of integrity.

Anyone who doesn't like children just hasn't had them cooked right. And microwaved isn't right

My mate Freddie avoided all the supermarket tantrums from day one by giving his 2+ daughter the shopping list and a pencil so she could cross off each item as it was put in the trolley. She soon caught on and was recognizing words after just a few trips.

You're living my life.

#relatable

Just think of it like a big hug.

The best part about getting through the day is bedtime!!!😴

Agreed!

And by the time I've found something to watch on TV, I'm done eating.

That's the only way to hold a conversation, imo. Otherwise, I tune out. Some people may think it's rude but if I'm not interrupting with questions, I'm not actively listening.

I let my dog have a finger-dip of t(e foamy head from my beer. But no more, as she’s only five years old.

Curly Howard was my favorite. (Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk.)

Same with me on my bus silently listening to the kids behind me prank calling random numbers

Of course I'm chill: I'm not going.

I AM the nervous system!

Yours is way better!! Of course now I have the Oompa Loompa songs running through my mind!

I saw one last week. Audibly went "UGH a CYBERTRUCK!" because it looks like a metal trash can you see in commercial buildings

"No, honest, I won't. I'm getting paid later tonight!"

For me, it's deleting all the important apps so that I can download a game that I'm only going to play once.

Glad I'm not the only one

Wait... it was not named after a roman emperor??!!

The middle age walk of shame is being the last one on your block to bring in the garbage cans after pickup.

Get a birdsong identifier app! They're super cool!

Next time, squirt some glue onto your hand and wait for it to dry. Then peel it off and expect to ascend to heaven.

sorry that my adhd is an inconvenience to you, don't worry, it's one for me too

ANOTHER COG IN THE MURDER MACHINE

I'm not sure how to answer that question. What day is it? I'm reading 5-7 books at the same time. Some are certain days, some are every 4 days, some are every day, etc.

...as you do .

But, but, but ... I won't get into aerospace medical school with an A- on my record.

California has some of the most varied and beautiful landscapes in North America: Redwood Forests, mountains, deserts, beaches, etc. It's simply a place mother nature shows off.

That would go the same way as asking for a back rub!

What does that even mean?