50 Times Funny X Posts Hit The Spot This March

No, I would just like to know when its restocked.

sbj

sbj

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Just don't answer the door!

Jus returned from a 5 day trip, all I wanted to come to was my toilet and pillow. Husband is hurt!

I made a horrible economic mistake when I chose my parents.

I know, right! Always reaching for my gut.

Oh my...

Staypackation

Nightclub has the same kind of vibe as an ER. Really loud with lots of people waving their arms around, gurning and pestering for pharmaceuticals.

And thats comforting! Ever so slightly.

It's just another line of the con rich people spin to keep poor people from revolution.

kinda like have a clean toilet. That lasts until hubs smells the cleaner - instant laxative, I swear..

If you've got the space, get two, just two laying chicks and you'll be set.

sbj

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I know exactly what you mean

Dad?

This is sooo funny....Well it would be if I had the vaguest clue who, or what any of these things are!

Well relax now, it’s a salad…

What have you ordered though

sbj

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This is what my face looks like on a Monday morning as I start another long week at work

And make sure to get my good side, well they're all bad so the better side.

My friend's son after first day of school: "How long do I have to do this?"

That's rude, you know her longer lol

My guardian angel is now in the witness protection program.

My cat has started to understand things and stops moving when she realises I am making a video

That's a top secret boat .... A reporter must have snuck in. Blame the reporter.

I don't understand the 6ft obsession. I don't want a step stool to kiss a guy. I don't want him to develop hunchback from how far down he'd have to lean to kiss me.

What was in that vape ?!?!?

sbj

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This is the only stool sample I ever want to see

~ approximately.

Remeber the phone hallway? Far away to answer quickly, close enough for everyone in the house to eavesdrop on your conversation.

You can change the alarm tone. Mine is now "Helter Skelter"

Pour some oil on him, and he'll be Oil Derrick.

canadian?

Academic validation is seldom followed by financial validation. That’s reserved for those who can throw or kick a ball really well or for frustrated neo-Nażis who can build a car that looks like a garbage container

For some reason that picture makes my blood run cold. Creepy.

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But did they state which year?

She can give them out for Halloween and get free eggs and TP!

Same, but with cat. She has been super needy today. I finally said" enough" and she promptly laid down and stopped. Who knew they had off switches? [ Note: yes I pet her and played with her but she just wanted more ].

It's not actually like that, your on meds, and you just think there is a giant Octopus on the wall!

Have a good day everyone! ✨✨

Nothing more dull than bowling without getting high.

I made watermelon rind pickle on the weekend, it's rather tasty. You pick up some good ideas on BP!

I am speed

I can’t tell if this man is 25 or 40

Feel this - I have a "soft upper palate" so I have learnt to eat baguettes upside down.

Your call is important to us... your position in the queue is 103 after all the other things we have to worry about.

Can relate. What was i thinking adding those to the liked list?

Or a cat. They make sunny naps look supremely cozy.

Bit like when they show you the back of your head after a haircut... How's this sir? Bit late now, you ain't gluing it back!

Yes cause it is now cheaper to buy an Appliance than it is to buy Groceries!! 🌟

I used to be worth it too, but then they changed what "it" was, and now what I'm worth isn't it.

Ah disappointment. The greatest gift of all

And then journeying to other dimensions?

You did, my dude.

One of my greatest clothing purchases was a heavy cotton duck jacket with a full-embroidered back for a HVAC maintenance company with a name stitched into the front (brand new, probably at the thrift store because the embroidery was off-center a bit?). Employees leave me alone at the hardware store, I get to use the contractor checkout desk at Home Depot, I bought a water heater at a wholesale contractors' supply company without any markup. And after 15 years its still holding up well.

My psychiatrist told me something similar, yay needing to be so in denial about everything to manage each day!

We in Germany have a joke about that since our foreign minister Annalena Baerbock said that "Putin has to make a 360 degree turn". Guess who is about to be nominated to become president of the UN General Assembly this year.....

It looks like there’s a lot out there but half are fake or sketchy. Wrong ones target you.

Creepy

Except Daniel LaRusso when he kicked Johnny Lawrence in the face.

Protected.

I am fine with a little dessert. However, when they started serving portions the would feed half of Montana , i stopped looking.

It's in the Ts & Cs.

Wait, how young are these men? I feel like this music hails from my generation, and I'm in my late 30s.

Poor Karen...

Or because you said ‘Barnes an obal’.

And the dolphins came out to play with them. What a lovely welcome. .