135 Of The Funniest Mom Tweets Ever

Definitely me as a parent

🔥🔥BUURRRNNN🔥🔥

Lol

I remember doing that after my nightmares growing up I wanted mom but felt bad for waking her so I just stood there and waited for her to notice me

Hahahahahahahahahaha

Clever one! Sounds like something one of my boys would say.

My grandpa split a candy bar for me and my sis. I wasn't satisfied... I told him to weigh them. lol

Too true. 'o.o

HILARIOUS..... omgoodness I almost spit my coffee.

Ha ha ha, that kid is witty

I'm a catholic.... I should have known that....

That's a good trick, will have to remember that...

15 min? i don't wait that long before i change myself into a werewolf

for me during a visit in a zoo. i bring my boy in the bathroom with me and he said very loudly when i did my business in the urinal. ""Wow your penis is big'' don't know how react: Proud or embarrased

If you don't let your kid near some kind of dirt they'll never develop an immune system and they'll always be sick

You should write for Melissa McCarthy

Hahahahaha, that doesn't work! My wife wished that the second would do that and he is such a mummy's boy! :)))))

When my kid caught me eating cake before dinner, I told her " the best part of being an adult is eating dessert first." Fast forward to kid at 19..." All things considered Mom... I'd rather be stuck eating dinner first."

I love the blunt honesty

I just snorted milk through my nose!....LOL

Lol that's funny never thought about it

SO glad I'm not the only one who hides donuts from my kids.

Until it's too late... lol

I think you won

This is my house WAAAYY to often. Just ask my son, affectionately nicknamed Cap't Crunch.

They teach them that in school!

Learning opportunity!

Like I said building an immune system is a good thing he's not sick

Try home schooling. O_o

My daughter and her friend were having an argument told them to apologise mine does but her friend says says " I tried to say sorry but instead I accidentally said lots of really nasty things I guess my brain just doesn't want me to say sorry"

No reason to worry til he hits puberty!

My mom told me the alligators from gater tails go to a Alligator Farm...I found out where they rlly go tho...Still mad at mom, I'm 11 btw :(

Sounds just like something my 4 year old boy would fall apart over. He seriously wants the universe to operate under different laws of nature. I thought kids liked to discover their world, not criticize it.

Haha I see what you did there

I don't think it's possible for a child to be born with full caked on makeup.......and never be seen without it. Lol

I know a few people who I'd label "prototype".............. Lol

The grass is always greener on the other side lol:)

I'd cry when I had to flush the toilet cuz I wanted to keep my poop,I'd sob "goodbye poop, I'll miss you!" I had some attachment problems...

I'd write "Nothing to advise on....it's too late. Welcome to being tired the rest of your life"

Yes yes yes and mine are teenagers

Me with my two new kittens! I want at least one of them to attach to me..... Our dog is with dad and other cat with mom

Hahahaha yes yes yes.

There's nothing like starting young.

Glitter is the herpes of craft supplies

Lovely

Try to explain to someone who is 18 this year what a floppy is. Or a tape casette...

Yes, yes, yes!!! I needed that soooo much!

Logical thinking.

This is what I discovered when they moved away to college.

And sleep

New spin on an Irish Blessing. I love it!

someone else made this joke but instead of there kid it was there best friend

Think positive: hunger will come, and then the microwave needs to be good enough.

How do you accomplish that? They always find out.

My dad says "do as I say, not as I do" lol, he contradicts his own rules 24/7

Is it weird I miss Sprout? Things were so much simpler then.

Hey, this kid did a better job than most dog groomers I've worked with.

My favorite part is seeing if I can be the first one to pick up my kid and leave the parking lot

My granddaughter wanted to go swimming in the middle of winter - when told it was too cold she said with contempt "I'll wear warm clothes" she was 3

huh

its soooo damn true! mine cried almost non stop for 2 days and then threw it aside 10 mins after I found it for her, hasn't even glanced at it since...

obviously an international phenomenon :D

😂

Hans...not what she meant

Kids ALWAYS have to poop when it's time to leave the house!