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30 Of The Funniest Tweets From Dads On Twitter
The dads of Twitter have some of the funniest stories and belly-aching jokes to share with us from their everyday family lives. So we here at Bored Panda thought it’d be the perfect way to brighten up your day. You’re bound to relate to a lot of these parenting posts if you’re raising any munchkins of your own at home. Don’t worry, you’re not alone!
Psst, after you’re done scrolling through this list and upvoting your fave dad tweets, check out our earlier posts about hilarious fatherhood tweets right here.
Bored Panda wanted to learn more about being a dad and the challenges that it presents, so we reached out to the Fatherhood Institute, the UK's fatherhood think-and-do-tank and one of the most respected fatherhood organizations on Earth. Dr. Jeremy Davies told us that what children need more than anything is your time. "And time can be hard to find, if you’re focused on earning money—which is part of what you need to do as a parent, but only part of it. So finding time when you’re out at work is the biggest challenge," he said. Read on for the rest of Dr. Davies' insights.
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#6
Ruth Mayfly 5 years ago
Nope, parents can install themselves as voices in your head so you have to listen to them FOREVER. Checkmate, toddler.
#10
Foxxy (The Original) 5 years ago (edited)
Haha, love the dad joke but that aside, burial pods sound like a great idea.
#11
Some Cool Guy 5 years ago
Hitch hikers guide to the galaxy taught me that space is big. Like really really big.
#12
#13
Potato patato 5 years ago
But the thing with that is that people who hate kids, and wouldn't help teach at all would decide to be a teacher to get that big pay check.
#17
#19
Foxxy (The Original) 5 years ago
I have a video of my daughter going through my underwear drawer and putting on about 20 or so pairs all over herself including around her neck like a necklace and on her head lol.
#25
Aleksandra Elias 5 years ago
I thought the second part starts when you can leave your children alone at home without worrying about them dying
#26
#28
#29
Katherine Boag 5 years ago
Eh sometimes it isnt so much growing up as developing undiagnosed mental illnesses, ask me how i know
#33
Calum Sanderson 5 years ago
Well just get into the time machine in every classroom and make it the old days
#39
#40
Katherine Boag 5 years ago
What age is this most effective on? I dont remember my parents doing this with us
#44
Katherine Boag 5 years ago
I mean, you *can* do whatever you want once you're an adult, but you also get to deal with the consequences.
#48
#49
Colin Allcars 5 years ago
Oompa Loompa do-be-de-do, you should listen to what your dad tells you.
#50
Julius Martin 5 years ago
this happened to me when my cousins came over two weeks ago, but it was in german
#53
#54
Ty Stratton-Quirk 5 years ago
Me: says nothing while playing back recording of conversation from twenty minutes ago.
#55
Steven Essex 5 years ago
The phrase, "Be good to your kids; they choose your nursing home." comes to mind.
#57
#58
Luisa Vasconcelos 5 years ago
Me to my kids, after they hide their backpack as a prank. Guess who started with pranks first.?
#62
#66
Lilly Rose Poppy 5 years ago
Their teacher needs to rethink all life choices cause that is just wrong
#67
Davor Jelacic 5 years ago
Alexa doing something that's actually useful? Don't stop being a dreamer...
#71
#74
Blinding_Darkness 5 years ago
Child: *hugs parent*. Parent: what have you broken, what have you lost, what do you want me to do, and no, we can't have chocolate cake for lunch.
#78
Isabel Care 5 years ago
This is why I see solo parents in pajamas and robe at ASDA at 2am. Stealth shopping
#83
#84
Marcellus the Third 5 years ago
In 2020 the kid is right. "Not true! It's... May? August? April? ... I'm sure..."
#86
Blinding_Darkness 5 years ago
Maybe she was saying 'whine whine whine', because that's what she was doing? Idk anymore
#91
Blinding_Darkness 5 years ago
She's a cockapoo. I'm twelve, but I have a sister. Who likes paw patrol. And making my life a misery. She's cute tho, I'll give her that.
#94
#100
#101
Isabel Care 5 years ago
Even works when the "child" is furry. My dog trapped my brother in his seat in a hire van. However well I wrapped her in her blanket, she still managed to have the release right up her bum when it came time to leave the vehicle
#102
#103
Luisa Vasconcelos 5 years ago
I think I should do this to stop both of them from coming to my bed in the middle of the night.
#104
#110
Luisa Vasconcelos 5 years ago
She's ready for life. She not gonna have problems finding excuses for work or not meeting friends.
#112
#114
#116
Pansexual-Pancake 5 years ago
I can drive better than that with a dually truck in a forest and I'm eleven(just don't rely on soft stops :))
#117
#118
Bardhi's Dad 5 years ago
It's good to start with testing as early as possible. Later you may go out of control
#119
#120
#122
#123
#124
Isabel Care 5 years ago
Parents used to take us to Stonehenge, Old Sarum (iron age? fort) and similar places. They could set up a picnic in the middle and let us run round and round , hoping we would get tired. No picnicking on the stones now, or parking inside the fort. They only had to watch us if one or more of us stopped making noise
#125
#126
Isabel Care 5 years ago
But why always 3 times in a row and into the sink (over the clean washing up)?
#127
#128
#129
Blinding_Darkness 5 years ago
I got told that my pictures were good when I was little. While they were being put in the recycling bin. Hey, at least my parents recycle. They're good tho, not mean.
#130
WilvanderHeijden 5 years ago
As long as she hasn't mastered the art of delayed procrastination you have nothing to fear.
#132
Foxxy (The Original) 5 years ago (edited)
Wish that was the case for my kids, well my son now as my daughter has calmed down a bit since becoming a teen. My son is on the go from as soon as he wakes up until he zonks out at bed, doesn’t matter what he eats. Even his therapists and my mum have mentioned that he just does not stop. I wish I had some of his energy.
#139
Binxyminxem 5 years ago
I read that to the tune of Frozen's "do you wanna build a snowmaaaan?" 😄
#142
Isabel Care 5 years ago (edited)
We had imaginary pets. I even took mine to school so I didn't have to play with the other kids. Did get myself a pet rock that has been a faithful door stop for 35 years.
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What do you think ?
Mike Crow 5 years ago
While my wife and I were driving my youngest to kindergarten I saw a police car and jokingly said “oh no the police is after mommy!” My son then replied “really? Quick mommy, hide!” Didn’t even question the fact his mom was wanted by the cops.
Ceredwyn Ealanta 5 years ago
Not only that, but was straight up willin' to hide the crim!
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Calum Sanderson 5 years ago
why are these all from, like, the same five guys? you know there's more dads in the world right
Banjo Peppers 5 years ago
Because some people coincidentally have the most hilarious children that definitely did and said these real thing and these dads can spend all day tweeting about the funny things and coincidentally get paid for it.
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Mike Crow 5 years ago
While my wife and I were driving my youngest to kindergarten I saw a police car and jokingly said “oh no the police is after mommy!” My son then replied “really? Quick mommy, hide!” Didn’t even question the fact his mom was wanted by the cops.
Ceredwyn Ealanta 5 years ago
Not only that, but was straight up willin' to hide the crim!
Load More Replies... Calum Sanderson 5 years ago
why are these all from, like, the same five guys? you know there's more dads in the world right
Banjo Peppers 5 years ago
Because some people coincidentally have the most hilarious children that definitely did and said these real thing and these dads can spend all day tweeting about the funny things and coincidentally get paid for it.
Load More Replies... 
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