50 Times Dads Had The Funniest Pieces Of Advice And Quotes

Now that's a man with some serious wit that can also sting. :D

you get paid for a job, this is purely voluntary :D

Dad certainly knows how to 'Pun'tificate', doesn't he? LOL!

wise man

Natural Selection at its very best ;D

Probably true, but it still tends to hurt. :D

Such a joke! I can feel I'm there listening and laughing.

We certainly do know what is on dad's list of "Essential" foods too. :D

Ancient advice: "Si tacuisses, philosophus mansisses." If you'd kept your mouth shut, we might have thought you were clever.

...And if it's stolen, you are in the same situation...

Great advice for those who are not happy with their lot in life. ;O

But, how's the quality? *sigh*

Very wise words of advice from dad. Its something to always keep in mind.

My Dad's windshield joke: "What's the last thing to go through a bug's mind when he hits the windshield?" "Its a*s"

classic dad jokes

"If I was any better, I'd be twins!"

That calls for one more round of GetEvenWithEms in order to level the playing field.

Amen.

I liked that one

oh.

child: better start working at it then.

Your dad is one punny bastard. I like him!

Nationwide is on your side!

If nothing else, your dad has a quick wit about things. ;O

The reason they've been married 40 is obviously that your Mum doesn't listen to your dad!!

My dad always says “I hope everything comes out alright!” (I say this to my kids now)

I love this one! Dad has a lovely wit!

I gotta remember to do this!

Breath in - breath out...

It's something my dad would say. And he's a college professor. :)

my father used to say the same thing! :D either "let's go to bed so they can go home" or "let's go home so they can go to bed" if we were visiting friends

That's excellent

Still good though

"SAAAAAAAAANS!!"

Carl "Safe Sax Ferris plays in Las Vegas...I've bought several of his CDs wonder if Dad knew his music?

Maybe because u r prettier than all brides... He meant it well:)

Is there a battleship in the harbor? Shots fired! :D

A concerned dad ....

OK, the only other funny one on the list. :D

I love this!

As a double negative is a positive, this isn't an insult.

I do answer: "Old, tired and nervous". My kids will be proud.

Cop asked me to recite the alphabet backwards starting at K, I told him straight out "Look I can't even do that when I'm perfectly sober!" Cops have no sense of humor.

"If birds could talk, they couldn't fly. The words are heavy."

admitting you tell dad jokes is the first step in recovery

Haha YES! My dad told me FORD stands for Found On Rubbish Dump. Sorry Ford fans.

Wish I could like this 10 times

BURN! :D

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Because you are better than Him!

Several years ago we were watching The Voice when my Dad said "WOW! She's really good, I bet she wins the whole thing!" Everyone busted out laughing, I said Dad, that's Beyonce! #DadQuotes

This is not what a dad would say. This is my life motto

Haha i told my husband the other day, "hey you dont need to buy a stud finder (we are hanging pictures and such) i do a pretty good job at that!"

This was stolen from John Mulaney

True tho...

For sure!!!

Unless they have some letters on the side saying "P O L I C E". For real people, use you turning signals, it's for everyone's safety.

HAHAHA

My parents say the same!!

Lol...

Good one

Sad. Not funny.