Warm Spring Weather And Sunny Days Inspired People To Post These 64 Hilarious Tweets

sbj

sbj

Community Member • points

posts

comments

upvotes

FollowUnfollow

Premium

Premium user. Get details.

Team building activities should be banned, at every one I've had to attend has ended up with people resenting each other and the company more and I've even witnessed the best of friends falling out

Bring One Dollar Short along and call the tour "55 cents overdrawn"

It honestly blows my mind that he has 100 subscribers let alone millions

LakotaWolf (she/her)

LakotaWolf (she/her)

Community Member • points

posts

comments

upvotes

FollowUnfollow

Premium

Premium user. Get details.

I know this is a page of "funny tweets", but I remember being a very young child - maybe 6 - and I got mad at my puppy and yelled at her and hit her on the head. I did this because that was exactly how my mother treated me when she got mad - except I hit my puppy lightly and my mom definitely never hit me lightly. I felt terrible immediately after yelling and hitting my puppy and I remember telling her "I'm sorry, I don't want to be like Mom." Almost 40 years later, I can happily say I am not like my mother - I've never hit another living creature and never yell in anger. Sadly my puppy ended up getting sick (parvo) and dyíng shortly after, and I spent most of my childhood convinced it was karma for hurting her.

Um, it's Tuesday the 5th of May. There is only one option.

If I say "I beg your pardon", that's exactly what I'm not doing.

Lotekguy

Lotekguy

Community Member • points

posts

comments

upvotes

FollowUnfollow

Premium

Premium user. Get details.

My favorite juxtaposition is next to the Louisville Slugger bat factory, on a higher adjacent wall is a large image of a baseball shattering a window. That serendipitously located business is Kentucky Mirror and Glass.

Ba, da, tish!🥁

I had that happen at a part-time job once. Annoying little bugger

Lotekguy

Lotekguy

Community Member • points

posts

comments

upvotes

FollowUnfollow

Premium

Premium user. Get details.

What a waste of time, effort and real estate! Ping pong balls would serve the purpose just as well, rendering golf superfluous since the 1880s.

I'm just curious about the username.

We're in the stupidest timeline.

The curse of growing older. A toddler can be folded over in half and sleep so deep they don't even wake when someone picks them up and carries them some distance to a crib. I go to sleep in an expensive soft mattress with no interruptions and I hurt in the morning because "I slept wrong"?! How do you "Sleep Wrong"????!!!!

As with Roman legions, children are grouped in "cohorts"

For some, taking the fifth is the only defense they have.

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Probably related to the tweet about investing $3M to earn $20k/month

I was given training wheels as a 'get well' gift. Yes, I rode my bike across a patch of ice in the spring morning after a warm previous day, breaking my wrist.

Sounds like the program that my elementary school teachers had. Oops..

Oof

Maybe it’s their partner in crime.

I live in Europe, the home of good coffee. The general opinion of Starbucks is unprintable.

I don't remember posting this.

UnclePanda

UnclePanda

Community Member • points

posts

comments

upvotes

FollowUnfollow

Premium

Premium user. Get details.

You can get a wicked amused response around Christmas time by whispering to the clerk, "How long did it take before the Christmas music drove you insane?"

They never get the chance to finish before something comes up though

i use a pot to make soup.

Lotekguy

Lotekguy

Community Member • points

posts

comments

upvotes

FollowUnfollow

Premium

Premium user. Get details.

It's a recognized psychological condition, known in the profession as the Jim from The Office Syndrome.

I used to work with an ex-police motorbike cop. He once told me he would go into work in full police leathers riding a Honda 50cc bike. I would have paid good money to stand and laugh at that.

Easy to over dose though

"You're like no Kennedy I've ever heard of..."

Hate to break the news, but they only had 2 digits when I was a child

You should see my rock collection :)

This is why you place it on the counter, with the blade hanging over the edge of the sink, until you are certain you won't need it again.

Jae

Jae

Community Member • points

posts

comments

upvotes

FollowUnfollow

Premium

Premium user. Get details.

💯

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Eat real food people. I don't even own a freezer, since fresh food is an option.

Yeah, the women in my family have always aged slowly looks-wise. Turns out it is a genetic condition that is responsible for all the health issues we are predisposed to, lol.

Like in Zelda BOTW when "Dubious Food" is blurred

I wasn't smart yet, but I scored four touchdowns in a single game for Polk High.

Just make up really bizarre answers. At least then you can enjoy the interruptions imagining how bonkers she’d sound should she ever relay this knowledge to any other sane human.

I use my strict parents as an excuse ;)

He let his TODDLER make him eggs without even knowing what they put in it? That's brave. Or incredibly stupid.

Ask the Dutch - they did well ....

UnclePanda

UnclePanda

Community Member • points

posts

comments

upvotes

FollowUnfollow

Premium

Premium user. Get details.

It helps keep your spirits up, too.

wrdl

zatrisha

zatrisha

Community Member • points

posts

comments

upvotes

FollowUnfollow

Premium

Premium user. Get details.

These apps rot your brain.

Phantom Phoenix

Phantom Phoenix

Community Member • points

posts

comments

upvotes

FollowUnfollow

Premium

Premium user. Get details.

From Reddit post... Boy's mom: *visbly shocked* Uhm... no. He's autistic. He doesn't let just anyone near him. The last time he did that, it was to my sister, and she turned out to be pregnant. Anyway, I apologize on my son's behalf, bye now. Me: [image above]

Huh?