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38
Woman Turns To Web For Advice After Getting Texts From Friends Claiming She Ruined Their Vacation
Vacations are supposed to be about relaxation, adventure, and escaping from the daily grind. But sometimes, they reveal uncomfortable truths about friendships. You pack your bags, ready for sun, fun, and cocktails, only to come back with a suitcase full of resentment and unanswered texts.
Today’s Original Poster (OP) learned this the hard way after a Bali getaway with her longtime friends turned into an emotional rollercoaster, leaving her wondering if she had done something terribly wrong or if her friends just needed to lighten up.
More info: Reddit
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Sometimes, out of nowhere, a little bump in the road reveals that what you thought was smooth sailing wasn’t actually the case
Image credits: Matthew Garoffolo / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
The author and her friends took a trip with their husbands, and it was a good time
Image credit: wisespender
Image credits: Andrea Piacquadio / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The only things that made her raise an eyebrow was when her friends made passive-aggressive comments before dinner
Image credit: wisespender
Image credits: Matthew Turner / Pexels (not the actual photo)
One week after the trip, she received a long text from one of her friends who claimed that she had ruined the vacation
Image credit: wisespender
Image credits: SHVETS production / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The friend explained that she didn’t spend enough time with them and that she didn’t help them with their kids
Image credit: wisespender
She didn’t know how to respond to the text, and even after speaking with her husband, she’s still thinking things over
The trip to Bali started off well. The OP and her husband arrived early and respectfully waited for their friends to choose their rooms before settling in. Throughout the vacation, she balanced couple time with group activities, even going out of her way to be considerate, like surprising her friends with massages to help them unwind.
But apparently, her approach to vacationing wasn’t in sync with her friends’ expectations. While she and her husband enjoyed cocktails and some late-night outings, her friends seemed to take issue with her choices. Though she ignored their passive-aggressive remarks at the time, she had no idea how much resentment was brewing beneath the surface.
A week after returning home, the bomb dropped. One of the friends sent a lengthy message explaining that she and the other friend wanted to distance themselves because the OP had ruined their trip. The grievances ranged from her drinking habits to not spending enough time with them or helping out with their kids. There was even criticism about booking different flights.
She also accused the OP of being selfish for not focusing on their needs, particularly as moms, and that she was “just partying” instead of acting her age. Naturally, the message left her in tears, completely unsure of how to respond. She had been under the impression that everyone was having a good time, only to be blindsided by resentment she hadn’t seen coming.
Image credits: cottonbro studio / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Women’s Health acknowledges that friendships often experience a major shift when one friend becomes a parent while the other remains child-free. They explain that it’s typical for the new parent to become fully immersed in their new role, making it difficult for them to relate to their child-free friend’s lifestyle.
On the other side, the child-free friend may feel sidelined or less important. This divide can sometimes create jealousy or resentment on both sides. They also note that in some cases, friendships may not survive this transition, requiring acceptance and even grieving the loss of the relationship.
We Thrive Together also affirms that friendship conflicts often stem from miscommunications, differing priorities and expectations, jealousy or resentment, and major life changes. Misunderstandings can arise when friends fail to express their feelings or expectations clearly.
According to the LA Concierge Psychologist website, friendships provide comfort and support, but they aren’t immune to conflict. To navigate disagreements effectively, it’s important to normalize conflict and recognize it as a natural part of relationships. They also advise open communication and taking all perspectives from the seriously.
Netizens believe that the OP’s friends were acting out of jealousy rather than genuine hurt. They highlighted that her child-free lifestyle allowed her more freedom on vacation, which seemed to bother them, who were tied down with childcare. Others emphasized that traveling with friends who have kids often leads to different expectations, making trips like this a challenge.
What do you think about this situation? Do you think the OP was in the wrong for enjoying her vacation her way, or were her friends being unfair? We would love to hear your thoughts!
Netizens strongly believe that her friends are jealous of her because she’s child-free and was able to have a stress-free vacation
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What do you think ?
Sue Ellen Bowen 8 months ago
If the friends want to complain about childcare they're directing it at the wrong person. They should have been directing it at their husbands. Why didn't they offer to stay with the kids while their wives had a night out on vacation? Also what law is there against moms having a drink with dinner around their kids?
Ms.GB 8 months ago (edited)
Husband: drank, went out and had fun, didn't babysit, married woman, fathered child. Op: drank, went out and had fun, didn't babysit, is not married to her friends, has no children. Op's friends: " Op YOU ruined my vacation!"....but somehow the husbands haven't? She behaved the exact same way as their husbands behaved on vacation and has less obligation to those women and those children " Did you guys tell your husbands they ruined your vacation, weren't acting their age and weren't behaving like your men? Name one thing I did that your husbands didn't. Are you mad because I'm not sleeping with you or do you just expect me to automatically take care of children instead of having fun because I have a v****a?"
Load More Replies...
Monica G 8 months ago (edited)
The Update I spoke with Mary on text, she said she agreed on most part and they both have had a problem with me for ages because I invited them to or only organized adult only events and nothing family friendly which isn't true. I was the one who organized her baby shower... I added both of my ex-friends to a group chat to discuss my feelings. Throughout the interaction, no apology for their passive aggressive comments or even acknowledgement that I tried to be accomodating— I gave them better rooms, organized massages, kept our shared space organized, made all the dinner reservations, helped prep snacks, got gifts for them and the kids. Mary just said that she's sorry it's come to this and Kate just ignored me. I was so disappointed in these women who I thought were my friends. I blocked them and unfollowed them on social media. I am going to share this Reddit post with our mutual friends who want the T. Told Jake about it, he just said good riddance. I'm going to Japan next March
Janelle Collard 8 months ago
Thanks for the update! Good for OP for dropping those "friends."
Load More Replies... Janelle Collard 8 months ago
So the "girlfriends" are pi**ed at OP cuz their hubs are worthless at helping out with their kids? Alrighty then!
Ms.GB 8 months ago
Well heaven forbid we blame the men and admit to ourselves that our husbands aren't pulling their weight. That would mean they would need to take a serious look at their relationships and either hope that the men they married will be willing to change and take care of their responsibilities or get divorced. No woman with a young child wants to have to split up with the father of her child. Those women are using op as a scapegoat but deep down inside they know they're getting shafted.
Load More Replies...
Petra Peitsch 8 months ago (edited)
OP's "friends" wanted free babysitting from her. What they should have asked from their own husbands. If they are choosing to play the trad-wife, than they should deal with it by themselves. Jealous witches. OP should cut them off, because clearly, they are not in the same life-phase. That is not a huge problem, normally. Just, when you have envious b.itches as "friends", who want to drag you in their own misery.
CalamityOne 8 months ago
WTH would anyone take a bunch of under-5 children on an exotic tropical vacation? For "the experience"? Those kids aren't going to remember it at all - better to have had them stay with family at home while the parents took the trip.
Sarah 8 months ago
Probably slept most of time due to heat and activities such as swimming etc
Load More Replies... FreeTheUnicorn 8 months ago
The two friends were salty before the trip and were looking for reasons to justify whatever their issue is with OP. Thats why they couldn't actually articulate what their issues were and had to be vague. If you're that offended and pis sed off with someone you have a long list of specific complaints. That they weren't giving specific examples tells me they aren't sharing the real reason they are upset. I'm guessing it's that she's not fawning over their lifestyle or that her husband is actually a good guy.
Tabitha 8 months ago (edited)
Most resort hotels have babysitting services. Same goes for most tourist towns as a whole. Those services are generally posted online on the town’s website, or you could ask whoever you’re booking the accommodations with. The other women could very well have hired a babysitter to look after their kids so they could have some child-free time too. The fact that they did not avail themselves of those services, and decided to paint themselves as martyrs instead, is not OP’s fault.
Big Chungus 8 months ago
You paid for the trip, you vacation however you want! I still drink and have fun with my toddler there (in moderation of course) but have no issues with anyone else drinking as much as they want.
Apatheist Account2 8 months ago
As Bernard Woolley may have observed, you can't have a bump in the road if you're hoping for smooth sailing - you're either on a road or in the water.
Eleanor Berze 8 months ago
Why do people think that they can palm their kids off to a child free couple so they can do activities? If you take YOUR kids on holiday, then YOU deal with them. If you wanted to do things without them, then you don’t take them.
DrBronxx 8 months ago
What an absolute garbage text messages, particularly the childcare part. You have a child, you take care of them. If you hire someone, or if a friend offers, that's something else, but there absolutely no grounds on which you can resent someone *on holiday* for not offering to take care of *your* children. That's part of the parenting gig. Also, tell your friends that it could have been worse - at least they weren't staying at The White Lotus.
Laura Gillette 8 months ago
I'm angry at the husbands who had kids for doing all the things their wives couldn't do because they were taking care of the children. The moms didn't drink because they had to take care of the children. Their husbands drank. The moms had to stay in on the last night to pack the children's things and get enough rest to get the kids ready in the morning. The dads stayed out TIL 1 AM. Then the friends are mad at their child-free female friend for not helping them with their kids? Why aren't they mad at their HUSBANDS for not parenting their own children? If I went on vacation with my husband, child, and friends, I would be LIVID if he behaved that way. Fortunately I didn't marry a selfish, traditional gender roles-supporting a$$hole.
Seedy Vine 8 months ago (edited)
NTA OP. Some peoples' parents need to stop mating with lazy men and blaming their child-free friends for knowing better. Oh, and the ads in the middle of the comments? That's just sad, BP.
VogueGal 8 months ago
The “friends” sounds lame and boring. But I feel OP left out some context as there may be some history about OP’s drinking and partying habits since they all know each other since college. All these people sound incredibly boring and live miserable lives. I feel bad for the children, the only victims in the story.
Somebodys grandmother 8 months ago (edited)
That's me! I'm no "girly girl"... Can't go shopping, no brandnaming, work to much, looooove sports and will shout out loud during games! I hate that jalousi... that vibe of the fathers are not parents... come on mothers! Wake up!
Lisa T 8 months ago
It’s pretty hard when you’re either the only one without kids, or the only with kids. Friendships do suffer, no matter how hard you try to accomodate them. I was the first of my friend group to have a baby. I couldn’t wait for my best friend to have a baby so they’d grow up together etc. We understood we were on a different life page at the time but hubby and I did everything we could to maintain that friendship and ex-bestie just chose to walk away. She had kids a couple of years later but there was no getting that friendship back to anything like it was. We see each other at an occasional school reunion every few years or something, that’s it. My son was born 26 years ago and it still makes me sad that I lost my best friend
Sue Ellen Bowen 8 months ago
If the friends want to complain about childcare they're directing it at the wrong person. They should have been directing it at their husbands. Why didn't they offer to stay with the kids while their wives had a night out on vacation? Also what law is there against moms having a drink with dinner around their kids?
Ms.GB 8 months ago (edited)
Husband: drank, went out and had fun, didn't babysit, married woman, fathered child. Op: drank, went out and had fun, didn't babysit, is not married to her friends, has no children. Op's friends: " Op YOU ruined my vacation!"....but somehow the husbands haven't? She behaved the exact same way as their husbands behaved on vacation and has less obligation to those women and those children " Did you guys tell your husbands they ruined your vacation, weren't acting their age and weren't behaving like your men? Name one thing I did that your husbands didn't. Are you mad because I'm not sleeping with you or do you just expect me to automatically take care of children instead of having fun because I have a v****a?"
Load More Replies... Monica G 8 months ago (edited)
The Update I spoke with Mary on text, she said she agreed on most part and they both have had a problem with me for ages because I invited them to or only organized adult only events and nothing family friendly which isn't true. I was the one who organized her baby shower... I added both of my ex-friends to a group chat to discuss my feelings. Throughout the interaction, no apology for their passive aggressive comments or even acknowledgement that I tried to be accomodating— I gave them better rooms, organized massages, kept our shared space organized, made all the dinner reservations, helped prep snacks, got gifts for them and the kids. Mary just said that she's sorry it's come to this and Kate just ignored me. I was so disappointed in these women who I thought were my friends. I blocked them and unfollowed them on social media. I am going to share this Reddit post with our mutual friends who want the T. Told Jake about it, he just said good riddance. I'm going to Japan next March
Janelle Collard 8 months ago
Thanks for the update! Good for OP for dropping those "friends."
Load More Replies... Janelle Collard 8 months ago
So the "girlfriends" are pi**ed at OP cuz their hubs are worthless at helping out with their kids? Alrighty then!
Ms.GB 8 months ago
Well heaven forbid we blame the men and admit to ourselves that our husbands aren't pulling their weight. That would mean they would need to take a serious look at their relationships and either hope that the men they married will be willing to change and take care of their responsibilities or get divorced. No woman with a young child wants to have to split up with the father of her child. Those women are using op as a scapegoat but deep down inside they know they're getting shafted.
Load More Replies... Petra Peitsch 8 months ago (edited)
OP's "friends" wanted free babysitting from her. What they should have asked from their own husbands. If they are choosing to play the trad-wife, than they should deal with it by themselves. Jealous witches. OP should cut them off, because clearly, they are not in the same life-phase. That is not a huge problem, normally. Just, when you have envious b.itches as "friends", who want to drag you in their own misery.
CalamityOne 8 months ago
WTH would anyone take a bunch of under-5 children on an exotic tropical vacation? For "the experience"? Those kids aren't going to remember it at all - better to have had them stay with family at home while the parents took the trip.
Sarah 8 months ago
Probably slept most of time due to heat and activities such as swimming etc
Load More Replies... FreeTheUnicorn 8 months ago
The two friends were salty before the trip and were looking for reasons to justify whatever their issue is with OP. Thats why they couldn't actually articulate what their issues were and had to be vague. If you're that offended and pis sed off with someone you have a long list of specific complaints. That they weren't giving specific examples tells me they aren't sharing the real reason they are upset. I'm guessing it's that she's not fawning over their lifestyle or that her husband is actually a good guy.
Tabitha 8 months ago (edited)
Most resort hotels have babysitting services. Same goes for most tourist towns as a whole. Those services are generally posted online on the town’s website, or you could ask whoever you’re booking the accommodations with. The other women could very well have hired a babysitter to look after their kids so they could have some child-free time too. The fact that they did not avail themselves of those services, and decided to paint themselves as martyrs instead, is not OP’s fault.
Big Chungus 8 months ago
You paid for the trip, you vacation however you want! I still drink and have fun with my toddler there (in moderation of course) but have no issues with anyone else drinking as much as they want.
Apatheist Account2 8 months ago
As Bernard Woolley may have observed, you can't have a bump in the road if you're hoping for smooth sailing - you're either on a road or in the water.
Eleanor Berze 8 months ago
Why do people think that they can palm their kids off to a child free couple so they can do activities? If you take YOUR kids on holiday, then YOU deal with them. If you wanted to do things without them, then you don’t take them.
DrBronxx 8 months ago
What an absolute garbage text messages, particularly the childcare part. You have a child, you take care of them. If you hire someone, or if a friend offers, that's something else, but there absolutely no grounds on which you can resent someone *on holiday* for not offering to take care of *your* children. That's part of the parenting gig. Also, tell your friends that it could have been worse - at least they weren't staying at The White Lotus.
Laura Gillette 8 months ago
I'm angry at the husbands who had kids for doing all the things their wives couldn't do because they were taking care of the children. The moms didn't drink because they had to take care of the children. Their husbands drank. The moms had to stay in on the last night to pack the children's things and get enough rest to get the kids ready in the morning. The dads stayed out TIL 1 AM. Then the friends are mad at their child-free female friend for not helping them with their kids? Why aren't they mad at their HUSBANDS for not parenting their own children? If I went on vacation with my husband, child, and friends, I would be LIVID if he behaved that way. Fortunately I didn't marry a selfish, traditional gender roles-supporting a$$hole.
Seedy Vine 8 months ago (edited)
NTA OP. Some peoples' parents need to stop mating with lazy men and blaming their child-free friends for knowing better. Oh, and the ads in the middle of the comments? That's just sad, BP.
VogueGal 8 months ago
The “friends” sounds lame and boring. But I feel OP left out some context as there may be some history about OP’s drinking and partying habits since they all know each other since college. All these people sound incredibly boring and live miserable lives. I feel bad for the children, the only victims in the story.
Somebodys grandmother 8 months ago (edited)
That's me! I'm no "girly girl"... Can't go shopping, no brandnaming, work to much, looooove sports and will shout out loud during games! I hate that jalousi... that vibe of the fathers are not parents... come on mothers! Wake up!
Lisa T 8 months ago
It’s pretty hard when you’re either the only one without kids, or the only with kids. Friendships do suffer, no matter how hard you try to accomodate them. I was the first of my friend group to have a baby. I couldn’t wait for my best friend to have a baby so they’d grow up together etc. We understood we were on a different life page at the time but hubby and I did everything we could to maintain that friendship and ex-bestie just chose to walk away. She had kids a couple of years later but there was no getting that friendship back to anything like it was. We see each other at an occasional school reunion every few years or something, that’s it. My son was born 26 years ago and it still makes me sad that I lost my best friend
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