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“Deal With It”: Woman Breaks Into Friend’s House And Claims She’s Lived There For Months
I’m sure most of us help our friends whenever they’re struggling, but that’s not always possible. Sadly, instead of taking no for an answer and respecting our boundaries, some people will try to exploit us, using our friendship as an argument to pressure us into compliance. A story from r/LegalAdvice shows just how extreme this can get.
The 19-year-old who posted it refused a 25-year-old friend’s request to stay over. However, when the teen returned home, she found the woman already there, scattering her belongings as if she owned the place.
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Unannounced visitors can seriously test our patience
Image credits: RDNE Stock project / Pexels (not the actual photo)
But what about unannounced roommates?
Image credits: Kindel Media / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: cottonbro studio / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: crazyb***htenant
Image credits: Antoni Shkraba Studio / Pexels (not the actual photo)
It can be difficult to spot manipulators before they enter your life
It would be a mistake to say that the author of the post is responsible for allowing such a person into her life. “Manipulators are difficult to spot because their tactics are rooted in interpersonal dynamics and hard to objectively define,” says licensed professional counselor Jamie Cannon, who specializes in treating trauma, anxiety, and grief.
“Are they saying they love you because they want something from you, or because they really mean it? Do they discount your feelings because they believe you have to feel the way they want you to feel, or because they lack emotional awareness? Trying to pin down a manipulator is incredibly difficult. Their methods are easily concealed and never cut and dried.”
If you are generally trusting of others, it may be hard for you to recognize manipulation when it occurs in your life. But if someone regularly skews situations to make themselves the victim, never takes accountability for their actions affecting you, or if their actions don’t match their words, chances are, you’re being manipulated.
This and other similar situations can be incredibly tricky. “Engaging with a chronic manipulator never ends well; potential outcomes usually include your exhaustion, your walking away, or their success at, once again, exerting power and control over you,” Cannon explains.
According to her, setting firm, clear boundaries is crucial if you want to protect yourself as much as possible. “You cannot make a chronic manipulator change their behaviors, but you can certainly control how you respond to them.”
Image credits: cottonbro studio / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Evicting unwanted roommates can be a drag
Ann O’Connell, who earned her J.D. from UC Berkeley Law, has passed the bar exams in California, Nevada, and Colorado, where she is both an active attorney and a real estate broker. She says that in some areas, unauthorized roommates (and even guests who overstay their welcome) might become legal tenants (even when they don’t sign a lease or rental agreement), simply by virtue of the length of their stay. So, in case you end up in court having to formally evict your roommate, it’s a good idea to keep records of each step you take in the process of removing them.
In this kind of a situation, “your absolute first step … is to have a conversation with them,” O’Connell explains. “Try to work out a timeline by which they’ll move out. If they resist the idea of leaving, point out that it’s easier on you both if they move out without involving the landlord or judicial process.”
“If you can’t reach an agreement with your unwanted roommate, it’s time to take steps to evict them.”
Most landlords require all adults living in a rental to sign the lease or rental agreement. Furthermore, most leases and rental agreements explicitly prohibit non-signers from living in the rental, and limit the number of days that guests may stay at the property. However, remain cautious: if your lease or rental agreement contains similar provisions, your landlord also likely has the right to terminate your tenancy (and possibly evict you) for bringing in an unauthorized roommate.
“Most leases will simply ban extended stay guests, but won’t give you guidance about how to deal with them,” O’Connell says.
If your unwanted roommate ignores your notice and remains in the rental, you might have to file an eviction lawsuit. “In general, the procedures for evicting a resident who isn’t a party to the lease or rental agreement will be the same as those for official tenants, but your state or local laws might be an exception,” she adds.
“A local landlord-tenant attorney can help you navigate how to proceed in your area’s courts. If you can’t afford an attorney, check with the court to find out if there are low-cost or free clinics or assistance for renters.”
People had a lot to say about what had been happening
The day after her post, the teen issued an update
Image credits: Ron Lach / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: crazyb***htenant
People weren’t sure about the way the teen was handling the situation
In the end, it seems that everything worked out
Image credits: cottonbro studio / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: crazyb***htenant
People were just glad to hear no one was harmed
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What do you think ?
Mike F 3 months ago
To prove residency in California you need more than your stuff stashed in the apartment. You need to provide ID with the address on it, utility bill, lease or mort agreements, etc. Merely showing them your shampoo and toothbrush don't get it. There's something really fishy here.
ॐBoyGanesh 3 months ago
Yup. There’s a huge difference between squatters (with rights) & trespassers. While they don’t need typical resident establishing documents, there are certain criteria they have to meet. This girl didn’t meet any of them. And law-enforcement definitely should’ve known that.
Load More Replies...
C_galen_b 3 months ago (edited)
I heard about a case in Florida where a couple let a relative visit for the weekend and she refused to leave. They also called the the police and the police wouldn't do anything. Eviction could take up to six months. Their solution was to make her life a living hell. They belonged to a motorcycle club that only did group rides at Christmas to collect toys, but they managed to get about a half dozen really big, really loud guys to come over and raise hell. They warned the neighbors and started blaring loud music all day and night. The bikers "accidentally" walked in the bathroom every time she tried to shower and had loud, noxious smell contests, if you know what I mean. Nobody laid a hand on her, but all of a sudden, two really drunk guys showed up in the spare bedroom she had squatted in multiple times a night. She tried to lock it, so the owner removed all the bedroom and bathroom doors. She tried to call the police, but they said no laws were broken. She lasted less than 2 days.
Jp@nda 3 months ago
She deserved every moment, but how many times was she showering and got walked in on in just two days? It just sounds a bit much for"less than 2 days"
Load More Replies...
SpiderWoman13 3 months ago (edited)
I find this unbelievable. First of all, where's her lease? What's the address on her ID? Tell the police: Ask her to show an agreement or lease. Ask her for her keys. Ask her to show where she has paid me for being my "tenant". Secondly: Where's YOUR proof of ownership? What's the address on your ID? Where's your mail? Voter's Registration. Show all this as PROOF of your ownership. This doesn't pass the smell test. AT ALL. However, if this is true, then get a bunch of trusted friends (with their own place, so they won't try to overstay) give them all leases and proceed to make the b!atch so UNCOMFORTABLE that she'll leave! Then file a restraining order against her...
Binky Melnik 3 months ago
The 19-year-kid seems to have been pretty mute when the police were there. I doubt I’d have been a whole lot better at 19. The police may not have been very old themselves, as they didn’t ask ANY of the right questions, apparently. This is a really odd, unique situation, and you’re expecting a 19-year-old, likely living in his own for the first time, to know what to do!
Load More Replies...
Rose the Cook 3 months ago
Police try to not get involved if the complaint is possibly a "domestic" situation but this sounds like incompetence. Why didn't they ask the woman for paper evidence of her residency?
Mel in Georgia 3 months ago
I am flabbergasted by the size of the gonads of some people. So was the OP - and then for the police to say they couldn't do anything? I'd be in paralyzing shock, too. Glad she got this resolved, but so sorry by how traumatized she must be by the evil audacity of this "friend."
Koko 3 months ago
I had this issue, if there is nothing in writing that you allowed her to stay there (I'm assuming that she's the only one on the lease) then she has no tenant rights, you have to have written confirmation from the legal person on the lease. Just tell the cops and ask her if she has a written note saying she is subletting to the sociopath. If she can't produce it, she should be immediately removed for the house.
ॐBoyGanesh 3 months ago
In California, squatters can occupy a property without the owner's permission & may gain certain legal rights over time. Understanding these rights is crucial for property owners. Definition of Squatters: Who is Considered a Squatter? A squatter is someone who occupies a property without the owner's consent. They typically move into unoccupied homes, foreclosed properties, or vacant lots. Difference Between Squatters & Trespassers Squatters: Live in a property & may claim ownership through adverse possession. Trespassers: Enter a property without permission but do not intend to stay long-term. Legal Framework Adverse Possession Squatters can claim legal ownership through adverse possession if they meet specific criteria: Duration: Occupy the property continuously for at least 5 years. Open & Notorious: Their presence must be obvious and not hidden. Claim of Right: They must believe they have a right to the property. Payment of Taxes: In some cases, paying property taxes may be required
Spittnimage 3 months ago
Cops just didn't want to do their job like ask her for mail addressed to her with that address on it and show me your house key, etc.
Mike F 3 months ago
To prove residency in California you need more than your stuff stashed in the apartment. You need to provide ID with the address on it, utility bill, lease or mort agreements, etc. Merely showing them your shampoo and toothbrush don't get it. There's something really fishy here.
ॐBoyGanesh 3 months ago
Yup. There’s a huge difference between squatters (with rights) & trespassers. While they don’t need typical resident establishing documents, there are certain criteria they have to meet. This girl didn’t meet any of them. And law-enforcement definitely should’ve known that.
Load More Replies... C_galen_b 3 months ago (edited)
I heard about a case in Florida where a couple let a relative visit for the weekend and she refused to leave. They also called the the police and the police wouldn't do anything. Eviction could take up to six months. Their solution was to make her life a living hell. They belonged to a motorcycle club that only did group rides at Christmas to collect toys, but they managed to get about a half dozen really big, really loud guys to come over and raise hell. They warned the neighbors and started blaring loud music all day and night. The bikers "accidentally" walked in the bathroom every time she tried to shower and had loud, noxious smell contests, if you know what I mean. Nobody laid a hand on her, but all of a sudden, two really drunk guys showed up in the spare bedroom she had squatted in multiple times a night. She tried to lock it, so the owner removed all the bedroom and bathroom doors. She tried to call the police, but they said no laws were broken. She lasted less than 2 days.
Jp@nda 3 months ago
She deserved every moment, but how many times was she showering and got walked in on in just two days? It just sounds a bit much for"less than 2 days"
Load More Replies... SpiderWoman13 3 months ago (edited)
I find this unbelievable. First of all, where's her lease? What's the address on her ID? Tell the police: Ask her to show an agreement or lease. Ask her for her keys. Ask her to show where she has paid me for being my "tenant". Secondly: Where's YOUR proof of ownership? What's the address on your ID? Where's your mail? Voter's Registration. Show all this as PROOF of your ownership. This doesn't pass the smell test. AT ALL. However, if this is true, then get a bunch of trusted friends (with their own place, so they won't try to overstay) give them all leases and proceed to make the b!atch so UNCOMFORTABLE that she'll leave! Then file a restraining order against her...
Binky Melnik 3 months ago
The 19-year-kid seems to have been pretty mute when the police were there. I doubt I’d have been a whole lot better at 19. The police may not have been very old themselves, as they didn’t ask ANY of the right questions, apparently. This is a really odd, unique situation, and you’re expecting a 19-year-old, likely living in his own for the first time, to know what to do!
Load More Replies... Rose the Cook 3 months ago
Police try to not get involved if the complaint is possibly a "domestic" situation but this sounds like incompetence. Why didn't they ask the woman for paper evidence of her residency?
Mel in Georgia 3 months ago
I am flabbergasted by the size of the gonads of some people. So was the OP - and then for the police to say they couldn't do anything? I'd be in paralyzing shock, too. Glad she got this resolved, but so sorry by how traumatized she must be by the evil audacity of this "friend."
Koko 3 months ago
I had this issue, if there is nothing in writing that you allowed her to stay there (I'm assuming that she's the only one on the lease) then she has no tenant rights, you have to have written confirmation from the legal person on the lease. Just tell the cops and ask her if she has a written note saying she is subletting to the sociopath. If she can't produce it, she should be immediately removed for the house.
ॐBoyGanesh 3 months ago
In California, squatters can occupy a property without the owner's permission & may gain certain legal rights over time. Understanding these rights is crucial for property owners. Definition of Squatters: Who is Considered a Squatter? A squatter is someone who occupies a property without the owner's consent. They typically move into unoccupied homes, foreclosed properties, or vacant lots. Difference Between Squatters & Trespassers Squatters: Live in a property & may claim ownership through adverse possession. Trespassers: Enter a property without permission but do not intend to stay long-term. Legal Framework Adverse Possession Squatters can claim legal ownership through adverse possession if they meet specific criteria: Duration: Occupy the property continuously for at least 5 years. Open & Notorious: Their presence must be obvious and not hidden. Claim of Right: They must believe they have a right to the property. Payment of Taxes: In some cases, paying property taxes may be required
Spittnimage 3 months ago
Cops just didn't want to do their job like ask her for mail addressed to her with that address on it and show me your house key, etc.
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