Woman Packs Her Bags And Leaves After Friend Tells Her What She Really Thinks About Her In A Bikini
You know that one kid who you’ve always heard jokes about who has the bright idea in school to try ingesting white glue paste just for the giggles? It was always assumed that it was a joke and the kid was just a fable used for whatever.
Same goes with the “Do I look fat in this?” situations. It’s all a jokey ruse, right? That never happens, it’s just too cliché to be a thing, isn’t it?
Well, it happened. In a recent conflict between two friends regarding swimsuits and, well, you can guess what happened next.
More Info: Reddit
You’d think that the “does this [article of clothing] makes me look fat” trope was just a joke on the internet, but it seems it does happen in the real world
Image credits: Pixabay (not the actual photo)
This one netizen experienced it firsthand and went online to share her experience, getting some perspective on the matter along the way
Image credits: Pale-Avocado3959
Even though the woman’s response was genuine and she thought her friend looked cute in her one-piece, the friend misinterpreted that as fat-shaming
Image credits: Rachel Claire (not the actual photo)
Reddit user u/Pale-Avocado3959 recently shared a story involving her good friend, a set of swimsuits and an unprovoked assumption over one’s self-image.
The story goes that OP’s friend came over one week during the summer for a visit and the two decided to go to the local pool. You’d think now would be a good time for a very cool prep montage where the two pick out swimsuits and have a good laugh about it. But, nope, it actually went south very quickly.
OP’s friend asked for her opinion about some swimsuits she had—specifically, a one-piece and a bikini. OP didn’t seem to think much about it, and having seen both in action, she opted for the one-piece. And then her friend seemed to turn hostile.
The woman noted that her friend is overweight and had been on antidepressants for a while now. All of this hinted at why her friend might have maybe misinterpreted her preference for a one-piece to think that it was about her looks. This was in light of the friend actually thinking to herself that she looked “too fat in a bikini.”
The friend got visibly upset about it all, and while she did go with the one-piece, she became passive-aggressive from that point on. She later simply vanished, only for OP to later learn from a mutual acquaintance that the friend went to a hotel and rebooked her flight, assuming to an earlier time.
Image credits: Armin Rimoldi (not the actual photo)
OP turned to the Am I The A-Hole community for some perspective on the matter and got a bit of a divided opinion as the seemingly simple issue was actually very complex depending on how you view it.
Those who said that OP is not a jerk pointed out that the friend herself noted her looks in the bikini, and expected the woman to somehow jump in and support her by contradicting, but never got that answer. Folks did think that these issues were the friend’s alone to deal with. It seemed as if the friend wanted a fake answer.
Those thinking that OP was the problem kept coming back to a specific thing she said in her post, and that was “she used to be very slim and skinny like me.” This alone irked a lot of people, coming off as rude and unnecessary at the very least. There was another nuance where OP told her friend to “f off”, which, depending on the relationship, may or may not be a kind thing to say.
But then there were people who were either saying that nobody did anything wrong per se, or, quite the opposite, everyone involved could have been better about their approaches. The reasoning stayed pretty much the same on both sides, and the two women could’ve gone with more appropriate behavior, i.e. not snapping, picking your words, and the like.
The post soon went viral, garnering over 14,000 upvotes (86% upvoted) and getting a Facepalm Reddit award. You can read the entire story in context here.
Image credits: ArtHouse Studio (not the actual photo)
There is one tiny bit regarding self-esteem that a lot of folks seem to forget and that is self esteem is more than capable of impacting a person’s quality of life. And if that goes down, it can mean a slew of different problems.
This can mean anything from negative feelings, fear of trying and judgment to lack of self care, relationship problems and even self-harming behaviors. Low self-esteem might also cause things like depression—something that OP’s friend had. This in turn starts a downward spiral if not tackled on time.
Low self-esteem is often caused by things like having an unhappy childhood, excessive stress in life, poor treatment from partners or carers, ongoing medical problems and mental illness. Often it’ll be a mix of several of these, and the list is not limited to just these ones.
While seeking psychological help and support is one of the best options out there, it will still require a lot of effort on the part of the person seeking help. Talking to yourself positively, stopping comparing yourself to others, appreciating your special qualities, and letting go of hurtful past memories are just a few of many daily things you can do to drastically improve your self-esteem. Other practical approaches include exercise and scheduling positive activities into your calendar as a way to keep up morale.
Better Health Channel provides more detailed information on the topic if it’s something that resonates with you right now. And you can start being positive to yourself right now—by sharing your thoughts and opinions about anything and everything you’ve read here today in the comment section below!
Folks online were all over the place with their judgment, at the very least providing some perspective on it could have went better
Being a woman seems like a lot of hassle. I’ve thought this for a number of decades and I still haven’t had reason to change my mind…
It depends on how you're raised. It honestly comes down to parenting, socio-economic circles and who your friends are. I couldn't care less about my appearance and always avoided people who did. I've been called a butch or pick me by lots of people but that's not true. I'm just who I am and society can go touch grass with their sexist ideas of what's 'ladylike' and how women should be or not be. But that's the result of my parents way of raising me. I didn't even know there was a significant difference between men and women until I got old enough to be sexually harassed. I was well protected from stuff like that while younger. That internet didn't exist in my youth and I've grown up in a rural, blue collar workers circle did help too. In my social circles both parents working fully and grandparents helping raising children was normal for generations. The roles and ideas of what's important for women were very different.
Load More Replies..."Do I look fat.." is a stupid question. Either u aren't overweight and ur fishing for compliments or you know that you are indeed overweight and are putting the person you're asking in a messed up situation.
ESH she clearly overreacted but also what the actual f**k, these people both suck as human beings and need to address these problems.
Maybe I'm crazy but when I ask a person if what I'm wearing is not successfully hiding my love rolls, I honestly want to know. Why ask if not? I don't think OP is TAH but knowing her friend is taking antidepressants maybe she could have answered with, "Not sure, which one do you like best?, "wear whatever is more comfortable", "who we talkin' about?"
I agree. Although, if it's about bathing suits, I will *always* recommend the option with more coverage. It's a health concern; coverage is better than sunscreen. Both my son and daughter wear long-sleeve shirts and long shorts (made of whatever bathing suits are made of) if they're swimming outside.
Load More Replies...Do people still really not know how to answer these sort of questions?
NTA the OP answered correctly!! The fat friend was itching for a fight and frankly wasn't going to stop until she got one. There was no other outcome, and the key was the serious medication she has been on. It can, in addition to causing weight gain, affect self esteem, obviously. Hopefully she is also in therapy. As for the one saying they are both horrible? I can't see that, at all. This was a no-win for OP.
Easy way to make it NOT a fight - "Does this make me look fat? it is ok to lie" Both parties are happy if they both know the rules of the "game"
Load More Replies...YTA. She clearly thought she was too fat for a bikini. The friend wanted the social lie. She could definitely handled that better. Skinny "like me". Puff
It's interesting how rudeness seems to be totally OK for people when it comes to physical appearance... for every other reason in the world ? Never ever. But when it's about that, no problem. Some even brag about being " honest " to turn it into a good thing... I can't help but think they don't make honesty such a big deal in other aspects of their lives.
As wise husbands know, this kind of conversations are a trap and you fell into it. But this visit wasn’t going to end well anyway and at least you got it out of the way early.
The correct answer to "does this dress make me look fat?"; is, "No.. it's your fat that's making you look fat!"
Really? That is EXTREMELY mean. I hope you are just a troll, or do you fancy yourself a "mean gurl"?
Load More Replies..."Look at me! We were having a peaceful moment, and my friend (by the way, did I mention that I'm much thinner than her and that she's not SKINNY like me?) just sought some reassurance about her appearance. But since I'm too honest and I'm the kind of person who 'tells it like it is,' I told her she looked fat ! Now I need your validation, internet strangers, tell me I'm right." Rude AND attention whore... lol
Thats not at all what she said. She told her friend multiple times she didnt think she was fat. The sensitive friend brought it up repeatedly until the OP finally snapped. Stop asking the question if you cant handle the answer.
Load More Replies...I would've just said yes. Don't ask a question if you can't handle the answer
Maybe remember she's on anti depressants before being blunt and expecting her to take it like a person who is perfectly mentally balanced and healthy?
Load More Replies...Being a woman seems like a lot of hassle. I’ve thought this for a number of decades and I still haven’t had reason to change my mind…
It depends on how you're raised. It honestly comes down to parenting, socio-economic circles and who your friends are. I couldn't care less about my appearance and always avoided people who did. I've been called a butch or pick me by lots of people but that's not true. I'm just who I am and society can go touch grass with their sexist ideas of what's 'ladylike' and how women should be or not be. But that's the result of my parents way of raising me. I didn't even know there was a significant difference between men and women until I got old enough to be sexually harassed. I was well protected from stuff like that while younger. That internet didn't exist in my youth and I've grown up in a rural, blue collar workers circle did help too. In my social circles both parents working fully and grandparents helping raising children was normal for generations. The roles and ideas of what's important for women were very different.
Load More Replies..."Do I look fat.." is a stupid question. Either u aren't overweight and ur fishing for compliments or you know that you are indeed overweight and are putting the person you're asking in a messed up situation.
ESH she clearly overreacted but also what the actual f**k, these people both suck as human beings and need to address these problems.
Maybe I'm crazy but when I ask a person if what I'm wearing is not successfully hiding my love rolls, I honestly want to know. Why ask if not? I don't think OP is TAH but knowing her friend is taking antidepressants maybe she could have answered with, "Not sure, which one do you like best?, "wear whatever is more comfortable", "who we talkin' about?"
I agree. Although, if it's about bathing suits, I will *always* recommend the option with more coverage. It's a health concern; coverage is better than sunscreen. Both my son and daughter wear long-sleeve shirts and long shorts (made of whatever bathing suits are made of) if they're swimming outside.
Load More Replies...Do people still really not know how to answer these sort of questions?
NTA the OP answered correctly!! The fat friend was itching for a fight and frankly wasn't going to stop until she got one. There was no other outcome, and the key was the serious medication she has been on. It can, in addition to causing weight gain, affect self esteem, obviously. Hopefully she is also in therapy. As for the one saying they are both horrible? I can't see that, at all. This was a no-win for OP.
Easy way to make it NOT a fight - "Does this make me look fat? it is ok to lie" Both parties are happy if they both know the rules of the "game"
Load More Replies...YTA. She clearly thought she was too fat for a bikini. The friend wanted the social lie. She could definitely handled that better. Skinny "like me". Puff
It's interesting how rudeness seems to be totally OK for people when it comes to physical appearance... for every other reason in the world ? Never ever. But when it's about that, no problem. Some even brag about being " honest " to turn it into a good thing... I can't help but think they don't make honesty such a big deal in other aspects of their lives.
As wise husbands know, this kind of conversations are a trap and you fell into it. But this visit wasn’t going to end well anyway and at least you got it out of the way early.
The correct answer to "does this dress make me look fat?"; is, "No.. it's your fat that's making you look fat!"
Really? That is EXTREMELY mean. I hope you are just a troll, or do you fancy yourself a "mean gurl"?
Load More Replies..."Look at me! We were having a peaceful moment, and my friend (by the way, did I mention that I'm much thinner than her and that she's not SKINNY like me?) just sought some reassurance about her appearance. But since I'm too honest and I'm the kind of person who 'tells it like it is,' I told her she looked fat ! Now I need your validation, internet strangers, tell me I'm right." Rude AND attention whore... lol
Thats not at all what she said. She told her friend multiple times she didnt think she was fat. The sensitive friend brought it up repeatedly until the OP finally snapped. Stop asking the question if you cant handle the answer.
Load More Replies...I would've just said yes. Don't ask a question if you can't handle the answer
Maybe remember she's on anti depressants before being blunt and expecting her to take it like a person who is perfectly mentally balanced and healthy?
Load More Replies...
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