People Are Disgusted With This Woman Who Cut Off Her Stepdaughter’s Hair, Leaving Her In Tears
Getting ready for school presents more than one challenge, and dealing with messy hair is a common one. Needless to say, for those with extra long hair, it can get pretty time consuming.
For redditor u/Free_Grapefruit2289, taking care of her stepdaughter’s hair before school got too burdensome. That was one of the reasons she convinced the hairdresser to shorten the 11-year-old’s hair from below her waist to just past the shoulders. The woman’s decision upset not only the little girl, but her husband, and members of the AITA community as well.
Some people would rather cut long hair than have to deal with it in the morning
Image credits: AlexVog (not the actual photo)
This woman cut her stepdaughter’s hair as it was becoming a burden
Image credits: Olena_Rudo (not the actual photo)
Image credits: LightFieldStudios (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Free_Grapefruit2289
There are certain boundaries stepparents should never overstep
People in the comments didn’t hold back their opinions; they criticized the stepmother not only for cutting the hair against the little girl’s will but also for doing that without discussing it with her father. Verywell Mind suggested that stepparents should be mindful of certain boundaries, which can cause problems if intentionally or inadvertently overstepped. It pointed out that even though kids might find it difficult to articulate their boundaries clearly, crossing them can have a negative impact on their mental health.
Parents Magazine seconded the idea that there are some things stepparents should never do, such as trying to take the other parent’s place or pressure their partner to put them first. It also emphasized that adults shouldn’t assume a position of authority in regards to their stepchildren, as it can result in negative consequences, such as anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem or make the kid emotionally withdrawn.
A portrait of stepfamilies in the US, presented by Pew Research Center in 2011, revealed that more than one in four Americans have at least one step relative in their family, be it a stepparent, a stepchild, or a step/half-sibling (with 18%, 13%, and 30% people with step relatives having them respectively). Despite the majority—roughly 70%—of people with non-biological relatives being satisfied with their families, those surveyed admitted to feeling a stronger sense of obligation to their biological family members, according to the survey.
Image credits: RDNE Stock project (not the actual photo)
Some people really value their hair, despite it being difficult to manage at times
The woman seemingly didn’t discuss the problems about her stepdaughter’s hair with her husband—the girl’s father—as he later said he would have dealt with them himself. Even though roughly one-in-three people spend a week out of their year getting ready in the mornings themselves, he said he wouldn’t have minded waking up earlier to take care of his child’s hair.
You Gov revealed that women typically take longer to get ready than their male counterparts. (Pew Research Center pointed out that the situation is no different when it comes to teenagers as well; girls spend roughly an hour on grooming while boys dedicate 40 minutes of their day to it.) It is likely to have something to do with hair, as females often have longer locks than men, which often requires more time to manage. TIME delved deeper into the importance of long hair, suggesting that it was once considered by some a symbol of good health and was even used to show off a status of wealth.
No matter the reasons people decide to grow out their hair, some of them really value and make sure to take good care of it. The OP’s stepdaughter seemingly took good care of hers, too, and was alarmed that the hairdresser might cut too much of it off. Once they did, the girl was understandably upset. Especially considering that hair grows roughly six inches per year, and the chop the 11-year-old got was quite a significant one, resulting in a fight between the OP and her husband and quite a few angered redditors in the comments.
Bored Panda has reached out to the user ‘Free_Grapefruit2289’ via Reddit and will update the article once we’ve heard back from her.
Image credits: Maria Tyutina (not the actual photo)
The internet condemned the woman’s actions and unanimously decided she was a jerk in the situation
My daughter had beautiful ginger hair that almost reached her butt, she went to stay with her grandparents and came home with a short bob. I was furious, even more so when grandma told me to tell my daughter how beautiful she looked now she had a proper hair cut. My daughter was distraught and I had to deal with her refusing to look in a mirror for months because she would get upset everytime she saw her reflection. Yes, it's only hair and grows back, but in reality it's so much more than that, she was 12 years old and wasn't the same child for quite a few months and her hair never grew back to the same length.
I'd take grandma for a ride to hairdresser "mom, your current hairstyle is ridiculous, we need get you a "proper haircut", no "buts", since I decided you will look much better you have no say in that"
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In the 80s and 90s, when I grew up and in the culture I grew up in, children had very little autonomy. Stepmothers were considered to have full authority over their stepchildren (as much as a full parent) and no one would have batted an eye at this stepmother doing this back then. SO glad that the cultural climate has changed since then. I had no control over any part of myself (hair, clothes, etc.) when I was 11.
It was abuse then too. It took me a long time to reconcile the hell my stepmother inflicted (along with my father). And because it didn’t include straight up physical abuse (at first) I was gaslit into thinking there was nothing to be upset about (I was still distressed, just suppressed it). I know it wasn’t acceptable then because the family I babysat for regularly started watching over me and cleverly keeping an eye on my mental health. The mother explained to me years later how disturbing it was watch.
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I'm 56 and love my mum, best mum ever. Never, ever forgave her for cutting my hair when I was 6 though. We still argue because as an adult I refuse to have short hair and she always has short hair. A 56 year and an 81 year old still having the same single issue, just think about that before you mess with children's autonomy.
Same here, same ages. And my gran loved long hair so never allowed my mum to have her hair cut short and she hated it, first thing she did when she was 18 was to cut it shoulder length; I still have my hair long, never shorter than mid-back
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"I've always been the one to raise her and her brother." Does not correlate with what she said at the beginning "I work from home so mainly end up taking care of her". Two different things. She feels girl is a burden on her, did something malicious to the girl, then suddenly she is positioning herself as caring. Woman is AH, with obviously accumulated "incidents" from the past, and haircut might have been just last drop for husband.
Wow. I could *almost* see this if the girl was under age 6, but there is no way this person had to spend that much time dealing with an 11 year old's hair. This was just a controlling jealous stepwitch.
I had this happen to me in first grade, because it was long and unkept, and I would refuse to let anyone touch it. So they cut it. I was a little sad, but it was for the best really. This kid though, she’s older and seems to take way better care of it.
Load More Replies... When I was a child, I had the most beautiful long, thick, wavy ginger hair, down to my butt. My worst fear was that someone would cut it and steal it while I was sleeping, so I tucked my hair under myself as I went to sleep. That woman is my worst childhood nightmare come true. I don't think the child will ever forgive the stepmom, and she shouldn't, and I know I wouldn't. I really really really hope that the father did divorce that cruel, abusive, self-centered monster. Would she also not feed/give medicine/take her to school because it's too much work, costs money, and she is not a morning person? The child's needs always go first, and if she hadn't realized that, she should not be married to a man who has children.
If that had been my daughter I know I would've ended up in jail because she would've gotten the Sinead O'Conner when I came to get my child and nothing short of Armageddon would've stopped me.
You and me both! My older daughter has very thick spiral curls that are really difficult to manage and instead of cutting it off, I had my stepmom who has similar hair teach her how to take care of it properly. It no longer tangles like it used to and it looks beautiful. This woman had NO right. I don’t care if she’s raising her. It’s not her daughter. She owed her a conversation with her dad at the very least.
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My father's wife was badgering my older sister and I to go to "her" stylist and get our hair cut. It would be "fun" in her opinion. I demurred, my sister went because she's a peacekeeper. My sister and Wife returned with "Texas Housewive's" hairstyles and reeked of hairspray. She was obviously unhappy with the trademark "Karen" hair style that she was burdened with. Ugh! Wife continued to badger me that short hair looks nice on "us older girls" (I was past 50) until my father stepped in and asked her to stop. She whined about my long curly hair until we left for the airport 2 days later. Lesson? NEVER interfere with someone else's child's hair! Whether they're 5 or 50 it's none of your business!
YTA. Disney could make yet another evil stepmother movie with this post. How f*****g DARE you! Who do you think you're fooling here? The REAL reason you cut an 11-year-old girl's hair is because YOU ARE JEALOUS AND INSECURE. You can't stand to witness the relationship she has with her father, your husband. But most of all, you also can't handle the fact that her mother is still in the picture. What better way to stick it to the ex than to go after the offspring? You knew better than to cross that line, and the hairstylist deserves to lose her job for going through with it, in spite of seeing the child's distress. You might as well pack your bags, break out your Nike's, and get going. The trust factor has been well and truly annihilated by your own hands.
I really hope this was a fake post for attention. It’s just too awful
Given that it's from reddit, the odds are very good that it's fake.
Load More Replies... YTA. I have a 10 year old and for years I put up with helping her look after her very long and very thick hair, so I know exactly the pain you experienced every single day. But I would NEVER cut her hair without her consent. If its her body or attached to her body it is her choice. Always. All you have succeeded in doing is teaching your step daughter that she has no bodily autonomy and control, which is a horrible message.
My mother did that same thing to me when I was around 8 or 9. I did my own hair from the age of 5, because of sensory issues. If not me - my dad or grandpa would. Still one day she just INSISTED on helping me wash my hajr just to grab it all when wet and cut a whole bunch she had in hands and then stating happily "well, now you have to go to stylist and cut it evenly". I was so little and refused to say a word to her for over 3 months. I remember it to this day and it was traumatizing.
If you thought that your reasons were good and sufficient, you would have discussed the haircut with the stepdaughter, and the actual parents. That you snuck around, and sprung the haircut on her when she had no way of asking Dad to intervene, says you knew they wouldn't agree. She's 11. She's old enough to brush her own hair, and no doubt her dad pays for her hair products. If you didn't want to help her maintain it, you should have just said so. You could have gone with "If you want to keep your hair this length, you need to learn to care for it and style it without daily help." or suggested that she sleeps with it in plaits to stop it tangling. Instead you went full evil stepmother. Absolutely TAH. The hairdresser is also TAH here, and should have asked more questions, starting with "Are you her mother, and do you have custody?"followed by "Do her parents agree to this?" Then refused, and told the kid to tell any other salon that this is stepmom, and her parents don't know.
My Bio Dad did this to me in 4th grade. He and his gf at the time said I wasn't able to do to Disney World with long hair. His reasoning was that Florida was too hot, and I needed to have it cut. He didn't tell my mom he just took me to have my hair cut above my shoulders. It was almost waist length, and I took care of it. I will never forget my mother following him around the outside of his house to discuss what he did. He was just literally walking circles around the outside of his home at the time to avoid her. They had been divorced (not amicable at all) for a long time. Since then, I have always hated how I look with short hair. I'm 36, and my hair is very long again. While it is a pain in the a*s to take care of I wouldn't have it any other way. I'm still pissed off at that man for doing that to me. Disney sucked btw.
In my childhood, I used to have waist length long hair. Everyday in the morning my dad would braid them for my school time. It was just our thing. Then one time we went to my grandparents house (mom's side) and my mom insisted on cutting my hair a little bit since it had split ends. I agreed to have it cut an inch max but mom cut it at least four or five inches. I was already reluctant to get them cut and to have then cut much more i agreed on at a young age when my hair were my pride and joy, i was so distraught. Didn't talk to anyone for the rest of the day and didnt let my mom touch my hair again. I am nearly seventeen now and still when it comes to get my hair cut or have it done I always prefer doing it myself or going to my dad.
Before my parents divorced, my dad used to be my primary caregiver. He was the one doing my hair every day. He only knew two styles: ponytail and "spaniel ears" as he called it. I loved it. Then my parents divorced and sadly my mother who at that point was practically a stranger to me got custody. Guess who got a f*****g bob? For almost a decade, I wasn't allowed long hair. Now I am the only woman in the family with long hair, but there is no way I would let anyone touch it.
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preach. and like eleven is old enough to take care of her own hair. she was a major a*****e here
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My daughter had never ever ever had a hair cut. She had straight beautiful hair down to her knees . Well taken care of healthy hair. I got deployed for a bit ,came back to find a daughter with a f*****g bob. I was Beyond angry.
FYI, long hair needs haircuts, just a trim to keep it healthy once or twice a year.
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Props to the dad for standing up to the step-mom, for getting the mother involved, and saving the yelling until after an already distraught kid has left. I hope he took this as a sign and ended his second marriage. "How did your second marriage end?" "My ex cut my daughter's extra long hair without consulting me or my daughter's mother, and I felt she couldn't be trusted around my daughter anymore. My daughter comes first, so I had to end the marriage."
Lol it's not often you find a clear cut YTA.. congratulations on being one.
As a person with roughly 1.5 meters long hair (for Americans, that's like 7 bananas), I say FŪCK THE EVERLOVING SHĪT OUT OF THIS MANURE BAG OF A MOTHER! How dare she be so incapable, lazy and egoistical to decide for a child that she's "vain" and isn't "practical" enough. The Redditors really nailed it when they said she's like a worse Disney villain. May the next hairdresser stab her in the face with the shears
I'd pull a Matilda...with the glue AND the peroxide
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My little sister has this beautiful, long, wavy blonde hair. It’s like to the middle of her back, maybe a bit longer. A few weeks ago she got it cut, because she *wanted* to get it cut and it’s still rather long. Even before she got it cut, I would help her with it if she asked, brush it and braid it for her. Step mom is so the a*****e here. Like she didn’t even mention this once to her f*****g husband? Divorce her imo
Yes, you are! I would no longer have you around my child or pet or home!
HOW FUCKlNG DARE YOU. You are a DISGUSTING MISERABLE EXCUSE FOR A HUMAN BEING. FUČK YOU.
Our y9ungest son (now an adult), has beautifully curly hair. As a child it was white blonde, so I let it grow long. Which he loved. He was dx as ASD, and his long hair was something he used as a shield when overwhelmed. The amount of family that used to tell me, and him, that long hair didn't belong on a boy was insane. But at no point did we ever cut it unless he wanted it. And it was only ever a trim to keep it manageable (it did get knotty if not in good condition). Products were pricy, but his old sisters have curly hair too, so if I would buy it for them, why not for him too? He has always had full control over his hair. It's part of him. I have raised all five of our children to understand consent, and that starts early. Hair is part of that. If I don't allow them body autonomy, or how to consent, how will they know as adults and in relationships, and then when they become parents. This stepmother has behaved in a reprehensible way. She has abused her stepdaughter. Awful!
You know what, this is the absolute first time I'm actually happy about my stepmother's brand of abuse was complete neglect rather than pretending to care about me and then pulling s**t like this. I asked her to brush my hair ONCE, when I was around 8-9 years old, and she ripped all the tangles apart with force and my scalp hurt so bad I never, ever, asked her to do it again. Didn't think that'd be a favor, but what if she'd been gentle and I'd asked her again, and she'd decided to do the same thing as this b***h because she couldn't be bothered to deal with me and my hair?? I'd have been devastated, and my hair isn't even healthy, super long and beautiful like this kid's. It's still mine, and I don't care if somebody thought I'd look better with shorter hair, nobody f*****g touches my locks without my consent.
That little girls hair was clearly her pride and joy. At 11 years old she had something she cared about and looked after perfectly. This woman literally has it cut off of her because she DOESN'T LIKE MORNINGS? What the actual f**k?! Teach the girl how to do it herself if it's that much of a damn burden! That is selfish beyond belief. The fact she has the audacity to just do it without discussing it with any of the girls parents is crazy to me. I hope she got shocked into reality reading all of the YTA comments.
I never take a reddit story at face value, but assuming this one's true, Evil Stepmother is the ásshole in every way imaginable. You can tell by the language she uses in telling the story that in her mind it's always all about her. I doubt her relationship with her stepdaughter is/was as good as she claims, and I'd bet good money this isn't the first line she's crossed. And for my money, the so-called "stylist" who agreed to do this over the girl's objections is just as big an ásshole as the stepmother.
You're a monster! You have scarred this kid for life and devastated her so you don't have to wake up earlier to do her hair?! She's 11, teach her what you do and she can take care of herself! And are you joking about spending $21 on hair products? You're not her mother, and you don't deserve to be her step mother! You took something from her that gave her pride and confidence to make your life easier. You're delusional if you believe you have a generally good relationships with her! BAD!
I had stepdaughters who were with us every other weekend. I never considered doing anything like that. They were not my kids. They wore what they wanted and looked the way they wanted, as much as I didn't approve. It was none of my business. This woman WAY overstepped the boundaries.
Cutting off someone's hair is actually considered a mutilation in psychiatry. It's that traumatic. This woman traumatized this little girl.
If I had a stepdaughter with beautiful long hair, I would teach her how to care for it, all kinds of ways to fix it, how to keep it brushed and combed and try to keep it snarl-free me split ends-free. If I took her to get it trimmed, it would be split ends ONLY. I had waist length hair in my twenties, and ended up going to a barbershop for trims because hairdressers would always cut too much off or cut layers I would then have to grow out. Mr Turnipseed at Man-Mur Barber Shop in Raleigh, NC would trim women’s hair, and only cut off whatever amount they said to trim. He never got “artistic”, and if you said trim your hair one inch, he only cut off one inch, if you said trim off the split ends, he would only cut it up to to the length of the worst split end, but no more—-and he would tell you how bad the split ends were and how much he would have to cut to get rid of them before he even had scissors in his hands. He always got your approval first, because that’s what brought long haired men and women to his barber chair. That, and the really great head massage machine thing he’d use once he was done.
She knows how to take care of it, and she loves it. She’s old enough to decide what she does with it, and it’s not your choice. When I was younger, and couldn’t take care of my hair + would cry when someone else did, I was made to get mine cut. Fine, was helping me really. But this? Not okay. Also, she always needs help before school, but did YOU have to be the one? Seems like you really hated it…
I think after first grade, they should have all or most of the responsibility for their hair, and get to choose when it cut it. Unless, of course, it’s harming them.
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Evil stepmom needs to be taken out back and have her head shaved, completely. Then dad can divorce her and get the children she clearly intends to abuse away from her. That's the only solution that is both fair-to the girl- and reasonable for the family.
Op was complaining that kid brushed her hair instead of doing something more "productive" and was "obsessed" with her hair. But it seems that she didn't pay for product her strepdaughter used, and she was annoyed that she had to help stepdaughter with her hair, and possibly jealous. YTA
EVERYTHING she described is curly hair 101. I will physically defend myself if someone tries to get a brush near my curls. Mine are to the middle of my back and my hair is down to the small of my back when wet (the only time it's straight). This is not the case for everyone, but my hair is MUCH easier to take care of this long because the weight of it helps it whip into place.
YTA I agree with your hopefully soon to be ex husband, as what you did is assault. You don't have a clue as to respect for others bodies and as far as vanity? Yes, someone here is vain AF and it's not the 11 yr old. You are jealous and hateful and do not deserve to be left watching a doll. You have done more damage than you realize and I hope you get the serious psychotherapy you desperately need. I hope your husband finds a woman who truly loves him and his daughter. You obviously don't.
This lady knew she was doing wrong because she went and did it without discussing with the husband. She either was jealous of the girl who is now becoming more lady like, or she's pulling some passive aggressive thing on the husband for putting so much of the child care on her? There's some resentment there for whatever reason that she's taking out on the daughter.
I’m around that age and I have really long hair like that girl. I would be quite upset if my (almost) stepmum cut my hair but I kind of want to have short hair. But I’m also scared it’ll be ugly
Oh, wow! No wonder comments are locked on the original Reddit post! What a horrible woman! I’m so sorry for this child, and her father.
It's SOP on reddit to lock comments on older posts.
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YTA - - i mean, WTAF?? As a stepparent, she is in no control over her body, and needs to bug out. Leave it to the dad to deal with if you are incapable of this... I am on his side in this - I would have trust issues as well, as she should have consulted with the partner first... None of her B...y business... really!
My mom had my hair cut in a pixie when I was 6 because I wouldn't brush it properly. Waking up one morning, I had a really bad "rats nest" knot. Off to the hairdresser. Couldn't get it out. Had to cut it off. I didn't mind, but I never forgot it. I let my kids cut their hair however they wanted as long as they took care of it.
Definitely the AH. It was a down right sinister act, you chose not to discuss it with your husband nor her mother and totally totally disregarded your step daughter's feelings. You considered only yourself. If you can do this to your stepdaughter I can imagine that you are capable of similar actions with other friends and family. And the fact that you can try rationalise it, reveals a lot.
Holy Hell. What in the actual f**k? She's a Disney villain in the flesh. She's lucky the mom didn't beat the s**t out of her because I would have probably ended up in jail. She definitely would never see my child again. Either one of them. What a b***h.
Wow... these people are as unhinged as that other kid's bedroom door.
I'm black, and i had really curl natural hair as a kid, and it was a nightmare to maintain. Rather than cut it all off, my mom got my hair braided until I grew up. When I was around 15 I cut all my hair off and relaxed it. Big mistake!
Of course you are the a*****e. You are not her biological mother. The stepmother should have discussed the situation with her patents.
My mother did this to me when I was younger. My grandma (dads side) was my best friend n she always had long hair when she was young n I would admire photos of her so I wanted long hair too. So i grew it out. My hair was so long, thick n shiny n down to my butt n my grandma always braid it n style it. It was a bonding thing. My mother was jealous of my hair b/c she could never grow hers out n it was thin/flat. She was also jealous of my grandma n my relationship. So we were on vacation one year & my mom convinced me I needed a trim b/c my hair looked "straggly" n "it would grow better if I trimmed it" so I trusted her. She had the stylist chop my hair to my shoulders. I was devastated n when I got home to my grandmas she FLIPPED OUT on my mom. I was never able to grow my hair that long again n my grandma actually passed away a year later. My mom was so pleased w/ herself. We have never had a good relationship n never will. Women like this don't deserve to be moms. Especially step mons
Ok she shouldn't have cut it in the first place, but if you were going to, at least cut it to like mid back or something so it was still long.
I had butt length hair and managed to deploy to Iraq and Afghanistan without too much issue. A decent braid and hair scarf (well a buff) kept it out of the engines I worked on. I cut it when my son was born, I was scared it would wrap around his little fingers or toes and hurt him.... Well on the way to having butt length hair again now :)
My own mom did this to me. My great-grandmother grew my hair down to my back. I am African American, and we did not have all the hair care products like we do now. It was the basic stuff, oil sheen, curl activator, and various hair greases. She would wash, condition, press, and braid my hair. It grew very long fast. Well, my mom was jealous of that and cut off so that I could have a Jerri Curl, of all things. My great-grandmother and my mom did not get a long and my great grandma hated my mom and as I got to know her, I could see why. She hated my dad more than she loved me, and she showed it. My hair has never been that long since, straight or natural. The most my hair will grow now it to my shoulder, but that does not matter these days as my hair is thinning because of f%^$ing menopause. I could just scream!!!
This stepmother sounds like a horrible person. Not being a morning person is no justification to make your stepdaughter cry. If dealing with the hair was that big of a hassle, she could have let the father deal with it. Then she thinks that the girl brushing stops her from being productive. She knew that what she was doing was wrong and that is why she didn't mention it to her husband. I have no doubt in my mind that they are getting a divorce.
As a child, by the time I was 11, I took most of the control of how my hair was for the day (except picture day). I decided if I had it in a pony tail or braids or held in a headband or clips. Some days it was less than perfect, but practice makes perfect. Bottom line, an 11 y o is old enough to be responsible for her hair. No child dies of a bad hair day. Step parent needs to back off and let her learn to manage her hair.
My mom did this every couple months (now once a year because she has less time) but she refuses to let me keep long hair even though I take care of it by myself. I don’t have any split ends so when I asked her why she needs to cut it she said it was weighing down my head. Mine is only a little past my shoulders and it makes me sad when it’s short 😔
First thing, stepmother should have talked to the child's parents. She also could have done more to educate herself on how best to care for the child's hair instead of cutting it off. This was very dismissive and sends a terrible message to the child that her hair is undesirable..
When I was six we moved to Tennessee, my mom, dad, older brother and me. A few months after moving my mom was diagnosed with cancer and had surgery, she was in the hospital for two weeks. My hair was down to my butt in golden ringlets, dad tried his best but a lot of matting was happening underneath. To make matters more interesting my brother had an accident at school and ended up in the hospital with a hernia he had to have surgery for. AND THEN...(you ready?)...my dad slipped while getting out of his Semi at the hospital, fell and got a compound fracture on one leg. So I ended up at the neighbors house for a few days. After everybody got home mom tried her best to get what was basically a flat dreadlock to let loose, she was terribly weak and couldn't do much so she called her hairdresser and she came to our house, again, no luck, so she cut it in a pixie cut. I was upset but I honestly understood. Even though there was no one 'at fault' it still hurt to lose all my hair.
If I were that little girl, I would sneakily replace her stepmum's normal shampoo with potent hair remover and wait until this evil woman is in the shower and smile with revenge as she appears from the bathroom screaming and bald. Having no innocent clue why she is so upset.
Isn't this... illegal? I feel like step mom was jealous of how beautiful her step-daughter's hair was, so she simply decided she'd have it hacked off while justifying it to herself that it was about something else. What she did was assault, and unless she has legal custody of that daughter (I'm not sure she does), she could be in for getting herself in serious trouble because of it. It obviously caused the daughter a lot of distress.
This made me sick. Poor girl. The one thing she loved most to the point she cared enough to buy specific products to care for it at age 11. And a f*****g Bob? Not even just a trim or a few inches? Her hair will never be that light again as her baby hair was without dying it. This should be considered assault
Actually, it is, I looked it up for any doubters. Look it up yourselves. Unless the step mom has legal custody over that poor girl (which I doubt), then this is absolutely illegal, and considered assault. And even if she does have legal custody over her, what she did caused her significant distress. The bio Mom and Dad could sue her, or get her a criminal record for assaulting a child.
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Lady you are getting a divorce. How dare you decide to just cut a child's hair that isn't even your child without consulting either parent an bringing up those issues?!?? I had long hair in grade school and my grandmother told my dad to take us to her salon to get trims. She had them give my sister and I pixies. My mother was furious. But then later in life my mom did it to me again. I had butt length hair in high school and my mom took me to her hair dresser all the time for a trim. But one time she took me an secretly had him cut it to my shoulders. I was devastated. He told me she told him to do it even though I was 18! And I didn't tip him the $20 I had with me that she gave me to give him. The stress of that had made me weary of going to any salon.
My first step mother did this when I was 14. She cut it herself after constantly telling me my long hair made me look like a s -l - u - t. Of course my step mother had thin cat hair, and I had been a working runway model up to that point when I had to move in with them. She also put weight gainer powder like bodybuilders use into my food without me knowing so I gained 30lbs within 3 months after moving there. I really hope this child's parents get her away from this abusive step mother permanently.
I bet this wasn’t the first time the evil stepmother abused her stepdaughter but I hope it is the last.
Some days I worry that I'm not being the stepmom that the kids deserve and then I read things like this and feel better. Good grief...
This is a repeat post, BP. I don't have the best memory, but even I can remember this exact posting (even if it was a year or so ago). That being said, OP...you are SO much worse than an AH. You are an abuser. You had NO right to make a unilateral decision like that without discussing it with her bio parents and HER (the child). I hope your husband divorces you and never lets you near his daughter again. I've never had long hair. I personally don't like having to take care of it. But if my STEPmother forced (which is what you did) the hairdresser to cut my hair without my okay, I'd be out of that house so fast and never go back. Your husband, the child's father, would be the one having supervised visits because of YOU OP.
This woman has serious issues, that poor little girl. My daughter is four, has hair almost to her bottom, and I would never dream of cutting it. she currently has decided she will 'never ever cut it off' and that's a ok with me, it is HER hair, not mine. it is HER body and her right to choose. Jesus this woman should be locked up.
I have the feeling this lady is actually lashing out at her husband, but the daughter is a safer and easier to reach target.
A neighbor decided my daughters hair was getting in her way and cut it off. I went ballistic as you can imagine. I even spoke to the police as I wanted her charged with assault.. cops understood but advised against doing it because it would cause more stress for my daughter. That was nearly 30 years ago, my daughter still has trouble having haircuts, she trusts no one near her hair with scissors
I was not allowed long hair until I begged my father when I was 12. My mother hated it, but she had long hair as a child. I cut my own hair now and have for over 20 years.
My mother's second husband was an absolute monster to me, but even HE would never have done this. That wicked stepmother is the worst I've seen on here.
When I was in kindergarten, the lady across the street cut hair from her home. My parents sent me and my sisters (7 and 9 years older than me) over to get our hair cut. She did my sister's hair like they wanted but I wanted "feathered bangs" like my sisters and she told me no that she was going to give me a proper little girl's haircut... she cut off my hair that was down to my waist and gave be a Dorothy Hamill bowl cut... I was devastated... I am 51 and it still makes me mad! My parents were super pissed, my mom had to keep my dad from going over there because he was so mad not telling what would have happened... We did get our hair done at a salon from then on. It literally took years to grow my hair back out.
Dad + his ex should have taught kid to deal with her hair by herself OR they should be responsible for it, not OP.
This woman is a c u next Tuesday. I hope her husband kicks her out immediately, and I hope his daughter gets the support and love she needs to work through this trauma.
YTA a cruel, lazy AH. Sounds a bit jealous as well since she can't grow her own hair that long
Congratulations. You've self identified as someone who views your own comfort and convenience as being more important than the safety and self-image of your stepdaughter. You pretty much destroyed any trust that girl had in you, and your husband is absolutely RIGHT to be furious with you. If you want to have ANY RELATIONSHIP with either of them, my suggestion is an abject apology, a fully and remorseful admission of guilt and wrongdoing to BOTH of them, and then I strongly suggest you shave your damn head and you keep doing so until your stepdaughter's hair has grown out again, and you NEVER, EVER dehumanize that little girl again. YOU ARE THE A*****E.
What this evil step parent did isn’t just abusive. It qualifies as assault. If either parent wished to do so, they could have charges pressed against her and the stylist.
Gosh, I have fast-growing, fine, fast-tangling hair and until I was old enough to comb my own hair my parents occasionally dragged me stomping and crying to a hairdresser to get it cut short (SHORT short). Now that I have to deal with it myself and buy my own hairproducts (and also way past the rebellious teen phase) I kinda get it. So I don’t think she’s a huge A, but she should’ve consulted with the other parents first.
She is. Parent has no right to decide on a child's body autonomy unless it is a health or life-saving medical procedure. End of story. I do not care about my parents or any parent comfort over my own, because no child asked themselves to be born. The s#itty stepmum has no say over girl's hair, esp the little one take care of them herself.
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You really sound like a poor abused and tortured soul who is overly triggered by literally everything. I feel sorry for you.. Just calm down a bit please and take your meds if you can afford to buy them.. I guess you also have problems with understanding my commentary as well. I hope someday you will have a less stressful life :)
Normally I'd say a Mum deciding to have her daughters hair cut would be NAH even if the kid had long hair and didn't want the cut - because MUM (up until the kid is a teen at least). But when you're the stepmum and you don't ask the father, OR the real Mum AND the kid doesn't want it then yeah, you're definitely the AH.
No, if the biological mum did it she would be just as much as na AH.
Load More Replies... A bad hairdresser absolutely WOULD cut the hair of a crying child. I have seen it countless times. The retail store I worked at when I was in hs was right next to a hair salon. The number of kids you could see going in there crying, or crying in the chair, or crying when they came out was unreal. It's entirely likely that stepmom told the hairdresser to just cut the hair anyway and the girl was just being dramatic or emotional, but that she was fine. That doesn't mean it's a real story, but it's not as farfetched as you seem to think.
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The FATHER pays for the products, even said he has no problem taking care of the girl's hair himself. She didn't tell him beforehand she was doing it, she just did it. This is 100% a selfish, ahole move on the stepmom's part. She is NOT the primary caregiver, she just happens to work from home. That all said, it doesn't matter is she's the biomom or the stepmom, it's not her hair to mess with, period. You don't go around chopping off body parts of other people because you don't like them-that's psychotic, at best.
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Please never have children or get into a relationship with a person with children.
Load More Replies... The little girl WAS taking care of her hair-that's why she wanted specific products to help. The stepmom just didn't like brushing it or doing her hair when she asked her to in the morning because stepmom wanted to sleep in-that's literally the only reason. Her heir isn't necessarily going to grow back to that length quickly, and now the little girl has to live with a hairstyle that makes her cry. How absolutely horrible for that little girl, and I find it weird as hell that you can't see what an overstep this was. Even if she was the biological mother, it would be an overstep.
Load More Replies... My daughter had beautiful ginger hair that almost reached her butt, she went to stay with her grandparents and came home with a short bob. I was furious, even more so when grandma told me to tell my daughter how beautiful she looked now she had a proper hair cut. My daughter was distraught and I had to deal with her refusing to look in a mirror for months because she would get upset everytime she saw her reflection. Yes, it's only hair and grows back, but in reality it's so much more than that, she was 12 years old and wasn't the same child for quite a few months and her hair never grew back to the same length.
I'd take grandma for a ride to hairdresser "mom, your current hairstyle is ridiculous, we need get you a "proper haircut", no "buts", since I decided you will look much better you have no say in that"
Load More Replies... In the 80s and 90s, when I grew up and in the culture I grew up in, children had very little autonomy. Stepmothers were considered to have full authority over their stepchildren (as much as a full parent) and no one would have batted an eye at this stepmother doing this back then. SO glad that the cultural climate has changed since then. I had no control over any part of myself (hair, clothes, etc.) when I was 11.
It was abuse then too. It took me a long time to reconcile the hell my stepmother inflicted (along with my father). And because it didn’t include straight up physical abuse (at first) I was gaslit into thinking there was nothing to be upset about (I was still distressed, just suppressed it). I know it wasn’t acceptable then because the family I babysat for regularly started watching over me and cleverly keeping an eye on my mental health. The mother explained to me years later how disturbing it was watch.
Load More Replies... I'm 56 and love my mum, best mum ever. Never, ever forgave her for cutting my hair when I was 6 though. We still argue because as an adult I refuse to have short hair and she always has short hair. A 56 year and an 81 year old still having the same single issue, just think about that before you mess with children's autonomy.
Same here, same ages. And my gran loved long hair so never allowed my mum to have her hair cut short and she hated it, first thing she did when she was 18 was to cut it shoulder length; I still have my hair long, never shorter than mid-back
Load More Replies... "I've always been the one to raise her and her brother." Does not correlate with what she said at the beginning "I work from home so mainly end up taking care of her". Two different things. She feels girl is a burden on her, did something malicious to the girl, then suddenly she is positioning herself as caring. Woman is AH, with obviously accumulated "incidents" from the past, and haircut might have been just last drop for husband.
Wow. I could *almost* see this if the girl was under age 6, but there is no way this person had to spend that much time dealing with an 11 year old's hair. This was just a controlling jealous stepwitch.
I had this happen to me in first grade, because it was long and unkept, and I would refuse to let anyone touch it. So they cut it. I was a little sad, but it was for the best really. This kid though, she’s older and seems to take way better care of it.
Load More Replies... When I was a child, I had the most beautiful long, thick, wavy ginger hair, down to my butt. My worst fear was that someone would cut it and steal it while I was sleeping, so I tucked my hair under myself as I went to sleep. That woman is my worst childhood nightmare come true. I don't think the child will ever forgive the stepmom, and she shouldn't, and I know I wouldn't. I really really really hope that the father did divorce that cruel, abusive, self-centered monster. Would she also not feed/give medicine/take her to school because it's too much work, costs money, and she is not a morning person? The child's needs always go first, and if she hadn't realized that, she should not be married to a man who has children.
If that had been my daughter I know I would've ended up in jail because she would've gotten the Sinead O'Conner when I came to get my child and nothing short of Armageddon would've stopped me.
You and me both! My older daughter has very thick spiral curls that are really difficult to manage and instead of cutting it off, I had my stepmom who has similar hair teach her how to take care of it properly. It no longer tangles like it used to and it looks beautiful. This woman had NO right. I don’t care if she’s raising her. It’s not her daughter. She owed her a conversation with her dad at the very least.
Load More Replies... My father's wife was badgering my older sister and I to go to "her" stylist and get our hair cut. It would be "fun" in her opinion. I demurred, my sister went because she's a peacekeeper. My sister and Wife returned with "Texas Housewive's" hairstyles and reeked of hairspray. She was obviously unhappy with the trademark "Karen" hair style that she was burdened with. Ugh! Wife continued to badger me that short hair looks nice on "us older girls" (I was past 50) until my father stepped in and asked her to stop. She whined about my long curly hair until we left for the airport 2 days later. Lesson? NEVER interfere with someone else's child's hair! Whether they're 5 or 50 it's none of your business!
YTA. Disney could make yet another evil stepmother movie with this post. How f*****g DARE you! Who do you think you're fooling here? The REAL reason you cut an 11-year-old girl's hair is because YOU ARE JEALOUS AND INSECURE. You can't stand to witness the relationship she has with her father, your husband. But most of all, you also can't handle the fact that her mother is still in the picture. What better way to stick it to the ex than to go after the offspring? You knew better than to cross that line, and the hairstylist deserves to lose her job for going through with it, in spite of seeing the child's distress. You might as well pack your bags, break out your Nike's, and get going. The trust factor has been well and truly annihilated by your own hands.
I really hope this was a fake post for attention. It’s just too awful
Given that it's from reddit, the odds are very good that it's fake.
Load More Replies... YTA. I have a 10 year old and for years I put up with helping her look after her very long and very thick hair, so I know exactly the pain you experienced every single day. But I would NEVER cut her hair without her consent. If its her body or attached to her body it is her choice. Always. All you have succeeded in doing is teaching your step daughter that she has no bodily autonomy and control, which is a horrible message.
My mother did that same thing to me when I was around 8 or 9. I did my own hair from the age of 5, because of sensory issues. If not me - my dad or grandpa would. Still one day she just INSISTED on helping me wash my hajr just to grab it all when wet and cut a whole bunch she had in hands and then stating happily "well, now you have to go to stylist and cut it evenly". I was so little and refused to say a word to her for over 3 months. I remember it to this day and it was traumatizing.
If you thought that your reasons were good and sufficient, you would have discussed the haircut with the stepdaughter, and the actual parents. That you snuck around, and sprung the haircut on her when she had no way of asking Dad to intervene, says you knew they wouldn't agree. She's 11. She's old enough to brush her own hair, and no doubt her dad pays for her hair products. If you didn't want to help her maintain it, you should have just said so. You could have gone with "If you want to keep your hair this length, you need to learn to care for it and style it without daily help." or suggested that she sleeps with it in plaits to stop it tangling. Instead you went full evil stepmother. Absolutely TAH. The hairdresser is also TAH here, and should have asked more questions, starting with "Are you her mother, and do you have custody?"followed by "Do her parents agree to this?" Then refused, and told the kid to tell any other salon that this is stepmom, and her parents don't know.
My Bio Dad did this to me in 4th grade. He and his gf at the time said I wasn't able to do to Disney World with long hair. His reasoning was that Florida was too hot, and I needed to have it cut. He didn't tell my mom he just took me to have my hair cut above my shoulders. It was almost waist length, and I took care of it. I will never forget my mother following him around the outside of his house to discuss what he did. He was just literally walking circles around the outside of his home at the time to avoid her. They had been divorced (not amicable at all) for a long time. Since then, I have always hated how I look with short hair. I'm 36, and my hair is very long again. While it is a pain in the a*s to take care of I wouldn't have it any other way. I'm still pissed off at that man for doing that to me. Disney sucked btw.
In my childhood, I used to have waist length long hair. Everyday in the morning my dad would braid them for my school time. It was just our thing. Then one time we went to my grandparents house (mom's side) and my mom insisted on cutting my hair a little bit since it had split ends. I agreed to have it cut an inch max but mom cut it at least four or five inches. I was already reluctant to get them cut and to have then cut much more i agreed on at a young age when my hair were my pride and joy, i was so distraught. Didn't talk to anyone for the rest of the day and didnt let my mom touch my hair again. I am nearly seventeen now and still when it comes to get my hair cut or have it done I always prefer doing it myself or going to my dad.
Before my parents divorced, my dad used to be my primary caregiver. He was the one doing my hair every day. He only knew two styles: ponytail and "spaniel ears" as he called it. I loved it. Then my parents divorced and sadly my mother who at that point was practically a stranger to me got custody. Guess who got a f*****g bob? For almost a decade, I wasn't allowed long hair. Now I am the only woman in the family with long hair, but there is no way I would let anyone touch it.
Load More Replies... preach. and like eleven is old enough to take care of her own hair. she was a major a*****e here
Load More Replies... My daughter had never ever ever had a hair cut. She had straight beautiful hair down to her knees . Well taken care of healthy hair. I got deployed for a bit ,came back to find a daughter with a f*****g bob. I was Beyond angry.
FYI, long hair needs haircuts, just a trim to keep it healthy once or twice a year.
Load More Replies... Props to the dad for standing up to the step-mom, for getting the mother involved, and saving the yelling until after an already distraught kid has left. I hope he took this as a sign and ended his second marriage. "How did your second marriage end?" "My ex cut my daughter's extra long hair without consulting me or my daughter's mother, and I felt she couldn't be trusted around my daughter anymore. My daughter comes first, so I had to end the marriage."
Lol it's not often you find a clear cut YTA.. congratulations on being one.
As a person with roughly 1.5 meters long hair (for Americans, that's like 7 bananas), I say FŪCK THE EVERLOVING SHĪT OUT OF THIS MANURE BAG OF A MOTHER! How dare she be so incapable, lazy and egoistical to decide for a child that she's "vain" and isn't "practical" enough. The Redditors really nailed it when they said she's like a worse Disney villain. May the next hairdresser stab her in the face with the shears
I'd pull a Matilda...with the glue AND the peroxide
Load More Replies... My little sister has this beautiful, long, wavy blonde hair. It’s like to the middle of her back, maybe a bit longer. A few weeks ago she got it cut, because she *wanted* to get it cut and it’s still rather long. Even before she got it cut, I would help her with it if she asked, brush it and braid it for her. Step mom is so the a*****e here. Like she didn’t even mention this once to her f*****g husband? Divorce her imo
Yes, you are! I would no longer have you around my child or pet or home!
HOW FUCKlNG DARE YOU. You are a DISGUSTING MISERABLE EXCUSE FOR A HUMAN BEING. FUČK YOU.
Our y9ungest son (now an adult), has beautifully curly hair. As a child it was white blonde, so I let it grow long. Which he loved. He was dx as ASD, and his long hair was something he used as a shield when overwhelmed. The amount of family that used to tell me, and him, that long hair didn't belong on a boy was insane. But at no point did we ever cut it unless he wanted it. And it was only ever a trim to keep it manageable (it did get knotty if not in good condition). Products were pricy, but his old sisters have curly hair too, so if I would buy it for them, why not for him too? He has always had full control over his hair. It's part of him. I have raised all five of our children to understand consent, and that starts early. Hair is part of that. If I don't allow them body autonomy, or how to consent, how will they know as adults and in relationships, and then when they become parents. This stepmother has behaved in a reprehensible way. She has abused her stepdaughter. Awful!
You know what, this is the absolute first time I'm actually happy about my stepmother's brand of abuse was complete neglect rather than pretending to care about me and then pulling s**t like this. I asked her to brush my hair ONCE, when I was around 8-9 years old, and she ripped all the tangles apart with force and my scalp hurt so bad I never, ever, asked her to do it again. Didn't think that'd be a favor, but what if she'd been gentle and I'd asked her again, and she'd decided to do the same thing as this b***h because she couldn't be bothered to deal with me and my hair?? I'd have been devastated, and my hair isn't even healthy, super long and beautiful like this kid's. It's still mine, and I don't care if somebody thought I'd look better with shorter hair, nobody f*****g touches my locks without my consent.
That little girls hair was clearly her pride and joy. At 11 years old she had something she cared about and looked after perfectly. This woman literally has it cut off of her because she DOESN'T LIKE MORNINGS? What the actual f**k?! Teach the girl how to do it herself if it's that much of a damn burden! That is selfish beyond belief. The fact she has the audacity to just do it without discussing it with any of the girls parents is crazy to me. I hope she got shocked into reality reading all of the YTA comments.
I never take a reddit story at face value, but assuming this one's true, Evil Stepmother is the ásshole in every way imaginable. You can tell by the language she uses in telling the story that in her mind it's always all about her. I doubt her relationship with her stepdaughter is/was as good as she claims, and I'd bet good money this isn't the first line she's crossed. And for my money, the so-called "stylist" who agreed to do this over the girl's objections is just as big an ásshole as the stepmother.
You're a monster! You have scarred this kid for life and devastated her so you don't have to wake up earlier to do her hair?! She's 11, teach her what you do and she can take care of herself! And are you joking about spending $21 on hair products? You're not her mother, and you don't deserve to be her step mother! You took something from her that gave her pride and confidence to make your life easier. You're delusional if you believe you have a generally good relationships with her! BAD!
I had stepdaughters who were with us every other weekend. I never considered doing anything like that. They were not my kids. They wore what they wanted and looked the way they wanted, as much as I didn't approve. It was none of my business. This woman WAY overstepped the boundaries.
Cutting off someone's hair is actually considered a mutilation in psychiatry. It's that traumatic. This woman traumatized this little girl.
If I had a stepdaughter with beautiful long hair, I would teach her how to care for it, all kinds of ways to fix it, how to keep it brushed and combed and try to keep it snarl-free me split ends-free. If I took her to get it trimmed, it would be split ends ONLY. I had waist length hair in my twenties, and ended up going to a barbershop for trims because hairdressers would always cut too much off or cut layers I would then have to grow out. Mr Turnipseed at Man-Mur Barber Shop in Raleigh, NC would trim women’s hair, and only cut off whatever amount they said to trim. He never got “artistic”, and if you said trim your hair one inch, he only cut off one inch, if you said trim off the split ends, he would only cut it up to to the length of the worst split end, but no more—-and he would tell you how bad the split ends were and how much he would have to cut to get rid of them before he even had scissors in his hands. He always got your approval first, because that’s what brought long haired men and women to his barber chair. That, and the really great head massage machine thing he’d use once he was done.
She knows how to take care of it, and she loves it. She’s old enough to decide what she does with it, and it’s not your choice. When I was younger, and couldn’t take care of my hair + would cry when someone else did, I was made to get mine cut. Fine, was helping me really. But this? Not okay. Also, she always needs help before school, but did YOU have to be the one? Seems like you really hated it…
I think after first grade, they should have all or most of the responsibility for their hair, and get to choose when it cut it. Unless, of course, it’s harming them.
Load More Replies... Evil stepmom needs to be taken out back and have her head shaved, completely. Then dad can divorce her and get the children she clearly intends to abuse away from her. That's the only solution that is both fair-to the girl- and reasonable for the family.
Op was complaining that kid brushed her hair instead of doing something more "productive" and was "obsessed" with her hair. But it seems that she didn't pay for product her strepdaughter used, and she was annoyed that she had to help stepdaughter with her hair, and possibly jealous. YTA
EVERYTHING she described is curly hair 101. I will physically defend myself if someone tries to get a brush near my curls. Mine are to the middle of my back and my hair is down to the small of my back when wet (the only time it's straight). This is not the case for everyone, but my hair is MUCH easier to take care of this long because the weight of it helps it whip into place.
YTA I agree with your hopefully soon to be ex husband, as what you did is assault. You don't have a clue as to respect for others bodies and as far as vanity? Yes, someone here is vain AF and it's not the 11 yr old. You are jealous and hateful and do not deserve to be left watching a doll. You have done more damage than you realize and I hope you get the serious psychotherapy you desperately need. I hope your husband finds a woman who truly loves him and his daughter. You obviously don't.
This lady knew she was doing wrong because she went and did it without discussing with the husband. She either was jealous of the girl who is now becoming more lady like, or she's pulling some passive aggressive thing on the husband for putting so much of the child care on her? There's some resentment there for whatever reason that she's taking out on the daughter.
I’m around that age and I have really long hair like that girl. I would be quite upset if my (almost) stepmum cut my hair but I kind of want to have short hair. But I’m also scared it’ll be ugly
Oh, wow! No wonder comments are locked on the original Reddit post! What a horrible woman! I’m so sorry for this child, and her father.
It's SOP on reddit to lock comments on older posts.
Load More Replies... YTA - - i mean, WTAF?? As a stepparent, she is in no control over her body, and needs to bug out. Leave it to the dad to deal with if you are incapable of this... I am on his side in this - I would have trust issues as well, as she should have consulted with the partner first... None of her B...y business... really!
My mom had my hair cut in a pixie when I was 6 because I wouldn't brush it properly. Waking up one morning, I had a really bad "rats nest" knot. Off to the hairdresser. Couldn't get it out. Had to cut it off. I didn't mind, but I never forgot it. I let my kids cut their hair however they wanted as long as they took care of it.
Definitely the AH. It was a down right sinister act, you chose not to discuss it with your husband nor her mother and totally totally disregarded your step daughter's feelings. You considered only yourself. If you can do this to your stepdaughter I can imagine that you are capable of similar actions with other friends and family. And the fact that you can try rationalise it, reveals a lot.
Holy Hell. What in the actual f**k? She's a Disney villain in the flesh. She's lucky the mom didn't beat the s**t out of her because I would have probably ended up in jail. She definitely would never see my child again. Either one of them. What a b***h.
Wow... these people are as unhinged as that other kid's bedroom door.
I'm black, and i had really curl natural hair as a kid, and it was a nightmare to maintain. Rather than cut it all off, my mom got my hair braided until I grew up. When I was around 15 I cut all my hair off and relaxed it. Big mistake!
Of course you are the a*****e. You are not her biological mother. The stepmother should have discussed the situation with her patents.
My mother did this to me when I was younger. My grandma (dads side) was my best friend n she always had long hair when she was young n I would admire photos of her so I wanted long hair too. So i grew it out. My hair was so long, thick n shiny n down to my butt n my grandma always braid it n style it. It was a bonding thing. My mother was jealous of my hair b/c she could never grow hers out n it was thin/flat. She was also jealous of my grandma n my relationship. So we were on vacation one year & my mom convinced me I needed a trim b/c my hair looked "straggly" n "it would grow better if I trimmed it" so I trusted her. She had the stylist chop my hair to my shoulders. I was devastated n when I got home to my grandmas she FLIPPED OUT on my mom. I was never able to grow my hair that long again n my grandma actually passed away a year later. My mom was so pleased w/ herself. We have never had a good relationship n never will. Women like this don't deserve to be moms. Especially step mons
Ok she shouldn't have cut it in the first place, but if you were going to, at least cut it to like mid back or something so it was still long.
I had butt length hair and managed to deploy to Iraq and Afghanistan without too much issue. A decent braid and hair scarf (well a buff) kept it out of the engines I worked on. I cut it when my son was born, I was scared it would wrap around his little fingers or toes and hurt him.... Well on the way to having butt length hair again now :)
My own mom did this to me. My great-grandmother grew my hair down to my back. I am African American, and we did not have all the hair care products like we do now. It was the basic stuff, oil sheen, curl activator, and various hair greases. She would wash, condition, press, and braid my hair. It grew very long fast. Well, my mom was jealous of that and cut off so that I could have a Jerri Curl, of all things. My great-grandmother and my mom did not get a long and my great grandma hated my mom and as I got to know her, I could see why. She hated my dad more than she loved me, and she showed it. My hair has never been that long since, straight or natural. The most my hair will grow now it to my shoulder, but that does not matter these days as my hair is thinning because of f%^$ing menopause. I could just scream!!!
This stepmother sounds like a horrible person. Not being a morning person is no justification to make your stepdaughter cry. If dealing with the hair was that big of a hassle, she could have let the father deal with it. Then she thinks that the girl brushing stops her from being productive. She knew that what she was doing was wrong and that is why she didn't mention it to her husband. I have no doubt in my mind that they are getting a divorce.
As a child, by the time I was 11, I took most of the control of how my hair was for the day (except picture day). I decided if I had it in a pony tail or braids or held in a headband or clips. Some days it was less than perfect, but practice makes perfect. Bottom line, an 11 y o is old enough to be responsible for her hair. No child dies of a bad hair day. Step parent needs to back off and let her learn to manage her hair.
My mom did this every couple months (now once a year because she has less time) but she refuses to let me keep long hair even though I take care of it by myself. I don’t have any split ends so when I asked her why she needs to cut it she said it was weighing down my head. Mine is only a little past my shoulders and it makes me sad when it’s short 😔
First thing, stepmother should have talked to the child's parents. She also could have done more to educate herself on how best to care for the child's hair instead of cutting it off. This was very dismissive and sends a terrible message to the child that her hair is undesirable..
When I was six we moved to Tennessee, my mom, dad, older brother and me. A few months after moving my mom was diagnosed with cancer and had surgery, she was in the hospital for two weeks. My hair was down to my butt in golden ringlets, dad tried his best but a lot of matting was happening underneath. To make matters more interesting my brother had an accident at school and ended up in the hospital with a hernia he had to have surgery for. AND THEN...(you ready?)...my dad slipped while getting out of his Semi at the hospital, fell and got a compound fracture on one leg. So I ended up at the neighbors house for a few days. After everybody got home mom tried her best to get what was basically a flat dreadlock to let loose, she was terribly weak and couldn't do much so she called her hairdresser and she came to our house, again, no luck, so she cut it in a pixie cut. I was upset but I honestly understood. Even though there was no one 'at fault' it still hurt to lose all my hair.
If I were that little girl, I would sneakily replace her stepmum's normal shampoo with potent hair remover and wait until this evil woman is in the shower and smile with revenge as she appears from the bathroom screaming and bald. Having no innocent clue why she is so upset.
Isn't this... illegal? I feel like step mom was jealous of how beautiful her step-daughter's hair was, so she simply decided she'd have it hacked off while justifying it to herself that it was about something else. What she did was assault, and unless she has legal custody of that daughter (I'm not sure she does), she could be in for getting herself in serious trouble because of it. It obviously caused the daughter a lot of distress.
This made me sick. Poor girl. The one thing she loved most to the point she cared enough to buy specific products to care for it at age 11. And a f*****g Bob? Not even just a trim or a few inches? Her hair will never be that light again as her baby hair was without dying it. This should be considered assault
Actually, it is, I looked it up for any doubters. Look it up yourselves. Unless the step mom has legal custody over that poor girl (which I doubt), then this is absolutely illegal, and considered assault. And even if she does have legal custody over her, what she did caused her significant distress. The bio Mom and Dad could sue her, or get her a criminal record for assaulting a child.
Load More Replies... Lady you are getting a divorce. How dare you decide to just cut a child's hair that isn't even your child without consulting either parent an bringing up those issues?!?? I had long hair in grade school and my grandmother told my dad to take us to her salon to get trims. She had them give my sister and I pixies. My mother was furious. But then later in life my mom did it to me again. I had butt length hair in high school and my mom took me to her hair dresser all the time for a trim. But one time she took me an secretly had him cut it to my shoulders. I was devastated. He told me she told him to do it even though I was 18! And I didn't tip him the $20 I had with me that she gave me to give him. The stress of that had made me weary of going to any salon.
My first step mother did this when I was 14. She cut it herself after constantly telling me my long hair made me look like a s -l - u - t. Of course my step mother had thin cat hair, and I had been a working runway model up to that point when I had to move in with them. She also put weight gainer powder like bodybuilders use into my food without me knowing so I gained 30lbs within 3 months after moving there. I really hope this child's parents get her away from this abusive step mother permanently.
I bet this wasn’t the first time the evil stepmother abused her stepdaughter but I hope it is the last.
Some days I worry that I'm not being the stepmom that the kids deserve and then I read things like this and feel better. Good grief...
This is a repeat post, BP. I don't have the best memory, but even I can remember this exact posting (even if it was a year or so ago). That being said, OP...you are SO much worse than an AH. You are an abuser. You had NO right to make a unilateral decision like that without discussing it with her bio parents and HER (the child). I hope your husband divorces you and never lets you near his daughter again. I've never had long hair. I personally don't like having to take care of it. But if my STEPmother forced (which is what you did) the hairdresser to cut my hair without my okay, I'd be out of that house so fast and never go back. Your husband, the child's father, would be the one having supervised visits because of YOU OP.
This woman has serious issues, that poor little girl. My daughter is four, has hair almost to her bottom, and I would never dream of cutting it. she currently has decided she will 'never ever cut it off' and that's a ok with me, it is HER hair, not mine. it is HER body and her right to choose. Jesus this woman should be locked up.
I have the feeling this lady is actually lashing out at her husband, but the daughter is a safer and easier to reach target.
A neighbor decided my daughters hair was getting in her way and cut it off. I went ballistic as you can imagine. I even spoke to the police as I wanted her charged with assault.. cops understood but advised against doing it because it would cause more stress for my daughter. That was nearly 30 years ago, my daughter still has trouble having haircuts, she trusts no one near her hair with scissors
I was not allowed long hair until I begged my father when I was 12. My mother hated it, but she had long hair as a child. I cut my own hair now and have for over 20 years.
My mother's second husband was an absolute monster to me, but even HE would never have done this. That wicked stepmother is the worst I've seen on here.
When I was in kindergarten, the lady across the street cut hair from her home. My parents sent me and my sisters (7 and 9 years older than me) over to get our hair cut. She did my sister's hair like they wanted but I wanted "feathered bangs" like my sisters and she told me no that she was going to give me a proper little girl's haircut... she cut off my hair that was down to my waist and gave be a Dorothy Hamill bowl cut... I was devastated... I am 51 and it still makes me mad! My parents were super pissed, my mom had to keep my dad from going over there because he was so mad not telling what would have happened... We did get our hair done at a salon from then on. It literally took years to grow my hair back out.
Dad + his ex should have taught kid to deal with her hair by herself OR they should be responsible for it, not OP.
This woman is a c u next Tuesday. I hope her husband kicks her out immediately, and I hope his daughter gets the support and love she needs to work through this trauma.
YTA a cruel, lazy AH. Sounds a bit jealous as well since she can't grow her own hair that long
Congratulations. You've self identified as someone who views your own comfort and convenience as being more important than the safety and self-image of your stepdaughter. You pretty much destroyed any trust that girl had in you, and your husband is absolutely RIGHT to be furious with you. If you want to have ANY RELATIONSHIP with either of them, my suggestion is an abject apology, a fully and remorseful admission of guilt and wrongdoing to BOTH of them, and then I strongly suggest you shave your damn head and you keep doing so until your stepdaughter's hair has grown out again, and you NEVER, EVER dehumanize that little girl again. YOU ARE THE A*****E.
What this evil step parent did isn’t just abusive. It qualifies as assault. If either parent wished to do so, they could have charges pressed against her and the stylist.
Gosh, I have fast-growing, fine, fast-tangling hair and until I was old enough to comb my own hair my parents occasionally dragged me stomping and crying to a hairdresser to get it cut short (SHORT short). Now that I have to deal with it myself and buy my own hairproducts (and also way past the rebellious teen phase) I kinda get it. So I don’t think she’s a huge A, but she should’ve consulted with the other parents first.
She is. Parent has no right to decide on a child's body autonomy unless it is a health or life-saving medical procedure. End of story. I do not care about my parents or any parent comfort over my own, because no child asked themselves to be born. The s#itty stepmum has no say over girl's hair, esp the little one take care of them herself.
Load More Replies... You really sound like a poor abused and tortured soul who is overly triggered by literally everything. I feel sorry for you.. Just calm down a bit please and take your meds if you can afford to buy them.. I guess you also have problems with understanding my commentary as well. I hope someday you will have a less stressful life :)
Normally I'd say a Mum deciding to have her daughters hair cut would be NAH even if the kid had long hair and didn't want the cut - because MUM (up until the kid is a teen at least). But when you're the stepmum and you don't ask the father, OR the real Mum AND the kid doesn't want it then yeah, you're definitely the AH.
No, if the biological mum did it she would be just as much as na AH.
Load More Replies... A bad hairdresser absolutely WOULD cut the hair of a crying child. I have seen it countless times. The retail store I worked at when I was in hs was right next to a hair salon. The number of kids you could see going in there crying, or crying in the chair, or crying when they came out was unreal. It's entirely likely that stepmom told the hairdresser to just cut the hair anyway and the girl was just being dramatic or emotional, but that she was fine. That doesn't mean it's a real story, but it's not as farfetched as you seem to think.
Load More Replies... The FATHER pays for the products, even said he has no problem taking care of the girl's hair himself. She didn't tell him beforehand she was doing it, she just did it. This is 100% a selfish, ahole move on the stepmom's part. She is NOT the primary caregiver, she just happens to work from home. That all said, it doesn't matter is she's the biomom or the stepmom, it's not her hair to mess with, period. You don't go around chopping off body parts of other people because you don't like them-that's psychotic, at best.
Load More Replies... Please never have children or get into a relationship with a person with children.
Load More Replies... The little girl WAS taking care of her hair-that's why she wanted specific products to help. The stepmom just didn't like brushing it or doing her hair when she asked her to in the morning because stepmom wanted to sleep in-that's literally the only reason. Her heir isn't necessarily going to grow back to that length quickly, and now the little girl has to live with a hairstyle that makes her cry. How absolutely horrible for that little girl, and I find it weird as hell that you can't see what an overstep this was. Even if she was the biological mother, it would be an overstep.
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