Man Regrets Taking The Red Pill When His Fiancee Leaves Him After Arguing About Buying A House
When buying their first home, many couples run into a dilemma. How should they split the mortgage payments: should one partner cover it, should both pay 50/50? According to a 2016 NerdWallet survey, only 41% of couples split the down payment for a house equally.
This fiancé had the same idea, but refused to let his partner’s name be on the house deed. Feeling betrayed, the mother of his child refused to pitch in at all. This argument also revealed other cracks in their relationship, resulting in an ending neither of them were probably expecting.
A man told his fiancée he won’t put her name on a house deed even if she will be paying half the mortgage
Image credits: freepik (not the actual image)
At a loss about where this is coming from, she refused to pitch in at all
Image credits: Jakub Żerdzicki (not the actual image)
Image credits: freepik (not the actual image)
Image credits: embarrassinglemon
“He’s already thinking of screwing me in a divorce and we’re not even married,” the woman shared the root of her insecurities
Many commenters found the fiancé’s behavior suspicious and advised to hold off on the marriage
Others sided with the fiancé: “There’s no way you should be on the deed”
Many couples break up because they disagree about buying a house
“It’s only a house,” you might say. But disagreements about homeownership actually lead some couples to the brink of breaking up. In the UK, for example, six in 10 young Britons admit they’ve split up with a partner while looking for a home.
23% of the respondents claimed their partner “became obsessed with money and how much they would own,” which would eventually end in a breakup.
In many cases (68%), one partner expected the other to pay more but wanted equal ownership – much like in this story. Incorrect assumptions about who was paying what plague many couples, as a whopping 87% say they fought about how much each would put into a deposit. 89% also had conflicting assumptions about how much of the mortgage each would pay.
Relationship experts say that disagreeing about buying a house might signal more serious issues in a relationship. “Two of the many ‘big’ topics are finances and children,” life coach Jacqueline Hurst told Zoopla.
“The truth is, if you’re not comfortable having these sorts of conversations, it may not be the right time to buy a home together.”
Image credits: Ambreen (not the actual image)
Experts advise that partners share expenses proportionally
A lot of couples face a similar dilemma: should they split all expenses 50/50? Is one partner carrying more of the household’s financial burden (like it is in this case) not fair?
The experts at Ellevest, an investment platform and literacy program for women, point out that “equal” doesn’t always mean “fair”. Women are sometimes disadvantaged by the wage gap or having to take on the role of the caregiver in the family. So, they might not always be earning the same amount as their partner.
That’s why proportional splitting is the best choice for many households. First, both partners should calculate their percentage of the yearly household income. Then, multiply both percentages by the total shared monthly expenses. That’s how much each partner contributes to the household finances each month.
Image credits: EyeEm (not the actual image)
There are ways partners can protect their share of a house without a prenup or breaking up
This woman also offered her fiancé some alternatives to equal payments for the mortgage. Like commenters suggested, she brought up a prenup. Although he rejected it, there are other ways couples might find the reassurance they need.
For unmarried couples, most experts advise drafting a cohabitation agreement. In the document, the couple may specify the ownership percentages and avoid conflicts if the relationship goes south in the future.
“If the home is in one partner’s name, the other may have no claim to it – regardless of financial contributions,” financial adviser Melissa Murphy Pavone explains.
Partners can also sign another kind of agreement between co-owners. In the UK, it is called the deed of trust. It’s a great choice for couples whose financial contributions to a property are unequal.
“This allows those who jointly purchased a home to protect their share of the investment – money they can then use to get back on their feet,” consumer expert at the property website Zoopla Daniel Copley told The Guardian.
Image credits: freepik (not the actual image)
A few days later, the couple had a heated confrontation
Image credits: embarrassinglemon
Commenters urged the woman to leave her fiancé ASAP
The couple’s next conversation didn’t end so well
Image credits: embarrassinglemon
Commenters cheered for the protective grandma and congratulated the woman for finally seeing who the man really is
The couple’s last conversation ended in a lot of uncertainty about their future as co-parents
Image credits: embarrassinglemon
People urged the woman to lawyer up if she doesn’t want to lose her kid
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I don't understand how people listen to the red pill fucknuts... Had a coworker who was super into Joe Rogan some years ago, nothing he listened to in that room (or said when he was regurgitating other nonsense he hadn't put us through) was even intelligible to me, much less attractive.
I know Joe Rogan is controversial (and has gotten more so over the years). But I honestly had no idea he's misogynistic or a red pill dude.
Load More Replies...It sounds like what happened previously was more than fair towards him fair - the tuition fees he paid weren't all that high, they had a rent free apartment and didn't have childcare costs. But even if he had paid for everything previously, getting her to contribute towards the mortgage without having any ownership of the house is a huge red flag. Even the suggestion would make me reconsider marrying.
Totally! Paying for her school has nothing to do with buying the house and being excluded from any documents connected to it. If it was about the money he already spent willingly, he could've propose that she pays him back or contribute that much more to the mortgage. None of that warrants her not being the legal owner of the house! While I hate for anyone to be in this situation, I'm glad that her initial instincts were right & that commenters dug deeper to expose the roots of the problem. That way, at least, got the situation to unfold quickly, before any major decisions were made. And now she knows: house or no house, her fiance changed and is no longer a valid partner material. My only hope is that she files for custody right away! This can still get worse.
Load More Replies...Men like this deserve to die alone and unloved. They can get themselves a s*x doll as it's all they're worthy of. I'm sure he'll be a horrible deadbeat father.
Agreed, and I'd imagine this guy will talk sh*t about his ex to their child every chance he gets.
Load More Replies...It's really shocking to see how people can change because of what they listen to / watch. You could smell the manosphere (a new term for me, but one I instantly understood) off this person a mile away.
My BIL has gotten really into Joe Rogan and the manosphere over the past 5 years. He has become really hard to spend time with (SO negative) and despite being in upper, almost executive, management with one of the world's biggest companies and making hundreds of thousands of dollars a year, he has the biggest victim complex of anyone I know and absolutely no appreciation for his vast privilege.
Load More Replies...My husband & I came to an agreement when I opted to leave my job to raise our son for the first 5 years of his life. My time “stuck” (his words) at home taking care of a baby, losing work continuity/experience, taking on a larger share of family/household labor & taking on more of logistical labor (he’s great at all of this am& the mental/emotional labor) was worth at least $60/hour. He said more given my previous income, but we agreed on this number. Because of this & because I paid for everything during his med school, he’s always thought I contributed more. I’ve always seen it as equal investment in our future. That OP can’t outright see the value in being the SAHM & her fiancé can’t at all, speaks to zero ability to find mutually beneficial ground. And, of course he went down the toxic manosphere rabbit hole.
Funny how these men want to be a provider but don't actually want to take on what that entails when it means sacrificing to provide for someone else. They want to have full control and think they don't need anyone else, but the world doesn't work that way. Good luck to him if he ever gets in an accident and is disabled or gets cancer. He could have had a devoted wife who would have cared for him through thick and thin. Now he'll have no one.
I thought people were supposed to be nice to each other in relationships?
Some people do seem to enjoy negative energy. I don't think it's healthy, but it seems fairly common, unfortunately :(
Load More Replies...My wife and I got together when I was 19, she was freshly divorced with three kids. Within two years, WE bought a house with OUR money. I made more than she did and we pooled our money because we were a team. Eventually, she surpassed me in income - her industry (healthcare) is a lot more lucrative. When she started making twice what I made, my friends asked if I was bothered by it. I asked "Why? Our team is winning!" Too many people worrying about "my money" instead of focusing on "our money". 30+ years later and we're still together. We've had our issues... but even at the worst, we still had to support our team.
FYI. Insome states in USA, even if the spouse is not on deed / mortgage, if it can been shown that the spouse contributed to the ewuity in the house, thst spouse is entitled to some of the equity. It is known as equitable distribution. Assets are divided fairly.
I believe in my state, it's 50/50. Any equity accrued during the marriage is owned 50/50, regardless of which party was working a paid job. That's the only thing that makes sense.
Load More Replies...UGH these manosphere/redpill radicalization outlets need to be stopped!
A good pre-nup protects BOTH parties. Not sure why men don't comprehend that.
The YTAs never disappoint at being disappointing … the crimson flags were on full display here …
I think you should get a lawyer and never ever consider letting this man into your life again. He is an a****r on many levels.
I'll bet dollars to donuts this loser thinks it's HER fault he went and ruined his own life. I hope he didn't get his hands on the kid. Among other things he'd be a terrible influence.
why are people even getting married if all the think about is the equality and future divorce. thought the whole point was working on your happily ever after together, but some people seem to view it as a temporary business transaction together.
If he wants to play that game, send him a bill for half the “rent” for all the time at the grandmas house, minus the cost of OP’s education. She could add the plus/minus for daycare vs a part time job for OP. Show how little he actually would have saved. At the end, ask him if he is happier now than he was a year ago, when he started listening to those podcasts
My ex had a house when I married him that his parents had fronted the down payment for. When I had a baby, I insisted that I be put on the deed. Well a few years later we separated and I moved out. I did not want any part of the house and considered my contribution to it's upkeep to be more like rent. Unfortunately after I left he stopped making the mortgage payment and the house went into foreclosure. He wasn't paying child support and there was no way I could catch up the payments on my own. His actions put us both into bankruptcy. Darned it you do, darned if you don't.
And that ladies and gentlemen is why you make sure who you procreate with, make sure you are financially independend and don't buy a house without a lawyer if it's gonna be your shared home. If your partner is opposed to making sure you are secure financially or otherwise don't marry or put your carreer onhold. get the F out instead. I am not talking about being a gold digger, but common sense.
Actually no he does not have as much right to take the child wherever as she does because they are not married. He cannot just show up and take the child and waltz off. In situations where parents are not married, and there is no formal custody agreement in place, the mother is assumed to be the primary custodian due to biology. This is so unmarried dads don’t show up to a newborn’s house and just walk off with the kid and be like “whatever. Take me to court!” Once you get married tho, it’s different — which is why people who are separated and have children are urge to get a formal custody agreement in place immediately — because then the other parent *can* just show up and do whatever — take them out of school and runoff to Alaska, move in with his mother, refuse to let them go with you because you’re dangerous (so he says…) and be like “take me to court if you don’t like it” and unless there’s some obvious sign of physical danger, that is exactly what you’ll have to do.
Hire yourself the shadiest, most vicious divorce attorney out there to fight for your rights and get that custody agreement AND child support order written in STONE.
FWIW, I saw this outcome from the start. This guy was at least laying the groundwork for an exit from the jump. She's right, in my opinion, to take the stance she has taken. He seems to have a victim complex that he's trying to use against her and that's a "him problem". He seems just plain mean when challenged and she will never get that worked out enough to make for comfortable cohabitation. The kid will certainly complicate things, but if she gets wise counsel from an attorney, she can come out of this at least OK. Just wow.
Fingers crossed OP has a lawyer to keep her AH-ex from taking their child.
i own my house and there is no way in hell id put anyones name on the deed to my house without being married and not sure i would then as im the one who paid for it and its willed to my sons
This isn’t about an already owned house. They were going to buy a house together. If you’re going to be buying a house together, then both people should be on the deed.
Load More Replies...I don't understand how people listen to the red pill fucknuts... Had a coworker who was super into Joe Rogan some years ago, nothing he listened to in that room (or said when he was regurgitating other nonsense he hadn't put us through) was even intelligible to me, much less attractive.
I know Joe Rogan is controversial (and has gotten more so over the years). But I honestly had no idea he's misogynistic or a red pill dude.
Load More Replies...It sounds like what happened previously was more than fair towards him fair - the tuition fees he paid weren't all that high, they had a rent free apartment and didn't have childcare costs. But even if he had paid for everything previously, getting her to contribute towards the mortgage without having any ownership of the house is a huge red flag. Even the suggestion would make me reconsider marrying.
Totally! Paying for her school has nothing to do with buying the house and being excluded from any documents connected to it. If it was about the money he already spent willingly, he could've propose that she pays him back or contribute that much more to the mortgage. None of that warrants her not being the legal owner of the house! While I hate for anyone to be in this situation, I'm glad that her initial instincts were right & that commenters dug deeper to expose the roots of the problem. That way, at least, got the situation to unfold quickly, before any major decisions were made. And now she knows: house or no house, her fiance changed and is no longer a valid partner material. My only hope is that she files for custody right away! This can still get worse.
Load More Replies...Men like this deserve to die alone and unloved. They can get themselves a s*x doll as it's all they're worthy of. I'm sure he'll be a horrible deadbeat father.
Agreed, and I'd imagine this guy will talk sh*t about his ex to their child every chance he gets.
Load More Replies...It's really shocking to see how people can change because of what they listen to / watch. You could smell the manosphere (a new term for me, but one I instantly understood) off this person a mile away.
My BIL has gotten really into Joe Rogan and the manosphere over the past 5 years. He has become really hard to spend time with (SO negative) and despite being in upper, almost executive, management with one of the world's biggest companies and making hundreds of thousands of dollars a year, he has the biggest victim complex of anyone I know and absolutely no appreciation for his vast privilege.
Load More Replies...My husband & I came to an agreement when I opted to leave my job to raise our son for the first 5 years of his life. My time “stuck” (his words) at home taking care of a baby, losing work continuity/experience, taking on a larger share of family/household labor & taking on more of logistical labor (he’s great at all of this am& the mental/emotional labor) was worth at least $60/hour. He said more given my previous income, but we agreed on this number. Because of this & because I paid for everything during his med school, he’s always thought I contributed more. I’ve always seen it as equal investment in our future. That OP can’t outright see the value in being the SAHM & her fiancé can’t at all, speaks to zero ability to find mutually beneficial ground. And, of course he went down the toxic manosphere rabbit hole.
Funny how these men want to be a provider but don't actually want to take on what that entails when it means sacrificing to provide for someone else. They want to have full control and think they don't need anyone else, but the world doesn't work that way. Good luck to him if he ever gets in an accident and is disabled or gets cancer. He could have had a devoted wife who would have cared for him through thick and thin. Now he'll have no one.
I thought people were supposed to be nice to each other in relationships?
Some people do seem to enjoy negative energy. I don't think it's healthy, but it seems fairly common, unfortunately :(
Load More Replies...My wife and I got together when I was 19, she was freshly divorced with three kids. Within two years, WE bought a house with OUR money. I made more than she did and we pooled our money because we were a team. Eventually, she surpassed me in income - her industry (healthcare) is a lot more lucrative. When she started making twice what I made, my friends asked if I was bothered by it. I asked "Why? Our team is winning!" Too many people worrying about "my money" instead of focusing on "our money". 30+ years later and we're still together. We've had our issues... but even at the worst, we still had to support our team.
FYI. Insome states in USA, even if the spouse is not on deed / mortgage, if it can been shown that the spouse contributed to the ewuity in the house, thst spouse is entitled to some of the equity. It is known as equitable distribution. Assets are divided fairly.
I believe in my state, it's 50/50. Any equity accrued during the marriage is owned 50/50, regardless of which party was working a paid job. That's the only thing that makes sense.
Load More Replies...UGH these manosphere/redpill radicalization outlets need to be stopped!
A good pre-nup protects BOTH parties. Not sure why men don't comprehend that.
The YTAs never disappoint at being disappointing … the crimson flags were on full display here …
I think you should get a lawyer and never ever consider letting this man into your life again. He is an a****r on many levels.
I'll bet dollars to donuts this loser thinks it's HER fault he went and ruined his own life. I hope he didn't get his hands on the kid. Among other things he'd be a terrible influence.
why are people even getting married if all the think about is the equality and future divorce. thought the whole point was working on your happily ever after together, but some people seem to view it as a temporary business transaction together.
If he wants to play that game, send him a bill for half the “rent” for all the time at the grandmas house, minus the cost of OP’s education. She could add the plus/minus for daycare vs a part time job for OP. Show how little he actually would have saved. At the end, ask him if he is happier now than he was a year ago, when he started listening to those podcasts
My ex had a house when I married him that his parents had fronted the down payment for. When I had a baby, I insisted that I be put on the deed. Well a few years later we separated and I moved out. I did not want any part of the house and considered my contribution to it's upkeep to be more like rent. Unfortunately after I left he stopped making the mortgage payment and the house went into foreclosure. He wasn't paying child support and there was no way I could catch up the payments on my own. His actions put us both into bankruptcy. Darned it you do, darned if you don't.
And that ladies and gentlemen is why you make sure who you procreate with, make sure you are financially independend and don't buy a house without a lawyer if it's gonna be your shared home. If your partner is opposed to making sure you are secure financially or otherwise don't marry or put your carreer onhold. get the F out instead. I am not talking about being a gold digger, but common sense.
Actually no he does not have as much right to take the child wherever as she does because they are not married. He cannot just show up and take the child and waltz off. In situations where parents are not married, and there is no formal custody agreement in place, the mother is assumed to be the primary custodian due to biology. This is so unmarried dads don’t show up to a newborn’s house and just walk off with the kid and be like “whatever. Take me to court!” Once you get married tho, it’s different — which is why people who are separated and have children are urge to get a formal custody agreement in place immediately — because then the other parent *can* just show up and do whatever — take them out of school and runoff to Alaska, move in with his mother, refuse to let them go with you because you’re dangerous (so he says…) and be like “take me to court if you don’t like it” and unless there’s some obvious sign of physical danger, that is exactly what you’ll have to do.
Hire yourself the shadiest, most vicious divorce attorney out there to fight for your rights and get that custody agreement AND child support order written in STONE.
FWIW, I saw this outcome from the start. This guy was at least laying the groundwork for an exit from the jump. She's right, in my opinion, to take the stance she has taken. He seems to have a victim complex that he's trying to use against her and that's a "him problem". He seems just plain mean when challenged and she will never get that worked out enough to make for comfortable cohabitation. The kid will certainly complicate things, but if she gets wise counsel from an attorney, she can come out of this at least OK. Just wow.
Fingers crossed OP has a lawyer to keep her AH-ex from taking their child.
i own my house and there is no way in hell id put anyones name on the deed to my house without being married and not sure i would then as im the one who paid for it and its willed to my sons
This isn’t about an already owned house. They were going to buy a house together. If you’re going to be buying a house together, then both people should be on the deed.
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