Guy Insists His Fiancée Wear A Red Wedding Dress As She’s Not A Virgin And Would Be “Deceiving Guests”, Gets Dumped Instead
Jealousy and insecurity are some of the most unattractive traits in a person. It boggles our minds that there are still people living in the 21st century who judge their significant others for having dated other people before meeting them.
Redditor u/CatOwnerVictim vented to the r/offmychest online community about how her fiancé didn’t want her to wear a white dress to their wedding because she wasn’t a virgin. Read on for the full story, how the internet reacted, and a surprise update.
Bored Panda reached out to u/CatOwnerVictim via Reddit, and we’ll update the article as soon as we hear back from her.
If your partner feels insecure that you’ve dated someone before them, this can put your entire future together in jeopardy
Image credits: Johnstocker (not the actual photo)
A woman shared how her fiancé had a problem with her wearing a white dress to their wedding
Image credits: nebojsa_ki (not the actual photo)
The couple had a massive argument in front of the guy’s mom
Image credits: CatOwnerVictim
Image credits: Đình Luật (not the actual photo)
The story ended with a surprise twist
The redditor told r/offmychest that she was reconsidering marrying ‘Ryan,’ who she’d been together with for 6 years, because of how insecure he was about her dating past. She had one serious boyfriend before him, but he was unable to get over the fact. So much so that he demanded she wears red, not white, to their wedding because she wasn’t a virgin anymore.
The silver lining was that the guy’s mom was completely on redditor u/CatOwnerVictim’s side. “Ryan, his mom and I stood in our living room and argued about my sex life being shown in a dress. His mom stated that he is no longer a virgin either so maybe he should wear red too and he burst out crying,” the OP wrote how his mom stood in solidarity with her.
Many internet users who read the story were bewildered by the guy’s bizarre behavior. They advised the woman to leave him (aka “throw the whole man away”). And that’s exactly what she did! In a short separate post on r/dating_advice, she shared how she had broken off her engagement and would be going on her first date in “many many years.”
She had moved on from ‘Ryan,’ something that many redditors were happy she had the courage to do. Nobody should be forced to stay in a relationship overflowing with jealousy and insecurity.
Image credits: Vivek Dabi (not the actual photo)
Retrospective jealousy can completely wreck your relationship
The best way to misery and unhappiness is to constantly keep comparing yourself to others. Or, in this case, ‘Ryan’ somehow decided that the fact that he wasn’t the first person his ex-fiancée dated was somehow more important than having a loving relationship with her. So-called retrospective jealousy is actually a common issue for couples.
It’s what happens when one or both partners feel jealous about the other’s past. They feel like something that happened years ago might threaten their current relationship, so they keep dwelling on this fact, instead of embracing it and letting it go.
Some examples of retrospective jealousy include wondering if your significant other’s previous partners were better lovers, whether they want to go back to them, and whether they still fondly remember their time together. Instead of focusing on the present and how great the relationship might be going, you keep ruminating about the past which you literally can’t control. You’re getting worked up and endangering your future together over memories. Fortunately, there are ways to get around this common mind trap. But they require some messy introspection and work with your emotions—something that not every individual is willing to do.
Image credits: Tima Miroshnichenko (not the actual photo)
Try not to turn your relationship into a ‘trial.’ Instead, focus on the present
Robert L. Leahy, Ph.D., writes on Psychology Today that the first thing you can do is normalize your feelings. “This kind of jealousy is normal and simply reflects the primitive human desire to be the only one—ever. In fact, in some cultures there remains an insistence on ‘virginity’ for new partners, although it is often not possible, practical, or desirable. Any competition is viewed as a current threat. So don’t think that you are crazy because you have these feelings.”
Next, accept these feelings for what they are. Be compassionate toward yourself. At the same time, don’t turn your relationship into a trial: throwing accusations and interrogating your partner will only hurt your relationship. Also, keep in mind that past relationships ended for a reason. “You don’t need to resurrect the past to get on with your life,” Leahy explains.
What’s more, you should give up on the illusion that you can ‘control’ how your partner thinks and feels. This is what’s called romantic perfectionism, and it’s completely unrealistic. It only adds tension to the relationship. Instead, focus on making the present better and the fact that not everything will be as ‘ideal’ as you imagine it ‘should’ be—you might need to develop a more grounded approach to what life, dating, and relationships are actually like. The first step would be to not tell your partner to wear a red dress to your wedding.
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
Some internet users gave the woman some spot-on advice
Thank you for sharing the update! What a relief. He was a raving misogynist with literal archaic views
Load More Replies...There is some information where if both partners are virgins it helps their long term bonding, partially because they haven't had alternative experiences to compare with what they've had with their partner. IMO that could be better if the partner has a decent sexual education beyond the biological basics. I think the evidence has shown that this impacts the woman more but that there are certain numbers where each woman or man tend to better pair bond with their partner.
Load More Replies...Six years with this guy and he’s so insecure he still wants to s**t shame her?? This is how purity culture rots your brain. You never see this b******t about men.
Did not read all, but was thinking along the same lines, like was he even a virgin? /jk Per usual, the women is the one that needs to be a virgin? and omg hwo cares? Consentual sex is nothing to shame?
Load More Replies...I wonder if he's been hanging around in misogynistic/incel online communities. That sounds like some s**t they would believe in.
Exactly, and I question the value and motives of his so-called "friends". They are hateful idiots, and he was a fool to listen to them.
Load More Replies...Wow! This is clearly proof of time travelers. This guy must have crossed a time portal from the victorian era. Bad enough that he had these thoughts, but to actually act on it? Maybe not victorian, but more like Biblical times. I have a feeling he has some incel friends, probably fellow time travelers, that are coaching him. We should all send them back to the bronze age.
A dude who is that hung up about "purity" in this day and age? Not to mention the double standard. Get rid of him.
Creepy af... my wife wore white down the aisle at her first wedding - her son was the ring bearer. She wore white at her second wedding (ours) as well. This whole idea that women must signal their purity by wearing certain things is, I repeat, creepy af.
Also, approx.1700-1840 the color white was not appropriate for weddings, as it was the colour of mourning, at least in a lot of Europe and US. In 1840 Queen Victoria of England and all her bridesmaids wore a white dress to her wedding, which made it popular. She wanted to convey with her dress that she would be serious about her position. Before that almost all brides wore everything other than white, usually red which was lavish colour. Later the concept that is associated with white dress ”purity and virginity” arose to replace ”mourning”. It is just a colour, if gatekeeping it for virgins is a thing, then almost nobody would wear white dresses. What does he imagine, that all those people in white wedding dresses are virgins? Dude needs a dose of statistics and sex ed.
Load More Replies...Repeat after me, "Bye, Ryan". Does he have any qualms about you having a baby out of wedlock, him?
It utterly blows my mind that she could be with this guy for six years and not see a forest of warning signs before this. Maybe in retrospect, many will reveal themselves. But I can't imagine thinking a guy is worth spending tomorrow with, let alone the rest of your life, if he comes up with something like this
Run far run fast. He basically just wants to say hey look my wife is a whore because she wasn't a virgin when we met. He wants validation that he's pissed off because of this.
I can see why he didn't get any before they got together. Also if he wants her to wear red he might as well put on a giant A on her dress since he wants it to be like the Scarlet Letter
The thing is: it's not his family, or his upbringing, his own mother sided with his fiance. It's that he's listening to idiots telling him nonsense about relationships and infusing him with toxic masculinity and he's willing to listen to them and gives more about the opinions of his 'bros' that the reality of his life. That's why it's good she dumped him. That guy has no sense of self esteem or confidence. He's willing to everyone and their dad but not his own feelings or his significant other. He's an incel in the making, not doing what he wants to do or what feels good but rather following ridiculous assumptions and stereotypes. I bet this was a 'test'to find out if she was a good wifey and would do his bidding. She dodged a bullet here.
Ruuuuuuun. Yes lets put a scarlet A on your chest as if not being a virgin is a crime. Glad she left him. Where whatever you damn well want at your wedding.
Guy hung up on that weird concept of virginity is a red flag! Guy hung up on that AND on the notion that it#s different for a woman....run! run far and keep on running!
My ex tried to pressure me to do some bedroom stuff that I wasn't comfortable with because it's what he wanted to do. He made it a point to say that I had done this stuff with other guys prior to meeting him. He said he was jealous of those guys. I said that's how I know I don't like that stuff in the first place. I literally fcked around and found out. He claimed that wasn't fair and it was a source of many arguments we had. I'm glad he's my ex.
Ryan is cray-cray. Thank goodness thought that he revealed his “true colours” before she actually married him. There’s no fixing that nonsense.
Oh just like my ex. He met me when I already had two kids. Then every time we had an argument he would say he’ll leave me and find someone that’s pure and innocent. I just laughed in his face. Did I say he’s my ex? 😂😂😂 now I’m happily married to someone else.
Since his mother appears to be sane, I'm wondering what Daddy taught him to make him think that his fiancee "must" wear red to the wedding, because she's "impure." Heck, maybe Dad's not even in the picture, it's just that Junior has his own wacky religious views. When I got married, my mother tried to insist that I "had" to wear an off-white gown, "because only virgins wear white, that's why I wore an off-white gown when I married your father!" TMI, and SFW. I did end up wearing a white gown.
Go change it to a black dress. And then just dump him. Too controlling. Must have pee pee size issues. You don't need that stress of a man baby getting his mom involved anytime you have a disagreement. Dump the chump.
White dress is usually for 1st wedding. But there are no wedding dress color police.
I had the opposite. I was a divorcee with a child when I met my present Hubby of 43 years. For religious reasons we had decided that we wouldn't sleep with each other until after the wedding. Our choice. I happened to mention that I was going to wear a suit or something similar. He asked why and I said that a white dress wouldn't be appropriate with being divorced. He said that he wanted me to wear a white dress as in his opinion I had every right to wear it and if anyone made any comment then to refer them to him
The idea of brides wearing white was started by Queen Victoria. She wanted to make a statement with her dress. After she was married, brides everywhere had to wear white as well. It was fashion. What colors did brides wear before Victoria? Brides in eastern countries wore red to show auspiciousness. In the middle ages, brides wore bold colors. Brides do not have to wear white. Colors mean what you want them to mean. They're probably old wives tales anyway. Look at the Wikipedia article on wedding dresses and maybe sneak a copy to your ex.
I'm glad she left him because that dress would have been the start of a very abusive marriage. I hope that other women in their community hears about this because he will be a danger to any woman he marries
"When someone shows you who they really are, believe them." Or in this particular case - leave them.
S**t shaming her for only being with one other guy? Dude at least ahe wasn't the town bike
🤣🤣🤣 I was 3 months pregnant and wore white at my 1st wedding! What an a*s!
My mom wore pink micro mini and lace pants to get married, and a white going away dress. Her aunt that wrote for the local paper, flipped it around, as it was too scandalous the other way.
How the hell do you stay in a relationship for that long and never notice major red flags??
I don't understand why you would want a virgin. Virgins aren't very good at one particular thing.
Thank you for sharing the update! What a relief. He was a raving misogynist with literal archaic views
Load More Replies...There is some information where if both partners are virgins it helps their long term bonding, partially because they haven't had alternative experiences to compare with what they've had with their partner. IMO that could be better if the partner has a decent sexual education beyond the biological basics. I think the evidence has shown that this impacts the woman more but that there are certain numbers where each woman or man tend to better pair bond with their partner.
Load More Replies...Six years with this guy and he’s so insecure he still wants to s**t shame her?? This is how purity culture rots your brain. You never see this b******t about men.
Did not read all, but was thinking along the same lines, like was he even a virgin? /jk Per usual, the women is the one that needs to be a virgin? and omg hwo cares? Consentual sex is nothing to shame?
Load More Replies...I wonder if he's been hanging around in misogynistic/incel online communities. That sounds like some s**t they would believe in.
Exactly, and I question the value and motives of his so-called "friends". They are hateful idiots, and he was a fool to listen to them.
Load More Replies...Wow! This is clearly proof of time travelers. This guy must have crossed a time portal from the victorian era. Bad enough that he had these thoughts, but to actually act on it? Maybe not victorian, but more like Biblical times. I have a feeling he has some incel friends, probably fellow time travelers, that are coaching him. We should all send them back to the bronze age.
A dude who is that hung up about "purity" in this day and age? Not to mention the double standard. Get rid of him.
Creepy af... my wife wore white down the aisle at her first wedding - her son was the ring bearer. She wore white at her second wedding (ours) as well. This whole idea that women must signal their purity by wearing certain things is, I repeat, creepy af.
Also, approx.1700-1840 the color white was not appropriate for weddings, as it was the colour of mourning, at least in a lot of Europe and US. In 1840 Queen Victoria of England and all her bridesmaids wore a white dress to her wedding, which made it popular. She wanted to convey with her dress that she would be serious about her position. Before that almost all brides wore everything other than white, usually red which was lavish colour. Later the concept that is associated with white dress ”purity and virginity” arose to replace ”mourning”. It is just a colour, if gatekeeping it for virgins is a thing, then almost nobody would wear white dresses. What does he imagine, that all those people in white wedding dresses are virgins? Dude needs a dose of statistics and sex ed.
Load More Replies...Repeat after me, "Bye, Ryan". Does he have any qualms about you having a baby out of wedlock, him?
It utterly blows my mind that she could be with this guy for six years and not see a forest of warning signs before this. Maybe in retrospect, many will reveal themselves. But I can't imagine thinking a guy is worth spending tomorrow with, let alone the rest of your life, if he comes up with something like this
Run far run fast. He basically just wants to say hey look my wife is a whore because she wasn't a virgin when we met. He wants validation that he's pissed off because of this.
I can see why he didn't get any before they got together. Also if he wants her to wear red he might as well put on a giant A on her dress since he wants it to be like the Scarlet Letter
The thing is: it's not his family, or his upbringing, his own mother sided with his fiance. It's that he's listening to idiots telling him nonsense about relationships and infusing him with toxic masculinity and he's willing to listen to them and gives more about the opinions of his 'bros' that the reality of his life. That's why it's good she dumped him. That guy has no sense of self esteem or confidence. He's willing to everyone and their dad but not his own feelings or his significant other. He's an incel in the making, not doing what he wants to do or what feels good but rather following ridiculous assumptions and stereotypes. I bet this was a 'test'to find out if she was a good wifey and would do his bidding. She dodged a bullet here.
Ruuuuuuun. Yes lets put a scarlet A on your chest as if not being a virgin is a crime. Glad she left him. Where whatever you damn well want at your wedding.
Guy hung up on that weird concept of virginity is a red flag! Guy hung up on that AND on the notion that it#s different for a woman....run! run far and keep on running!
My ex tried to pressure me to do some bedroom stuff that I wasn't comfortable with because it's what he wanted to do. He made it a point to say that I had done this stuff with other guys prior to meeting him. He said he was jealous of those guys. I said that's how I know I don't like that stuff in the first place. I literally fcked around and found out. He claimed that wasn't fair and it was a source of many arguments we had. I'm glad he's my ex.
Ryan is cray-cray. Thank goodness thought that he revealed his “true colours” before she actually married him. There’s no fixing that nonsense.
Oh just like my ex. He met me when I already had two kids. Then every time we had an argument he would say he’ll leave me and find someone that’s pure and innocent. I just laughed in his face. Did I say he’s my ex? 😂😂😂 now I’m happily married to someone else.
Since his mother appears to be sane, I'm wondering what Daddy taught him to make him think that his fiancee "must" wear red to the wedding, because she's "impure." Heck, maybe Dad's not even in the picture, it's just that Junior has his own wacky religious views. When I got married, my mother tried to insist that I "had" to wear an off-white gown, "because only virgins wear white, that's why I wore an off-white gown when I married your father!" TMI, and SFW. I did end up wearing a white gown.
Go change it to a black dress. And then just dump him. Too controlling. Must have pee pee size issues. You don't need that stress of a man baby getting his mom involved anytime you have a disagreement. Dump the chump.
White dress is usually for 1st wedding. But there are no wedding dress color police.
I had the opposite. I was a divorcee with a child when I met my present Hubby of 43 years. For religious reasons we had decided that we wouldn't sleep with each other until after the wedding. Our choice. I happened to mention that I was going to wear a suit or something similar. He asked why and I said that a white dress wouldn't be appropriate with being divorced. He said that he wanted me to wear a white dress as in his opinion I had every right to wear it and if anyone made any comment then to refer them to him
The idea of brides wearing white was started by Queen Victoria. She wanted to make a statement with her dress. After she was married, brides everywhere had to wear white as well. It was fashion. What colors did brides wear before Victoria? Brides in eastern countries wore red to show auspiciousness. In the middle ages, brides wore bold colors. Brides do not have to wear white. Colors mean what you want them to mean. They're probably old wives tales anyway. Look at the Wikipedia article on wedding dresses and maybe sneak a copy to your ex.
I'm glad she left him because that dress would have been the start of a very abusive marriage. I hope that other women in their community hears about this because he will be a danger to any woman he marries
"When someone shows you who they really are, believe them." Or in this particular case - leave them.
S**t shaming her for only being with one other guy? Dude at least ahe wasn't the town bike
🤣🤣🤣 I was 3 months pregnant and wore white at my 1st wedding! What an a*s!
My mom wore pink micro mini and lace pants to get married, and a white going away dress. Her aunt that wrote for the local paper, flipped it around, as it was too scandalous the other way.
How the hell do you stay in a relationship for that long and never notice major red flags??
I don't understand why you would want a virgin. Virgins aren't very good at one particular thing.
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