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Guy Seeks Advice Online: “My Family Invited My Ex To Thanksgiving And Christmas”
Moving on from a breakup is no easy feat—it’s messy and takes patience, plenty of tissues, and the reassurance of loved ones to remind you that you’re on the right path.
This Redditor’s family, however, decided to make things infinitely more complicated. Rather than helping him heal, they continued to spend time with his ex. And now that he’s in a new relationship, they thought inviting her for Thanksgiving and Christmas would be a great idea.
Yeah, it’s a lot. So the man turned to the internet for advice on how to handle it. Read the full story and what others had to say below.
RELATED:
After a rough breakup, the man moved on with his life
Image credits: Karolina Grabowska / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
His family, however, seemed unwilling to do the same and decided to invite his ex for the holidays
Image credits: EyeEm / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: AwkwardSweetTA
Image credits: mikoto.raw Photographer / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Research says it takes 3 months to start feeling better after a breakup
It truly is unfortunate when your family ends up making it even harder to move on from a past relationship. As if breakups weren’t already difficult enough, right?
But here’s a little reassurance: even with the sleepless nights, sad playlists, occasional social media stalking, and those “just wanted to get some closure” texts, most people begin to feel better sooner than they expect. According to a study by Gary Lewandowski Jr. and Nicole Bizzoco, 71% of 155 undergraduates surveyed reported feeling significantly better about their breakups around the 11-week mark, which is just shy of 3 months.
Of course, while that timeline offers hope, it’s important to remember that healing isn’t a race. “I would actually caution a client from getting too attached to the notion that there is some sort of equation or ‘right’ amount of time to get over a break-up,” says Dr. Sarah Bren, a psychologist in Manhattan. While you might notice some improvement after a few weeks, there’s no magic date when everything will suddenly feel okay.
“In reality, the end of a serious relationship is going to mean very different things to different people—and how long it will hurt could be impacted by earlier experiences like trauma or losses of other significant people in their life,” Dr. Bren adds.
Moving on requires allowing yourself to feel the full range of emotions, both the painful and the positive. “Accepting that we can feel sad and also feel happiness is an important part of the healing process and getting through a breakup, because it reduces our chances of getting stuck in our sadness and becoming hopeless,” says Dr. Bren.
Still, while it’s healthy to acknowledge and process those feelings, it’s equally essential not to let them take over completely. “While we are giving ourselves permission to feel our pain with no pressure of an expiration date, it is a good idea to find ways not to wallow in the pain or get stuck feeling that as our only feeling,” explains Dr. Bren.
So, what can help? Surround yourself with supportive friends and find moments of joy in the little things. “Go to a funny movie or go out for a nice meal with good conversation,” suggests Dr. Bren. Little steps like these can help you find your footing and move forward.
Readers responded with plenty of questions and advice
Encouraged by their support, the man decided not to spend the holidays with his family
Image credits: Amanda Sixsmith / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: AwkwardSweetTA
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What do you think ?
BewilderedBanana 1 year ago
His ex and his family said "a real man would suck it up" ... a "real man" (whatever that may be) would give no fücks what other people think and do what's best for himself and his current partner. If this was me, my ex and my family can enjoy each others' company going forward and they will not be seeing me any time soon (or ever)
Tabitha 1 year ago (edited)
And the family and ex are going to hate it when OP marries his current girlfriend and the grandchildren start being born—-grandchildren his family will never see, but her family will see as much as they want. Hell, they might even move closer to her family as well. His family is going to really regret choosing his ex over him, because they’ve cost themselves their son, his wife, and his children. The ex, who sounds like a pretty awful person, will not, and cannot, assume that role, as she isn’t their child, and seems selfish enough that, once she has a relationship of her own—-and why TF hasn’t she dated anyone else in 5 f*****g years?—-she’ll just ghost OP’s family, and they’ll have neither her nor their son. Lose-lose for the family.
Load More Replies...
Donkey boi 1 year ago
OP kept responding that he and his new GF would 'be alone'. That's not alone, That an opportunity! You could plan the most outrageously special time, or just kick back and enjoy each other's company without the stress and agro. I hope he did go ahead with getting tickets to surprise her with a visit to her family. If they get on better than his, they'll see it as awesome gesture from someone that cares about her.
on second thought.... 1 year ago
Family can be so very cruel. I'd inform them they made their choice and go no contact for a good while, at least until next years thanksgiving. They may have kept the ex but they lost their son.
BewilderedBanana 1 year ago
His ex and his family said "a real man would suck it up" ... a "real man" (whatever that may be) would give no fücks what other people think and do what's best for himself and his current partner. If this was me, my ex and my family can enjoy each others' company going forward and they will not be seeing me any time soon (or ever)
Tabitha 1 year ago (edited)
And the family and ex are going to hate it when OP marries his current girlfriend and the grandchildren start being born—-grandchildren his family will never see, but her family will see as much as they want. Hell, they might even move closer to her family as well. His family is going to really regret choosing his ex over him, because they’ve cost themselves their son, his wife, and his children. The ex, who sounds like a pretty awful person, will not, and cannot, assume that role, as she isn’t their child, and seems selfish enough that, once she has a relationship of her own—-and why TF hasn’t she dated anyone else in 5 f*****g years?—-she’ll just ghost OP’s family, and they’ll have neither her nor their son. Lose-lose for the family.
Load More Replies... Donkey boi 1 year ago
OP kept responding that he and his new GF would 'be alone'. That's not alone, That an opportunity! You could plan the most outrageously special time, or just kick back and enjoy each other's company without the stress and agro. I hope he did go ahead with getting tickets to surprise her with a visit to her family. If they get on better than his, they'll see it as awesome gesture from someone that cares about her.
on second thought.... 1 year ago
Family can be so very cruel. I'd inform them they made their choice and go no contact for a good while, at least until next years thanksgiving. They may have kept the ex but they lost their son.
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