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Woman Sick Of Begging Partner To Take Step Towards Their Future, Sparks Heated Debate Online
In fact, life priorities don’t really depend on age at all. My 40-year-old friend, for instance, has no plans to start a family, spending all his free time drinking beer and playing PlayStation, and another acquaintance of mine already has two kids, while being in his mid-20s. The main thing is to find a partner who shares your values.
And this is where problems often begin. For example, happened to the user 5599katherine, whose story we are going to tell you today. With a woman who, after a year and a half of a relationship, seriously thought, “Is it actually worth wasting her time on this man?”. However, let’s go into more detail.
More info: Mumsnet
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The author of the post is in her 30s, she has a decent job, and dreams of having her own house and family
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
However, her boyfriend of 1.5 years apparently doesn’t share these values at all
Image credits: 5599katherine
Image credits: katemangostar / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The guy is 10 years older than the author, but he still enjoys partying with friends, drinking, and whatnot
Image credits: 5599katherine
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The author plans to move to the countryside in a few years and have kids, but the man doesn’t want anything to do with this
Image credits: 5599katherine
So, the woman started considering parting ways with this man, who clearly doesn’t want to meet her halfway, and to make the next step
So, the Original Poster (OP), in her own words, is in her 30s. She has a decent job and is focused on building her career in leadership. She has a boyfriend, ten years older, with whom she has known each other for more than six years and has been dating for about a year and a half. The woman says she really does care about this guy, but now she can’t say the same about him for sure.
And here’s the thing – the man has never shown that he’s ready to take the next step, start a family, which is what our heroine clearly desires. All he wants is to have fun, hang out with his pals, drink, and even use substances. The author says that they had several conversations on this, and the guy swore every time that it was the last time. But after some time, everything went over and over…
The original poster dreams of getting her own house in the countryside (and she’s saving money for this), about kids, and just having calm, warm evenings with tea, hugs, and TV. In turn, the man doesn’t hide the fact that he absolutely doesn’t want to leave the city, and he is quite happy with the life he’s having now. And yes, over the past 18 months, according to the OP’s words, he’s never once said he loves her.
Perhaps the last straw for the woman was a recent night when the guy came to her late (they live separately), since he came home first to get high. They had intimacy, but the guy rather rudely pulled away at a key moment, so that she wouldn’t get pregnant. The OP says she’s on protection, but this reaction literally devastated her. She decided to ask netizens – is it worth going on with a person not ready to meet her halfway?
Image credits: DC Studio / Freepik (not the actual photo)
“Everything is quite simple – any relationship is a two-way street, and if you take steps towards your partner, then you have every right to expect similar steps from them,” says Maria Kryvosheeva, a psychologist and NLP coach, with whom Bored Panda got in touch for a comment here. “And the unwillingness to make any compromises in a relationship actually says a lot.”
“It seems like this man is just happy with the way things are now – and he doesn’t want to change anything, doesn’t want to take on any additional responsibility. No, there’s nothing wrong with that – but it’s obvious that his partner should think about the future of this relationship. Especially since he has never said he loves her.”
“If she’s so serious about starting a family and having kids, and her boyfriend isn’t, that looks like a critical difference of opinion. And either way, one of them is going to be unhappy here. So wouldn’t it be better to be completely honest and reconsider this partnership?” Maria wonders.
People in the comments also completely agreed with the author that she should end this relationship if she sees that not only can they not reach a compromise with her boyfriend, but they also obviously have different life values. “Move on. You aren’t well matched and it’s never going to work,” someone concluded quite wisely. So do you, our dear readers, also agree with this point?
Most commenters sided with the author, claiming that this was just a bad match, so the breakup could be a matter of time only
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What do you think ?
sweet emotion 6 months ago
She's a booty call, period. Does she really need a sledgehammer upside the head to realize that?
FreeTheUnicorn 6 months ago
OP says she doesn't want to change him except to have him move to the countryside, have a family immediately and be excited about it, and also give up d***s. Doesn't sound like she's being honest about what she wants or needs. Even if he changed, which he won't, you're not fit for a relationship if you can't be honest with yourself and your partner. If you can't do that, get some therapy. But you're never going to have a healthy relationship without some self awareness and honesty.
arthbach 6 months ago
The items you mention are where he lives, and some things he does. I suspect she is talking about him as a person, who he is, not what he does. She has been totally honest and clear about what she wants. Sadly it sounds as if she has taken his silence on the matter to be acquiescence. - - - She knows what she wants and needs. He is not it, and she needs to move on.
Load More Replies...
Shannon Donnelly 6 months ago
She’s described exactly who and what she wants, so why is she with this guy? There’s nothing wrong with him, but he’s everything she doesn’t want, so why is she wasting both of their time? Stop trying to change the “wrong” guy and go look for a guy who already fits with your narrative.
Janelle Collard 6 months ago
How is she still with this guy? They're not only on "separate pages," they're in different books and each one is in a different language! Hope she dropped his a** + went on to have a better life.
Zero Costa 6 months ago
I can't tell if this guy just doesn't realise he's even dating someone w how she's described things
Load More Replies...
Lee Gilliland 6 months ago
Any woman who thinks that she can change a 40-year-old man is delusional and a fool for trying. He hasn't said I love you? MAJOR red flag. She's been with this guy 18 months and what she's getting is going to be all she gets. Find another guy, sister.
Mel in Georgia 6 months ago
The worst thing you can do is stay with someone because you think they will change. In general, people don't change. Once they show you who they are, believe them! If you don't like what you see, move on!
Wild Cream 6 months ago
#1, weed is not a “hard d**g” 😂😂 some people are so dramatic about it. Alcohol is much more harmful than weed. #2, they’re not compatible at all, idk why she’s trying so hard. Just move on.
JayWantsACat 6 months ago
There's no way it took 18 months to realize you are not a good fit at all. What even is this?
Apatheist Account2 6 months ago
One wonders why some people even have to ask the question. Of course she dumps him. At best she's a friend with benefits, purely on his terms. Get rid.
LongFang 6 months ago
So he's in his early 40s & no home to there name or kids ? Dayum i had my kid at 38 as i met my (ex) wife in my 30s. I wanted kids earlier... And he wants the City & OP the country side... Seperate amicably.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 6 months ago
This is the ONLY point I'll defend this guy on - you don't know his past/circumstances at all and you should not judge him solely on not having kids or a home in his 40s. I'm 43 and I don't have kids or a home to my name. My dad had an accident when I was 18 and I spent the next 21 years being his caregiver, no time for a real career, a family, finishing college, etc. So - this guy is a d-bag in every other way, but you should not judge him just because he doesn't have "kids and a house" in his 40s.
Load More Replies...
Crafty mama 6 months ago
I KNOW this is hard to hear but LET HIM GO! He has made himself clear. You are not listening. IF this man had any interest in the life you want to live you would not have to bring it up. He would. It sounds strange but the research proves men know within a month or less if they want to marry someone. They may not do it but they know. This is why you are couples together for years break up and he's married in 3-4 months. Please, let this go, heal and find a man worthy of your gifts. Value yourself. He doesn't.
Barbara Williams 6 months ago
First off, you laid out YOUR plans,/demands for the future way too soon. Take the hint.
Joe Publique 6 months ago
I met someone that I'm totally incompatible with and I just don't understand why he won't change to be what I want him to be...
Sara Shamsabadi 6 months ago
ooof I wish someone had knocked some sense into me when I was in her shoes
Lori T Wisconsin 6 months ago
Whoa! Talk about being used! She can do way better alone than with this k**b cheese holding her back.
Eri J 6 months ago
Obviously, this guy is a jerk. On a side note, some people don't like saying "I love you". I don't. For some reason it makes me feel weird. I can say it to my dogs or say I love this show or that character, but when it comes to people I hate saying. Beside actions speak louder than words so I prefer that.
sweet emotion 6 months ago
She's a booty call, period. Does she really need a sledgehammer upside the head to realize that?
FreeTheUnicorn 6 months ago
OP says she doesn't want to change him except to have him move to the countryside, have a family immediately and be excited about it, and also give up d***s. Doesn't sound like she's being honest about what she wants or needs. Even if he changed, which he won't, you're not fit for a relationship if you can't be honest with yourself and your partner. If you can't do that, get some therapy. But you're never going to have a healthy relationship without some self awareness and honesty.
arthbach 6 months ago
The items you mention are where he lives, and some things he does. I suspect she is talking about him as a person, who he is, not what he does. She has been totally honest and clear about what she wants. Sadly it sounds as if she has taken his silence on the matter to be acquiescence. - - - She knows what she wants and needs. He is not it, and she needs to move on.
Load More Replies... Shannon Donnelly 6 months ago
She’s described exactly who and what she wants, so why is she with this guy? There’s nothing wrong with him, but he’s everything she doesn’t want, so why is she wasting both of their time? Stop trying to change the “wrong” guy and go look for a guy who already fits with your narrative.
Janelle Collard 6 months ago
How is she still with this guy? They're not only on "separate pages," they're in different books and each one is in a different language! Hope she dropped his a** + went on to have a better life.
Zero Costa 6 months ago
I can't tell if this guy just doesn't realise he's even dating someone w how she's described things
Load More Replies... Lee Gilliland 6 months ago
Any woman who thinks that she can change a 40-year-old man is delusional and a fool for trying. He hasn't said I love you? MAJOR red flag. She's been with this guy 18 months and what she's getting is going to be all she gets. Find another guy, sister.
Mel in Georgia 6 months ago
The worst thing you can do is stay with someone because you think they will change. In general, people don't change. Once they show you who they are, believe them! If you don't like what you see, move on!
Wild Cream 6 months ago
#1, weed is not a “hard d**g” 😂😂 some people are so dramatic about it. Alcohol is much more harmful than weed. #2, they’re not compatible at all, idk why she’s trying so hard. Just move on.
JayWantsACat 6 months ago
There's no way it took 18 months to realize you are not a good fit at all. What even is this?
Apatheist Account2 6 months ago
One wonders why some people even have to ask the question. Of course she dumps him. At best she's a friend with benefits, purely on his terms. Get rid.
LongFang 6 months ago
So he's in his early 40s & no home to there name or kids ? Dayum i had my kid at 38 as i met my (ex) wife in my 30s. I wanted kids earlier... And he wants the City & OP the country side... Seperate amicably.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 6 months ago
This is the ONLY point I'll defend this guy on - you don't know his past/circumstances at all and you should not judge him solely on not having kids or a home in his 40s. I'm 43 and I don't have kids or a home to my name. My dad had an accident when I was 18 and I spent the next 21 years being his caregiver, no time for a real career, a family, finishing college, etc. So - this guy is a d-bag in every other way, but you should not judge him just because he doesn't have "kids and a house" in his 40s.
Load More Replies... Crafty mama 6 months ago
I KNOW this is hard to hear but LET HIM GO! He has made himself clear. You are not listening. IF this man had any interest in the life you want to live you would not have to bring it up. He would. It sounds strange but the research proves men know within a month or less if they want to marry someone. They may not do it but they know. This is why you are couples together for years break up and he's married in 3-4 months. Please, let this go, heal and find a man worthy of your gifts. Value yourself. He doesn't.
Barbara Williams 6 months ago
First off, you laid out YOUR plans,/demands for the future way too soon. Take the hint.
Joe Publique 6 months ago
I met someone that I'm totally incompatible with and I just don't understand why he won't change to be what I want him to be...
Sara Shamsabadi 6 months ago
ooof I wish someone had knocked some sense into me when I was in her shoes
Lori T Wisconsin 6 months ago
Whoa! Talk about being used! She can do way better alone than with this k**b cheese holding her back.
Eri J 6 months ago
Obviously, this guy is a jerk. On a side note, some people don't like saying "I love you". I don't. For some reason it makes me feel weird. I can say it to my dogs or say I love this show or that character, but when it comes to people I hate saying. Beside actions speak louder than words so I prefer that.
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