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Guy Looks For Sympathy Over Messy Home And “Embarrassing” Wife, Gets A Brutal Wake-Up Call Instead
Keeping a house clean is no easy feat. There’s always something to take care of, from tidying up to managing daily chores. Add three kids into the mix, and it becomes an even bigger challenge.
Perhaps that’s why a man turned to the internet for advice after he got upset with his stay-at-home wife over a messy house. Despite knowing she wasn’t feeling well, he blamed her for not cleaning before he brought friends over. His wife, however, pointed out that poor communication played a big role in the situation. Keep reading to find out how this domestic disagreement unfolded and what readers had to say.
RELATED:
It’s unfair to expect one partner to handle everything, especially when they’re also responsible for taking care of the kids
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
A man sought advice online after getting upset with his wife over a messy house, sparking a debate about shared responsibilities
Image credits: unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Throwawaynes767
The man later shared more context about his text conversation with his wife
The responsibility of managing a home should be shared equally by both partners for a balanced and harmonious household
Image credits: unsplash (not the actual photo)
Sharing household chores is one of those things that sounds simple in theory but often plays out very differently in reality. Many moms, unfortunately, still shoulder the lion’s share of domestic duties, and it’s not just about cooking or cleaning, it’s the mental load of keeping everything running smoothly. A survey by Motherly found that 58% of moms feel like they’re the primary parent responsible for managing the household, even if they’re also working full-time
This imbalance can take a toll. Women, on average, spend about 2.3 hours a day on housework compared to men’s 1.6 hours. That might not seem like much, but over a week, a month, or a year? It adds up and it adds stress.
What’s interesting is that many men recognize the importance of sharing household chores. In fact, 63% of married men say that dividing tasks equally is critical for a successful marriage. The problem? Knowing it and actually doing it are two different things.
When one person in the house feels like they’re carrying all the weight, it can lead to frustration and resentment. But when chores are divided more evenly, couples report feeling happier and more connected. Research shows that shared responsibilities foster mutual respect, which is the backbone of a strong relationship.
Children should also be taught to contribute to household chores, fostering responsibility and teamwork from an early age
Image credits: unsplash (not the actual photo)
It’s not just about fairness between partners, though. Getting kids involved in household chores is a game-changer. Assigning age-appropriate tasks teaches responsibility and life skills while also taking some of the pressure off the parents. Plus, kids who pitch in at home are more likely to grow up understanding the importance of teamwork.
If you’re trying to figure out how to split the workload more evenly, communication is key. Sit down with your partner and talk about what works for both of you. Maybe one of you hates doing dishes but doesn’t mind laundry, so trade tasks until it feels fair. The goal isn’t perfection; it’s teamwork.
Another great way to manage the workload is by using tools like chore charts or task-sharing apps. They’re a simple way to keep track of what needs to be done and ensure that no one is left feeling overwhelmed. It’s amazing how much smoother things run when everyone knows their role.
At the end of the day, sharing chores isn’t just about keeping the house clean. It’s about building a supportive, respectful partnership where everyone feels valued. When the load is shared, the entire family benefits, not just in a practical sense, but emotionally too.
In this particular case, the author didn’t take on any household responsibilities and expected his wife to manage everything on her own, even while she was unwell. Do you think that’s fair? Should one partner shoulder all the work, or is teamwork the key to a happier, more balanced household? Let us know your thoughts!
Many online felt the man was entirely in the wrong for placing unrealistic expectations on his wife
A user pointed out that both partners shared responsibility for the messy state of the house
Others argued that, as a stay-at-home partner, household duties were primarily her responsibility
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Yu Pan 8 months ago
Dude probably thinks he deserve a "Husband of the Year" award for doing chores.
Tabitha 8 months ago (edited)
Just cooking, tbh. Bet he uses every f*****g pot and pan and spoon and mixer, makes an huge mess, and never Never NEVER cleans up after himself when he’s done either.
Load More Replies...
Lisa T 8 months ago
Being a SAHM does not make you on call 24/7. I was lucky enough to be a sahm for my three kids when they were little. But my husband never TOLD me to do things. It was common sense. He worked, I looked after the kids and house, but he also helped in the evenings and weekends if needed. If friends were coming over he’d never spring that on me, he’d speak to me (not text, what the f**k is that as a form of communication when you have kids?), and would say he’d help with housework. Which essentially was make sure the bathroom was clean and a quick vacuum and tidy up. When you have kids, nobody expects a pristine, tidy house. A good marriage is all about compromise. Not “that’s not my job to do”. You help each other when needed, even if you just worked 8 hours or have had no sleep etc.
Sarah Suelzle 8 months ago
I know it's kind of a minor thing, but I'm also wondering why he was so adamant about them coming to the house. Why didn't they just go to a bar or a restaurant? As far as mom is concerned, if I've been dealing with kids all day, do I really want to have company (that aren't even family) at all??!! Guy just treats her like the Help in more ways than one.
Agat 8 months ago (edited)
I don't think it's good to be a stay at home parent in general (dependency, power imbalance, often unfair division of tasks) but of my god, this dude is delusional. What kind of people go over to someone's home just to give them dirty looks over some unimportant stuff like a messy room?? Knowing this person has three kids under 10? Seriously, if you're friends with someone, you don't give a shît about the state of their house (mess-wise). If there's clean space to sit, you sit and that's end of story. You're not there to check the shelves for dust, seriously, wth...
Allison Slagle (Randomosity) 8 months ago
Maybe the guy should take the tablet away from the daughter and actually teach his kids to clean up after themselves rather than teach them that it's their mom's job.
Dori 8 months ago
I was thinking this too. Nine years old and addicted to her tablet? That's not good. It can still be fixed with discipline.
Load More Replies...
Roberta Surprenant 8 months ago
He bloody WOKE HER UP to b***h at her? Hope his place has a comfy couch.
Learner Panda 8 months ago
Firstly get the 9 year off her tablet until her chores are done. She is more than old enough to be helping her mum.
KatSaidWhat 8 months ago
There is going to be a divorce if he doesn't pull his head out of his a*s and they don't go to therapy.
Svenne O'Lotta 8 months ago
What kind of gaping ásshole "brings home some friends from work" with less than 3 hours of warning and without getting a confirmation from the person who lives there just as much as he does? Also those are not your "friends from work", those are colleagues that you for some reason feel like you have to impress. A friend would NEVER judge you for having a messy house. And what were you gonna do, play some Nintendo in the basement while your mom yells down the stairs if any of you boys would like some cookies? Are you 12?
Pittsburgh rare 8 months ago
If I'm feeling unwell the last thing I'm going to do is clean/tidy up. Period. Thank god I'm single so l don't have to negotiate the minutiae
Upstaged75 8 months ago (edited)
Anyone else remember a similar story from the novel Little Women. Almost exactly the same: John brings a someone from work for dinner but doesn't let Meg know ahead of time. And then he's mad because she didn't have a fancy presentation ready or the house spotless. Except in the book she apologizes for being a bad wife. Lots of sexist stuff in that book people forget about.
Janelle Collard 8 months ago (edited)
As*-wipe, you live there, too. Cleanup your own s**t. For *once,* I agree with the YTA'ers.
zxj7rfyqqw 8 months ago
Clean up yourself you p***k. Expect your wife to work 24hours and have everything perfect for when the lord of the manor comes home. You try looking after kids and a household all day every day for years at a time and see how you feel. Arsehole.
Sparkle 8 months ago (edited)
If I walked into a messy house I would except it and not judge because I have no clue what's going on in their house. Also 3 kids and you want a clean house now tiddy not plates all over the place. As people pointed out we don't know messy the house is. I mean I have a cup of water and a snack dish next to me currently. I don't think that's messy I think it's called lived in. The house not looking like a hot mess is understandable. Come on you have a 3 kids and you expect clean. Except that kids leave Toys everywhere and a 2 year old can't clean up after themselves. However the 9 year old being on the tablet that much to the point she won't do chores is a whole different story. Anyone that has kids or works with kids knows you don't even attempt to clean up behind them or you go bat sh!t crazy. You clean up after you put them down for bed or toward the end of the night.
JayWantsACat 8 months ago
She had 3 hours notice to clean up a house that was in such disarray as to be "embarassing" while also having to watch the kids? Should a SAHM make sure the house is regularly in decent order? I guess that's arguable. But if its typically in such disarray then why is OP even remotely entertaining people especially with essentially zero notice? As someone else comments, I doubt his guests were making comments about the state of the house and more that he would bring people over.
Niki 8 months ago
I am not a SAHM, but I can say for sure that I can stay in this house with two teenagers and a toddler all day with minimal mess. Let my other half come home, and in minutes, everything is a mess. By your tone you make no mess. What are you, some kind of hypoallergenic no-mess model that the rest of us have yet to test drive?
Daddy’s Girl 5 months ago
My personal biggest problem is the nine-year-old is “glued to her tablet“ and she doesn’t get any chores done. Of course not. Take the d**n tablet away from her and make her do her chores.
Iron Tyrant 7 months ago
If your oldest is "glued to her tablet" all the time, then you've got way worse problems than a messy house.
Beth Wheeler 8 months ago
All of the kids can help clean, YES a 2 yo can pick up their own toys and clothes that aren't where they should be. The 5 yo can do that same and help with other things. That 10 yo needs the tablet taken away until she does what she's supposed to do. Sounds like some lazy parenting going on there. My husband actually didn't believe me when I kept telling him that our 1st son would pull the toys he could reach out of the playpen after I vacuumed the living room & he was 2. So 1 day I waited until he got home and watched our son help clean up his toys, I vacuumed and as soon as I was done he started pulling them out again. I was pregnant with the next baby and bought a toybox for their room so I could put the baby in it when needed. What I did was never good enough and he would complain to people to TRY and embarrass me and everybody told him the house is clean.
K. LNU 8 months ago
My one question, if she didn't get the text or text back, (if she frequently texts back) did he maybe think of the possibility that something might have been wrong? What if she or one of the kids had an accident? What if one of the kids was very sick and throwing up? I know that when that happens, I am NOT constantly checking my phone. I'm going to go with YTA here.
RomanceRadish 8 months ago
Taking good care of kids is hard work. Trying to accomplish anything else while kids are present is compounded hard work.
Melissa Harris 8 months ago
I have to wander what's the baseline of messiness of their house. Are we talking the stander kids toys in the living room and in need of a vacuum; or days worth of unwashed dishes in the sink, garage on the floor? Were his guests a******s for commenting on "lived in" conditions or was it, "you live like this?" Even with kids a house shouldn't be so messy that you feel embarrassed to have guests see it. The real concerning part is how he treated his wife. Immediately calling her a lair and assuming she purposely ignored his text with all evidence to the contrary. Acting like she's maliciously sabotaging him instead of believing that she's unwell. And where were the kids if she was asleep for an hour? Who was watching them? Are they at school? A sitter or relative? There's more behind this story. I think the OP is deflecting something bigger like his wife being depressed or something.
Tonyah Mcanelly 8 months ago
First of all if she isn't feeling well its possible she was sleeping when that text cam through. Its also possible she didnt recieve the text some times I send my husband texts and they look like they go through but when he showed me and he didnt even get it. You should have waited until you got a clear confirmation from her. instead of assuming she's lazy. you didn't come out and say it in words but it seems like that was your reaction. . She is human after all and humans do get sick even if they are stay at home parents.
Yu Pan 8 months ago
Dude probably thinks he deserve a "Husband of the Year" award for doing chores.
Tabitha 8 months ago (edited)
Just cooking, tbh. Bet he uses every f*****g pot and pan and spoon and mixer, makes an huge mess, and never Never NEVER cleans up after himself when he’s done either.
Load More Replies... Lisa T 8 months ago
Being a SAHM does not make you on call 24/7. I was lucky enough to be a sahm for my three kids when they were little. But my husband never TOLD me to do things. It was common sense. He worked, I looked after the kids and house, but he also helped in the evenings and weekends if needed. If friends were coming over he’d never spring that on me, he’d speak to me (not text, what the f**k is that as a form of communication when you have kids?), and would say he’d help with housework. Which essentially was make sure the bathroom was clean and a quick vacuum and tidy up. When you have kids, nobody expects a pristine, tidy house. A good marriage is all about compromise. Not “that’s not my job to do”. You help each other when needed, even if you just worked 8 hours or have had no sleep etc.
Sarah Suelzle 8 months ago
I know it's kind of a minor thing, but I'm also wondering why he was so adamant about them coming to the house. Why didn't they just go to a bar or a restaurant? As far as mom is concerned, if I've been dealing with kids all day, do I really want to have company (that aren't even family) at all??!! Guy just treats her like the Help in more ways than one.
Agat 8 months ago (edited)
I don't think it's good to be a stay at home parent in general (dependency, power imbalance, often unfair division of tasks) but of my god, this dude is delusional. What kind of people go over to someone's home just to give them dirty looks over some unimportant stuff like a messy room?? Knowing this person has three kids under 10? Seriously, if you're friends with someone, you don't give a shît about the state of their house (mess-wise). If there's clean space to sit, you sit and that's end of story. You're not there to check the shelves for dust, seriously, wth...
Allison Slagle (Randomosity) 8 months ago
Maybe the guy should take the tablet away from the daughter and actually teach his kids to clean up after themselves rather than teach them that it's their mom's job.
Dori 8 months ago
I was thinking this too. Nine years old and addicted to her tablet? That's not good. It can still be fixed with discipline.
Load More Replies... Roberta Surprenant 8 months ago
He bloody WOKE HER UP to b***h at her? Hope his place has a comfy couch.
Learner Panda 8 months ago
Firstly get the 9 year off her tablet until her chores are done. She is more than old enough to be helping her mum.
KatSaidWhat 8 months ago
There is going to be a divorce if he doesn't pull his head out of his a*s and they don't go to therapy.
Svenne O'Lotta 8 months ago
What kind of gaping ásshole "brings home some friends from work" with less than 3 hours of warning and without getting a confirmation from the person who lives there just as much as he does? Also those are not your "friends from work", those are colleagues that you for some reason feel like you have to impress. A friend would NEVER judge you for having a messy house. And what were you gonna do, play some Nintendo in the basement while your mom yells down the stairs if any of you boys would like some cookies? Are you 12?
Pittsburgh rare 8 months ago
If I'm feeling unwell the last thing I'm going to do is clean/tidy up. Period. Thank god I'm single so l don't have to negotiate the minutiae
Upstaged75 8 months ago (edited)
Anyone else remember a similar story from the novel Little Women. Almost exactly the same: John brings a someone from work for dinner but doesn't let Meg know ahead of time. And then he's mad because she didn't have a fancy presentation ready or the house spotless. Except in the book she apologizes for being a bad wife. Lots of sexist stuff in that book people forget about.
Janelle Collard 8 months ago (edited)
As*-wipe, you live there, too. Cleanup your own s**t. For *once,* I agree with the YTA'ers.
zxj7rfyqqw 8 months ago
Clean up yourself you p***k. Expect your wife to work 24hours and have everything perfect for when the lord of the manor comes home. You try looking after kids and a household all day every day for years at a time and see how you feel. Arsehole.
Sparkle 8 months ago (edited)
If I walked into a messy house I would except it and not judge because I have no clue what's going on in their house. Also 3 kids and you want a clean house now tiddy not plates all over the place. As people pointed out we don't know messy the house is. I mean I have a cup of water and a snack dish next to me currently. I don't think that's messy I think it's called lived in. The house not looking like a hot mess is understandable. Come on you have a 3 kids and you expect clean. Except that kids leave Toys everywhere and a 2 year old can't clean up after themselves. However the 9 year old being on the tablet that much to the point she won't do chores is a whole different story. Anyone that has kids or works with kids knows you don't even attempt to clean up behind them or you go bat sh!t crazy. You clean up after you put them down for bed or toward the end of the night.
JayWantsACat 8 months ago
She had 3 hours notice to clean up a house that was in such disarray as to be "embarassing" while also having to watch the kids? Should a SAHM make sure the house is regularly in decent order? I guess that's arguable. But if its typically in such disarray then why is OP even remotely entertaining people especially with essentially zero notice? As someone else comments, I doubt his guests were making comments about the state of the house and more that he would bring people over.
Niki 8 months ago
I am not a SAHM, but I can say for sure that I can stay in this house with two teenagers and a toddler all day with minimal mess. Let my other half come home, and in minutes, everything is a mess. By your tone you make no mess. What are you, some kind of hypoallergenic no-mess model that the rest of us have yet to test drive?
Daddy’s Girl 5 months ago
My personal biggest problem is the nine-year-old is “glued to her tablet“ and she doesn’t get any chores done. Of course not. Take the d**n tablet away from her and make her do her chores.
Iron Tyrant 7 months ago
If your oldest is "glued to her tablet" all the time, then you've got way worse problems than a messy house.
Beth Wheeler 8 months ago
All of the kids can help clean, YES a 2 yo can pick up their own toys and clothes that aren't where they should be. The 5 yo can do that same and help with other things. That 10 yo needs the tablet taken away until she does what she's supposed to do. Sounds like some lazy parenting going on there. My husband actually didn't believe me when I kept telling him that our 1st son would pull the toys he could reach out of the playpen after I vacuumed the living room & he was 2. So 1 day I waited until he got home and watched our son help clean up his toys, I vacuumed and as soon as I was done he started pulling them out again. I was pregnant with the next baby and bought a toybox for their room so I could put the baby in it when needed. What I did was never good enough and he would complain to people to TRY and embarrass me and everybody told him the house is clean.
K. LNU 8 months ago
My one question, if she didn't get the text or text back, (if she frequently texts back) did he maybe think of the possibility that something might have been wrong? What if she or one of the kids had an accident? What if one of the kids was very sick and throwing up? I know that when that happens, I am NOT constantly checking my phone. I'm going to go with YTA here.
RomanceRadish 8 months ago
Taking good care of kids is hard work. Trying to accomplish anything else while kids are present is compounded hard work.
Melissa Harris 8 months ago
I have to wander what's the baseline of messiness of their house. Are we talking the stander kids toys in the living room and in need of a vacuum; or days worth of unwashed dishes in the sink, garage on the floor? Were his guests a******s for commenting on "lived in" conditions or was it, "you live like this?" Even with kids a house shouldn't be so messy that you feel embarrassed to have guests see it. The real concerning part is how he treated his wife. Immediately calling her a lair and assuming she purposely ignored his text with all evidence to the contrary. Acting like she's maliciously sabotaging him instead of believing that she's unwell. And where were the kids if she was asleep for an hour? Who was watching them? Are they at school? A sitter or relative? There's more behind this story. I think the OP is deflecting something bigger like his wife being depressed or something.
Tonyah Mcanelly 8 months ago
First of all if she isn't feeling well its possible she was sleeping when that text cam through. Its also possible she didnt recieve the text some times I send my husband texts and they look like they go through but when he showed me and he didnt even get it. You should have waited until you got a clear confirmation from her. instead of assuming she's lazy. you didn't come out and say it in words but it seems like that was your reaction. . She is human after all and humans do get sick even if they are stay at home parents.
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