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47
Pupil Keeps Harassing Female Classmates, Teacher Pays No Heed, Mom Shuts It Down With Other Parents
It was not for nothing that wise people in ancient times said that the road to hell is paved with good intentions. I don’t know about hell, but how many great ideas and initiatives have turned into something completely opposite simply because the people who implemented them overdid it, or, conversely, neglected the concept itself?
For example, the school “You have to include everyone” principle, initially aimed at increasing the level of inclusiveness in education, has been turned by some teachers and education staff into a means of encouraging bullying. In fact, this is exactly what happened in the situation described by the user u/protectivemommyg in the story we’ll tell you today.
More info: Reddit
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The author of the post has a 12-year-old daughter whose classmate has been frequently bothering girls at recess
Image credits: Max Fische (not the actual photo)
The girl told this to her mom and she asked her to report this to the teacher if the situation continued
Image credits: u/protectivemommyg
One day the class was split into groups and that boy tried to impose himself on the group of girls, despite their group being complete
Image credits: Julia M Cameron (not the actual photo)
Image credits: u/protectivemommyg
So the teacher wrote to the mom demanding an official meeting over this case – but the woman took the initiative into her own hands
Image credits: Max Fischer (not the actual photo)
Image credits: u/protectivemommyg
The mom stood up for her daughter’s rights, and cooperated with other parents to get their common point across to the school staff
So, the Original Poster (OP) is a mom of a 12-year-old girl and, according to the author’s daughter, there is a boy in her class who often indulges in inappropriate behavior towards her and other female classmates, continuously bothering them at recess. The girl once told her mom about this, and she praised her for speaking up about it, suggesting that next time, if this happens again, she should report everything to the teacher.
And so, after some time, the OP’s daughter returned home and said that during one of the lessons the students had to split into groups of 4-5 persons to work together. There were already 5 girls in her group when that boy approached them and literally demanded to be included in their group.
To the objections that their group had already been formed, and that there were many groups of no more than two students who definitely needed reinforcements, the boy replied that this was where he wanted to go, and that the teacher did not specify exactly how many students could be in the group. An argument ensued, and the teacher sided with the boy, citing the “You have to include everyone” rule.
Moreover, the teacher even officially invited the OP to a conversation about her daughter’s behavior! The woman could no longer endure this. She, firstly, praised her daughter for standing up for her own personal boundaries, and secondly, she wrote a rather angry response to the teacher, claiming that since childhood she herself had often had to obey to similar rules to her own detriment, and she didn’t want this to be repeated with her daughter.
Finally, the mom contacted the parents of the other girls involved in this situation, and they agreed to take the initiative into their own hands – they themselves demanded a meeting with the teacher and the school principal. Well, the initiative paid off – following the conversation, the school staff admitted their mistake and apologized, and the mother once again showed her daughter how important it is in our world to defend one’s own rights and personal boundaries.
Image credits: Anastasia Shuraeva (not the actual photo)
“Apparently, the teacher simply didn’t understand the situation and preferred to act according to the standard rule, without delving into all the nuances,” says Vladimir Nemertsalov, a school principal and teacher from Ukraine, with whom Bored Panda got in touch for a comment here. “The principle that all students in a class should be included is indeed against any discrimination against children on any basis – but if following this principle causes other problems, then it’s worth trying to understand everything properly.”
“I’m glad that the parents were able to cooperate and agree on a meeting with the school management, at which they conveyed their point of view. And, in turn, I can’t help but be glad that both the teacher and the principal finally changed their views on the situation. Although, I repeat, it would be way better if there were no reason for such a meeting per se,” Vladimir concludes.
The vast majority of people in the comments also agreed with the original poster that in the situation described, the parents did exactly the right thing by encouraging kids to assert their personal boundaries. “You should ask them why are they more concerned about your daughter saying no than being concerned that the boy is constantly harassing your daughter and friends,” one of the commenters wrote.
Some teachers in the comments also sided with the OP and her daughter, arguing that their colleague clearly acted inappropriately in this case. “I actually find it quite concerning that the teacher in this situation is trying to justify this boy disrespecting the boundaries of others, female or otherwise,” one of the commenters pondered. “I am a teacher and I had to have this conversation as well, but in reverse,” another one added.
Well, when I was a student, I myself had to deal with similar decisions of teachers and school administration as well – and I won’t say that they always seemed balanced and wise. By the way, if you or someone you know have also witnessed something similar, please feel free to share your own stories in the comments below.
People in the comments unanimously sided with the mom, even the teachers claimed that their colleague was wrong here
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What do you think ?
Sonja 1 year ago
It's especially worrying that the teacher didn't put a stop to this all since the group was already bigger than other groups and that boy was clearly trying to push boundaries and abuse her policy. That's something people do far too often. There's reasonable anti-exclusion processes, and then there's this. Children and really all people have to accept that the rights of one person ends when another person's legitimate boundaries are crossed. And that includes every instance about consent, especially when the situation is as obvious as here, and the want of one person stands against the needs of another. In such cases, the need has to win. Always.
BarkingSpider 1 year ago (edited)
That email read like a mic drop to me. I can't believe the teacher doubled down after that, but I'm glad it escalated to the point of a good resolution.
Ron Baza 1 year ago
I will say fair do’s to the teacher for backing down when it was made clear just how mistaken they were. That’s how it should be, but very often isn’t the case.
Tenebre 1 year ago
Making a parent come in for a meeting because the feefees of a boy who's been harassing girls is doubling down, not backing down. The teacher only "backed down" because they had a group of 6~ parents come in, which means their job could've been threatened if it escalated, not because they saw the error of their ways. Once OPs daughter is out of their class they'll go right back to ignoring issues like this until a new set of parents steps up. I sincerely doubt the teachers will recieve any more training than a school wide email of "due to complaints don't do this".
Load More Replies...
Royal Stray 1 year ago
What is it with teachers and not understanding the difference between excluding the bullied kid and trying to avoid someone that behaves in a creepy way or is disruptive in an attempt to bully someone else.
Momma Jess 1 year ago
As someone raised to "be nice" I can attest to the damage it does to not be taught to stand up for yourself and your boundaries. At 35 I still struggle.
Ge Po 1 year ago
What the teacher should have done (since there had already been complaints about this boy's behaviour towards this girl) is make him do all the work by himself, since he had not taken the chance to join a smaller group but had chosen to keep harassing this girl, eventhough she had given good reasons for not letting him join. Consequences of actions. Boys that age should learn them.
Janis McClure 1 year ago
The mom was absolutely correct in how and i would have done the same. Shee handled the situation but it's a damn shame it came to that. My kids are 41, 16(boys) and 12 (girl) and we taught all of them to set their boundaries and if an issue ensues they as their parents we will handle it. It's hard enough for girls to establish autonomy, set boundaries and say "No" when confronted with an uncomfortable situation. Had a similar issue with my daughte and I didn't give not one damn inch. Parents need to teach their sons proper and acceptable behavior in how they deal with girls. I'm always going to support and protect my kids so you better prepare yours because "oh, they're just kids or boys will be boys" is not good enough!
laura lee 1 year ago
Thank you mom 💐 from one who wasn't protected. I applaud you 🤗
Load More Replies...
Knitting Panda 1 year ago
Do y'all realize how much things have changed because of Me Too? Ten years ago this mother would have had a much harder time standing up for her daughter.
laura lee 1 year ago (edited)
Jfc thanks to someone's comment I now know how screwed over I was for like a decade of schooling. I never knew Title IX (in America) protected me from all the sexual harassment and assaults (and worse THE worst) I was receiving at school and that I had been protected since 1972 FFS! I complained to teachers to my parents and nothing was ever f*****g done. I was "overreacting" and "boys will be boys" " be the bigger person" "girls mature faster than boys" bs all the f*****g time until you just give up on anyone helping you and you become suicidal. Knowing this and knowing my parents and family MUST have known this too (they're politically astute) and just did NOTHING and blamed me as if I must have brought it upon myself at best and punished me over it at worst. I know now that my going NO CONTACT with them last year was the best gd idea I've ever had. They never fought for me once...
MR 1 year ago
Boys will be boys. So TEACH them how to be adults. Letting their behavior go at this age breeds predators in the same way attempting to force this kids on these girls breeds victims. Yes, yes, we need to teach inclusiveness. And we need to teach young girls that they can have boundaries. But nothing was really said in teaching this young boy to stop acting like a predator. You're not doing him any favors here.
Sonja 1 year ago
It's especially worrying that the teacher didn't put a stop to this all since the group was already bigger than other groups and that boy was clearly trying to push boundaries and abuse her policy. That's something people do far too often. There's reasonable anti-exclusion processes, and then there's this. Children and really all people have to accept that the rights of one person ends when another person's legitimate boundaries are crossed. And that includes every instance about consent, especially when the situation is as obvious as here, and the want of one person stands against the needs of another. In such cases, the need has to win. Always.
BarkingSpider 1 year ago (edited)
That email read like a mic drop to me. I can't believe the teacher doubled down after that, but I'm glad it escalated to the point of a good resolution.
Ron Baza 1 year ago
I will say fair do’s to the teacher for backing down when it was made clear just how mistaken they were. That’s how it should be, but very often isn’t the case.
Tenebre 1 year ago
Making a parent come in for a meeting because the feefees of a boy who's been harassing girls is doubling down, not backing down. The teacher only "backed down" because they had a group of 6~ parents come in, which means their job could've been threatened if it escalated, not because they saw the error of their ways. Once OPs daughter is out of their class they'll go right back to ignoring issues like this until a new set of parents steps up. I sincerely doubt the teachers will recieve any more training than a school wide email of "due to complaints don't do this".
Load More Replies... Royal Stray 1 year ago
What is it with teachers and not understanding the difference between excluding the bullied kid and trying to avoid someone that behaves in a creepy way or is disruptive in an attempt to bully someone else.
Momma Jess 1 year ago
As someone raised to "be nice" I can attest to the damage it does to not be taught to stand up for yourself and your boundaries. At 35 I still struggle.
Ge Po 1 year ago
What the teacher should have done (since there had already been complaints about this boy's behaviour towards this girl) is make him do all the work by himself, since he had not taken the chance to join a smaller group but had chosen to keep harassing this girl, eventhough she had given good reasons for not letting him join. Consequences of actions. Boys that age should learn them.
Janis McClure 1 year ago
The mom was absolutely correct in how and i would have done the same. Shee handled the situation but it's a damn shame it came to that. My kids are 41, 16(boys) and 12 (girl) and we taught all of them to set their boundaries and if an issue ensues they as their parents we will handle it. It's hard enough for girls to establish autonomy, set boundaries and say "No" when confronted with an uncomfortable situation. Had a similar issue with my daughte and I didn't give not one damn inch. Parents need to teach their sons proper and acceptable behavior in how they deal with girls. I'm always going to support and protect my kids so you better prepare yours because "oh, they're just kids or boys will be boys" is not good enough!
laura lee 1 year ago
Thank you mom 💐 from one who wasn't protected. I applaud you 🤗
Load More Replies... Knitting Panda 1 year ago
Do y'all realize how much things have changed because of Me Too? Ten years ago this mother would have had a much harder time standing up for her daughter.
laura lee 1 year ago (edited)
Jfc thanks to someone's comment I now know how screwed over I was for like a decade of schooling. I never knew Title IX (in America) protected me from all the sexual harassment and assaults (and worse THE worst) I was receiving at school and that I had been protected since 1972 FFS! I complained to teachers to my parents and nothing was ever f*****g done. I was "overreacting" and "boys will be boys" " be the bigger person" "girls mature faster than boys" bs all the f*****g time until you just give up on anyone helping you and you become suicidal. Knowing this and knowing my parents and family MUST have known this too (they're politically astute) and just did NOTHING and blamed me as if I must have brought it upon myself at best and punished me over it at worst. I know now that my going NO CONTACT with them last year was the best gd idea I've ever had. They never fought for me once...
MR 1 year ago
Boys will be boys. So TEACH them how to be adults. Letting their behavior go at this age breeds predators in the same way attempting to force this kids on these girls breeds victims. Yes, yes, we need to teach inclusiveness. And we need to teach young girls that they can have boundaries. But nothing was really said in teaching this young boy to stop acting like a predator. You're not doing him any favors here.
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