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Couple Marries After 30 Years Together, Daughters Shocked To Learn They’re Not Welcome
It’s hard to imagine being left out of an important event like a wedding, especially when it’s your own mother tying the knot. But, well, welcome to the world of family dynamics, where financial practicality often rules over love and tradition.
Today’s Original Poster (OP) was in such a situation when after dropping everything to care for her aging mother who had pneumonia, was not invited to her mother’s wedding for financial reasons.
More info: Mumsnet
RELATED:
Have you ever wondered what it would feel like if you weren’t invited to a family member’s wedding?
Image credits: Pixabay / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The author’s elderly mother is getting married, although she already made it clear that she doesn’t want to spend any money on a wedding
Image credits: Candlemascand
Image credits: Natasha Fernandez / Pexels (not the actual photo)
However, by the time her mother and her partner picked out their guests, she was surprised to see the only guests were the partner’s daughter and her husband
Image credits: Candlemascand
Image credits: DC Studio / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Her mother fell sick, but the author and her sister dropped everything just to take care of her while balancing taking care of their own kids
Image credits: Candlemascand
By the time the mother felt a lot better, the wedding was set to happen, but she and her sister were still not invited to the wedding
The OP started off by saying that her mother and her partner, both aged 81, had shared the same house for thirty years. They wanted to get married, though, to make their lives easier financially. They originally wished for a low-key wedding in a registry office, and they invited just the OP and her siblings along with their partners and children. But they made it clear that they did not want any big wedding.
As the year went by, the wedding plans of the OP’s mother came down to just the partner’s daughter and her husband as guests, and the rest of the family weren’t invited. It would have been okay if the others were invited to the dinner after the wedding, but they weren’t invited to that either.
Then her mom got very sick. Pneumonia landed her in the hospital, and all of a sudden everything else had to take a backseat. The partner’s daughter wasn’t available because she had her own family problems, but the OP and her sister dropped everything, juggling work and three children each, to sit with her while she was ill.
But even after her mother got better, the wedding plans still didn’t move forward. The wedding was postponed, but the OP was still not invited.
Image credits: Kampus Production / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Love and marriage can be beautiful at any age, but tying the knot later in life often comes with financial complexities. As FYI 50+ points out, whether marriage makes economic sense depends on the couple’s unique circumstances. For older couples—like the one in this story—practical concerns such as taxes, inheritance, and financial obligations often outweigh sentimentality.
This focus on practicality is common in later-life weddings. According to Shine, these ceremonies tend to be more intimate, centered on the couple’s commitment rather than grand celebrations.
Many older couples personalize their weddings, deciding how much, if at all, family and friends will be involved. In this case, the couple’s decision reflects that mindset—prioritizing meaning over tradition without diminishing the significance of the moment.
However, while a smaller, simpler wedding may make financial sense, it can still cause emotional ripples. According to The Knot, being left off a guest list—especially when attendance is expected—can feel deeply personal. But often, such choices are shaped by budget, venue limitations, or the couple’s priorities rather than a desire to merely exclude anyone.
Netizens sympathized with the OP’s feelings, acknowledging how hurtful it must be to be excluded from her mother’s wedding. Others suggested finding a compromise, like joining the meal at their own expense or planning a separate celebration later.
On the other hand, several people felt her mother’s approach was practical rather than personal. They emphasized that at their age, her mother and her partner had every right to do what was easiest for them and urged the woman to respect their wishes rather than take it as a slight.
What do you think about this situation? Do you think the OP’s mother is being reasonable, or is she sending a hurtful message to her children? We would love to know your thoughts!
Netizens acknowledged that she did have the right to be upset, but they also urged her to take her mother’s wishes into consideration
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What do you think ?
Bailey 9 months ago
They have been together at least 30 years already and are in their 80s, signing a bit of paperwork as it will make things easier with expenses etc. I think it's perfectly reasonable that they see no reason to make a big deal out of it, and just do the minimum required and not waste money. Daughter needs to stop trying to make it into a big "life event", and think about it from their perspective. Reality for them is that nothing in their day to day lives is going to change that day
StarCrossedFriday 9 months ago
Maybe, but there’s also the celebratory dinner afterwards - couldn’t they at least have held that at a venue where everyone was welcome?
Load More Replies...
Apatheist Account2 9 months ago
I didn't invite any family to my wedding. We'd been together 17 years by that stage, it was purely to make it easier for inheritance tax as we own the house jointly. We're not the sort to have big parties anyway; but we had my wife's closest friend and her partner as witnesses, took them for a meal, total cost £120. Really no need for anything bigger if it's purely a practical arrangement.
greenideas 9 months ago
A lot of young couples choose to elope and get married without family members, so mom should have the same right. The only thing that kind of makes me give her the side-eye is that the partner's daughter and husband are invited and will celebrate afterwards, but mom's family isn't. I understand they are witnesses, but still...I can see how it makes OP feel rejected.
Bailey 9 months ago
They have been together at least 30 years already and are in their 80s, signing a bit of paperwork as it will make things easier with expenses etc. I think it's perfectly reasonable that they see no reason to make a big deal out of it, and just do the minimum required and not waste money. Daughter needs to stop trying to make it into a big "life event", and think about it from their perspective. Reality for them is that nothing in their day to day lives is going to change that day
StarCrossedFriday 9 months ago
Maybe, but there’s also the celebratory dinner afterwards - couldn’t they at least have held that at a venue where everyone was welcome?
Load More Replies... Apatheist Account2 9 months ago
I didn't invite any family to my wedding. We'd been together 17 years by that stage, it was purely to make it easier for inheritance tax as we own the house jointly. We're not the sort to have big parties anyway; but we had my wife's closest friend and her partner as witnesses, took them for a meal, total cost £120. Really no need for anything bigger if it's purely a practical arrangement.
greenideas 9 months ago
A lot of young couples choose to elope and get married without family members, so mom should have the same right. The only thing that kind of makes me give her the side-eye is that the partner's daughter and husband are invited and will celebrate afterwards, but mom's family isn't. I understand they are witnesses, but still...I can see how it makes OP feel rejected.
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