Marriage is hard work; even the happiest couples face bumps along the way.
For those who ultimately decide that splitting up is the healthier alternative, the realization can come in a variety of ways. For some, it's a lightbulb moment when everything clicks in a second, while others need to think over the decision for much longer.
So when Redditor u/Slayer_of_Gingers asked men, "What moment with your former wife made me think 'Yup, I'm asking this girl to divorce me?'" they got plenty of different answers, providing interesting insights into navigating a romantic relationship.
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Me and my ex were always having ups and downs. Cutting up my clothes when I was out with friends, cutting my hair when I was asleep, random violence and screaming fits... the usual...
We did the normal things couples were supposed to do and it seemed to prolong the episode for a time.
We bought a house for example.
Well, after we had the house the next thing we needed was a cat.
She loved it very much when it was a kitten but as it grew up it became more independent (it's a cat duh!) and she couldn't take this and became aggressive towards it.
I remember walking in one day and she picked up the cat and threw it up in the air, it bounced off of the ceiling and then I threw her a*s out of the house bouncing her sh*t of the curb.
I still have the cat.
Her: "I can't live in this house anymore. It's not in a major city."
Me: "We're less than an hour away from one. Also, I inherited this house. It costs me nothing but upkeep. Also, I pay every bill. You work 6 hours a week and have 1 class. Where do you get off demanding anything?"
Her: "Buy me a new house or we're done."
Me: "Get the f*ck out of my house."
She had lost her job, again, after quitting a decent one because she didn't get along with her boss. Anyways, a few months go by and I'm doing everything. Cooking, laundry, dishes, yard work, etc. I'd ask the kids what does mom do all day and they said she plays on the computer all day. So the final straw came when i came home from work and had to wash dishes so i could make dinner. Dinner is made so i tell family it's ready. She comes to get a plate and serves herself first instead of our youngest child who was four at the time and couldn't serve himself. As i watched this unfold it dawned on me. If I'm going to do all the work i might as well do it by myself or find a partner to share the load with because she clearly didn't want to be on my team.
When the cops showed up and arrested me while I was washing dishes. Found out after being taken to the station that she had claimed that I had been beating on her and my five year old son. Was acquitted in court a month or so later. The situation was so messed up that the cops actually testified on my behalf.
I was on deployment and she yelled at me for interrupting her family's celebration when I called on Christmas.
When she said, "You didn't pray hard enough and that's why our son has cancer. That's why I'm sleeping with my prayer partner."
We were already not speaking.
It was Thanksgiving. I knew she wasn't going to bother, but I made a turkey and whatever goes with turkey for my then eight year old daughter.
I had the turkey out on the counter to rest after roasting.
My beloved bride walked in, calmly threw the turkey in the kitchen trash can, and walked out.
I had to take my kid to f*cking golden corral for Thanksgiving.
That was it. I was done.
She said these words, "You need to take a shower before you get into bed, you've been playing basketball with all those black guys."
She was always mean to waitresses, flight attendants, maids, thinking she was better than them. Now black people? F*ck that. Im out.
Besides the narcissism, random violence and violent outbursts, it was her strange punishments. Her last one doomed her. My crime? I forgot milk on the way home from work so she didn't talk to me, not one word, for a week. PURE BLISS, for a week. When she asked if I was ready to apologize I handed her the divorce papers. "Why?" "Because you rob me of solitude but provide me with no companionship."
I always refused to raise my voice during arguments, which usually made her crazier and scream louder. After one such argument, during which our 3 year old daughter was playing upstairs, she started coming down at the same time her mother was storming up the stairs like a child of comparable age. Our daughter was in the way and her mother got in her face and screamed "GOD, I F*CKING HATE YOU, MOVE!"
Of course, my daughter came to me, hurt. That was the moment I decided it was over.
When she presented a picture of our four-year-old daughter and me laying next to each other on the couch watching Blues Clues to our marriage counselor as evidence of my "inappropriate conduct" around our kids.
Thank God he saw right through that bullsh*t immediately and told her to knock it off.
When I came to the sad realization that we were just good roommates and had been like that for years.
We have been divorced for almost 10 years and she is one of my favorite people in the world, we just weren't supposed to be married.
This is my situation. I have two kids with this “roommate” and am 4 weeks away from having the one I found out about right after we separated. Wouldn’t change it for anything even though it didn’t work after 8 years.
She let me know she was pregnant and wanted my permission to tell all her girlfriends during a girls' night out.
Since I knew there was no possible way it was my child, she was also unknowingly admitting to having an affair. (I can math, and she can't). It was with her boss.
Lawyered up the next day, and he ate her alive in court. I got primary custody of our child we already had, and child support, and a sheriff's notice that she had to vacate my home in 30 days.
I never knew she could be that stupid.
And kids don't understand why they need to take math in school. You never know when it might come in handy.
My wife was around less & less...had to be free to live her life, go out with her friends. More often than not she would call me to pick our daughter up from daycare, after promising to pick her up & have some girl time.....just tell her I'm working late or not feeling well. She always had something better to do & the kids were old enough to know better. I went to pick our daughter up one day, when they called her name she came running over until she saw it wasn't mom, again, slumped her shoulders & slowly walked over to ask "what's her excuse this time?" That was the breaking point, told her to get out, even helped pay her security deposit to get her out.
I used to love to do chores for her because she loved being taken care of. When she stopped noticing, it started hurting. Then one day I made a bench for our entryway out of barnwood. Took about 40 hours of work. She walked in the house after work that day and sat her purse on it and proceeded to start the fight where she told me that she was mad she got married to me. She stormed out of the house grabbing her purse. Never noticed the bench was there. I knew then but I think she already knew.
We met and spent the first seven years of our married life on the West Coast, then moved East. Five years later, I took a job back on the West Coast, but it was the middle of the school year, so I went out ahead and lived on my own until everyone could join me.
Things hadn't been very good between us for a while, but I hadn't articulated it to her—or even myself—beyond vague feelings of dissatisfaction.
One weekend, out there on my own, I decided to take a day and drive to one of my favorite towns, a town in which I had lived long before I knew her, a town we had visited often while married. It was late afternoon was about to head back to my hotel when I realized that I could visit a particular beach that had special meaning to me from my earlier life there.
I stopped at a convenience store, grabbed a Grolsch like I used to drink on that beach, and drove out there. Hiked out to a specific spot I remembered, sat down, popped the beer, and looked out over the ocean. And it hit me that I hadn't done that in over 20 years. Whenever we'd visit the area, I'd suggest stopping at the beach, but she wasn't interested and would always veto the idea.
I'm sure reading this it seems like the tiniest thing, but it was the catalyst for me realizing just how completely dissatisfied I was with our relationship. I think from the time I sat down, I knew it was over within maybe 10 minutes. Just sitting there, sipping my beer, looking at the ocean.
When my 2 year old was learning to talk he would consistently say another blokes name. Apparently he was there the moment i left for work till when i got home. Single Dad for 5 years with primary custody now.
When I, as the only earner in the house, was denied buying a new pair of work boots- in december- because she needed the money to "buy vaccines for the puppies".
She bred dogs as a hobby, I was a framing carpenter in Ohio. My current work boots were toast- holes in both, no soles. I needed them. Her "puppy vaccine" story was bullsh*t- her hobby was dogs, but she was a pro at popping pills. Thats what she needed the money for.
I was done with her by March.
When we went on a family vacation and I hoped she'd sleep the entire time so I could have fun with our son.
Not me, but one of my best friends(got his permission to post). He got a pretty substantial year end bonus from work. He decided to use most of it for his wife's Christmas gift and pay off her remaining student loans (~$14,700) and the remaining portion to buy a new computer chair for when he gamed (~$300).
Christmas morning (he was nice enough to let me stay at his place when I traveled for work as he lived 20 minutes from the airport) we all woke up, and had breakfast. His family and her parents came over and we started exchanging gifts.
Besides paying off her loans, he had gotten her a few times items. She opened the card saying her loans were paid off she just sat there for a minute. After the silence, and assuming she was kinda in shock, she asked "did you seriously not get me anything else? I bought you that stupid keyboard (the wrong one btw) and you only got me a few things?"
At that point, his brother in law and myself decided to go hang out in another room for a while they ended up getting into a huge fight. A day later when he was dropping me off at the airport he told me that he was going to visit a lawyer and get a divorce.
During the last year and a half of our marriage she became extremely psychologically abusive. She was a narcissist, controlled my every move, would isolate me, refused physical contact, I was just an extension to her life, was not allowed to talk to any female, was not allowed to hang out with any friends or she would ignore me for up to 5 days at a time, double standards everywhere, verbal abuse and the list can continue but it hurts to think about. The last straw for me was when she threatened to kill me because I came home from work late even though she knew I would be home late. It was just a little too late for her and she also threatened to hit me the same day. This was the second time this happened and I talked with several people at work about it and they suggested that I run. I had texts of the threats on my phone and contacted a lawyer that same week. She agreed to sign since I told her I would take severe legal action if she didn't. Thankfully no children and it was a clean divorce and I'm happily divorced.
I endured a physically, emotionally, and mentally abusive relationship for over six years with my first wife, four of which we were married. There were many, many instances that should have caused our marriage's demise.
The proverbial straw that broke the camel's back, though, was eight days after I had major oral surgery. Due to a freak medical occurrence, I had to have 28 teeth cut out and two holes drilled into my sinus cavities from top of the back of my gums.
She and I were in a grocery store parking lot, and I asked her not to start an argument in the store because it's a small town and I was so tired of being 'those people'. Her reaction was to backhand me in the mouth. Six times.
Or at least I counted six times because I'm pretty damn sure I lost consciousness. I just remember waking up when we were pulling into our driveway while she's freaking out because my face is against the window and blood is coming from my mouth like a fountain.
When she decided our dog was annoying her and sold him on Craigslist (which she then used the money to buy herself a non refundable purse) instead of making any mention of her feelings so we could come up with a solution.
She's lucky all you did was divorce her. I don't think I could control my actions if someone did that to me
We flew across the country for her sister's wedding. She didn't say a word to me the entire time since we had parked at the airport. Once we landed at our destination, we walked to baggage claim (absolute silence preceding for several hours now). At the carousel, I picked up her bag when she took it out of my hand and calmly stated, "None of my family knows you're here--I told them I came alone." She walked out of the airport and left me there.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder made for some really fun scenarios.
When she falsely told our marriage counselor that I punched her.
The next week, she denied saying it and accused our counselor of lying. He gave me a "You should leave this relationship" look. I took that look as permission from a professional that I definitely wasn't making the wrong decision. Got divorced and never looked back.
I legitimately feared for my safety towards the end --- not that she would hurt me, but that she would make a false accusation to the cops or a crazy friend.
Sounds like a compulsive liar, that's not someone you want to be around.
When a friend's wife said to me "You know your wife is sleeping with my husband."
When my stepdaughter became a teenager, my ex ramped up the nutso. She had always been an impatient, angry screamer of a parent. But as my stepdaugher became a young woman, my ex just went crazy with envy or something. I know lots of moms have a hard time with teenage daughters, but their base level patience is so much better than my ex's was. Threats of cutting hair in middle of night while daughter slept, pulling hair, slapping face, ridiculing in front of her friends, swinging something that missed and put a hole in the wall - I was out, with the kids.
So glad. Your teenage daughter probably feels complete relief and freedom. Glad all the kids are with you.
When she staged a robbery of our house so she could pawn all of my sh*t for drug money.
My wife at the time told me that she had called a local radio station which often discusses hardships that military families go through and sometimes gives away $1,000 to a family in need of help. She said that she informed the radio station of my deployment and how I didn't come back the same, and she told them about our daughter (2 months premature and only 8 months old at the time) who had numerous health problems. My wife explained to me that the radio station hadn't given away the $1,000 in quite a few weeks so they were going to give us $10,000 for her telling such a heartfelt story. She called me while I was at work to tell me what had happened and I was really excited...asked my SNCOIC to help me draw up a savings plan and figure out which debts should be paid off first, etc. Things were looking up.
I get home that night and rather than being greeting with an enthusiastic hug, she points to the loft and mouths "not now, I'm on the phone." so I go upstairs and wait for her to finish. While I was waiting I could hear her saying things like "yeah I can get those papers to you" and "no problem, I can have that ready by tomorrow." Hmm. Maybe they need identification and proof of my deployment or something, whatever.
Fast forward to later that night and like usual I'm having trouble sleeping. I decide to get on the computer and listen to the podcast from the radio show. After a few searches I find it and start listening to it. This is where my blood starts to boil. She told the DJs that she was a single lady living on her own and that her sister married a Marine and they had a child named Marie (our daughter's middle name). She goes on to say that Marie is now in her custody after the Marine husband (me, sort of) was killed in Afghanistan and the mother (her IRL single sister with no kidsv Jacqui) was killed in a car wreck and Marie was now my wife's responsibility.
Hundreds of people called in and offered to help, many of which owned business and wanted to offer things like baby supplies or completely furnishing a nursery for her. Literally thousands of people had heard this bullsh*t fabricated story, including some of my coworkers. It was the radio station she was on the phone with and they were asking her to provide death certificates and a birth certificate for Marie, which is why I was shoo'd away.
Hope you reported her for fraud, to the radio station and the police.
I was working on a mother daughter scrapbook as a Christmas present for her. Was going through her Google photos account looking for pics of them together. Came across a selfie she took with some dude laying on her. Confirmed her second affair. Knew it was over the moment I saw it. That has f*cked me up pretty good.
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!["Karen Complains To HR About My Body, I Uno-Reverse Her Complaint, [And Now] Everyone Hates Her"](https://www.boredpanda.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2022/12/coworker-complains-to-hr-about-womans-body-revenge-latest.jpg "\"Karen Complains To HR About My Body, I Uno-Reverse Her Complaint, [And Now] Everyone Hates Her\"")
Sweet criminy crickets. Reading these just makes me so much more grateful and appreciative of my wife and that she is so sweet,kind and understanding. I dont think I could find anyone better to be with and I'm so lucky because I got to marry my bestest friend. I love you baby.
Reading these... yikes. I know I lucked out marrying my best friend but gonna make more of an effort to make sure HE KNOWS that I know how lucky I am. O_O
Aaaaw Chucky, you're such a sweetheart!
Yes, he really is.
Thank you hon.
Chucky & Mary, I think you summed up what's not being said in this thread. While I'm sure all the situations are horrible, it takes 2 to have, or not have, a relationship. Some of these stories made me cringe as my X was a bi-polar covert narcissist. Tried to be there to support him, only to find out he was cheating with an X & telling everyone I was crazy. It wasn't until multiple friends experienced his "break" & reached out to share their experiences & the stories he'd been weaving about me. 3 sides to every story as they say
I love you more 🥰😘😘
reading these made me relive the reasons why i left my husband of 32 yrs. doesn't matter if you are a man or a woman - sometimes the person you thought you knew was only the person that was being presented for their own agenda. what amazed me is that sometimes that person can keep up the charade for decades until they just feel like they can let it go because of the attitude of 'well, where are you going to go?'. i am disabled and even my friends thought i was crazy to live on my own again. so far, doing great! he, on the other hand, entered into a relationship immediately with someone who cheated on him as well as other things. the difference between me and her is that she is the kind that will not say no to anything, preferring to live with material comfort rather than autonomy.
Patti, I hope you have an extremely awesome 2022 just to spite him! It's your turn to shine, hon.
Patti, sending you hugs for your bravery and honesty. Have a great 2022 !
This is so infuriating to read. Yes, my parents stayed together for 44 years. But more than some of those years were pretty awful because of a health condition my Mom had and the only medications available to keep her alive made her volatile and cruel. There were times I wished they would divorce and I could live with my Dad. Finally, when there were different medications and she got switched, she became a different person. She was wonderful for the rest of her life. She once said that back then she thought everyone else was wrong and she was right when really it was the other way around. Both me and my Dad forgave. It was the meds. She was on ephedrine pills (used to be taken by folks to stay awake during long drives. Now illegal) Amesec pills (contained amphetamines) and isuprel spray. Pure uppers. She went through withdrawal. Those years were horrible. I dont know how or why at the time, we stayed.
Your Dad is amazing for seeung through the effects of the medication and her actual personality..Glad your mom got better..
Maybe your dad knew who she really was. He probably remembered her before the meds. I’m sorry you all went through that. It’s miserable not being able to relax in your own home, or to feel attacked all the time.
Ephedrine. That was the main ingredient in weight loss pills in the early 80's. My mother was taking them. She developed an explosive anger disorder. We went to pick up my new glasses and she screamed at the front desk person saying she already paid for them. (She didn't.) The eye doctor came out and asked her to leave or he would have to call the police. I took off my new glasses and handed them to the eye doctor. He bent down in front of me and said something kind, he let me keep the glasses. My mother literally dragged me out to the car, swearing the whole way. I was so embarrassed.
Sweet criminy crickets. Reading these just makes me so much more grateful and appreciative of my wife and that she is so sweet,kind and understanding. I dont think I could find anyone better to be with and I'm so lucky because I got to marry my bestest friend. I love you baby.
Reading these... yikes. I know I lucked out marrying my best friend but gonna make more of an effort to make sure HE KNOWS that I know how lucky I am. O_O
Aaaaw Chucky, you're such a sweetheart!
Yes, he really is.
Thank you hon.
Chucky & Mary, I think you summed up what's not being said in this thread. While I'm sure all the situations are horrible, it takes 2 to have, or not have, a relationship. Some of these stories made me cringe as my X was a bi-polar covert narcissist. Tried to be there to support him, only to find out he was cheating with an X & telling everyone I was crazy. It wasn't until multiple friends experienced his "break" & reached out to share their experiences & the stories he'd been weaving about me. 3 sides to every story as they say
I love you more 🥰😘😘
reading these made me relive the reasons why i left my husband of 32 yrs. doesn't matter if you are a man or a woman - sometimes the person you thought you knew was only the person that was being presented for their own agenda. what amazed me is that sometimes that person can keep up the charade for decades until they just feel like they can let it go because of the attitude of 'well, where are you going to go?'. i am disabled and even my friends thought i was crazy to live on my own again. so far, doing great! he, on the other hand, entered into a relationship immediately with someone who cheated on him as well as other things. the difference between me and her is that she is the kind that will not say no to anything, preferring to live with material comfort rather than autonomy.
Patti, I hope you have an extremely awesome 2022 just to spite him! It's your turn to shine, hon.
Patti, sending you hugs for your bravery and honesty. Have a great 2022 !
This is so infuriating to read. Yes, my parents stayed together for 44 years. But more than some of those years were pretty awful because of a health condition my Mom had and the only medications available to keep her alive made her volatile and cruel. There were times I wished they would divorce and I could live with my Dad. Finally, when there were different medications and she got switched, she became a different person. She was wonderful for the rest of her life. She once said that back then she thought everyone else was wrong and she was right when really it was the other way around. Both me and my Dad forgave. It was the meds. She was on ephedrine pills (used to be taken by folks to stay awake during long drives. Now illegal) Amesec pills (contained amphetamines) and isuprel spray. Pure uppers. She went through withdrawal. Those years were horrible. I dont know how or why at the time, we stayed.
Your Dad is amazing for seeung through the effects of the medication and her actual personality..Glad your mom got better..
Maybe your dad knew who she really was. He probably remembered her before the meds. I’m sorry you all went through that. It’s miserable not being able to relax in your own home, or to feel attacked all the time.
Ephedrine. That was the main ingredient in weight loss pills in the early 80's. My mother was taking them. She developed an explosive anger disorder. We went to pick up my new glasses and she screamed at the front desk person saying she already paid for them. (She didn't.) The eye doctor came out and asked her to leave or he would have to call the police. I took off my new glasses and handed them to the eye doctor. He bent down in front of me and said something kind, he let me keep the glasses. My mother literally dragged me out to the car, swearing the whole way. I was so embarrassed.