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Bullying should not be tolerated, no matter where it’s found. It can be a tough realization for parents that one of their children might be an actual bully, going around spreading cruelty. And then, when they face the consequences of their actions, they try to manipulate their way out of them.
One mom asked the AITA online community for a verdict on whether she was wrong to side with her husband’s strict punishment for her daughter. The teenager had found a very cruel way to tease her younger, possibly autistic half-sister, but thought it was unfair that she was being grounded. Scroll down to find out what happened.
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It can come as a shock to some parents that one of their children is a bully
Image credits: dimaberlin-1 / Freepik (not the actual photo)
This mom asked the internet to weigh in on how she and her husband handled a cruel case of bullying at home
Image credits: cottonbro studio / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: blipblipbulls**t
Image credits: Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
There is no excuse for bullying. It has a huge negative impact on many areas of the victim’s life
Coming to terms with the fact that your child might be a bully can be a very confusing time for parents. Nobody wants to think that their kid could behave cruelly. You start questioning your parenting skills, wonder where you’ve gone wrong, and ask yourself if there was anything you could have done differently to stop this earlier.
According to ‘Stop Bullying,’ some of the main signs that your child may be bullying others include them getting into physical or verbal fights, behaving increasingly aggressively, and having friends who are bullies.
Other red flag behaviors include your child having unexplained extra money or belongings, or getting sent to the principal’s office or detention frequently.
What’s more, bullies tend to be competitive, worry about their reputation or popularity, blame others for their problems, and don’t accept responsibility for their actions.
Bullying leads to profoundly negative results for the victims, who feel humiliated, socially isolated, scared, helpless, judged, and misunderstood. It also leads to declining physical, mental, and emotional health, decreased self-esteem, changes in eating or sleeping habits, declining grades, and sometimes even self-destructive behavior.
Image credits: maryanaserdynska / Freepik (not the actual photo)
In some cases, bullies behave the way that they do due to insecurities, unmet emotional needs, and a lack of control
Meanwhile, licensed trauma therapist Malka Shaw, LCSW, told ‘Parents’ magazine that the expression “hurt people, hurt people” is “very true.”
“Bullying usually comes from unmet emotional needs, not innate meanness. Some common themes include insecurity, low self-worth, peer pressure, or feeling out of control…. Emotional dysregulation and struggles with impulse control or managing frustration can also spill into aggression,” she explained.
Bullies tend to be controlling, dominating, entitled, secretive, make hurtful jokes, blame others, and lack empathy. According to Shaw, lacking empathy doesn’t automatically make someone a bully, but it is something to look out for. Another major red flag is cruelty to animals.
“Peer groups have the most influence in the adolescent phase. If their peers mock others, share inside jokes meant to exclude, or seem to thrive on drama, your child may be going along with it—or learning those behaviors to stay in the group,” Shaw told ‘Parents.’
What do you think, Pandas? Do you think the parents were right to ground the teen for how she mistreated her half-sister? Or would you have handled things differently? How would you react if you learned that your own child went around bullying other kids? If you’ve ever been bullied before, how did you tackle the issue? Share your thoughts below.
The internet had mixed reactions to the story. The author answered their questions and shared more details in the comments
Many readers thought that the mom handled things the right way. Here’s their take
Not everyone was on the same page. A few internet users thought that everyone was in the wrong
Some internet users went as far as to call the mom out
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What do you think ?
StumblingThroughLife 1 day ago (edited)
I'm confused (no surprise, lol), but she states her exes new wife had twins older than Annie? Does that mean his wife already had twins before marrying? That makes more sense, or I missed that bit. NTA re: the stepdad grounding a bully - because that is what she is, unfortunately. It does often happen in these situations, (my mum remarried - and I/my 2 siblings acquired 2 much younger step siblings, and sometimes it was difficult due to frequent favouritism - from both parents, tbh - but I was 15 then, and I made the decision to ignore it). A 16-year-old, bullying a 9-year-old, is horrible/childish and she deserves her punishment.
Cee Cee 22 hours ago (edited)
Lots of comments criticising the lack of a formal diagnosis. OP is in the UK and mental health/special needs provision are stretched almost to breaking point, not forgetting the impact of covid. Unless OP goes down the private route (expensive) the waiting list for neurodivergent assessment and diagnoses is very long. Annie is not being nice to an innocent 9 year old and is a bully. Therapy needed all round.
Michelle C 1 day ago
It's not putting one child over the other, it's disciplining one child for picking on the other...it's parenting. A 16 y/o has no place tormenting a 9 y/o and the punishment is appropriate. The people saying YTA obviously don't have kids or dealt with blended family situation. Sometimes the child from the previous relationship will not accept the new parent no matter how hard they try, so the fact that the father doesn't have a good relationship with her stepdad doesn't automatically make him the problem. Also a 16 y/o shouldn't expect to be coddled at the same level as a 9 & 7 y/o, younger children require more attention and 16 y/o should be operating with more independence. That's the point of growing up. It doesn't mean that mom loves her less. Her behavior to a child almost half her age is an issue and they should look into therapy.
StumblingThroughLife 1 day ago (edited)
I'm confused (no surprise, lol), but she states her exes new wife had twins older than Annie? Does that mean his wife already had twins before marrying? That makes more sense, or I missed that bit. NTA re: the stepdad grounding a bully - because that is what she is, unfortunately. It does often happen in these situations, (my mum remarried - and I/my 2 siblings acquired 2 much younger step siblings, and sometimes it was difficult due to frequent favouritism - from both parents, tbh - but I was 15 then, and I made the decision to ignore it). A 16-year-old, bullying a 9-year-old, is horrible/childish and she deserves her punishment.
Cee Cee 22 hours ago (edited)
Lots of comments criticising the lack of a formal diagnosis. OP is in the UK and mental health/special needs provision are stretched almost to breaking point, not forgetting the impact of covid. Unless OP goes down the private route (expensive) the waiting list for neurodivergent assessment and diagnoses is very long. Annie is not being nice to an innocent 9 year old and is a bully. Therapy needed all round.
Michelle C 1 day ago
It's not putting one child over the other, it's disciplining one child for picking on the other...it's parenting. A 16 y/o has no place tormenting a 9 y/o and the punishment is appropriate. The people saying YTA obviously don't have kids or dealt with blended family situation. Sometimes the child from the previous relationship will not accept the new parent no matter how hard they try, so the fact that the father doesn't have a good relationship with her stepdad doesn't automatically make him the problem. Also a 16 y/o shouldn't expect to be coddled at the same level as a 9 & 7 y/o, younger children require more attention and 16 y/o should be operating with more independence. That's the point of growing up. It doesn't mean that mom loves her less. Her behavior to a child almost half her age is an issue and they should look into therapy.
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