“Am I A Jerk For Telling My Brother Off When He Berated My Daughter For Not Changing Her Cousin’s Diaper?”

Isn't it on youtube? Youtube teaches me how to make Greek meat balls, fix my bike, they must have some information video on diapers.

It's not really as simple as that. Youtube has videos for how to paint a masterpiece or how surgery is performed too, it doesn't mean watchers must be able to do it. Extreme examples I know. But even with a tutorial, i'd still be very uncomfortable and unsure. Plus you can't ask a tutorial questions in real time. The daughter was going out anyway, she shouldn't be expected to take time to learn how to change a diaper then do it.

Where there is a will there is a way, and OP and daughter just wanted to take and not give.

We don't know the full story. I wouldn't expect my 18 year old to change a nappy if they'd never done it.

Yeah, YouTube can teach people a lot of things – I’ve used it many times for many different things - but, what happens if you screw up the meatballs? Or drop the bowl & spatula? Maybe you’re out a couple of bucks ingredients. What happens if you drop the baby?… Just for reference, I’ve raise three kids & done daycare/childcare for more than 20 years… But I can absolutely remember when it was a terrifying, terrifying, prospect. And, can you imagine how the brother would have gone off, had he watched something happened on that nanny cam? Should they be paying rent &/or helping out? Absolutely. Should childcare expectations have been stated upfront? Holy cow, yes! OP needs to get out on their own w/daughter. They need to heal and find their way. Thank the brother kindly for his hospitality, but it’s time to go. And, for your daughters future, maybe find some way – with NO pressure–for her to learn to change a diaper. She may find it’s a useful skill, one day lol Merry Christmas!

But i quess you are living on your own and you don't owe anybody anything...

So true. It’s very gross!

Especially living with someone for 3 months as a favor. I have never changed a diaper, but if someone let me live with them as a favor I think I could learn.

Are you 18? If not, you can’t really say.

I'm 35 and have been around lots of babies in my life. Not once have I ever even attempted to learn to change a nappy. Anything to do with looking after children is a hard boundary for me, except in serious emergencies. By which I mean, the parents are incapacitated due to illness or injury, and I'm just there to pass the child off to someone more suited. Living with a new baby would not change this, because I have no interest or desire to learn. And yes, I'm female.

I’ve replied to you elsewhere on this, Mirabelle. Boundaries are fine, as long as they are communicated early. Maybe that was the case here, but we don’t know, and the fact that this lead to the aunt kicking them out sounds like it’s more than that.

This is a great idea! The clean diaper thing.

Sure, because the baby will not soil a clean diaper until it's convenient for dad.

Unless the diaper already was clean beforehand. Dad can't exactly ask his infant politely to just "hold it" until the meeting is over.

Unless the father is in a 2-3 hour meeting, starting off changing the diaper before the meeting can make sure they child is at least ok for part of it. A child is not going to die if that have a freshly soiled diaper on for less than an hour. If his meeting was going to be longer than that, he should have either scheduled it for a time when either his wife or brother was there or arranged for someone else to watch the kid. Don't just assume because she 18 and female that the niece has an automatic instinct on how to change diapers. This all comes to poor planning on the part of the babies father.

Agreed! Plan better for this type of situation. Unless the job pays so low that this is a problem 😕

Oh absolutely on the planning ahead! But...who are you directing the "just because she's female" remark at? Because I fail to see what gender has to do with it.

Because a number of people are sexist and wouldn't dream of asking a 18 male but a 18 female would be asked, so the 'just because she's female' applies in quite a number of similar situations.

@Abellius that's a paper tiger argument. No one is suggesting that. We're all saying the baby's father should have planned better.

@ Rahul Pawa I will have to admit...that I totally had to Google that term because I have never up until today even remotely heard of it. I should probably watch my sarcasm on the internet. Because internet. Not everyone is going to understand every meaning behind text alone. An absolute oops on my part. But to get back to the opinionated comments, of course dad could have planned better. Rescheduling was an option, or excusing himself for a few to change a diaper. Maybe OP's daughter could have explained to her uncle, just as she explained to OP, her discomfort around infants, and that she had already made plans. And he shouldn't have solely been banking on her that she'd just say yes just because she just so happened to be there right that second! She was on her way out the door, apparently. Sometimes circumstances make people unavailable. Planning and some communication ahead of time would've definitely done some form of good for the lot of them, I think.

Yes!

You seriously think babies only defecate at pre-set times???

I quess every women would do it. But i don't thing this was going about one diaper.

I wouldn't, I'm 36 and female. I have changed many an adult inco aid (they are not babies so I will NOT use the word diaper or nappy) but I do not and will not change babies. I am Not comfortable with children and have no maternal instincts at all. You may ask of corse but it's still my right to say no

I'm glad someone brought this up! I actually am caring for one of my elderly family members right now. You're right that the term "diaper" or "nappy" seems a little off the mark when they're adults, so personally I just say briefs 😆

But that would've been communicated beforehand. The issue wasn't so much she refused to change one diaper, it was the reaction. If the brother had just reminded her that he would like some help while staying there in a reasonable tone then I don't think there would have been such a big deal about it between the brother and the parent of the teen. To make an 18 year old cry takes more than just a scolding. So, who knows what else was happening or said before her parent came in the door.

Exactly 💯 is more to this than what is meeting the eye right now.

You don't need much to get an 18 year old crying. Children who aren't used to it will cry. Not only children...

Within reason, Paul. Taking care of someone's child is something that needs to be discussed beforehand because some people aren't comfortable dealing with babies, it can quickly morph into "well you changed a diaper once so you are now responsible for providing hours of childcare", and no one's responsibility except the parents. Run the vacuum, wash dishes, grab groceries, etc? Yes, because OP and her daughter directly impact those things. Childcare/assistance with baby need to be discussed beforehand. Barring an emergency, childcare is not automatically anyone else's responsibility. It's ok to ask, but to get scream at someone says no is insane. What did dad do before OP moved in?

Omg this right here100%. Also just slightly off topic it goes to parents with elder kids especially when they expect the elder ones to be free childcare 24/7 ..

If she wasn't comfortable with taking care of a baby and she already had plans, him and his gf should have known and planned ahead accordingly. This isn't like asking someone to wash dishes or take out the trash.

Very true. And if they wanted them to help out with the baby or more household chores berating someone else's daughter is not the way to go. They could have gone a much calmer way for dealing with this whole thing. Edit: always the n instead of space bar. 😣

Poeha, it sounds like you and I are in the minority lol - but at least we know which Entitled Pandas not to welcome into our home!

Yes. it seems the brother compensates the lack of his asertiveness with agression towards the weaker

Exactly 💯 that was my thought . There is more to this that this dad is not putting out there.

We don't really know if OP is the dad or the mom here, though... Unless I overlooked it?

The fact that neither she during her argument with her uncle nor OP mentioned it, while it would have been a mayor point in her favor, while stating that her being late at the party was also a reason to not help out (so she clearly draw the line not just at the diapers). Also note that OP just mentioned to have been out of the house - which could or could not have been for an important reason - instead of helping out the brother during the conference. People usually tend to leave out unfavorable information rather than favorable ones...

Most diaper changes are because they are wet not dirty

Cool, house your own damned offspring