“Am I A Jerk For Telling My Brother Off When He Berated My Daughter For Not Changing Her Cousin’s Diaper?”
One good turn deserves another. You ought to repay kindness with kindness. Well, ideally. But often it can be hard to know when to lend someone a helping hand and when to say ‘no’ and enforce healthy boundaries. Things can get especially murky, emotionally, when dealing with your relatives whom you love and care about.
Redditor u/Throwaway22155722 shared a story about the sensitive situation they and their daughter are currently in. They’re being evicted by the OP’s brother and his girlfriend, who had agreed to let them stay after the redditor’s divorce. And it all happened because of a single dirty diaper that wasn’t changed. You’ll find the full story below, dear Pandas. Scroll down, have a read, and share your opinions in the comments. Do you think that anyone was in the wrong here? What would you have done?
An 18-year-old refusing to change her cousin’s diaper led to a major argument in the family
Image source: Janko Ferlič (not the actual photo)
Her parent shared exactly what happened in a viral post on the AITA online community
Image source: Timur Weber (not the actual photo)
Image source: Throwaway22155722
The author of the post wanted to get the AITA online community’s opinion on who was wrong in this particular case. The OP was unsure if they should have called out their brother, who’d berated their daughter. This happened because the 18-year-old didn’t want to change her cousin’s diaper. This devolved into a major argument, with tempers flaring on all sides.
The end result? The brother’s girlfriend got involved and gave their two guests two weeks to pack their bags and move out.
At the time of writing, most redditors believed that there weren’t any jerks in this case. That’s quite a rare occurrence: usually, in these types of stories, there’s a (more or less) clear hero and villain. Not so in this case. It seems like pretty much everyone had good reason to act like they did. However, that doesn’t mean that other internet users didn’t have strong opinions one way or the other. Some thought the OP was a jerk; others deemed that they did nothing wrong; while some even believed that absolutely everyone was to blame.
Unfortunately, the end result isn’t one that’s going to benefit anyone. Especially not the OP and their daughter. Hopefully, everyone will be able to move past the incident. Eventually.
When it comes to close family members, it’s often best to try and resolve any issues in a calm and collected manner. But in practice, tempers can—and do—rise. After all, it’s a very human desire to be understood. It’s also very human to believe that our position is the sensible one: it’s everyone else who’s got it a tad backwards! But, at the end of the day, you have to weigh what your goals are. Would you rather be right? Or would you prefer to be happy?
It’s usually best to find some sort of compromise and meet your loved ones halfway. There’s really nothing better on offer than having an honest conversation about how everyone feels and what kind of behavior irked them. It might feel awkward. It might not be pleasant. But it’s pretty much the only way to find a proper solution to similar situations. And, frankly, it’s better than the alternative: fragmenting the entire family.
Try to think about things from a macro scale. In fifty or so years, would you rather everyone apologized to each other and found a way to coexist? Or would you have been proud that everyone got into a huge argument, and everyone drifted apart?
Very Well Mind suggests that you take a look at how your arguments usually go. Try to identify the patterns. Then, consider how you’d like the conversation to go. Think about the entire tone of the interaction, and try to bypass how you would usually react (e.g. by being overly defensive, immediately flaring up, etc.). Then, try and lead the entire situation in a more positive, less hostile direction.
Meanwhile, the Better Health Channels notes that you can try to find some common ground between you. What’s more, it’s vital to actively listen to the other side. Everyone wants to be heard; but often, we’re so busy trying to ‘win’ the conversation and have everyone’s attention on us that we forget it’s a discussion, not a monologue.
People’s opinions were split on the topic. Some thought that the author of the post did nothing wrong
Other internet users, however, believed that the 18-year-old’s parent was to blame for the entire situation
Some even thought that absolutely everyone was to blame for the drama
If you've never changed a diaper it can be a bigger task and mess than it seems to someone more experienced. What would happen if this family didn't have their extended kin around? This dad would've had to go tend to his baby, anyways, or might've just left her to cry in a dirty diaper. That wasn't a "favour" if the dad blew up like that. It sounds like an opportunistic expectation. The parent and 18 yr old should just move out anyways. They're going through enough turmoil and don't need to put up with a grown man's temper tantrum because of their choices to have a baby while both needing to work, and deciding on working from home.... with a baby. Btw, a baby cam is not a babysitter. If there were a real emergency or something was wrong with the baby, he would have still had to cut that meeting short. Did he lose his job over it? Get in trouble? Just like a lot of mothers who work from home and outside, being a working parent means you sometimes have to put your kids as top priority.
This. I am 35 and have never had to change a diaper and would absolutely not feel able to do so without help.
Load More Replies...
NTA. You should never ask someone to change a diaper that has never done it before. Someone said it's a task that takes 3-5 minutes. Yeah..if you know what you're doing and where everything is. As far as the Father of the baby having to drop out of the meeting and got kicked out...he's full of c**p. Webex and Zoom meetings have where you can stop your video and audio. Just make an excuse "Someone's at the door. brb." If the daughters diaper changing only would take 3-5 minutes, then he could have easily done it and have been back in the meeting before anyone missed him. He just expected free nanny services out of his niece.
Exactly. And, he already had the daughter scheduled in to change diaper. HE is TA
Load More Replies...
Lack of communication from all parts here. But to solve the situation, isnt people allowed bathroom breaks even at meeting? He could have said he needed to pee if he wasnt comfortable telling them he cyanged diapers.
its called asertiveness, apparently the brother does not have it
Load More Replies...
If you've never changed a diaper it can be a bigger task and mess than it seems to someone more experienced. What would happen if this family didn't have their extended kin around? This dad would've had to go tend to his baby, anyways, or might've just left her to cry in a dirty diaper. That wasn't a "favour" if the dad blew up like that. It sounds like an opportunistic expectation. The parent and 18 yr old should just move out anyways. They're going through enough turmoil and don't need to put up with a grown man's temper tantrum because of their choices to have a baby while both needing to work, and deciding on working from home.... with a baby. Btw, a baby cam is not a babysitter. If there were a real emergency or something was wrong with the baby, he would have still had to cut that meeting short. Did he lose his job over it? Get in trouble? Just like a lot of mothers who work from home and outside, being a working parent means you sometimes have to put your kids as top priority.
This. I am 35 and have never had to change a diaper and would absolutely not feel able to do so without help.
Load More Replies... NTA. You should never ask someone to change a diaper that has never done it before. Someone said it's a task that takes 3-5 minutes. Yeah..if you know what you're doing and where everything is. As far as the Father of the baby having to drop out of the meeting and got kicked out...he's full of c**p. Webex and Zoom meetings have where you can stop your video and audio. Just make an excuse "Someone's at the door. brb." If the daughters diaper changing only would take 3-5 minutes, then he could have easily done it and have been back in the meeting before anyone missed him. He just expected free nanny services out of his niece.
Exactly. And, he already had the daughter scheduled in to change diaper. HE is TA
Load More Replies... Lack of communication from all parts here. But to solve the situation, isnt people allowed bathroom breaks even at meeting? He could have said he needed to pee if he wasnt comfortable telling them he cyanged diapers.
its called asertiveness, apparently the brother does not have it
Load More Replies...
77
341