By the age of 2, toddlers are talking, walking, climbing, running, and jumping. Both parents and pediatricians often speak of the “terrible twos,” as this developmental phase is often marked by tantrums, defiant behavior, and lots of frustration.
This period requires a lot of patience, but Gwenna Laithland, the creator of the parenting website Momma Cusses, recently released a TikTok video where she explained that giving her 2-year-old daughter a bob haircut was a really good decision and made things at least a little bit easier.
The “terrible twos” can be hard to handle, but mom Gwenna Laithland said there’s a simple solution that can remedy some of the smaller issues
Image credits: christening (not the actual photo)
She got her daughter a short haircut and said it made their everyday life easier
Image credits: mommacusses
Gwenna explained the changes in a TikTok video
@mommacusses Sometimes waiting a bit to encourage skill mastery is okay. They don’t have to be good at all of it immediately. #mommacusses #responsiveparent #gentleparent #momlife #motherhood ♬ original sound – Momma Cusses
And it has since gone viral
Image credits: mommacusses
“I cut my daughter’s hair off because I didn’t want to brush it. And I know some of you are already in the comment section writing a whole paragraph of how that’s horrible parenting, it’s traumatizing, and how could I even? Listen, listen, my daughter was two and hated having her hair brushed.”
Image credits: mommacusses
“I’m talking screaming, wailing, gnashing of teeth, WWE-worthy wrestling matches just to untangle her hair. You’ve heard the advice ‘pick your battles.’ Well, that wasn’t a battle I was interested in picking.”
Image credits: mommacusses
“So I took her to the salon and we gave her a bob, right up to the chin, [which] greatly reduced the amount of hair we had to brush. Two-year-olds, well, they’re a lot. They’re just getting used to their own bodies. Their world is expanding. They’re beginning to form opinions of their own, and it didn’t feel like to me that was the right time to begin the great hygiene battle.”
Image credits: mommacusses
“Fast forward two years and my now four-year-old loves having her hair done. Brushes, braids, bows. She’s game. That’s partly because she got older and her tolerance for stuff increased. And that’s partly because we didn’t make an issue. We minimized the conflict by minimizing the amount of hair we had to brush. Some might say that’s capitulating to a two-year-old. I say work smarter, not harder. As parents, we have to teach our kids a lot of things but not all at the same time.”
Image credits: mommacusses
Caring for toddlers is sometimes fun and sometimes overwhelming, but it’s always busy, so you can understand why a parent might want to save every ounce of energy they can. From potty training to storytime to full-blown tantrums, there is never a dull moment with toddlers.
Tantrums can be particularly challenging and can range from mild whining to all-out hysterical meltdowns. In addition to crying, a child might also get physical, which may include:
- hitting;
- kicking;
- biting;
- throwing things.
While the tantrums may seem never-ending while in the midst of one, according to results from a 2003 study, an estimated 75 percent of them in kids 18 to 60 months last for five minutes or less.
Whether it comes at 18 months or 3 years of age, most young kids — at least in the Western world, where there are certain societal expectations for their behavior — will display some signs of the terrible twos.
Kids at this age are developing independence and a sense of self, so it’s natural that their views and expectations don’t always match up with those of their parents or caregivers.
Still, some children will breeze through the terrible twos with fewer tantrums than others. This is especially the case if they have advanced language skills, which help them express themselves more clearly and cut down on frustration.
Image credits: Jep Gambardella (not the actual photo)
Parents and caregivers can also help by avoiding some common meltdown triggers. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends the following:
- Keep regular meal and sleep schedules. Less desirable behavior is more likely to happen when your child is tired or hungry.
- Praise behaviors you approve of and ignore ones you want to discourage.
- Don’t spank or hit, and try to avoid yelling. You want to model nonviolent behavior for your child.
- Redirect or distract when you can. Point out something funny or interesting when your child starts to whine or misbehave.
- Keep rules simple and offer brief explanations. For example, tell your child they have to hold your hand when they cross the street because you don’t want a car to hurt them.
- Let your child have some control by offering a choice between two things. For example, you might say “Would you like to wear your blue sweater or yellow jacket today?”
- Keep your toddler’s home environment safe. If you don’t want them getting into something, put it out of sight if you can.
- Don’t give in. Set your limits and be consistent.
- Stay calm. Your child will feed off your stress. Count to 10 or take a deep breath, whatever helps you to keep your cool.
Or cut their hair if it’s getting in the way of them having a calmer day!
Some of the people who saw the video thought Gwenna’s decision was a good idea
But others questioned it, fearing how such an appearance might affect the child
Cutting a two year olds hair for convenience is nothing at all like cutting a 12 year olds hair against their will. Forcing a toddler to undergo a daily routine they find torturous, just to meet an arbitrary, gendered, beauty standard would be so much worse. After all no one would have batted an eye if she got her 2 year old BOY a super short hair cut for convenience.
I agree with your entire statement, but I triple agree with your last one.
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I did the same with my daughter. She was just as beautiful, and we were both happier.
i wish my mom let me cut my hair, i'm tenderheaded and it hurts a lot, but she insists on it
This is the same but reverse. If you want to cut your hair you should be able to. I think cutting a two year old kids hair to make it manageable is smart. When she starts taking care of it herself let her choose. We cut my long hair off when I was around 5 and I have kept it short ever since and I am 44. When it starts touching my neck, time to cut. I basically keep it in a bob.
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I'm with her on this one. It's just not worth the battle with a 2yo over hair. I did the same thing with my daughter. She's now 10 and allowed to do basically anything she wants with her hair since she's capable of doing it herself.
I'm 54 and have still never forgiven my mum for cutting my hair short when I was 5 years old. I cried for what seemed like forever and what hurt most was all the other girls in school with their beautiful long hair, the ponytails, the braids, the curls, ugh. As an adult I constantly struggled to allow enough of a trim at the hair dressers. I still hate short hair to this day.
Why would you get downvoted? ‘Cause your experience doesn’t line up w/ people’s opinions? No one said how the kid reacted, also. The child could’ve cried and been sad about her hair. But the mom doesn’t share any reaction
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I still hate brushing my hair. I ended up ditching a brushes and buying a bunch of pics because they worked better and tangled less. I have to comb it with a shower comb or brushing it later will suck.
Same. If I was male I would shave it all off and be happy.
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I have naturally curly hair- the only one of my 5 siblings to get "blessed" with it, though my dad and his siblings all had naturally curly hair, and 2 of my 4 kids got this gene. My mom had a tough time dealing with my curls, so, from the age of 6 until I was 18, my hair was cut short because we didn't know how to deal with my naturally curly hair. This was in the 70s before the hair products avaliable now- One of my sisters, prolly jealous, often told me I was adopted because my hair was different from the rest of the family but no one questioned why my dad and his sibs kept short hair. For me, I didn't appreciate my curly hair until my 30s, and now in my 50s, while my sibs hair is thinning but mine isn't, I'm glad my hair is still gorgeous, curly, and that I got the better DNA than my sibs.
i wish i had a mom like her. wen i was a child i had really long blonde hair. my mom loved it and wouldnt let me get it cut no matter how much i complained about it. its kinda like i had the hair she wishes she had so i was stuck with it. wen my hair started turning brown she made me get blonde highlights. eventually i stopped the highlights and i did cut it but my mom supervised the salon worker. it was embarassing. she didnt want it too short. it was still too long for me in the end. well guess wat as soon as my parents moved to florida after i got married i not only cut my hair short i also dyed it wine red. basically i did both things my mom would freak out about lol. its been a little over 2 years and i dont think shes accepted the color but she has accepted the length. thankfully my husband helped with that by giving me a really short hair cut during lockdown. so my hair was short for my wedding but i made it work and my mom liked it.
Wow, I'm so sorry that your mom did that to you. There is no reason to dye your child's hair just so they can look how you want them to. You're beautiful no matter how your hair is
Load More Replies... I never brushed my hair when I was ~5 so my parents made me get this really short haircut as both a solution and a punishment. Joke's on them, I didn't care.
My mom did that to me because I would chew on my hair and it was pretty much unbrushable. Even though I have the straightest hair ever, it got tangled so fast. I got it cut, and life was easier. I kept getting it cut until I was about 12, and now it’s growing out
I grew up with a pixie cut for just this reason. I was an active little tomboy and it was easier all around. To this day, I still have super-short hair.
When my youngest sister was, idk, 5 or so she hated having to brush her hair, even with help. She had a head full of curls back then, so lots of tangles. And lots of hair brushing related tantrums. Our parents had to tell her a few times that either her hair gets brushed - or it would have to be cut off. This ultimately always worked in favor of the hair brushing, but that was because she was old enough to understand the choice and to actively want the hair.
Come on people. This child is TWO this is very different from cutting the hair off a child 8, 10, 12 years old. By that age you are becoming independent and others opinions matter....a lot. A 2yo will be less traumatized by avoiding the daily fight.
So many people commenting on her makeup. I think it looks cool with her hair, it's something different and this seems like someone I'd like to be friends with
When I was little (… up until I was 9 or so) I couldn’t stand having my hair brushed, and also couldn’t do it myself. I have very thick, hard to care for hair, and when I was 9 or 10 or whatever my mom made me cut it to my shoulders because I couldn’t take care of it and she didn’t want to have to brush it (I had mostly grown out of the crying meltdowns at least). I hated it but it was the right decision, and as a toddler I probably should have kept my hair shorter.
She is a great mom and she didn't do it in a mean way... her chanel is great
I begged my mom to cut my hair. I have super baby fine hair that is horrible. It tangles, it doesn't hold any hair styles, and once it hits my shoulders it matts and I wind up looking like Medusa. That was my nickname in Catholic school because of my horrible hair, Medusa. But because Mom had long hair I had to have it too "just like her" Finally one afternoon, after a horrible school day of being called Medusa and worse, I took my mom's scissors and cut the garbage off myself. She gets home, she sees me, she's furious. I point at the trash can: "what you gonna do about it, take the hairs out and glue them back on me?" She never questioned my hair length again Mother's need to understand we daughters are people, not baby dolls or Barbies!
She has the patience to ridiculously color her own hair & apply garish makeup, but not brush her child's hair. Great parenting.
I love Gwenna, love her channel. I'm well over the parenting young children hump, my youngest will be 18 in a couple of months, I find her advice to be spot on. She has an older teen as well, and I love their relationship:) If anyone has a teen, or a tween, she's got some good experience to share there as well. Also, she's hysterical! Highly recommend, no matter where you are in your parenting journey.
I am a Mom and a Hairstylist. At the age of 2 most hair can become very knotty especially if it is fine hair. I cut my daughter's hair in a cute bob at about 2 and a half. ( she cried a bit only because she was a bit scared and did not like to get her hair combed anyway) After that her hair grew in beautiful long hair. I will never cut a childs hair short if it is used as a punishment. I have denied to cut a few girls hair (our school boys are required to wear short hair - never had a boy with long hair) as I can not cut a childs hair as they cry tears of absolute heartache. I do not want them to have me part of this bad memory.
I did the same thing to my oldest daughter. She was in like 3rd grade I believe. I told her 3 different times to brush her hair, before I brushed through it. She still wouldn't. Her hair was down to the middle of her back, got it cut to her jawline. She cried while getting it cut. Never had an issue with her brushing and taking care of her hair again
Another way to save time might be to stop dressing yourself as goth pennywise?
My mom did the same thing to me. First she braided my hair in side braids that I HATED and her reason was that that was the only way she knew to do hair. Then after I was too old, she kept making me get it cut short. When she told me to go get a hair cut when I was 14, I finally told her no, that I wanted to grow my hair out, and we argued, and that was the first time I stood up to her, and actually got to wear my hair the way I wanted to. I hope you're burning in hell, mom, you made my life hell
This lady's kid is now four with longer hair because she can now help style it and sits better for it to be cared for
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She like what she sees when she looks in the mirror, so that’s all that counts 🤷it harms no one else, beyond a metaphorical slap in the eyes
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It's got nothing to do with appearance though and everything to do with practicality. She didn't cut the kid's hair cause she likes how it looks, she was just sick of the struggle. Which is fair. Kids can grow their hair out when they can take care of it by themselves.
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Spoken like someone who has never parented a toddler. 1) "Picking Battles" is in fact key to parenting a toddler. Giving these little people autonomy when you can, but holding firm boundaries when it is important is key to raising toddlers. It's how they develop independence, and good decision making skills. "My way or the HIghway" is the route to tantrums, misery, and ultimately less competent big kids. 2) Gently combing out tangles is nearly impossible when that hair is on a r̶a̶b̶i̶d̶ ̶o̶c̶t̶o̶p̶u̶s̶ ̶ toddler hellbent on squirming away from you. Edited to add: 3) Nothing is easy with a 2 year old. NOTHING!
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On the rare occasion I find myself thinking less of others' appearance, I tell myself "No judging". If it makes them happy and they turn out to be lovely as people, I don't see the issue. Most people know to change clothes and grooming for job interviews and other occasions, so I wouldn't worry about the daughter's future.
Load More Replies... Cutting a two year olds hair for convenience is nothing at all like cutting a 12 year olds hair against their will. Forcing a toddler to undergo a daily routine they find torturous, just to meet an arbitrary, gendered, beauty standard would be so much worse. After all no one would have batted an eye if she got her 2 year old BOY a super short hair cut for convenience.
I agree with your entire statement, but I triple agree with your last one.
Load More Replies... I did the same with my daughter. She was just as beautiful, and we were both happier.
i wish my mom let me cut my hair, i'm tenderheaded and it hurts a lot, but she insists on it
This is the same but reverse. If you want to cut your hair you should be able to. I think cutting a two year old kids hair to make it manageable is smart. When she starts taking care of it herself let her choose. We cut my long hair off when I was around 5 and I have kept it short ever since and I am 44. When it starts touching my neck, time to cut. I basically keep it in a bob.
Load More Replies... I'm with her on this one. It's just not worth the battle with a 2yo over hair. I did the same thing with my daughter. She's now 10 and allowed to do basically anything she wants with her hair since she's capable of doing it herself.
I'm 54 and have still never forgiven my mum for cutting my hair short when I was 5 years old. I cried for what seemed like forever and what hurt most was all the other girls in school with their beautiful long hair, the ponytails, the braids, the curls, ugh. As an adult I constantly struggled to allow enough of a trim at the hair dressers. I still hate short hair to this day.
Why would you get downvoted? ‘Cause your experience doesn’t line up w/ people’s opinions? No one said how the kid reacted, also. The child could’ve cried and been sad about her hair. But the mom doesn’t share any reaction
Load More Replies... I still hate brushing my hair. I ended up ditching a brushes and buying a bunch of pics because they worked better and tangled less. I have to comb it with a shower comb or brushing it later will suck.
Same. If I was male I would shave it all off and be happy.
Load More Replies... I have naturally curly hair- the only one of my 5 siblings to get "blessed" with it, though my dad and his siblings all had naturally curly hair, and 2 of my 4 kids got this gene. My mom had a tough time dealing with my curls, so, from the age of 6 until I was 18, my hair was cut short because we didn't know how to deal with my naturally curly hair. This was in the 70s before the hair products avaliable now- One of my sisters, prolly jealous, often told me I was adopted because my hair was different from the rest of the family but no one questioned why my dad and his sibs kept short hair. For me, I didn't appreciate my curly hair until my 30s, and now in my 50s, while my sibs hair is thinning but mine isn't, I'm glad my hair is still gorgeous, curly, and that I got the better DNA than my sibs.
i wish i had a mom like her. wen i was a child i had really long blonde hair. my mom loved it and wouldnt let me get it cut no matter how much i complained about it. its kinda like i had the hair she wishes she had so i was stuck with it. wen my hair started turning brown she made me get blonde highlights. eventually i stopped the highlights and i did cut it but my mom supervised the salon worker. it was embarassing. she didnt want it too short. it was still too long for me in the end. well guess wat as soon as my parents moved to florida after i got married i not only cut my hair short i also dyed it wine red. basically i did both things my mom would freak out about lol. its been a little over 2 years and i dont think shes accepted the color but she has accepted the length. thankfully my husband helped with that by giving me a really short hair cut during lockdown. so my hair was short for my wedding but i made it work and my mom liked it.
Wow, I'm so sorry that your mom did that to you. There is no reason to dye your child's hair just so they can look how you want them to. You're beautiful no matter how your hair is
Load More Replies... I never brushed my hair when I was ~5 so my parents made me get this really short haircut as both a solution and a punishment. Joke's on them, I didn't care.
My mom did that to me because I would chew on my hair and it was pretty much unbrushable. Even though I have the straightest hair ever, it got tangled so fast. I got it cut, and life was easier. I kept getting it cut until I was about 12, and now it’s growing out
I grew up with a pixie cut for just this reason. I was an active little tomboy and it was easier all around. To this day, I still have super-short hair.
When my youngest sister was, idk, 5 or so she hated having to brush her hair, even with help. She had a head full of curls back then, so lots of tangles. And lots of hair brushing related tantrums. Our parents had to tell her a few times that either her hair gets brushed - or it would have to be cut off. This ultimately always worked in favor of the hair brushing, but that was because she was old enough to understand the choice and to actively want the hair.
Come on people. This child is TWO this is very different from cutting the hair off a child 8, 10, 12 years old. By that age you are becoming independent and others opinions matter....a lot. A 2yo will be less traumatized by avoiding the daily fight.
So many people commenting on her makeup. I think it looks cool with her hair, it's something different and this seems like someone I'd like to be friends with
When I was little (… up until I was 9 or so) I couldn’t stand having my hair brushed, and also couldn’t do it myself. I have very thick, hard to care for hair, and when I was 9 or 10 or whatever my mom made me cut it to my shoulders because I couldn’t take care of it and she didn’t want to have to brush it (I had mostly grown out of the crying meltdowns at least). I hated it but it was the right decision, and as a toddler I probably should have kept my hair shorter.
She is a great mom and she didn't do it in a mean way... her chanel is great
I begged my mom to cut my hair. I have super baby fine hair that is horrible. It tangles, it doesn't hold any hair styles, and once it hits my shoulders it matts and I wind up looking like Medusa. That was my nickname in Catholic school because of my horrible hair, Medusa. But because Mom had long hair I had to have it too "just like her" Finally one afternoon, after a horrible school day of being called Medusa and worse, I took my mom's scissors and cut the garbage off myself. She gets home, she sees me, she's furious. I point at the trash can: "what you gonna do about it, take the hairs out and glue them back on me?" She never questioned my hair length again Mother's need to understand we daughters are people, not baby dolls or Barbies!
She has the patience to ridiculously color her own hair & apply garish makeup, but not brush her child's hair. Great parenting.
I love Gwenna, love her channel. I'm well over the parenting young children hump, my youngest will be 18 in a couple of months, I find her advice to be spot on. She has an older teen as well, and I love their relationship:) If anyone has a teen, or a tween, she's got some good experience to share there as well. Also, she's hysterical! Highly recommend, no matter where you are in your parenting journey.
I am a Mom and a Hairstylist. At the age of 2 most hair can become very knotty especially if it is fine hair. I cut my daughter's hair in a cute bob at about 2 and a half. ( she cried a bit only because she was a bit scared and did not like to get her hair combed anyway) After that her hair grew in beautiful long hair. I will never cut a childs hair short if it is used as a punishment. I have denied to cut a few girls hair (our school boys are required to wear short hair - never had a boy with long hair) as I can not cut a childs hair as they cry tears of absolute heartache. I do not want them to have me part of this bad memory.
I did the same thing to my oldest daughter. She was in like 3rd grade I believe. I told her 3 different times to brush her hair, before I brushed through it. She still wouldn't. Her hair was down to the middle of her back, got it cut to her jawline. She cried while getting it cut. Never had an issue with her brushing and taking care of her hair again
Another way to save time might be to stop dressing yourself as goth pennywise?
My mom did the same thing to me. First she braided my hair in side braids that I HATED and her reason was that that was the only way she knew to do hair. Then after I was too old, she kept making me get it cut short. When she told me to go get a hair cut when I was 14, I finally told her no, that I wanted to grow my hair out, and we argued, and that was the first time I stood up to her, and actually got to wear my hair the way I wanted to. I hope you're burning in hell, mom, you made my life hell
This lady's kid is now four with longer hair because she can now help style it and sits better for it to be cared for
Load More Replies... She like what she sees when she looks in the mirror, so that’s all that counts 🤷it harms no one else, beyond a metaphorical slap in the eyes
Load More Replies... It's got nothing to do with appearance though and everything to do with practicality. She didn't cut the kid's hair cause she likes how it looks, she was just sick of the struggle. Which is fair. Kids can grow their hair out when they can take care of it by themselves.
Load More Replies... Spoken like someone who has never parented a toddler. 1) "Picking Battles" is in fact key to parenting a toddler. Giving these little people autonomy when you can, but holding firm boundaries when it is important is key to raising toddlers. It's how they develop independence, and good decision making skills. "My way or the HIghway" is the route to tantrums, misery, and ultimately less competent big kids. 2) Gently combing out tangles is nearly impossible when that hair is on a r̶a̶b̶i̶d̶ ̶o̶c̶t̶o̶p̶u̶s̶ ̶ toddler hellbent on squirming away from you. Edited to add: 3) Nothing is easy with a 2 year old. NOTHING!
Load More Replies... On the rare occasion I find myself thinking less of others' appearance, I tell myself "No judging". If it makes them happy and they turn out to be lovely as people, I don't see the issue. Most people know to change clothes and grooming for job interviews and other occasions, so I wouldn't worry about the daughter's future.
Load More Replies...
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