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69 Things People Told Their Partners That Made Them Seriously Question Their Intelligence
Love can sometimes be blinding, for better or worse. When you like someone, it’s all too easy to overlook or even forgive their issues, no matter how many. But sometimes someone says or does something so absurdly dumb that it just forces you to snap back to reality.
Someone asked “What was your “I’m dating/married to an idiot” Moment?” and netizens shared their funniest stories. So get comfortable as you scroll through, upvote the best examples and if you’ve been on either side of this equation, feel free to add your own tale to the comments down below.
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#1
On a camping trip. She was worried about parking the car on the grass because she thought the grass was going to grow, puncturing and flattening the tires.
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#2
My husband thought people whistled when they set off fireworks. He didn’t realize the fireworks themselves whistles. Though that was one of his more harmless stupidities.
#3
My boyfriend refused to eat basil I had bought from the grocery store because it was a full plant. I was keeping it outside and he insisted that he would not eat "dirty" food. I asked where he thought farmers kept produce and he said that they has "special areas" for food to grow that was sterilized but my plant was not "food grade"
I just looked at him with a dumbfounded look. I didn't know how to respond.
#4
Girl I dated in college broke my laptop because she kept trying to get a USB drive in. Instead of, you know, flipping it, she just pushed harder and harder until it broke my port and motherboard.
#5
He thought potatoes never go bad because his mom always kept a bag in the pantry. I asked him if they ate a lot of potatoes and he said yes. They have a large family with 6 kids and it still didn't click.
#6
I bought fresh broccoli and my husband asked why I got such one huge broccoli and not the normal smaller ones. He thought broccoli naturally comes in bite-sized florets.
#7
My husband was convinced that bees and wasps are THE SAME THING, just at different times of the year. He thought bees grew up into wasps during the summer...
I love him, but...
HOW.
#8
More cute than anything but I’m half French and my current English gf said to 2 months into dating.
“I love you but why do you keep calling me bunny when we go to sleep, it’s really weird”
Bonne nuit, I was saying good night in French.
Anyways, I call her bunny all the time now just to annoy her.
#9
I dated a guy in college who visited me in my rural hometown and asked what the animals in the neighbor's field were. I said 'cows" in a you must be fooling me level of disbelief.
He proceeded to tell me they can't be cows because cows are black and white and these animals were all brown. I had to pull up Google to prove to him that brown cows existed. I could maybe understand if he'd been from a city but he told ne he was from a rural suburb, not a city so I guess he was just an idiot.
#10
My wife (a medical professional) once asked me why men even have belly buttons.
I looked at her with my mouth wide open and said nothing for what felt like 30 seconds. I then saw the look of realization in her eyes as she turned and walked away in quiet shame.
#12
A girl I was trying to date told me that Spain is part of Latin America, and when I informed her that it is in Europe, she doubled down by saying she was a Latin American studies student and that I was wrong.
#13
Found out she was eating half-cooked premade pot pies cause she broiled every meal in the oven instead of baking it. She told me she hated that her oven burnt the top of each one and left the bottom doughy…she would eat the uncooked dough regardless.
#14
My partner was grunting and groaning at the bin. He said ‘we need new bin bags, these ones you’ve bought don’t bloody fit’. Went over to see what was going on and he had a roll of small black dog poo bags in his hand with one unfurled trying to work out why it wouldn’t fit in the bin. There were bin bags, he’d just picked up the wrong roll and instead of realizing, tried to get a dog bag in a bin 50 times bigger.
#15
She didn't know that a "rhino" and a "rhinoceros" are the same thing.
She thought rhinoceroses didn't exist anymore because dinosaurs are extinct.
#16
My husband went in dollar general for toilet paper. We had maybe $50 to last the week. This man came back with $40 of mango juice because it was on sale and no toilet paper.
I drank the juice but I was awfully salty about it.
#17
My wife was commenting on a man who we knew dated a lot of women. One day we saw him with his kid.
She said, "I bet he doesn't even know who the mother is."
#18
We served in the US Peace Corps together in Uganda. One day, it was really sunny out (like we lived within 50 miles of the equator sunny)
She says, "The moon is going to be really bright tonight." I asked what she meant, and she said since it's so sunny, the moon is absorbing all the light and will illuminate brighter when it's dark...
We argued about this and ended up talking to her mother on the phone. She confirmed her daughter's hypothesis.
#19
Took our dog to get spayed (after having puppies) and he got upset that the veterinarian put in the chart she was post-partum. He thought they meant the dog was depressed.
#20
We were getting ready to move and we’re going through each room, discussing whether to take or get rid of the furniture. In the bedroom, I remarked that I would like to get new bedside lamps. The ones we had were from his bachelor apartment over a decade ago.
He said, “I can see why you’d like new lamps, but it’s kind of amazing that the light bulbs have lasted ten years.”
Dear gentle reader, the light bulbs had not lasted that long. He just was never the one to change them.
#21
My wife went to the store to get cilantro for our tacos. She came home with parsley. Easy mistake, they look similar if you don't look closely enough. I told her she bought parsely. She was convinced it was cilantro. I had her taste it. I showed her the tag on the bundle that said parsley. She relunctantly went back to the store to get cilantro...
She came home with another bundle of parsley.
I love this woman, but this moment I was questioning everything about her problem solving skills. The good news is, she has never brought home parsley again.
#22
Alright I love my gf to the moon and back but.. she thought if she got a tattoo, her baby would come out with that same tattoo in the same spot she got it..
#23
My husband was feeling unwell and began googling his symptoms. After a while of silence, he suddenly turns to me in a panic and says "I think I have pre-eclampsia!".
#24
My wife was late (not missed) on 32 mortgage payments in the last few years, messing up our credit for a good 7 years our so. She's a finance manager. I don't get it.
#25
Ex wife.
Complained Apple Pay wouldn’t work/link or whatever. I suggested she contact apple support, or go down to the Apple Store. Kept refusing to go to the store, saying she’d call customer support and go from there.
One day while at work, she texts me asking where to get iTunes gift cards. Already a red flag. “Why do you need those?” I ask. She stated to me that Apple support is requesting the codes so they can verify funds. I told her it’s a bad idea, it’s a scam, and to just go to the Apple Store. An argument broke out, and nothing was discussed further.
I get home that night, and notice eight (8) $100 iTunes gift card holders in the kitchen. I ask her if she sent the codes to anyone in which another argument broke out. She said she posted in an Apple support thread and an anonymous user replied to her telling her to call this number, obviously unaffiliated with Apple.
Some say her Apple Pay still doesn’t connect to this day.
#26
There was this girl that kept faxing the same document over and over. Eventually the recipient called to beg her to stop. But it keeps failing she said… the document keeps coming back out….
#27
While we were moving my Ex-wife asked me who we needed to contact to change our email address…
edit-thx for the responses and upvotes. Promise this isn’t a bad attempt at a joke, this really happened when we moved to a new house in the same region of our state. We both had been using hotmail at the time which made this funnier(to me at least).
#28
My wife bought a bunch of Rid-X because she saw an ad on how expensive replacing a septic tank can be.
We’re on the village sewer line. We don’t have a septic tank.
#29
In the same conversation, a girl I was seeing asked if potatos "grew on trees like grapes" and "do people in the navy get paid or do they just volunteer to pass away?"
#30
Having a discussion with my wife about not using certain Christmas tree decorations because they were glass and we had small kids.
Her: They’re not glass.
Me: They are though.
Her: No they’re not! See? *proceeds to drop one straight onto the hardwood floor*
~SMASH!~
Me: …
Her: …
Me: (with deadest straight face I have ever managed in my life) …I’ll get the broom.
And that is why we are still married.
#31
When he spent an hour arguing cows are from England and bulls are from Spain.
Or when he told me he is British because he had mixed (Egyptian and Irish) heritage and I was English because I don't.
Oh no - wait... when the dentist handed him that vacuum thing to spit into and he thought it was an oxygen mask and got it stuck to his face!
Haha. Memories.
#32
We had a clogged French drain outside. My husband thought a plunger would fix it. He dropped the handle in the drain trying to plunge it. If that wasn’t bad enough, he tried to use a wrench to get the handle out of the hole and proceeded to drop the wrench in the hole as well. He then called a plumber and told him we need help getting a plunger handle and wrench out of the drain. He’s a PhD in English Literature. Needless to say, I am now the handyman.
#34
My husband watched me cooking one day (we had only been dating for a month or two) and as I was talking, the pan that I was heating up was wobbly, so I proceeded to stick a spatula under it to keep it steady- a plastic one- right on a burner. It melted, naturally. His first thought was "am I dating a moron??"
I don't even blame him for that thought...the dude married me anyway but he does ALL the cooking.
#35
This one is a bit obscure but when you go to a hotel to check in, you tell them your full name or at least your last name so they can look you up.
The guy I was dating at the time and I had booked a hotel somewhere and we got there, they asked his name he only gave them his first name which is generic.
“What’s your full name.”
Again gives them just his first name.
“Sir, we need your full name to look you up.”
“Yeah but the reservation is under my name (first name here).”
I had to intervene and tell him they needed his last name because there could be many guests by his first name. I was so shocked this was not common sense to him.
#36
When i realized he never planned to put sheets back on his mattress because he “didn’t know how”.
#37
Girl I was dating was making nachos and shredding cheese. She cuts herself and blood gets on the cheese and the shredder.
As she gets a band aid, Ipick up the cheese and as I am throwing it away, she freaks out as now I may have AIDS. Like what. She is hard freaking out that I just got exposed to AIDS and I needed to get medical attention.
After talking, it turns out she thought AIDS was everywhere. Like any blood outside the body could just magically get it. Her stupidity was a relief that night.
#38
My boyfriend at the time is american. i am italian. the first time he met my father, he tried to impress him by speaking in my native language. long story short, someone in his life failed him immensely because he genuinely was unaware italy had a language of its own and assumed we spoke french. my dad was very confused. i laughed until i almost passed out. he was so embarrassed.
in that moment, i knew i would love him forever. we get married this year, and he is determined to say his vows in italian.
#39
My boyfriend got drunk once and put his arms around my neck, looked me in the eyes, and asked if I was gay. I’m a guy.
#40
My ex boyfriend once asked me if the return label goes on the inside or the outside of the box. He figured it out after I stared at him in shock.
#41
When she told me that if you put Coke out in the sun it turns yellow, like all the bottles on the edge of the highway.
#42
Lord I've got a list...
-He has set himself on fire. Multiple times. Sometimes on purpose.
-He once decided he wouldn't shut off the power while working on a dryer because that would mean he'd have to change a bunch of other batteries. He got shocked, unsurprisingly. This only served to fuel his determination. He got ~~electrocuted~~ zapped 13 times, but he did finish the job alive, in the end.
-We have multiple nicks in the ceiling due to sword-related shenanigans.
-He volunteered to be on the receiving end of my taser, just to know what it felt like.
-As a child, he asked his older brother to kick him in the balls, again just to know what it felt like.
-He volunteered to have his entire nether region, front and back, waxed. For funsies.
-He once made me wake up in the middle of the night in a panic thinking there was a fire because he had manscaped and decided to clean up the hair by setting it on fire.
-He managed to both dislocate a knee and get pink eye within one drunken hour, during which he was playing with whiskey and homemade torches.
I could go on...
#43
My dear lovely husband did not know that Shirley Temple Black was Shirley Temple’s name after she married. One night he admitted that he thought Shirley Temple Black was the Black Shirley Temple. Like Hollywood had remade all of the movies with a Black child actress for Black audiences.
Thank goodness he’s pretty.
#44
My wife recently realized she is colorblind through her eye doctor. She is an artist, and yes her art is very beautiful, but the way she chose her colors has always been a bit strange. I now realize why! Anyway, when she found out she was shocked. Afterward, as soon as we got home she showed me her color palette that she used to paint, showing me the way she seen colors. I kept trying to explain to her that I don’t see colors like she does, so I don’t know what she sees through her eyes, but she couldn’t understand what I was talking about. 2 days later, she randomly came up to me and said, “Yeah, that makes sense.”.
#45
He would tell the same joke to the same people everytime we went out. It wasn't even funny the first time.
#46
On our first road trip, I asked my girlfriend (now wife) to take over driving for a bit. She got in the driver’s seat, paused, and said “Don’t be alarmed… but can you remind me which one is the gas and which one is the brake?”
Switched right back and drove there myself.
#47
My ex thought wind turbines spun because they were powered by electricity. She has since got a degree and I don't have one so I'm not sure what that makes me.
#48
While driving to the lake with our kayak strapped down to the top of the car, two straps through the door holes of the car, front and back, she (now ex-wife) asked why the kayak doesn't just fly off the back when we take off at a light.
She couldn't understand the concept of friction, or straps I guess.
She has a master's in neuroscience.
#49
My college gf took me to her mega-church. Though I was a bit uncomfortable, I was open-minded. I have no problem with someone being religious, but when the pastor went: "when Satan comes to get you, you put your hand up and tell him, 'Satan, you can't take me because I tithe and give offerings to the church!'" the crowd erupted in cheers, and I instantly lost respect for all 3000 of them, including my gf.
#50
My wife, when we were dating, was driving along the highway. We could see trees moving in the breeze. She says, boy, how windy do you think it is? Rolled down the window and stuck her hand out to feel the breeze. In a moving car at highway speed. I was driving but looked over at her as she did it. Well, is it windy? Yes.
#51
We were planning a trip, and I asked my partner to book the flights. Weeks later, I asked for the details, and they said, “Oh, I thought we could just buy tickets at the airport on the day we leave.”
Apparently, they thought airports were like bus stops. We ended up paying so much for last-minute tickets, I half-expected a butler on the plane to greet us with caviar and a mortgage application.
Lesson learned: trust, but always verify :).
#52
My ex. Bought a brand new Mac computer, and a set of DVD roms to do photos.
There was a clear plastic cover, the shape of a dvd but thinner.
He decided to see if it would work as a dvd. When it wouldn’t extract he forced a regular dvd in beside it and got them both stuck.
Had to take it back to the Apple store and get it fixed.
This was the same man who tried to use my child’s plastic thermos to hammer in a nail and punctured the thermos.
#53
One of my exes was bawling when we watched Cloverfield because she thought it actually happened.
#54
My first wife thought that wind comes from trees, because every time it was windy out, the leaves would rustle.
#55
We were talking about kids in our future, and she said she would never get them vaccinated because she didn't want them to have autism. I'm on the spectrum. My brother is on the spectrum. Most of our friends were on the spectrum. That wasn't the end of it, but you could see it from there.
#56
Moved to the north from the south and couldn't figure out why the apartment was always cold in winter.. never checked to see if a window behind a curtain was closed...
#57
Back when we were first living together, my husband (bf at the time) decided it was a great idea to get rid of a wasp chilling on our blinds by dousing it in lighter fluid and setting it on fire. He acted so quickly that I didn't have time to suggest that might not be a great idea. He set the wasp AND our blinds on fire. It went out quickly but a portion of the blinds melted and we had to replace the whole thing. I have not ever let him live that down.
He also tried to get rid of maggots in our trash can once by..... you guessed it! Dousing them in lighter fluid and setting them on fire. I had to show him how to fill the trash can with water, add some bleach, and let it sit in the sun for a while. Much more effective than lighting the interior of the can on fire.
Edit: I want to add that my husband is NOT an idiot. He just really likes when he has an excuse to light things on fire.
#58
Two instances come to mind. (Same guy) he went to order a salad and told them “with lettuce” it was a salad that was basically just lettuce that he’s had before. We went through a drive thru before and instead of giving them our order he gave them his name. His full name. We aren’t together anymore but those two moments I look back on alot.
#59
I was at the supermarket with this girl I'd been seeing for a couple of weeks. We were in the produce section and she said she wanted to make homemade lemonade so i went and grabbed some lemons. She told me "not these ones silly, I want to make pink lemonade, we can't use yellow lemons".
#60
When I flew out of state to take care of my kid with newly diagnosed CANCER and he decided that he wanted a divorce because I had “abandoned my life” and also because he had “taken a back seat to (my) kids one too many times.”.
#62
Husband said that he couldn’t understand why with all the money Stevie Wonders made he didn’t get his eyes fixed.
#63
Dated a muppet who backed up into my car. A month later he goes “babe, someone hit your car!!” And I’m like “…yeah… you did” and he up and argued with me “no, I mean somebody else hit your car, I didn’t do this up here…” and points to the dent I saw immediately after he hit my car and I was just like “…okay.” 🙄.
#65
He was making noodles and put in the seasoning packet but didn’t mix it in. He then complained that the noodle brand was rubbish because the noodles only had flavour on one part.
#66
Dodged a dating bullet: he INSISTED the dog breed is pronounced “German shefford” bc of the “ph” in shepherd.
#67
I loaned my ex $65 to go pay his phone bill. I was going that way anyway so I told him I would pay it for him along the way. He gave me back the $65 and I paid it at the T-Mobile store. Payday came and I asked him for the $65, he said he already paid me back. He got so mad and said I was a forgetful idiot and just kept asking yes or no did he give me the money back. And I said yes but I then paid the bill for you! His friends all agreed I’m an idiot and he never paid me back. That is moment I knew he was an idiot.
David Jeffery 28 minutes ago
Not an idiot - a scammer. The only idiot would be you if you were still with him and I can tell from your post, you're no idiot
#68
Not me, my mom with my stepdad. My stepdad is *highly* allergic to shellfish, like one bite could put him in the hospital. One night mom and stepdad are out at dinner, and my stepdad orders clam chowder. My mom was like, "Are you absolutely sure?" And it took him a good minute to realize why it would not in fact be the best idea to order a clam chowder.
#69
I was at her house and a giant rat ran over my foot, I freaked out naturally and she told me to calm down because rats never bite people.
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