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Dad Calls Out Wife And Puts An End To Her Unhealthy Obsession With Their 14-Year-Old Daughter’s “Pageant-Ready” Looks, Wonders If He’s A Jerk
Dad Calls Out Wife And Puts An End To Her Unhealthy Obsession With Their 14-Year-Old Daughter’s “Pageant-Ready” Looks, Wonders If He’s A Jerk
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Dad Calls Out Wife And Puts An End To Her Unhealthy Obsession With Their 14-Year-Old Daughter’s “Pageant-Ready” Looks, Wonders If He’s A Jerk

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Sometimes parents can view their little ones as an extension of themselves, to the extent that the kids become a representation of unrealized dreams and goals that didn’t pan out.

In a heartfelt post to the Am I The [Jerk] community, a concerned father revealed that this was the cause of a rift between him and his wife, who was once a prize-winning pageant queen. Troubled by his wife’s insistence on enforcing a strict dieting regimen and relentlessly criticizing their 14-year-old daughter’s appearance, which mirrored her own journey, the father could not bear to witness his child being traumatized for life. Taking a stand against all this, one thing led to another, leaving Dad asking for perspective from the internet.

RELATED:

    Some parents choose to push their children to the extreme because of their unfulfilled goals

    Image credits: Oswaldo Ibáñez (not the actual photo)

    After discovering the regime his wife applied to their 14-year-old daughter, this dad put an end to it, sparking a messy falling out

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    Image credits: varyapigu (not the actual photo)

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    Image credits: Wavebreakmedia (not the actual photo)

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    Image credits: pageantdadthrowaway

    Parental criticism can lead to emotional wounds and self-esteem issues

    If you’ve ever seen the hit TV show Toddlers & Tiaras, you know that the child beauty pageant universe is a dog-eat-dog world. And despite criticism that child pageants exist only to provide an outlet for the narcissistic ambitions of their parents, the pageant industry still thrives.
    Back in 2009, it was estimated that around 250,000 children participated in approximately 5,000 pageants within the United States.

    Astonishingly, some parents were willing to spend up to $3,000 on dresses for their children’s participation. However, this amount pales in comparison to certain mothers who were prepared to invest a staggering sum of up to $70,000 in these competitions.

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    Of course, winning is great and can lead to many great things, as 16-year-old Isabella Barrett, a former beauty pageant queen featured on Toddlers & Tiaras and self-made millionaire proves. But it doesn’t come without a price. When their coaches, usually moms, criticize them for not following their diet regimen, this can lead to emotional problems and even rebellion.

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    “Shame doesn’t teach children right from wrong, it teaches them to avoid punishment,” Steven Stosny, Ph.D., the founder of Compassion Power, explained to Bored Panda in an email. “Shamed children tend to become sneaky. Pointing out to children how good they feel when they achieve something, when they are kind and compassionate is more effective than shaming them for failure.”

    Image credits: Mikhail Nilov (not the actual photo)

    Dad filled the situation with additional info in the comments

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    The majority of people sided with the father, expressing their belief that it is unreasonable for any responsible parent to impose such a demanding lifestyle on their children

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    However, some people thought that it’s as his wife’s fault, as it is his

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    Ignas Vieversys

    Ignas Vieversys

    Author, Community member

    Read more »

    Ignas is an editor at Bored Panda with an MA in Magazine Journalism. When he is not writing about video games or hunting for interesting stories, chances are that you will find Ignas at the movies.

    Read less »
    Ignas Vieversys

    Ignas Vieversys

    Author, Community member

    Ignas is an editor at Bored Panda with an MA in Magazine Journalism. When he is not writing about video games or hunting for interesting stories, chances are that you will find Ignas at the movies.

    Austėja Akavickaitė

    Austėja Akavickaitė

    Author, Community member

    Read more »

    Austėja is a Photo Editor at Bored Panda with a BA in Photography.

    Read less »

    Austėja Akavickaitė

    Austėja Akavickaitė

    Author, Community member

    Austėja is a Photo Editor at Bored Panda with a BA in Photography.

    What do you think ?
    MsLou
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Child Pageants should be banned in the States plain and simple (I'm assuming that is where they are from). Daughter needs to go to a therapist as soon as possible. Personally, I would cut my losses with the wife and get full custody of the daughter. This whole thing is just abusive and disgusting. Also, what kind of mother gets their daughter to mediate a fight?!?! And use their child as bait for their dad to cave? That is horrible.

    Littlebunnyfufu
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Sadly, child pageants are worldwide, not just in the US. France, however, has managed to ban them for under 13 year olds.

    Load More Replies...
    Duckie Measles
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This is the child grooming that conservatives claim educators and LGBTQ people allegedly do. These children need protection from these lunatics.

    Seabeast
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yup. The makeup and sexualized costumes that little girls are made to wear are clearly designed to appeal to a certain sort of adult.

    Load More Replies...
    Kandice Heiple
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My hometown does child beauty paegants and you'll see families driving around with things like "Little Miss blah blah Contestant No 12!" written on their van windows. So lets just advertise to predators that they can see this kid perform in front of a group of adults then follow the van right to where the kid sleeps.

    Betsy Ray
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    JonBenet Ramsey comes to mind. Such a tragedy.

    Load More Replies...
    Ash
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm really worried about the behavior of the wife. I'm coming at this from a background of having been abused by some really two-faced and narcissistic people that I thought were good and loving. The fact that the wife was intentionally hiding her behavior from her husband because she KNEW it was wrong really crosses a line. If she won't go to therapy, I think husband needs to think about divorce and getting full custody of his daughter.

    Inclusion2020
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This child needs to have 0 contact with this mother. Eating Disorders are the second highest cause of death for women and young girls diagnosed with mental health issues. This is nothing to mess around with.

    Oerff On Tour
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    At least YOU got your priorities straight. Your daughter's health is more important than some stupid prize. Even if in the end it would pay for her education.

    Roan The Demon Kitty
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    child paegants should be banned. Also, get that kid into therapy STAT, she's likely, with her already noted bad anxiety, going to end up with an eating disorder or something. Paegenting has destroyed her life without her even being aware of it!

    Nice Beast Ludo
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    She is preparing her daughter to have a lifelong eating disorder. Which likely would occur by the pressure and comments alone bur add in FORCED water fasting and 950 calorie diets for a growing 14 year old? If there is a such thing as Anorexia nervosa by proxy this is it.

    Ima Manimal
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Have the wife talk to CPS and get their perspective.

    Sonja
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    People suggesting therapy to the mom must realise that forced therapy doesn't work. The mom knows pretty well that her obsession is unhealthy. But she doesn't want to admit it and work on it. That's why she's dismissing all therapists as 'quacks'. The daughter is already in therapy for the issues her mother causes. And I bet a monthly salary that mom is sabotaging that in every way she can because she already knows that the pageants are the main reason for her daughter's problems because of mommies obsession with them. She will not listen to anyone who will stop her from making her daughter live mommies lifestyle. This'll most likely end in a breakup and a very nasty custody battle where the daughter, who's already so abused and groomed by her mom that she doesn't dare to fight her anymore, will sabotage OP and suffer from it. OP should have never allowed this in the first place. Now it's almost too late. Mommy dearest has raised her daughter like a circus pony.

    Load More Comments
    MsLou
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Child Pageants should be banned in the States plain and simple (I'm assuming that is where they are from). Daughter needs to go to a therapist as soon as possible. Personally, I would cut my losses with the wife and get full custody of the daughter. This whole thing is just abusive and disgusting. Also, what kind of mother gets their daughter to mediate a fight?!?! And use their child as bait for their dad to cave? That is horrible.

    Littlebunnyfufu
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Sadly, child pageants are worldwide, not just in the US. France, however, has managed to ban them for under 13 year olds.

    Load More Replies...
    Duckie Measles
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This is the child grooming that conservatives claim educators and LGBTQ people allegedly do. These children need protection from these lunatics.

    Seabeast
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yup. The makeup and sexualized costumes that little girls are made to wear are clearly designed to appeal to a certain sort of adult.

    Load More Replies...
    Kandice Heiple
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My hometown does child beauty paegants and you'll see families driving around with things like "Little Miss blah blah Contestant No 12!" written on their van windows. So lets just advertise to predators that they can see this kid perform in front of a group of adults then follow the van right to where the kid sleeps.

    Betsy Ray
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    JonBenet Ramsey comes to mind. Such a tragedy.

    Load More Replies...
    Ash
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm really worried about the behavior of the wife. I'm coming at this from a background of having been abused by some really two-faced and narcissistic people that I thought were good and loving. The fact that the wife was intentionally hiding her behavior from her husband because she KNEW it was wrong really crosses a line. If she won't go to therapy, I think husband needs to think about divorce and getting full custody of his daughter.

    Inclusion2020
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This child needs to have 0 contact with this mother. Eating Disorders are the second highest cause of death for women and young girls diagnosed with mental health issues. This is nothing to mess around with.

    Oerff On Tour
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    At least YOU got your priorities straight. Your daughter's health is more important than some stupid prize. Even if in the end it would pay for her education.

    Roan The Demon Kitty
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    child paegants should be banned. Also, get that kid into therapy STAT, she's likely, with her already noted bad anxiety, going to end up with an eating disorder or something. Paegenting has destroyed her life without her even being aware of it!

    Nice Beast Ludo
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    She is preparing her daughter to have a lifelong eating disorder. Which likely would occur by the pressure and comments alone bur add in FORCED water fasting and 950 calorie diets for a growing 14 year old? If there is a such thing as Anorexia nervosa by proxy this is it.

    Ima Manimal
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Have the wife talk to CPS and get their perspective.

    Sonja
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    People suggesting therapy to the mom must realise that forced therapy doesn't work. The mom knows pretty well that her obsession is unhealthy. But she doesn't want to admit it and work on it. That's why she's dismissing all therapists as 'quacks'. The daughter is already in therapy for the issues her mother causes. And I bet a monthly salary that mom is sabotaging that in every way she can because she already knows that the pageants are the main reason for her daughter's problems because of mommies obsession with them. She will not listen to anyone who will stop her from making her daughter live mommies lifestyle. This'll most likely end in a breakup and a very nasty custody battle where the daughter, who's already so abused and groomed by her mom that she doesn't dare to fight her anymore, will sabotage OP and suffer from it. OP should have never allowed this in the first place. Now it's almost too late. Mommy dearest has raised her daughter like a circus pony.

    Load More Comments
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