Man Punishes Wife For Wanting More Than 2 Kids By Not Showing Up When They Have Twins

Some choose to remain child-free, and some decide to become parents. While Reddit user Opaquesilence and his wife agreed they wished to belong to the latter category, they couldn’t settle on a number that would satisfy them both—he wanted to stop having children after their second was born, and she asked for more. So, when his partner got pregnant again, the man started wondering if she could’ve baby-trapped him. To get an impartial opinion, he told their story online and invited people to share their thoughts.

This dad wanted no more kids, but his wife insisted

A mother cradling newborn twins, highlighting family dynamics and parenting challenges.

Image credits: Getty Images (not the actual photo)

Now they have four and are barely making ends meet

Text discussing a dad's refusal to help with newborn twins after his wife didn't allow a vasectomy.

Text about a father's disagreement with his wife over a vasectomy after their second child.

Text about a husband's perspective on family size, vasectomy, and financial strain with four kids.

Text snippet discussing father's refusal to help with twins after vasectomy disagreement.

Text image expressing dad's struggle to assist wife with twins due to feeling discouraged.

Text excerpt discussing refusal to help wife with twins, mentioning vasectomy disagreement.

Text about dad refusing aid with twins due to vasectomy disagreement.

Man showing stress, resting head in hands, related to vasectomy discussion.

Image credits: Andrej Lišakov (not the actual photo)

Text edit addressing replies and recurring concerns about vasectomy refusal.

Text about a dad managing a household with newborn twins and addressing his wife's habits.

Text discussing father caring for children while wife rests, mentioning feeding into her phone habit.

Text discussing trust in marriage and birth control options.

Text image discussing abstinence challenges with significant others.

Text image discussing dad's limited help with children and work hours, including twins and vasectomy decision.

Text message expressing resentment and lack of resources for therapy, related to vasectomy and family issues.

Image source: opaquesilence

Figuring out how many children you and your partner want is an issue that needs to be discussed as early as possible

Image credits: Getty Images (not the actual photo)

According to licensed marriage and family therapist Wendy Hill, ideally, couples should discuss how many kids they want before they get married.

“Finding the right person is not just about being in love and having a great partnership. It’s working toward the same life goals,” she said. When those life goals don’t include the same number of kids, conflicts like the one we just read about become pretty much inevitable.

Raising kids can, indeed, be very costly. According to data provided by the Brookings Institution, an economic think tank, the average middle-income family with two children will spend $310,605 to raise a child born in 2015 (latest information) up to age 17 in 2032.

This number represents a significant jump from the figure presented by the U.S. Department of Agriculture (USDA), which estimated the overall cost to be $233,610 in 2015.

It’s good that the man is thinking about the future, but the couple need to find a scenario they both are happy with.

“The most productive conversation you can have about that is to talk to each other about your hopes and fears,” Hill said. Partners who don’t want to have any more kids will often point to issues like feeling too old to start over with a newborn, or, as it was in this case, worries over the added financial expense of expanding the family. While Hill says those can be completely valid concerns, something else is often in play. “There’s usually a fear underneath that, and it’s worth exploring what that fear is.” Even a little probing can reveal different reasons, such as feeling like an inadequate parent to the children they already have.

On the flip side, the partner pushing for more children should also examine their motives. “If I want more kids,” Hill said, “What is that I’m missing out on? What is it that I may need that I’m not getting fulfilled right now?” The therapist said that if she’s seen any pattern emerge in her years of practice, it’s a feeling of being unloved. Partners who are dealing with their kids growing up and heading off to school may suddenly find themselves feeling lonely, and like no one needs them — but another baby won’t solve that particular problem. “You should never use a kid to meet your own needs,” Hill explained. “It’s worth exploring if there are other ways of getting the need met.”

Your partner’s views on the topic can certainly evolve over time, but Hill believes it’s not something either of you should bank on. So, it’s better to answer all of the questions sooner rather than later.

Opinion of Psychologist Daniel Hoadley

Sounds a lot like Empty Nest Syndrome. This is when parents feel lonely or lost as their kids gain independence. While the urge to have another baby is understandable, it doesn’t address the real emotional adjustment needed. – Daniel Hoadley

Many of those who read his story said the man was in the wrong

Reddit comment discussing responsibility of a dad refusing to help with newborn twins.

Comment discussing a dad refusing to help with newborn twins after vasectomy refusal.

Comment on a dad refusing to help with twins after vasectomy disagreement.

Reddit comment criticizing a dad of four for not helping with newborns to retaliate against his wife.

Reddit comment about a dad refusing to help with newborn twins, discussing vasectomy and shared parental responsibility.

Text criticizing a dad for not helping with twins after wife denied his vasectomy.

Comment criticizing a dad of four for not helping with newborn twins, emphasizing shared responsibility.

Text exchange about a dad refusing to help with newborn twins due to not getting a vasectomy.

Screenshot of a social media comment discussing vasectomy opinions and family responsibilities.

Reddit comment criticizing a dad for refusing to help with newborn twins over a vasectomy dispute.

Comment about a dad refusing to help with twins, mentioning responsibility for all his children.

Reddit comment discussing dad's refusal to help with newborn twins.

Reddit comment criticizing a dad of four for not helping with newborn twins, calling him a horrible father.

Comment criticizing a dad refusing to help with newborns over a vasectomy dispute.

Reddit comment discussing responsibility and parenting decisions related to vasectomy and newborn twins.

Comment criticizing a dad for refusing to help with newborn twins, referencing vasectomy.

Comment criticizing dad for refusing help with newborn twins, suggesting immaturity.

Comment criticizing a dad's neglect of newborn twins due to vasectomy dispute.

Text exchange discussing blame about pregnancy and vasectomy refusal.

Some believe both parents have been irresponsible and are equally to blame

Comment criticizing dad for not helping with twins, mentioning birth control responsibility and vasectomy disagreement.

Text discussing shared responsibility in parenting newborn twins amidst a vasectomy disagreement.

Online comment discussing relationship and protection decisions regarding having more children.

Comment on Reddit discussing a dad refusing help with twins due to vasectomy disagreement.

Comment about vasectomy advice for parents of four kids, mentioning financial concerns.

Reddit comment discussing parental responsibility and family planning disagreements.

Reddit comment on parenting issues, mentioning "ESH" and impact on kids.

Text discussing a dad refusing newborn help due to vasectomy disagreement, highlighting parenting and relationship challenges.

Text from an online discussion about vasectomy disagreements within a relationship.

Reddit comment discussing the refusal to help with newborn twins due to vasectomy disagreement.

Text critique regarding dad refusing to help with newborn twins due to vasectomy disagreement.

Comment discussing family dynamics and vasectomy approval, focusing on twins and sibling treatment differences.

And a few feel like it’s the woman who’s at fault here

Reddit post discussing a situation where a father of four refuses to help his wife with newborn twins due to vasectomy dispute.

Text post expressing support for dad refusing to help with newborn twins due to exhaustion from working two jobs.

Text discussing a dad refusing to help with newborn twins, mentioning vasectomy decision consequences.

Text from a user sharing a story about vasectomy discussions and family planning consequences.

Reddit comment discussing refusal of vasectomy and parenting issues with newborn twins.

Poll Question

Total votes ·

Thanks! Check out the results:

Total votes ·

Newsletter

Subscribe to Access
Exclusive Polls

Subscribe

By entering your email and clicking Subscribe, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. You are also agreeing to our Privacy Policy.

Thank you! You've successfully subscribed to newsletters!

Anyone can write on Bored Panda. Start writing!

Follow Bored Panda on Google News!

Follow us on Flipboard.com/@boredpanda!