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Man Punishes Wife For Wanting More Than 2 Kids By Not Showing Up When They Have Twins
Some choose to remain child-free, and some decide to become parents. While Reddit user Opaquesilence and his wife agreed they wished to belong to the latter category, they couldn’t settle on a number that would satisfy them both—he wanted to stop having children after their second was born, and she asked for more. So, when his partner got pregnant again, the man started wondering if she could’ve baby-trapped him. To get an impartial opinion, he told their story online and invited people to share their thoughts.
RELATED:
This dad wanted no more kids, but his wife insisted
Image credits: Getty Images (not the actual photo)
Now they have four and are barely making ends meet
Image credits: Andrej Lišakov (not the actual photo)
Image source: opaquesilence
Figuring out how many children you and your partner want is an issue that needs to be discussed as early as possible
Image credits: Getty Images (not the actual photo)
According to licensed marriage and family therapist Wendy Hill, ideally, couples should discuss how many kids they want before they get married.
“Finding the right person is not just about being in love and having a great partnership. It’s working toward the same life goals,” she said. When those life goals don’t include the same number of kids, conflicts like the one we just read about become pretty much inevitable.
Raising kids can, indeed, be very costly. According to data provided by the Brookings Institution, an economic think tank, the average middle-income family with two children will spend $310,605 to raise a child born in 2015 (latest information) up to age 17 in 2032.
This number represents a significant jump from the figure presented by the U.S. Department of Agriculture (USDA), which estimated the overall cost to be $233,610 in 2015.
It’s good that the man is thinking about the future, but the couple need to find a scenario they both are happy with.
“The most productive conversation you can have about that is to talk to each other about your hopes and fears,” Hill said. Partners who don’t want to have any more kids will often point to issues like feeling too old to start over with a newborn, or, as it was in this case, worries over the added financial expense of expanding the family. While Hill says those can be completely valid concerns, something else is often in play. “There’s usually a fear underneath that, and it’s worth exploring what that fear is.” Even a little probing can reveal different reasons, such as feeling like an inadequate parent to the children they already have.
On the flip side, the partner pushing for more children should also examine their motives. “If I want more kids,” Hill said, “What is that I’m missing out on? What is it that I may need that I’m not getting fulfilled right now?” The therapist said that if she’s seen any pattern emerge in her years of practice, it’s a feeling of being unloved. Partners who are dealing with their kids growing up and heading off to school may suddenly find themselves feeling lonely, and like no one needs them — but another baby won’t solve that particular problem. “You should never use a kid to meet your own needs,” Hill explained. “It’s worth exploring if there are other ways of getting the need met.”
Your partner’s views on the topic can certainly evolve over time, but Hill believes it’s not something either of you should bank on. So, it’s better to answer all of the questions sooner rather than later.
Opinion of Psychologist Daniel Hoadley
Sounds a lot like Empty Nest Syndrome. This is when parents feel lonely or lost as their kids gain independence. While the urge to have another baby is understandable, it doesn’t address the real emotional adjustment needed. – Daniel Hoadley
Many of those who read his story said the man was in the wrong
Some believe both parents have been irresponsible and are equally to blame
And a few feel like it’s the woman who’s at fault here
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What do you think ?
SirWriteALot 11 months ago
What happened to "my body, my choice"? Snip Snip, my balls, my choice.
Spocks's Mom 11 months ago
Love it! It would make a lovely campaign. "My balls, my choice" marches are in order for this guy. 👍😃
Load More Replies...
Susie Elle 11 months ago
Your body, your choice. If you want a vasectomy, get one, she doesn't get to dictate what you do with your body just as if the roles were reversed. Also, it's extremely naïve to trust solely on birth control, especially if your wife is pressing for another baby when you don't want one. I understand you need to be able to trust eachother, but damn man, get some sense.
Say No to Downvoting 11 months ago
“As for abstinence anyone that lives with their SO will tell you that it's easier said than done.“ Oh my f*****g god, mate - are you sure you are an adult??? What’s wrong with you? I have been married and living with my husband for nearly 20 years and have several friends in the same situation - we know that life throws some curve balls. There are so many reasons why a couple capable of procreating may not be able to have penetrative sex (illness, surgical recovery, desire, mental health, not wanting to get pregnant to name a few), and there are also about a billion things a couple can do that is hella fun and gets your rocks off without the risk of pregnancy. Even if one party of the couple DOESN’T want to get their rocks off, the other partner (assuming this is a stable, loving, committed relationship) can find plenty of things to do themself. I find this excuse from the OP to be ridiculously juvenile and certainly has solidified my opinion of him.
PeakyBlinder 11 months ago
1) If you want a vasectomy get it done - your body, your choice. 2) why are you surprised BC does not work, if she does not take the pill every day? 3) If you are the sole breadwinner it should be clear housework and children are mainly her responsibility 4) do not have children, if you cannot afford them
Ellinor 11 months ago (edited)
Well, ESH. She didn't respected him but he also didn't respected himself. She had no rights over his body but he stayed without getting a vasectomy and slept with her, hence how the twins were conceived.
David 11 months ago
hmmm, wife wants more and husband doesnt, and then her birth control happens to fail before they could come to an agreement. Something tells me the birth control wasnt there
Hidalgo 11 months ago (edited)
Baby trapped is not just for women. I hope he’s got the vasectomy now and encourages his wife to get her tubes tied - if she spends all her time on the phone when he’s home no telling what she’s up to /s. But seriously marriage counseling (she’s manipulative and he’s resentful) and talk to an attorney as divorce may well be a reasonable option here
J. Maxx 11 months ago
Okay, so the extra two kids are here, and he works two jobs and still does the same amount of childcare as before, except he DOES actually help with the twins. He doesn't say he just leaves them sitting in s****y diapers or that he ignores them. Also, SHE stays on the damn phone till 3 am, and most of the comments were calling him the a*****e. I'd say most of the folks dogging him were the a******s. Women want to be treated equally but don't act it when it comes to situations like this. She was the manipulator, and she couldn't handle ALL the babies SHE wanted. I feel sorry for him. And I'll say it once again...it's too easy to breed, and folks treat children like objects to collect.
painttheyellowsubgreen 11 months ago (edited)
His wife staying up until 3am, and being on the phone all day was exactly what stood out to me also. I'm not really a fan of ultimatums, but he has a wife problem. She either needs to get the f**k off the phone, take care of her responsibilities and got to sleep at a earlier time so she's not exhausted all the time or she needs to get a part time job so he can quit his and he can take care of the kids for that timeframe. They both deserve some relaxation time, and she can be on her phone during that time.
Load More Replies...
zovjraar me 11 months ago
did everyone miss the bit where he says the 4 year old helps with the twins? the 4 YEAR OLD. i will say the same if the genders were reversed: she broke his trust, and he needs to decide if he can continue this relationship or leave.
Betsy S 11 months ago
That depends. I had a baby when my eldest was just shy of 5, and she "helped with the baby" by bringing me a warm, damp wash cloth to the change table when needed. She would also bring me a glass of water, on those odd occasions that I forget and was entrenched with breastfeeding. She would also rock and sing to the baby when the baby was in their cuddle seat. "Helping with the baby" looks very different at 4 yrs old than it would at 12 or 14. Helping is not inherently bad for the elder child.
Load More Replies...
SirWriteALot 11 months ago
What happened to "my body, my choice"? Snip Snip, my balls, my choice.
Spocks's Mom 11 months ago
Love it! It would make a lovely campaign. "My balls, my choice" marches are in order for this guy. 👍😃
Load More Replies... Susie Elle 11 months ago
Your body, your choice. If you want a vasectomy, get one, she doesn't get to dictate what you do with your body just as if the roles were reversed. Also, it's extremely naïve to trust solely on birth control, especially if your wife is pressing for another baby when you don't want one. I understand you need to be able to trust eachother, but damn man, get some sense.
Say No to Downvoting 11 months ago
“As for abstinence anyone that lives with their SO will tell you that it's easier said than done.“ Oh my f*****g god, mate - are you sure you are an adult??? What’s wrong with you? I have been married and living with my husband for nearly 20 years and have several friends in the same situation - we know that life throws some curve balls. There are so many reasons why a couple capable of procreating may not be able to have penetrative sex (illness, surgical recovery, desire, mental health, not wanting to get pregnant to name a few), and there are also about a billion things a couple can do that is hella fun and gets your rocks off without the risk of pregnancy. Even if one party of the couple DOESN’T want to get their rocks off, the other partner (assuming this is a stable, loving, committed relationship) can find plenty of things to do themself. I find this excuse from the OP to be ridiculously juvenile and certainly has solidified my opinion of him.
PeakyBlinder 11 months ago
1) If you want a vasectomy get it done - your body, your choice. 2) why are you surprised BC does not work, if she does not take the pill every day? 3) If you are the sole breadwinner it should be clear housework and children are mainly her responsibility 4) do not have children, if you cannot afford them
Ellinor 11 months ago (edited)
Well, ESH. She didn't respected him but he also didn't respected himself. She had no rights over his body but he stayed without getting a vasectomy and slept with her, hence how the twins were conceived.
David 11 months ago
hmmm, wife wants more and husband doesnt, and then her birth control happens to fail before they could come to an agreement. Something tells me the birth control wasnt there
Hidalgo 11 months ago (edited)
Baby trapped is not just for women. I hope he’s got the vasectomy now and encourages his wife to get her tubes tied - if she spends all her time on the phone when he’s home no telling what she’s up to /s. But seriously marriage counseling (she’s manipulative and he’s resentful) and talk to an attorney as divorce may well be a reasonable option here
J. Maxx 11 months ago
Okay, so the extra two kids are here, and he works two jobs and still does the same amount of childcare as before, except he DOES actually help with the twins. He doesn't say he just leaves them sitting in s****y diapers or that he ignores them. Also, SHE stays on the damn phone till 3 am, and most of the comments were calling him the a*****e. I'd say most of the folks dogging him were the a******s. Women want to be treated equally but don't act it when it comes to situations like this. She was the manipulator, and she couldn't handle ALL the babies SHE wanted. I feel sorry for him. And I'll say it once again...it's too easy to breed, and folks treat children like objects to collect.
painttheyellowsubgreen 11 months ago (edited)
His wife staying up until 3am, and being on the phone all day was exactly what stood out to me also. I'm not really a fan of ultimatums, but he has a wife problem. She either needs to get the f**k off the phone, take care of her responsibilities and got to sleep at a earlier time so she's not exhausted all the time or she needs to get a part time job so he can quit his and he can take care of the kids for that timeframe. They both deserve some relaxation time, and she can be on her phone during that time.
Load More Replies... zovjraar me 11 months ago
did everyone miss the bit where he says the 4 year old helps with the twins? the 4 YEAR OLD. i will say the same if the genders were reversed: she broke his trust, and he needs to decide if he can continue this relationship or leave.
Betsy S 11 months ago
That depends. I had a baby when my eldest was just shy of 5, and she "helped with the baby" by bringing me a warm, damp wash cloth to the change table when needed. She would also bring me a glass of water, on those odd occasions that I forget and was entrenched with breastfeeding. She would also rock and sing to the baby when the baby was in their cuddle seat. "Helping with the baby" looks very different at 4 yrs old than it would at 12 or 14. Helping is not inherently bad for the elder child.
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