40 Dating Profiles So Cringe That Screenshotting Them And Sharing Them Online Felt Like A Public Duty

Cringe, at its core, is a gap. It lives in the space between how someone believes they come across and how they actually come across. A dating profile is a tiny billboard for that gap, and some people have rented the biggest one in town. Let’s start where most swiping starts, with the photos.

In a survey of 100 women run by dating consultants The Match Lab, the number one offense on the men’s side was the shirtless picture. Too many group shots and low quality images took the next spots. Nobody asked for a gym tour, gentlemen. Group photos deserve a moment of their own, though.

When every picture is a crowd, viewers are forced to play detective, and Marie Claire notes that if people are still guessing by the third shot, the game is over. Add sunglasses to every frame and the mystery only deepens. JDate says a main photo should show your whole face, eyes included, while hiding behind shades or ski goggles mostly makes people wonder what you are covering up.

Then comes the great outdoors, or at least the great outdoors as photographed by someone holding a very large fish. According to Sarasota Magazine, women regularly groan about fish photos, hunting pictures and an endless parade of car selfies, while men roll their eyes at filters that sprout animal ears and the ever popular duck lips pout. The dating coach in that piece has a tip for genuine anglers. Mention the fish pictures in your bio with a wink and offer them on request. A little humor beats a surprise trout every time. The same article takes aim at the group shot with an ex clumsily edited out, which tends to leave a mysterious floating arm behind. Please, no.

Timing matters too. A nine year old photo might survive a passport check, but the Muddy Matches guide recommends keeping dating photos within the past two years. Showing up to a first date looking noticeably different from your pictures is a cringe story that writes itself.

Now for the words. Some profiles skip them entirely, and Top10 warns that an empty bio leaves everyone judging you on photos alone, which is a risky game. Others use the space to push people away. Announcing that you are not here for time wasters, or that people should swipe left unless they are serious, tends to read like a warning label.

Pretoria News suggests a bio should feel like an invitation instead. Online dating coach Laurie Davis makes a similar point in an article for CNBC, recommending that you flip the negatives and describe what you want rather than what you refuse to tolerate.

Then there is the wish list. A profile is a snapshot, not a therapy session, so skip the saga of past romances, the ex’s dirty laundry and the long speech about your perfect future spouse. When viewers meet a checklist of demands, they usually start measuring themselves against it, and then they usually keep scrolling. The Match Lab survey also flagged men who sound self focused, bring up their height again and again, or sneak in inappropriate references, none of which scream charming.

Even your vocabulary can trip you up. A bio stuffed with internet slang may lead people to take you less seriously, so go easy on the LOLs and OMGs. Clichés are just as risky. If your bio says you love to travel, laugh and live life to the fullest, you have described roughly nine million other people.

Swap vague adjectives for a specific detail, like a perfect weekend spent getting lost in a bookshop. Details make you memorable. Adjectives make you wallpaper. Dial back the thirst, too. A dating coach writing for the AJC says there is a line between attractive and overly suggestive, and plenty of profiles sprint right past it. And whatever you do, proofread.

Another CatholicMatch guide notes that a polished, well written profile shows how invested you are in finding a relationship, while a pile of typos suggests your search for love ranks somewhere below your grocery list. Put it all together and you get the profiles below, which cheerfully commit nearly every offense on this list at once. Consider this your field guide to what not to do, and keep a scorecard handy.