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You can’t write the perfect comeback. These gems typically come from a creative, quick-witted mind that can deliver sick burns at will, like Oprah Winfrey giving out brand-new cars to her studio audience.
You can, however, draw inspiration from the best ones online. Here are some of those we’ve collected and compiled into this list, which you can bookmark for future reference. Feel free to analyze them anytime and see why these work so well.
But in the meantime, you can read through them and be thoroughly entertained, too.
This post may include affiliate links.
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#2
“Somewhere out there is a tree providing you oxygen find it and apologize”
Nathaniel He/Him Cis-Het 1 day ago
I have heard "You should be carrying around a potted plant to make up the oxygen you waste."
#3
Shakespeare's gems: "Let's meet as little as we can." "I do desire we may be better strangers."
#4
As a person who worked in a call center my favorite was “I can explain it for you, but I cannot understand it for you”
#5
my personal fav "when the wind blows, does your head whistle?"
#6
“I love that you don’t let facts get in the way of your opinions”
Nathaniel He/Him Cis-Het 1 day ago
I think this one is appropriate for a certain Captain that often visits this site.
#7
“I’m not saying you’re the dumbest person in the world, but you better hope the dumbest person in the world doesn’t die” I heard an old white guy say it and I bust out laughing every time I think of or hear it
Panda McPandaface 1 day ago
Is it funnier because the old guy was white or because he was old?
#8
“Ur probably the first person ive met to reach their full potential “
#10
“I’d agree with you but then we’d both be wrong.”
Cuppa tea? 1 day ago
I have saying about arguing. When someone say, please let's stop arguing, I respond: I'm not arguing. If I would be arguing, that means I would be wrong. But I'm not neither.
#11
"I would insult you, but then id have to explain the insult to you and I just dont have that kind of time."
#12
"I know you tried your best, that's what makes it so disappointing"
#13
“You should start a business… and mind it” is my favorite
#14
heard this one recently "your two cents is why they're getting rid of pennies"
#15
U have a unique way of speaking that makes people appreciate your silence
#17
“You couldn’t dump water out of a boot even if the instructions were on the bottom”
#20
“As sharp as a marble”
Hyacinth (Any pronouns) 1 day ago
One of my favorites is any variation on 'dumber than a bag of hammers', 'bag of hair' is a fun one, 'bag of bricks' has a good rhythm to it, and so on.
#23
“You possess a mind that is completely unburdened by the complications of thought”
#24
This is my work insult: That’s an interesting conclusion you have come to considering the resources available to you.
#26
Working with you is like working alone but harder
#28
Besides the obvious what would you change about yourself
#30
I admire your simplicity when it comes to critical thinking
Nikolaj Christensen 1 day ago
"You manage to think critically, good job! But why only in regards to the wrong things!"
#31
I love telling people. "I hope you have the day you deserve."
#32
“I expect nothing from you and you somehow still manage to let me down”
Michael Largey 1 day ago
David Niven on Errol Flynn: "As a friend, Errol was absolutely reliable. He would always let you down."
#34
“and you were the fastest swimmer?”
David Jeffery 1 day ago
Cough cough - Riley Gaines - cough cough. Yes, I know the joke is about s***m but I just couldn't resist
#35
Someone called someone a Honda civic on here once and it still makes me giggle
Rex-a-Roni 1 day ago
I’ve often said “Katie Holmes is the most unremarkable person on the planet. She’s the human equivalent of the Honda Accord.” …though I’m sure it could apply to other people as well.
#36
Somebody told me I look like a left handed drawing
#40
girl i was told by a kid "my aura has ads"
#42
If brains were measured in cotton, you’d have enough to make a tampon for a flea
#46
I read somewhere “I want you to be a pallbearer at my funeral so you can let me down one more time”
#47
My home girl loves calling people “facially challenged” and honestly it’s always stuck with me
#48
“You have a brilliant future behind you.”
#50
calling someone a busted radiator has been mine lately
#52
Heard someone say “you make water look like it has calories” and I haven’t been the same since
#53
“Not even Ed Sheeran could describe the Shape Of u”
#54
"You couldn't find your way out of a wet paper bag, with scissors in both hands."
#56
As my Grammy said “you’re as sharp as a circle”
What do you think ?
Michael Largey 1 day ago
"Whenever we agree, I feel a need to pause and reconsider my position."
Michael Largey 1 day ago
"Whenever we agree, I feel a need to pause and reconsider my position."
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