Nightshade
Community Member
1 posts
3 comments
26 upvotes
10 points
I accidentally deleted my old account 1 yr ago and have recently gotten back on boredpanda.
Nightshade • upvoted 16 items 1 year ago
Llamageddon24 reply
My best friend is gay. He and his partner have lovingly been called “the gays” at our house after a slip up when calling them “the guys” came out as “the gays”, which they thought was funny and began to call themselves that. It caught on after a while. Picking up dinner one night at the grocery store, my daughter asked if they were coming over to eat with us, as they do once or twice a week. My best friend tends to tease my daughter who, at 5, can be sensitive to it. I said no and she replied by loudly exclaiming for all to hear: “Thank God, because I hate the gays!”Llamageddon24 reply
My best friend is gay. He and his partner have lovingly been called “the gays” at our house after a slip up when calling them “the guys” came out as “the gays”, which they thought was funny and began to call themselves that. It caught on after a while. Picking up dinner one night at the grocery store, my daughter asked if they were coming over to eat with us, as they do once or twice a week. My best friend tends to tease my daughter who, at 5, can be sensitive to it. I said no and she replied by loudly exclaiming for all to hear: “Thank God, because I hate the gays!”
daleksarecoming reply
My mom loves to tell this story. We were at Catholic mass. I was 2-3 years old. They ring the altar bell in mass at some point. They ring it, the church is dead quiet, and I screamed "Telephone!!!"
laughingcow2012 reply
My daughter was with me in a crowded dressing room and complimented me on my nice nipples. I could hear laughter from the other stalls.
Explodo86 reply
Took my 3 year old to Disneyworld. Of course after about an hour in the park, both I and the offspring have to go to the bathroom. We head off to one of the main bathrooms right next to the castle. I let the boy go first (he performed a nice quick dump complete with the customary "Good Job" from me as we were still reinforcing the potty training mantras...) then I of course sit down and perform my own glorious #2 complete with a nice "squeaky door" fart which had the offspring in hysterics. At this point the child starts saying in a voice that can only be described as booming "GOOD JOB DADDY! YOU'RE THE BEST POOPER I KNOW!" This of course led to chuckles from the long line of stalls populated by other fathers...The chuckles ended up turning into outright laughter...I was so proud of my pooping abilities. Well, I'm somewhat shameless, so I clean up and go wash my hands to find that I'm now getting the nods of approval from everyone in the can who heard the interchange. I was the best pooper at disneyworld that day...and internally embarrassed and entertained at the same time.
flippenzee reply
Carrying my daughter back from the bathroom through a crowded hipster brunch spot while she shouted 'HE FARTED!!' at every single table. In case there was any confusion she was also pointing at my face.
RainingBlood398 reply
There is a man who lives in our village with no arms, Mr M. His children attended my sons nursery so he has met him many times. We were in a packed doctors waiting room one day and Mr M came in. Son, at full volume: Look mummy! There's Mr M that I told you about. He has no arms! Look! LOOOOK! [Pointing] At this point the whole waiting room, in true British style, have turned their heads in the opposite direction to Mr M, and are actively trying NOT to look while similarly avoiding eye-contact with me, and the 'disrespectful small child' who draws attention to peoples disabilities. Me: Ah yes, that is Mr M. We see him at school don't we. Son: Yeah, he came in to talk to us one day, [oh gosh what is coming next....] he drives his car with his feet! [Please don't say more...] He is TOTALLY AWESOME! [massive sigh of relief!] Yeah dude, he really is!
wickedcreative reply
My two year old and I were waiting in line at Nordstrom. She was being so quiet and so patient so I decided to reward her by purchasing a Melissa and Doug stamp set. As soon as we got to the checkout, she randomly announced to the girl that was checking us out, “Mommy has a penis.” I just stood there for a moment, expressionless, wondering where in the f**k that came from before I finally said, “yeah...I don’t.” The lady just stared at me, forced a smile and replied “have a nice day.” We’ve also been talking a lot about my pregnancy and wondering whether the baby is a boy or girl. Somehow that must have raised some questions in my daughter’s head because she announced to daycare that “daddy decided he wants to be a girl so he is going to become a girl.” Daycare never mentioned it until our daughter told us this at dinner one night and we about died. Asked the teacher if she had, in fact, stated that...her teacher said, “yes, she did. It seemed sensitive so obviously we didn’t want to mention it.” (My husband is NOT transitioning). Ahh, kids. Love them.
twillsteele reply
My son came home from kindergarten with his backpack full of canned food. When pressed about the issue he confidently stated that he had told the teacher he was hungry and we didn't have any food at home! They had sent him home with the donations for those in need!! We got him to return the food the next day... Its a funny story we tell now but talk about embarrassed!!!
foshjowler reply
When I was little (under 5) my dad would jokingly ask if I wanted a cold beer. I would always respond with "no." Until one day when we were in the grocery store, he asked if I wanted anything, to which I replied: "a cold beer" while we were standing in line.
thebroklahoman reply
My friends daughter (~2.5 y/o) saw another kid in the grocery store with a toy truck, and out of nowhere says “I want that f****n’ truck...” in an angry tone Not the funniest thing to read, I know, but we’ve been saying that in a baby voice for the last few years and it always cracks us up.
GaijinSama reply
At a fairly nice restaurant my brother was teasing my daughter, and my daughter screamed at him to stop and threatened to call him the N word. (The N word was nipple)
notmax reply
Not me but my midwife. Pregnant with second child, three year old daughter asks why mummy’s belly is so big. She’s told there’s a baby in there. She turns to daddy and asks “do you have a baby in there too?” Dad replies gently “No, I’m just fat!” A few days later in the checkout line and there’s a very large lady behind them in the line. The little girl asks the lady “Do you have a baby in your tummy like my mummy?” The lady is kind and just says no she doesn’t, to which the girl responds “oh just fat then?”Show All 16 Upvotes
Nightshade • commented on 2 posts 1 year ago
Nightshade • submitted a new post 1 year ago
Nightshade • started following a person 2 years ago
Nightshade • commented on a post 2 years ago
Nightshade • upvoted 9 items 2 years ago
Indy_Photographer reply
Not my kid, but I took my nephew, now 11, to the mall once when he was about 3/4, and this girl started talking to us. She thought it was so cute that I brought my nephew to the mall and how I was such a good uncle, until...my nephew says, “ Uncle x, likes to beat me”. There was no coming back from that. I had never laid a hand on him, but damned if I wasn’t thinking about it then. All I can do now is laugh, and wait for revenge.Show All 9 Upvotes
Nightshade • upvoted an item 3 years ago
Nightshade • submitted a new post 1 year ago
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Nightshade • commented on 2 posts 1 year ago
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Nightshade • upvoted 20 items 1 year ago
laughingcow2012 reply
My daughter was with me in a crowded dressing room and complimented me on my nice nipples. I could hear laughter from the other stalls.Indy_Photographer reply
Not my kid, but I took my nephew, now 11, to the mall once when he was about 3/4, and this girl started talking to us. She thought it was so cute that I brought my nephew to the mall and how I was such a good uncle, until...my nephew says, “ Uncle x, likes to beat me”. There was no coming back from that. I had never laid a hand on him, but damned if I wasn’t thinking about it then. All I can do now is laugh, and wait for revenge.Explodo86 reply
Took my 3 year old to Disneyworld. Of course after about an hour in the park, both I and the offspring have to go to the bathroom. We head off to one of the main bathrooms right next to the castle. I let the boy go first (he performed a nice quick dump complete with the customary "Good Job" from me as we were still reinforcing the potty training mantras...) then I of course sit down and perform my own glorious #2 complete with a nice "squeaky door" fart which had the offspring in hysterics. At this point the child starts saying in a voice that can only be described as booming "GOOD JOB DADDY! YOU'RE THE BEST POOPER I KNOW!" This of course led to chuckles from the long line of stalls populated by other fathers...The chuckles ended up turning into outright laughter...I was so proud of my pooping abilities. Well, I'm somewhat shameless, so I clean up and go wash my hands to find that I'm now getting the nods of approval from everyone in the can who heard the interchange. I was the best pooper at disneyworld that day...and internally embarrassed and entertained at the same time.Llamageddon24 reply
My best friend is gay. He and his partner have lovingly been called “the gays” at our house after a slip up when calling them “the guys” came out as “the gays”, which they thought was funny and began to call themselves that. It caught on after a while. Picking up dinner one night at the grocery store, my daughter asked if they were coming over to eat with us, as they do once or twice a week. My best friend tends to tease my daughter who, at 5, can be sensitive to it. I said no and she replied by loudly exclaiming for all to hear: “Thank God, because I hate the gays!”daleksarecoming reply
My mom loves to tell this story. We were at Catholic mass. I was 2-3 years old. They ring the altar bell in mass at some point. They ring it, the church is dead quiet, and I screamed "Telephone!!!"flippenzee reply
Carrying my daughter back from the bathroom through a crowded hipster brunch spot while she shouted 'HE FARTED!!' at every single table. In case there was any confusion she was also pointing at my face.RainingBlood398 reply
There is a man who lives in our village with no arms, Mr M. His children attended my sons nursery so he has met him many times. We were in a packed doctors waiting room one day and Mr M came in. Son, at full volume: Look mummy! There's Mr M that I told you about. He has no arms! Look! LOOOOK! [Pointing] At this point the whole waiting room, in true British style, have turned their heads in the opposite direction to Mr M, and are actively trying NOT to look while similarly avoiding eye-contact with me, and the 'disrespectful small child' who draws attention to peoples disabilities. Me: Ah yes, that is Mr M. We see him at school don't we. Son: Yeah, he came in to talk to us one day, [oh gosh what is coming next....] he drives his car with his feet! [Please don't say more...] He is TOTALLY AWESOME! [massive sigh of relief!] Yeah dude, he really is!twillsteele reply
My son came home from kindergarten with his backpack full of canned food. When pressed about the issue he confidently stated that he had told the teacher he was hungry and we didn't have any food at home! They had sent him home with the donations for those in need!! We got him to return the food the next day... Its a funny story we tell now but talk about embarrassed!!!foshjowler reply
When I was little (under 5) my dad would jokingly ask if I wanted a cold beer. I would always respond with "no." Until one day when we were in the grocery store, he asked if I wanted anything, to which I replied: "a cold beer" while we were standing in line.thebroklahoman reply
My friends daughter (~2.5 y/o) saw another kid in the grocery store with a toy truck, and out of nowhere says “I want that f****n’ truck...” in an angry tone Not the funniest thing to read, I know, but we’ve been saying that in a baby voice for the last few years and it always cracks us up.GaijinSama reply
At a fairly nice restaurant my brother was teasing my daughter, and my daughter screamed at him to stop and threatened to call him the N word. (The N word was nipple)wickedcreative reply
My two year old and I were waiting in line at Nordstrom. She was being so quiet and so patient so I decided to reward her by purchasing a Melissa and Doug stamp set. As soon as we got to the checkout, she randomly announced to the girl that was checking us out, “Mommy has a penis.” I just stood there for a moment, expressionless, wondering where in the f**k that came from before I finally said, “yeah...I don’t.” The lady just stared at me, forced a smile and replied “have a nice day.” We’ve also been talking a lot about my pregnancy and wondering whether the baby is a boy or girl. Somehow that must have raised some questions in my daughter’s head because she announced to daycare that “daddy decided he wants to be a girl so he is going to become a girl.” Daycare never mentioned it until our daughter told us this at dinner one night and we about died. Asked the teacher if she had, in fact, stated that...her teacher said, “yes, she did. It seemed sensitive so obviously we didn’t want to mention it.” (My husband is NOT transitioning). Ahh, kids. Love them. Nightshade • is following a person
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