Woman Asks The Internet If She’s A Jerk For Refusing To Let Her Sister Adopt One Of Her Twins Once They’re Born
Reddit user u/EuphoricInevitable28 and her partner had been trying to get pregnant for a long time, and when they finally succeeded, her family was really happy for the couple. Except for her sister.
The woman also had difficulties conceiving and when she heard that u/EuphoricInevitable28 was expecting twins, she started demanding that she gave one of them up for her.
Appalled and confused by the whole situation, the Redditor turned to the ‘Am I the [Jerk]?‘ community, asking if she handled it properly.
Image credits: Jonathan Sanchez (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Taylor Grote (not the actual photo)
Image credits: EuphoricInevitable28
Some people get pregnant quickly, but for others it can take longer. About 84% of couples will conceive naturally within a year if they have regular unprotected sex (every 2 or 3 days). However, for couples who have been trying to conceive for more than 3 years without success, the likelihood of getting pregnant naturally within the next year drops to just 1 in 4, or less.
Infertility is usually only diagnosed when a couple have not managed to conceive after a year of trying. There are 2 types of infertility:
- primary infertility – where someone who’s never conceived a child in the past has difficulty conceiving;
- secondary infertility – where someone has had 1 or more pregnancies in the past, but is having difficulty conceiving again.
There are many possible causes of infertility and fertility problems can affect either partner. The common ones include:
- lack of regular ovulation (the monthly release of an egg);
- poor quality semen;
- blocked or damaged fallopian tubes;
- endometriosis – where tissue that behaves like the lining of the womb (the endometrium) is found outside the womb.
However, in a quarter of cases it is not possible to identify the cause.
Usually, fertility treatments include:
- medical treatment for lack of regular ovulation;
- surgical procedures such as treatment for endometriosis, repair of the fallopian tubes, or removal of scarring (adhesions) within the womb or abdominal cavity;
- assisted conception such as intrauterine insemination (IUI) or IVF.
Image credits: Jelleke Vanooteghem (not the actual photo)
There are agencies that facilitates private adoptions in which a mother voluntarily decides to give up her child. This is different from adoption out of the foster-care system, in which a child who has been abused or neglected has been permanently removed from their family by a state agency and placed with another family.
But even these organizations aren’t as demanding as OP’s sister. Spence-Chapin Services to Families and Children, the oldest adoption agency in New York, offer women “interim care,” that is, vetted volunteers will care for newborns for up to a month while the mother decides whether she wants to complete the adoption.
There is consensus among adoption researchers that for many birth mothers the experience of placing their children for adoption brings feelings of grief, loss, shame, guilt, remorse and isolation.
Some prior research suggests birth mothers’ grief reduces with the passage of time. However, this 2018 study notes “the importance of not confusing birth mother’s satisfaction with her decision and the feelings of loss that she may feel about the placement.”
A birth mother may feel she made the right decision regarding placement and yet still experience ongoing feelings of loss and grief even years later.
In fact, age often has an inverse relationship with satisfaction. “As with time since the relinquishment, age of the respondents predicted an incremental decrease in satisfaction for every year they have aged,” the researchers of the study wrote. “It may be that the distance afforded by time, along with the internal resources and perspective that often comes with age, may have provided an opportunity for birth mothers to look back and reflect on what could have been.”
So even if in a parallel universe the author of the Reddit post agreed to her sister’s wish, it could be that she would admit herself to a lifetime of disappointment and pain.
As the sory went viral, people unanimously agreed that the sister was way out of line
This is probably the most f**ked up post I ever read. I can't. I mean...how!!?? HOW can ANYONE possibly think this is okay, like "Yeah, we're sisters, you owe me a baby". The level of insanity and entitlement is through the roof. Aaaargh!!!!
... and the fact that some close family members agree with this "kid up for grabs" just adds to the insanity. Twins does not mean "what's yours is also mine", most especially when it comes to kids. I won't necessarily call this one fake.... but sure has an unreal feel to it. 😱. But, then again, due to my own involvement in a situation that had multiple family members with fertility issues, another family giving a baby up for adoption, and an "I'm more entitled" attitude in the mix...yeah, it's entirely possible it's a real story.
Load More Replies...
I can see why adoption agencies turned your sister down and your mother is a nut.
Way too many people in that family are unashamedly okay with moving kids around like they're not actual human beings. Jesus christ. They're not cookies, "Oh I have two so you can have one". What the f**k
Loads of people seem to think kids aren't people until they're adults 😕
Load More Replies...
Time for OP and Kyle to break away from this toxic sh*t excuse of a family!!! SMH!!!
@Tams21....You mean more INTENSE inpatient in a nut house therapy.
Load More Replies...
And now I have the plot for my next mystery novel.....
Load More Replies...
NTA, especially reading the follow up where OP explains that her sister was rejected as an adopter due to neglecting her foster kids. Asking for someone else's baby, because they're having twins, is seriously inappropriate. She is very clearly not in a state of mind where she should be given care of a baby, even if it was harsh to say so. Never, ever, leave either of these babies in her care, because she's not stable.
It’s her baby!? Why on earth would she give up her own child to her sister, especially one deemed unfit to care for a child? Children aren’t Pokémon cards that you trade and give away. Jeez.
You are NTA!!! You keep your children together and make sure , legally, that your sister and husband cannot get custody if something happens to you or your husband. Find a competent lawyer who is well versed in family court issues. You and your husband need to write your wills and name the same people as the guardians for your children, just in case. DO NOT WAIT!!! DO IT NOW!!! A long life is not guaranteed.
A long life is not guaranteed, especially if the unhinged sister thinks you are keeping something from her that is rightfully hers. I've seen people kill for less. Definitely get a lawyer and document the hell out of the family harassment, then cut ties and get to safety.
Load More Replies...
They really don't help at all. It was useless when my mother filed one on my crazy drug addicted bipolar aunt who tried to kill people....
Load More Replies...
I think the sister would be an unfit parent just based on the fact that she thinks it reasonable and normal to demand her sister give her one of her children, like it's a candy bar and not a human being. OP is 100% justified in pointing out her sister would be an unfit parent just for that. But wait, it gets worse. Her sister was deemed an unfit foster parent and the bar is sadly pretty low. I'd question how much contact the kids should have with the nutjob family members siding with the sister. There is a high probability that the sister can't deal with grief from her infertility in a healthy way because people like mommy dearest are enabling her twisted way of thinking.
If this story is true the op needs to run far away from her family. But I honestly think this sounds like a plot to a lifetime movie
I think I'd watch that movie. If I had lifetime.
Load More Replies...
She needs to tell the police as this is a kidnap risk as soon as the babies are born if not before…
The police not be able to do anything until a crime has been committed.
Load More Replies...
The twinsister thinks: it’s my twinsisters baby, so the kid will look like me aswell. BUT it is also Kyles kid… lmfao… like you can just exchange kids…
OP better pack and get the hell out of there as soon as she can because I guarantee Mia will end up on the news for kidnapping one of the babies.
That sub is just unreal sometimes. Who tf in their right mind would even ask this question? "Am I the A$$hole for not giving away my baby?" Like who tf is going to say they are? How brain damaged do you have to be to think you might be? I worry for her kids if she doesn't know she doesn't have to give them away when someone demands one. "Well, gee, idk, I really don't want to give away my child, but they'll be mad at me if I don't. What to do...what to do.
Simple. Sister is the golden child + family has been gaslighting OP for life, therefore she has absolutely no idea what a healthy family is like.
Load More Replies...
Just the fact that she was found negligent by the state already and has consistently exhibited mental illness..... why in the hell would you hand a child over to her?!?! NTA!
As the delivery time comes closer, the hospital needs to be aware of this issue. Are you identical twins? in the chaos of the maternity ward could she pass as you?
This would be my concern, even after they are born. I'd make sure there were safety measures to prevent the sister from accessing her kids at daycare, school, activities, etc.
Load More Replies... Reminds me of the friends episode when Phoebe says she wakes to keep one of the triplets of her brothers. And Rachel goes "I'm gonna be on the news!" And then "(brother) is going to want to keep all of his children!"
This is creepy AF. Firstly bc she feels entitled to your child, and secondly bc some of your family members are siding with her. If there was ever a reason to go no contact this is it! NTA for anything here- you only spoke true facts. The only thing you could be the AH about is feeling bad about saying no to this! It's appalling from any angle!
I didn't see a single thing with what the OP said to Mia and would've said the same thing were I in her place. The adoption agencies did deem Mia unfit to adopt a child because she had neglected the two children they'd allowed her to foster. No way would I trust her to even babysit any child of mine. Adoption? No way Jose!
Wait, WTF? What the hell is wrong with this woman's family? OP needs to cut all ties and communications with this nightmare of relatives! Apparently they don't understand why all adoption agencies REJECTED sister because she is UNFIT to adopt! I seriously doubt dear sister would be willing to give away one of her babies if the shoe were on the other foot. Fortunately you can pick and choose your friends, but the devil gave you your relatives 👿👹. Run and don't look back.
The sister's request to adopt one of the twins is pure psychopathy, but relatives who agree with her are even more psychopathic. Something like this could have been fine centuries ago in other contexts, but today it is unacceptable. Also, I think it's legally impossible, at least in my country.
Why would this be illegal? Adoptions within families happen all the time in the US.
Load More Replies...
Some people said it was wrong to tell her she was unfit for adoption, but OP said that the sister abused the foster kids. She's literally unfit to raise a child.
I don't think I've ever heard anything so utterly ridiculous in my life. I don't care if you were having octuplets, no one has any business asking for one of your CHILDREN and then acting like a toddler when you say no! This woman is seriously unfit in my opinion to raise a child at the moment. She's too obsessed with it. You are definitely NTA.
To those in the family that think it's reasonable to expect you to do this,, tell them that if they so badly want your twin to have a baby then they should offer to be a surrogate to her. If they refuse then feel free to call them ta.
What would they even tell the kids? Because they're going to know someday. "My sister was sad that she couldn't have kids, so I traded her one of my litter. Just like puppies!" The whole family is bonkers.
Load More Replies... 
Nta, protect your little ones at all costs. Hate to say it but do not trust sister or any other family member who agrees with her to babysit or be alone with them, probably best to stick with your husband's family on that point.
Is this even for real? I don't know what to believe with these posts anymore.
It's so absurd that it seems fake: I think this kind of adoption is illegal even in US or wherever this situation allegedly happened.
Load More Replies... If the family is really that interested in giving sister the baby, they should start an operation of EVERY fertile member of the family bear a child for her, with her and her husband's sperm NO LESS (methinks not even homozygous twins are 100% identical due to mutation so her sister's child can't truly be hers by genetic level even ignore the fact of being conceived by another man???). The audacity HUH
How would that kid feel growing up being separated from their real mother and twin? That would be messed up.
These people are insane. As soon as she knew that she was deemed unfit to raise children, Sis was nuts to even suggest such a thing. This indicates some mental health concerns, and I wouldn't feel comfortable around her, after she wished for horrible things to happen to me and my unborn kids? BYE Sis, this sounds like the beginning of a horror story 😨! Be strong OP. I know weirdness when I see it. Prayers 🙏
Run! I come from a toxic family as well. I am the black sheep who has an extremely narracistic mother.
Restraining order is definitely needed ASAP!! Sis is CRAZY who tf would just give a baby away? I was pregoo with identicals & lost one I couldn't imagine someone wanting to keep her!!
If this is her identical twin she better keep the babies out of reach! Identical twins share the same identical DNA so a test would show the aunt as the bio mom as well. My mom is an identical twin so my aunt's kids (DNA speaking) are my half siblings! No kidding! Scary situation this mom finds herself in!
Just the fact that the sister expected OP to give her one of the babies disqualifies her as a mother. Apparently she has mental problems and should seek professional help. Incidentally, the same also applies to all relatives, for whom this seems to be a completely normal idea.
I'd be pretty wary about the babies safety in case OP's unhinged sister tries to kidnap one.
OP'S best bet would be to document everything said and done by Mia. She is not to be trusted. OP and Kyle need to get security cameras and alarms, and have as little interaction with Mia as possible. Once at the hospital, the staff needs to be informed that Mia is not to be allowed anywhere near mother or child, and why. If her family continues to give her grief about not giving Mia one of her twins, OP would be better off going NC for her and her babies' safety. Better yet, move to an undisclosed location. Her family is totally wack!
Just the sister? I thought that should the whole family from her side???
Load More Replies...
Who are always those family members in these kind of stories that message their kids/nieces/whatever they are selfish for not giving their kid away? (or house or wedding venue or kidney or whatever the article is about at the time) if my family members would message me anything like that would be the last time we ever spoke.
Parcel them out like kittens or puppies. Geeze! Are people that unhinged? Probably. Since they've decided unborn children are just blobs of cells. Traveling a dangerous road where "parents" are merely breeding stock.
Time for OP to go NC with sister and mum also anyone else who thinks she should give her sister one of her twins. Who the heck thinks it's acceptable to split up kids especially twins. The sister and mum need to stay the hell away from those kids and be never allowed near them. What a disgraceful family to even say it and agree, just because the were not planned. The mum is a horrid mum to expect her daughter to give away one of her babies.
Your sister has been established as being unfit to be a mother. By her comments, your mom has established herself as being the same.
Uh, I am willing to guess that the sister had already planned this before the family gathering and may have mentioned it to some family members prior to the announcement...who the hell expects someone to just hand over one of their babies?! This is the most toxic family I've read about (so far), and OP needs to cut them all off. The sister acting like she's owed a baby and the family siding with her on it is the most entitled thing....haha, no.
My aunt tried to do this in 1989 when my mother became Oops pregnant. I was 12 and my brother was 14. She was also on my father's side. Let's just say things didn't fly too well.
Imagine a step even further into crazy: deciding which twin to give away.
Ah, family, been there, went trough similar stuff, doesn't surprise me at all. That's just how toxic families are. While she had every right to call out her sister on that fact and you don't need to be a perfect human being. I still want to suggest: it's better to not try to reason with these people, it's especially hard when it's family, but also you know their weak points and hit them like a guided missile just like they know yours. So you want to them to understand but they can't anyway, they life in their own reality, and if you get angry then you subconciously thend to aim in on their weak points and boooom. So just a simple "no!" often is best, there is no need to explain why. They don't understand it and try to argue... tough sh*t you are not required to explain yourself. "Because I don't want to" is enough reason, they don't accept that, again that's on them. It can be good to explain your toughts with reasonable people, with toxic people in most cases you shouldn't even.
What this really comes down to is is your sister a danger to you. She's your twin, do you have that bond? Can she not respect the right the twins have to each other? Could the family help her adopt or conceive? Sydney Anderson, Psychologist, Bloomington, needs to be consulted with, your best option. Her neglecting the foster chd need to be understood. This is a safety issue before it's a "sharing" issue. Your partner has a decision in this, it should have already ended the discussion, the paternal side wasn't his ppl was it? So much more to say. In beginning twins are very very difficult, they don't recognize each other until 8-10 months, they are essential one. You will need help, she could help you and be close aunt/God mother...a child can't have too much love, but the animosity factor is concerning. You must be seeing a child psychology, she will help make informed prof decision s that your family can understand.
Unfit to adopt but ok to IVF? I think nature was trying to tell us something when it dried up that womb. Maybe we oughta listen.
This is ridiculous....l don't even think this is real. You cannot just give a baby away, its illegal. Who would even ask?! And her family agrees with the ask and says she's being selfish for saying no???! Whole story is suspicious and seems fake to me.
It is not illegal to allow a family member to adopt your child (or even just leave them with a family member or friend, who then acts in loco parentis). If the person you give the child to is legally not allowed to have/be near children, you know they could be a danger to a child, or you give them the child in exchange for money or anything of value, to settle a debt, or to hide the child from law enforcement, the courts, or another legal parent/guardian, then there is an issue.
Load More Replies...
After reading so many articles about unhinged people, I don't know why I'm still surprised by how ridiculous they can be.
This is, in the most polite terms i can muster, absolutely appalling! She did right by telling someone, even if they were just strangers on the internet, and I sincerely hope they’re able to have the sister committed for this.
OP isn't the AH. Time to move like someone said and in the meantime, get a restraining order.
This sounds fake. We're really to believe that no only does some psycho think that giving away a child because one is extra is okay, but other family members hear that and think that's a good idea? Not buying it.
Oh well, my father gave away my brother superstitiously so that his woman in the affair could bear a son. And us being branded as "bastard children" even though we were children by marriage... Because the evil mother of my old man did not get to handpick her daughter-in-law (the woman my old man having an affair with WAS the one my "grandma" chose)...
Load More Replies...
im jumping to conclusions here but i wouldnt be too shocked if sis plans some nutjob idea to kidnap at least one of the kids
When my mom was pregnant with me my father's mother tried to get my mom and dad to give me up to my father sister who couldn't have a child saying they could always have another baby. My dad flat out refused am I aunt when she heard was kind of upset my grandmother did this understood where it was coming from but at the same time was like that's Barbara and Don's baby. And she would be the best day ever; and she was and the truth is her and my uncle tried to give me everything in the universe that my parents couldn't I was so spoiled as a child. But I could never imagine separating twins especially with a sister who seems psychotic.
Why was everyone congratulating your sister and her husband as well? And your sister staying close to you all night,sounds like she already told everyone before you got to and told everyone that she was getting one of the twins,so she not only ruined your announcement but told everyone you were giving her one of the twins and when you said you weren't going to, she made you look like you went back on you word hence why certain family members are acting the way they are,they didn't know the true story clearly, she's crazy you need to definitely go nc,she definitely needs to be put in her place and your other family members to taking her side
I likely can't have biological children, so I very much empathize with the infertility aspect and the intense longing for children, but I would NEVER dream of asking any of my sisters if I could adopt one of their children solely because I want a child. I just feel so bad for everyone in this situation because it's clearly an unhealthy family.
Not sure who your family think they are. Are they bank rolling you guys? Apparently your husband is considered a mere prop. Those kids aren’t yours alone. How about someone from your husband’s family demand for one of your twins. Would they call you selfish for not agreeing? Your mum and sis need to get checked.
I am having trouble believing this is real. I was already on the fence whether it was real or not just because of the absurdity of the situation. Then when OP said that a bunch of her family were against her on this is when I came to the conclusion that this is complete BS. For one of the family members to be psycho is one thing. For a bunch of other family members to take the sister's side is just too much.
What in the world makes her so entitled to even ask this? I would not only shut down her request, but denounce her for this, and likely stop having anything to do with her. This is the kind of person who, once your back is turned, takes off with your baby. Close that door and lock it.
OP is definitely NTA and really needs to put some distance (physical and emotional) between herself and the rest of the family before her twins are born. I could very easily see her whack job sister trying to kidnap one of the babies. It sucks that the sister has fertility issues and really wants kids. But a lot of people are in that same situation and it DOESN'T entitle you to behave like that. No one owes you a child. Not even your own sibling.
I don’t think I believe this one. One person being a weird psycho about her giving up a baby is one thing. Others, especially other women, agreeing with the psycho?.. No. this is so far out of the norm for human behavior it’s just too far on the wrong side to believe. Especially from other women that have had babies.
Good lord omg I hope they move cut the ties that bind those babies will always be in danger from that family. So horrifying
I know this seems fake but I'm not so sure. 15 years ago my then husband and I announced to our families that we were planning to adopt - we'd jumped all the hurdles and were "waiting parents." In the two years before we took home our beautiful, biologically unrelated daughter, we were approached by two different elder family members (one on each side) about distant relatives who were pregnant and "not ready", and how we should adopt their babies. There were many reasons it couldn't or shouldn't be done, not the least of which was that these young women didn't know these conversations were taking place (I asked.) Rather than explain the technicalities, I told each of them truthfully that I wanted a child that everyone considered mine, not one they'd alway be thinking of as "poor Suzie's boy." They backed off, but it was crazy weird. FYI, one baby stayed with mom and boyfriend/eventual husband, and the other is mostly being raised by his grandmother. Everyone is well, as far as I know.
OMG. You need to be vigilant so one of these people don't hijack one of your babies. They should never be allowed to babysit and you should always be present when they are around the children. I would let your attorney know of these conversations and record them if you're able. You may even need to move if they become more insistent. Take care of your family.
What kind of family encourages a woman to give up one of her expected twins? That’s just bizarre and psycho. Babies aren’t kittens! If this is a true story, I’m sorry this woman has to deal with this nonsense during her pregnancy. They should be ashamed for putting undue stress on her.
I can't even imagine why your mother & sister even think this is ok..wow....just wow... u better get away from those people.
Why do people think that the scenario from "The Parent Trap" is a good idea?
I'm getting fed up with all these AITA posts. Especially when it is so blatantly obvious that the poster is most definitely NTA as in this ridiculous case. Then you ask a group of random people to justify your action. You made your decision, you acted on it, live with it. Whatever others think, the deed has been done.
As if OP is giving birth to a Twix candy bar!!! This has to be fake.
Seriously stupidest thing I've read today. I truly find this hard to believe.
These AITA stories get nuttier and nuttier. Lol. Who comes up with these?
You've never heard the saying "You can't make this s**t up"? When it comes to stories about stupid and entitled people, I don't doubt much anymore. Also, the amount of details in this story leads me to believe it's real. I normally find the ones that ring false have fewer details, happened longer ago, and tend to be when something "triggered" the OP's memory and they want to share their story (and usually come out looking the hero). Then again, I have a rather jaded view of humanity and tend to believe there's no end to the stupidity and entitlement of humans, which often leads to very interesting AITA stories.
Load More Replies...
You have just done both of those things. Also, I'm not a Jedi, how do we know the contents PRIOR to reading it?!
Load More Replies...
This is probably the most f**ked up post I ever read. I can't. I mean...how!!?? HOW can ANYONE possibly think this is okay, like "Yeah, we're sisters, you owe me a baby". The level of insanity and entitlement is through the roof. Aaaargh!!!!
... and the fact that some close family members agree with this "kid up for grabs" just adds to the insanity. Twins does not mean "what's yours is also mine", most especially when it comes to kids. I won't necessarily call this one fake.... but sure has an unreal feel to it. 😱. But, then again, due to my own involvement in a situation that had multiple family members with fertility issues, another family giving a baby up for adoption, and an "I'm more entitled" attitude in the mix...yeah, it's entirely possible it's a real story.
Load More Replies... I can see why adoption agencies turned your sister down and your mother is a nut.
Way too many people in that family are unashamedly okay with moving kids around like they're not actual human beings. Jesus christ. They're not cookies, "Oh I have two so you can have one". What the f**k
Loads of people seem to think kids aren't people until they're adults 😕
Load More Replies... Time for OP and Kyle to break away from this toxic sh*t excuse of a family!!! SMH!!!
@Tams21....You mean more INTENSE inpatient in a nut house therapy.
Load More Replies... And now I have the plot for my next mystery novel.....
Load More Replies... NTA, especially reading the follow up where OP explains that her sister was rejected as an adopter due to neglecting her foster kids. Asking for someone else's baby, because they're having twins, is seriously inappropriate. She is very clearly not in a state of mind where she should be given care of a baby, even if it was harsh to say so. Never, ever, leave either of these babies in her care, because she's not stable.
It’s her baby!? Why on earth would she give up her own child to her sister, especially one deemed unfit to care for a child? Children aren’t Pokémon cards that you trade and give away. Jeez.
You are NTA!!! You keep your children together and make sure , legally, that your sister and husband cannot get custody if something happens to you or your husband. Find a competent lawyer who is well versed in family court issues. You and your husband need to write your wills and name the same people as the guardians for your children, just in case. DO NOT WAIT!!! DO IT NOW!!! A long life is not guaranteed.
A long life is not guaranteed, especially if the unhinged sister thinks you are keeping something from her that is rightfully hers. I've seen people kill for less. Definitely get a lawyer and document the hell out of the family harassment, then cut ties and get to safety.
Load More Replies... They really don't help at all. It was useless when my mother filed one on my crazy drug addicted bipolar aunt who tried to kill people....
Load More Replies... I think the sister would be an unfit parent just based on the fact that she thinks it reasonable and normal to demand her sister give her one of her children, like it's a candy bar and not a human being. OP is 100% justified in pointing out her sister would be an unfit parent just for that. But wait, it gets worse. Her sister was deemed an unfit foster parent and the bar is sadly pretty low. I'd question how much contact the kids should have with the nutjob family members siding with the sister. There is a high probability that the sister can't deal with grief from her infertility in a healthy way because people like mommy dearest are enabling her twisted way of thinking.
If this story is true the op needs to run far away from her family. But I honestly think this sounds like a plot to a lifetime movie
I think I'd watch that movie. If I had lifetime.
Load More Replies... She needs to tell the police as this is a kidnap risk as soon as the babies are born if not before…
The police not be able to do anything until a crime has been committed.
Load More Replies... The twinsister thinks: it’s my twinsisters baby, so the kid will look like me aswell. BUT it is also Kyles kid… lmfao… like you can just exchange kids…
OP better pack and get the hell out of there as soon as she can because I guarantee Mia will end up on the news for kidnapping one of the babies.
That sub is just unreal sometimes. Who tf in their right mind would even ask this question? "Am I the A$$hole for not giving away my baby?" Like who tf is going to say they are? How brain damaged do you have to be to think you might be? I worry for her kids if she doesn't know she doesn't have to give them away when someone demands one. "Well, gee, idk, I really don't want to give away my child, but they'll be mad at me if I don't. What to do...what to do.
Simple. Sister is the golden child + family has been gaslighting OP for life, therefore she has absolutely no idea what a healthy family is like.
Load More Replies... Just the fact that she was found negligent by the state already and has consistently exhibited mental illness..... why in the hell would you hand a child over to her?!?! NTA!
As the delivery time comes closer, the hospital needs to be aware of this issue. Are you identical twins? in the chaos of the maternity ward could she pass as you?
This would be my concern, even after they are born. I'd make sure there were safety measures to prevent the sister from accessing her kids at daycare, school, activities, etc.
Load More Replies... Reminds me of the friends episode when Phoebe says she wakes to keep one of the triplets of her brothers. And Rachel goes "I'm gonna be on the news!" And then "(brother) is going to want to keep all of his children!"
This is creepy AF. Firstly bc she feels entitled to your child, and secondly bc some of your family members are siding with her. If there was ever a reason to go no contact this is it! NTA for anything here- you only spoke true facts. The only thing you could be the AH about is feeling bad about saying no to this! It's appalling from any angle!
I didn't see a single thing with what the OP said to Mia and would've said the same thing were I in her place. The adoption agencies did deem Mia unfit to adopt a child because she had neglected the two children they'd allowed her to foster. No way would I trust her to even babysit any child of mine. Adoption? No way Jose!
Wait, WTF? What the hell is wrong with this woman's family? OP needs to cut all ties and communications with this nightmare of relatives! Apparently they don't understand why all adoption agencies REJECTED sister because she is UNFIT to adopt! I seriously doubt dear sister would be willing to give away one of her babies if the shoe were on the other foot. Fortunately you can pick and choose your friends, but the devil gave you your relatives 👿👹. Run and don't look back.
The sister's request to adopt one of the twins is pure psychopathy, but relatives who agree with her are even more psychopathic. Something like this could have been fine centuries ago in other contexts, but today it is unacceptable. Also, I think it's legally impossible, at least in my country.
Why would this be illegal? Adoptions within families happen all the time in the US.
Load More Replies... Some people said it was wrong to tell her she was unfit for adoption, but OP said that the sister abused the foster kids. She's literally unfit to raise a child.
I don't think I've ever heard anything so utterly ridiculous in my life. I don't care if you were having octuplets, no one has any business asking for one of your CHILDREN and then acting like a toddler when you say no! This woman is seriously unfit in my opinion to raise a child at the moment. She's too obsessed with it. You are definitely NTA.
To those in the family that think it's reasonable to expect you to do this,, tell them that if they so badly want your twin to have a baby then they should offer to be a surrogate to her. If they refuse then feel free to call them ta.
What would they even tell the kids? Because they're going to know someday. "My sister was sad that she couldn't have kids, so I traded her one of my litter. Just like puppies!" The whole family is bonkers.
Load More Replies... Nta, protect your little ones at all costs. Hate to say it but do not trust sister or any other family member who agrees with her to babysit or be alone with them, probably best to stick with your husband's family on that point.
Is this even for real? I don't know what to believe with these posts anymore.
It's so absurd that it seems fake: I think this kind of adoption is illegal even in US or wherever this situation allegedly happened.
Load More Replies... If the family is really that interested in giving sister the baby, they should start an operation of EVERY fertile member of the family bear a child for her, with her and her husband's sperm NO LESS (methinks not even homozygous twins are 100% identical due to mutation so her sister's child can't truly be hers by genetic level even ignore the fact of being conceived by another man???). The audacity HUH
How would that kid feel growing up being separated from their real mother and twin? That would be messed up.
These people are insane. As soon as she knew that she was deemed unfit to raise children, Sis was nuts to even suggest such a thing. This indicates some mental health concerns, and I wouldn't feel comfortable around her, after she wished for horrible things to happen to me and my unborn kids? BYE Sis, this sounds like the beginning of a horror story 😨! Be strong OP. I know weirdness when I see it. Prayers 🙏
Run! I come from a toxic family as well. I am the black sheep who has an extremely narracistic mother.
Restraining order is definitely needed ASAP!! Sis is CRAZY who tf would just give a baby away? I was pregoo with identicals & lost one I couldn't imagine someone wanting to keep her!!
If this is her identical twin she better keep the babies out of reach! Identical twins share the same identical DNA so a test would show the aunt as the bio mom as well. My mom is an identical twin so my aunt's kids (DNA speaking) are my half siblings! No kidding! Scary situation this mom finds herself in!
Just the fact that the sister expected OP to give her one of the babies disqualifies her as a mother. Apparently she has mental problems and should seek professional help. Incidentally, the same also applies to all relatives, for whom this seems to be a completely normal idea.
I'd be pretty wary about the babies safety in case OP's unhinged sister tries to kidnap one.
OP'S best bet would be to document everything said and done by Mia. She is not to be trusted. OP and Kyle need to get security cameras and alarms, and have as little interaction with Mia as possible. Once at the hospital, the staff needs to be informed that Mia is not to be allowed anywhere near mother or child, and why. If her family continues to give her grief about not giving Mia one of her twins, OP would be better off going NC for her and her babies' safety. Better yet, move to an undisclosed location. Her family is totally wack!
Just the sister? I thought that should the whole family from her side???
Load More Replies... Who are always those family members in these kind of stories that message their kids/nieces/whatever they are selfish for not giving their kid away? (or house or wedding venue or kidney or whatever the article is about at the time) if my family members would message me anything like that would be the last time we ever spoke.
Parcel them out like kittens or puppies. Geeze! Are people that unhinged? Probably. Since they've decided unborn children are just blobs of cells. Traveling a dangerous road where "parents" are merely breeding stock.
Time for OP to go NC with sister and mum also anyone else who thinks she should give her sister one of her twins. Who the heck thinks it's acceptable to split up kids especially twins. The sister and mum need to stay the hell away from those kids and be never allowed near them. What a disgraceful family to even say it and agree, just because the were not planned. The mum is a horrid mum to expect her daughter to give away one of her babies.
Your sister has been established as being unfit to be a mother. By her comments, your mom has established herself as being the same.
Uh, I am willing to guess that the sister had already planned this before the family gathering and may have mentioned it to some family members prior to the announcement...who the hell expects someone to just hand over one of their babies?! This is the most toxic family I've read about (so far), and OP needs to cut them all off. The sister acting like she's owed a baby and the family siding with her on it is the most entitled thing....haha, no.
My aunt tried to do this in 1989 when my mother became Oops pregnant. I was 12 and my brother was 14. She was also on my father's side. Let's just say things didn't fly too well.
Imagine a step even further into crazy: deciding which twin to give away.
Ah, family, been there, went trough similar stuff, doesn't surprise me at all. That's just how toxic families are. While she had every right to call out her sister on that fact and you don't need to be a perfect human being. I still want to suggest: it's better to not try to reason with these people, it's especially hard when it's family, but also you know their weak points and hit them like a guided missile just like they know yours. So you want to them to understand but they can't anyway, they life in their own reality, and if you get angry then you subconciously thend to aim in on their weak points and boooom. So just a simple "no!" often is best, there is no need to explain why. They don't understand it and try to argue... tough sh*t you are not required to explain yourself. "Because I don't want to" is enough reason, they don't accept that, again that's on them. It can be good to explain your toughts with reasonable people, with toxic people in most cases you shouldn't even.
What this really comes down to is is your sister a danger to you. She's your twin, do you have that bond? Can she not respect the right the twins have to each other? Could the family help her adopt or conceive? Sydney Anderson, Psychologist, Bloomington, needs to be consulted with, your best option. Her neglecting the foster chd need to be understood. This is a safety issue before it's a "sharing" issue. Your partner has a decision in this, it should have already ended the discussion, the paternal side wasn't his ppl was it? So much more to say. In beginning twins are very very difficult, they don't recognize each other until 8-10 months, they are essential one. You will need help, she could help you and be close aunt/God mother...a child can't have too much love, but the animosity factor is concerning. You must be seeing a child psychology, she will help make informed prof decision s that your family can understand.
Unfit to adopt but ok to IVF? I think nature was trying to tell us something when it dried up that womb. Maybe we oughta listen.
This is ridiculous....l don't even think this is real. You cannot just give a baby away, its illegal. Who would even ask?! And her family agrees with the ask and says she's being selfish for saying no???! Whole story is suspicious and seems fake to me.
It is not illegal to allow a family member to adopt your child (or even just leave them with a family member or friend, who then acts in loco parentis). If the person you give the child to is legally not allowed to have/be near children, you know they could be a danger to a child, or you give them the child in exchange for money or anything of value, to settle a debt, or to hide the child from law enforcement, the courts, or another legal parent/guardian, then there is an issue.
Load More Replies... After reading so many articles about unhinged people, I don't know why I'm still surprised by how ridiculous they can be.
This is, in the most polite terms i can muster, absolutely appalling! She did right by telling someone, even if they were just strangers on the internet, and I sincerely hope they’re able to have the sister committed for this.
OP isn't the AH. Time to move like someone said and in the meantime, get a restraining order.
This sounds fake. We're really to believe that no only does some psycho think that giving away a child because one is extra is okay, but other family members hear that and think that's a good idea? Not buying it.
Oh well, my father gave away my brother superstitiously so that his woman in the affair could bear a son. And us being branded as "bastard children" even though we were children by marriage... Because the evil mother of my old man did not get to handpick her daughter-in-law (the woman my old man having an affair with WAS the one my "grandma" chose)...
Load More Replies... im jumping to conclusions here but i wouldnt be too shocked if sis plans some nutjob idea to kidnap at least one of the kids
When my mom was pregnant with me my father's mother tried to get my mom and dad to give me up to my father sister who couldn't have a child saying they could always have another baby. My dad flat out refused am I aunt when she heard was kind of upset my grandmother did this understood where it was coming from but at the same time was like that's Barbara and Don's baby. And she would be the best day ever; and she was and the truth is her and my uncle tried to give me everything in the universe that my parents couldn't I was so spoiled as a child. But I could never imagine separating twins especially with a sister who seems psychotic.
Why was everyone congratulating your sister and her husband as well? And your sister staying close to you all night,sounds like she already told everyone before you got to and told everyone that she was getting one of the twins,so she not only ruined your announcement but told everyone you were giving her one of the twins and when you said you weren't going to, she made you look like you went back on you word hence why certain family members are acting the way they are,they didn't know the true story clearly, she's crazy you need to definitely go nc,she definitely needs to be put in her place and your other family members to taking her side
I likely can't have biological children, so I very much empathize with the infertility aspect and the intense longing for children, but I would NEVER dream of asking any of my sisters if I could adopt one of their children solely because I want a child. I just feel so bad for everyone in this situation because it's clearly an unhealthy family.
Not sure who your family think they are. Are they bank rolling you guys? Apparently your husband is considered a mere prop. Those kids aren’t yours alone. How about someone from your husband’s family demand for one of your twins. Would they call you selfish for not agreeing? Your mum and sis need to get checked.
I am having trouble believing this is real. I was already on the fence whether it was real or not just because of the absurdity of the situation. Then when OP said that a bunch of her family were against her on this is when I came to the conclusion that this is complete BS. For one of the family members to be psycho is one thing. For a bunch of other family members to take the sister's side is just too much.
What in the world makes her so entitled to even ask this? I would not only shut down her request, but denounce her for this, and likely stop having anything to do with her. This is the kind of person who, once your back is turned, takes off with your baby. Close that door and lock it.
OP is definitely NTA and really needs to put some distance (physical and emotional) between herself and the rest of the family before her twins are born. I could very easily see her whack job sister trying to kidnap one of the babies. It sucks that the sister has fertility issues and really wants kids. But a lot of people are in that same situation and it DOESN'T entitle you to behave like that. No one owes you a child. Not even your own sibling.
I don’t think I believe this one. One person being a weird psycho about her giving up a baby is one thing. Others, especially other women, agreeing with the psycho?.. No. this is so far out of the norm for human behavior it’s just too far on the wrong side to believe. Especially from other women that have had babies.
Good lord omg I hope they move cut the ties that bind those babies will always be in danger from that family. So horrifying
I know this seems fake but I'm not so sure. 15 years ago my then husband and I announced to our families that we were planning to adopt - we'd jumped all the hurdles and were "waiting parents." In the two years before we took home our beautiful, biologically unrelated daughter, we were approached by two different elder family members (one on each side) about distant relatives who were pregnant and "not ready", and how we should adopt their babies. There were many reasons it couldn't or shouldn't be done, not the least of which was that these young women didn't know these conversations were taking place (I asked.) Rather than explain the technicalities, I told each of them truthfully that I wanted a child that everyone considered mine, not one they'd alway be thinking of as "poor Suzie's boy." They backed off, but it was crazy weird. FYI, one baby stayed with mom and boyfriend/eventual husband, and the other is mostly being raised by his grandmother. Everyone is well, as far as I know.
OMG. You need to be vigilant so one of these people don't hijack one of your babies. They should never be allowed to babysit and you should always be present when they are around the children. I would let your attorney know of these conversations and record them if you're able. You may even need to move if they become more insistent. Take care of your family.
What kind of family encourages a woman to give up one of her expected twins? That’s just bizarre and psycho. Babies aren’t kittens! If this is a true story, I’m sorry this woman has to deal with this nonsense during her pregnancy. They should be ashamed for putting undue stress on her.
I can't even imagine why your mother & sister even think this is ok..wow....just wow... u better get away from those people.
Why do people think that the scenario from "The Parent Trap" is a good idea?
I'm getting fed up with all these AITA posts. Especially when it is so blatantly obvious that the poster is most definitely NTA as in this ridiculous case. Then you ask a group of random people to justify your action. You made your decision, you acted on it, live with it. Whatever others think, the deed has been done.
As if OP is giving birth to a Twix candy bar!!! This has to be fake.
Seriously stupidest thing I've read today. I truly find this hard to believe.
These AITA stories get nuttier and nuttier. Lol. Who comes up with these?
You've never heard the saying "You can't make this s**t up"? When it comes to stories about stupid and entitled people, I don't doubt much anymore. Also, the amount of details in this story leads me to believe it's real. I normally find the ones that ring false have fewer details, happened longer ago, and tend to be when something "triggered" the OP's memory and they want to share their story (and usually come out looking the hero). Then again, I have a rather jaded view of humanity and tend to believe there's no end to the stupidity and entitlement of humans, which often leads to very interesting AITA stories.
Load More Replies... You have just done both of those things. Also, I'm not a Jedi, how do we know the contents PRIOR to reading it?!
Load More Replies...
139
154