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41 Of The Most Amusing Child-Friendly Insults That Members Of This Online Group Couldn’t Resist Sharing With Others
While insulting isn’t very nice and it’s meant to hurt someone’s feelings, sometimes you can’t help but admire the creativity of it. Especially if it’s not something banal like a slur or other profanity.
They are actually quite fun to analyze and leave you wondering why such a comparison was made. Sometimes they are so out-of-the-box that you may not understand if it was even meant as an insult.
Today we will look through such insults that are quite creative, subtle and are safe for work as Reddit user MeMyselfAndI24 specifically asked “What’s the best child friendly swear word/insult you’ve ever heard?”
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Swear words are an interesting part of our language as they are taboo and very widely used at the same time. Friends and colleagues may swear while talking to each other all the time, but not when they are in a more formal setting, in public or in front of family.
They help people relieve stress or blow off some steam if something is irritating them. Some research suggests that people who swear are more intelligent, more honest and creative. So the cause that makes us swear and the words themselves are more often negative, but the effect they have and the traits they indicate are usually positive.
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#2
When I was 11, my 8 year old sister and I were in a good natured TP battle with our neighbors a few doors down. One night we were doing the deed, when our 9-year-old neighbor, who was watching with his family, ran outside brandishing a fake cane yelling in a really good impersonation of an old man voice, “get offer mah lawn you bunch of squirrelly kumquats!” I remember skittering home, hearing his mom laughing her head off. I’m pretty sure he made that up himself.
#3
My coworker told me that her preschooler learned to say "I'll pray for you," but that it comes out as the most shade throwing side eyed insult ever.
Even though adults swear in private all the time, they don’t want children hearing it. The Reddit thread in question is the perfect example of people searching ways of insulting others or swearing by using unusual words and phrases.
Bored Panda reached out to Timothy Jay, PhD who taught Introduction To Psychology and Cognitive Psychology in Massachusetts College Of Liberal Arts and who expertises in psycholinguistics and has a particular interest is swearing.
#4
When I was in high school someone called someone else a wet bag of chips in place of calling them a useless [darn].
We asked him what leads adults to protect children from swear words and search for euphemisms. Dr. Jay told us that “Americans have an age-old custom of protecting children from certain aspects of life, such as sexuality, menstruation, birth control, offensive language/music/videos/games.”
The custom stems from the belief that swearing is harmful to children, “so most parents have rules about swearing in the home, although most of these parents break their own rules from time to time.”
However, the Professor Emeritus doesn’t agree that this is the best approach, “What parents need to do is teach their children that it is okay to have emotions. They have to teach children how to express their emotions in a manner that will not create personal or interpersonal problems.”
#6
One of the little kids I looked after was extremely mad at me one day. Pretty sure she was offended by my saying no to her. She glared at me, stomped her foot and called me “Mayor Humdinger”. For the non familiar Mayor Humdinger is the antagonist on Paw Patrol. I lost it, it was hilarious.
#7
Growing up my dad randomly decided “Frankenstein” was a swear word and would pretend to get upset when we would “swear” at him. It still works 30+ years later 😅 My dad’s the best, I can’t wait to go home and visit with him this weekend!
We may imagine that people who swear have a lower education, come from low-income families and lack social skills, but it truly doesn’t reflect reality. As mentioned, people who swear can possess positive traits such as intelligence and honesty more often than those who don’t swear.
Dr. Jay confirms it, “Swearing might indicate that the speaker is not holding anything back and gets to the emotional core of communication. People who have large, fluent vocabularies are also good at generating swear words.”
Not only swearing shows positive traits of a person, but it has positive outcomes and are used for positive purposes, “Swearing is used positively to: vent anger/frustration, substitute for physical violence, create peer bonding, create humor, allow for self-denigration.
It’s not to say that people who dont swear are bad or stupid people who don’t have a sense of humor. And people who use child-friendly swears are not inferior either. Actually, Dr. Jay thinks that these milder swears may have the same effect as the heavier ones, “Depends on the particular person. Mormons use euphemisms (sugar, darn, fudge) that seem to work for their emotional expressions. Each person has a history of what will work for relieving stress as a matter of habit…so, it depends.”
#11
Met a guy who recently had a child, he started replacing his curse words with PICKLES. He would cut his finger and just scream AHH PICKLES
Do you express your emotions with swears? Do you think children should be protected from offensive language while they’re young? Do you know any other funny-sounding swears and insults that would fit this list? Leave us a comment below!
#18
We were at the base of Old Faithful and, as it was erupting, the wind shifted blowing a totally unexpected big drift of spray on our son who was about 4 at the time. He was soooo mad he started running and swinging his arms, stomping his feet and hollering "Dag Darn It!" at the top of his voice over and over like a miniature longshoreman who just smashed his thumb with a hammer and, brother, he MEANT EVERY WORD HE WAS SAYING! 24 years later, I'll STILL say "Dag Darn It!" when I'm in a position where I feel the need to exclaim in a negative fashion but real swearing would be wholly inappropriate.
#19
I was a C.I.T at a day camp and there was this young kid with anger issues. He would often get into fights with the other kids and would have frequent temper tantrums when things didn’t go his way. One day on the bus he was sitting playing on his gameboy when the kid next to him starts drawing on a piece of paper. The boy with anger problems wanted a piece of paper and the other kid said no multiple times. Things got heated and the kid drawing said shut up. ( I know, intense). In which the other kid screamed,”[be bad] MY GAMEBOY!” Unsuccessfully tried to hold in my laughter.
#20
Shisha pit ... I’m randomly dyslexic when I talk quickly and I tried to call my friend a piece of s**t (jokingly) and thus became shisha pit..
#27
Gordon Ramsey taught his kids vegetable names to replace swears. Shitaku for s**t was my favorite
#28
“You’re... not a nice person!” Which was then followed by a shocked gasp from their friend.
#31
You’re an immature nugget! Was skating with a buddy and we passed 2 little kids, one kid called the other an idiot and he promptly shot back with immature nugget. That was well over 10 years ago and that’s still our go to insult for each other
#33
Shiitake (like the mushroom) instead of s**t. Gordon Ramsey’s child said it at school and they got upset. Upon calling Mr. Ramsey and explaining the situation they were then set upon by Gordon Ramsey for them getting mad at his child for NOT cursing. He of course explained to them that shiitake is a type of mushroom. By yelling at them about it. Love that man.
#35
When I was 6 years-old, my childhood best friend taught me the phrase, “Get out of my face, Face!” It’s so stupid, but I still think it to myself sometimes when I’m in a crowded area and people are in my personal bubble.
#40
My son (2.5 year old) will randomly scream in a shrill voice and smack your but and scream, "STIIIINKY B**T!" he does this ANYWHERE and as loud as his tiny body can make the sound.
#41
Oh BOB SAGET!!
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